Why can't I help you?

Ugly ugly ugly.

I surround myself with guys so they won't noticed how horrible I look if I'm standing next to another girl.

Holy fuck.

(Why do all the long breaks start with that sentence?)

I'll break this up into sections so I can get it all out properly.

Oh my ex says I'm lacking in depth
I will do my best

You, you fucker, you bane of my existence, you backwards and forwards, up and down, around me and right through me, just plow right through me. I hate you. HATE.

I can't even raise my eyes to look at you. Can't even see the line of your jaw, the scruff under your chin that I thought you told me you'd shave, not even the eyes, opaque as they always are, bright beneath that mess of meticulously messy gel.

You most certainly did NOT get the lips, that never for a second convinced me at all.

"If intelligence were looks, Adrienne would be the hottest girl on the planet. But it doesn't work that way."

Thanks.

Thanks.

Asshole.

The only person giving me grief right now and it's you. All on you. And I am trying so hard to make you see that I am dutifully ignoring you.

*scowls*

You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin, your head's not right
See alone we stand
Together we fall apart
Yeah I think I'll be all right

I'm graduating soon, I guess. March 20th or something. I don't even know or care, I just want the pain to stop. I hope when you read this later, Adrienne, that you understand how HARD it all is, and I'm trying. I just can't do what you think you should've done at this point in your life. It's just not possible. I'm sorry about the GPA that you have to put up with now. I tried. I'm tired and I tried really hard. I'm sorry.

Questions I have no answer to:
What will I do with the cats if I go to the East Coast?
Why is Josiah majoring in Neuroscience? (Solved circa March 2007)
What natural color is my hair? (Solved - honey blonde - August 2007)
Where am I going?

This is awesome and painful and overwhelming and exciting and fulfilling and so, so full of life. My life has life in it for once.

Tastes good.

I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables they turn sometimes

But even I know when I have too much on my plate, and that's where I'm at right now. I have so many other things I want to do and start doing. Getting exhausted.

Mmm, coffee.

I ain't wasting no more time