He's there and I'm here. I was made fun of today, I forgot how much I loathe myself and it was just a friendly reminder.
The topics I wanted to touch on are fading in and out, sometimes my list is almost complete, sometimes the paper disappears and I'm staring where it used to be like I'm still holding it.
I leave the light on for you.
Unable so lost
I can't find my way
Becca's working on advertising this week. Hopefully this week makes up for last week. I was so short. So so so so short. More than half short. I thought I told myself I would never work on commision. I'm starting to burn out. Getting a little crisp around the edges. When the money--
If the money pours in, maybe I can forgive myself for spending so much time on it. Still, they're so. Sick. Just awful sometimes, things I don't want to think about, the seedy seediness of it all is digging roots into my skin.
I can't understand myself anymore
But I'm still feeling lonely
Feeling so unholy
My lips are pulsing with pain because I keep picking at them. Been meaning to cut my nails off so I can't, but then my fingertips just find their way back up to my mouth and away we go. It's a trigger I formed some time ago whenever the stress has been swallowed instead of expelled. Pickpickpickpick. I bet kissing me is like kissing dead flowers.
I sure feel like one.
It was the height I threw
The weight
Oh, she liked my CD.
"What would you do if I had no money?"
"Starve to death, surely."
The shell was crushing you
I've been around a few
I acquiesce, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, despite their name being ugly to say, are quite. Well.
Catchy.
*lets her jaw spring open and snap shut*
The yawns are getting closer together and making my hands pull away from the keyboard.
Type quicker get it out but I'm making this up seconds before it comes out through my fingers in the keys on the board those little pathways taking my words up to the screen onto the browser text box hitting publish post and now we're on the internet again just my fingers and I
Tell me what you saw
I'll tell you what to
5.06.2006
5.04.2006
She had a freedom that not many people experience. Impunity. Everything she did went by without so much as a peep from her father. I didn't learn this right away.
---
"You just accept your lot in life? Tell yourself it'll be taken care of. God has a plan. Pretty fucked up plan."
"I'm not able to live like you do. You keep tearing your way into me, but that is only going to take you to him."
"And what of freedom?"
"I have none."
"You have a freedom. The freedom to love."
"Don't ask me for anything. I have nothing to give."
---
I was assigning myself to her. I just wanted to watch, but I ended up following her from the North end all the way to the Financial District. Photographs and videos couldn't capture her. She wasn't her image. She was the way her hair flew up in the wind. The lipgloss stain she left on her coffee cup. Each footstep laid on the concrete, soft as a petal.
---
55,000 words later and I am just beginning to learn who these characters are.
Hmm.
---
"You just accept your lot in life? Tell yourself it'll be taken care of. God has a plan. Pretty fucked up plan."
"I'm not able to live like you do. You keep tearing your way into me, but that is only going to take you to him."
"And what of freedom?"
"I have none."
"You have a freedom. The freedom to love."
"Don't ask me for anything. I have nothing to give."
---
I was assigning myself to her. I just wanted to watch, but I ended up following her from the North end all the way to the Financial District. Photographs and videos couldn't capture her. She wasn't her image. She was the way her hair flew up in the wind. The lipgloss stain she left on her coffee cup. Each footstep laid on the concrete, soft as a petal.
---
55,000 words later and I am just beginning to learn who these characters are.
Hmm.
Music! New music. Better music. Enjoy.
Maintenant je suis las
C'est tout ce que je ressens
Dear Emo Friends of Adrienne,
PLEASE stop IMing me when you're drunk. I seriously don't care about what you posted in your LiveJournal tonight. Why do I even know you?!
And Fucking Get a Girlfriend,
Adrienne
Ugh. Sometimes I think the boys are just as bad as the girls. Who needs friends, am I rite? :v
L'ampleur de notre guerre
Ce n'est qu'un rêve
On a tout écrasé
Ca je peux le voir égoïstement
Nous avons échoué
C'est tout ce que je ressens
Work's doing okay. Josiah's doing okay. Sure seems happy spending all this money we don't have, as usual, but hey, it's my only complaint. I can deal with the massive mismanagement of money that goes on around here. It's fucking us in the ass... But I can deal.
(Here's the part where Josiah tells me that he's been covering so much for me, the least I can do is cover for him, and God help us all if he can't eat what he wants to at all times.)
I was infinitely pissed about the food comments though. Especially when I came back to work and found out he doesn't even really eat "well" like he told me, just large quantities and kinda cheaply. Burgers, teriyaki, pizza, yeah, real healthy there. There's not an eyeroll big enough.
(Here's the part where he snarks back at me about not working out anymore and still being like ten pounds overweight.)
-_- And he wouldn't tell me what was wrong last night, and I barely saw him today. He came over and chewed on my neck and then left. Whatever.
(Here's the part where he tells me he has friends and sometimes they come over, and how he doesn't want to interrupt my working.)
This is getting tedious.
On a choisi de prendre tout ce qu'on pouvait
Ce teint d'automne a une fin amère
Des années de frustration s'allongent côte à côte
My eyes are dry, all that salt. Hah. Telling me I'm tired, they are. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Ebichu's eating right now, I can hear her chewing. Owm owm owm, she says. Go to sleep, she says, you're interrupting me. >:[
Memory palace, here I come.
Move it like that
Maintenant je suis las
C'est tout ce que je ressens
Dear Emo Friends of Adrienne,
PLEASE stop IMing me when you're drunk. I seriously don't care about what you posted in your LiveJournal tonight. Why do I even know you?!
And Fucking Get a Girlfriend,
Adrienne
Ugh. Sometimes I think the boys are just as bad as the girls. Who needs friends, am I rite? :v
L'ampleur de notre guerre
Ce n'est qu'un rêve
On a tout écrasé
Ca je peux le voir égoïstement
Nous avons échoué
C'est tout ce que je ressens
Work's doing okay. Josiah's doing okay. Sure seems happy spending all this money we don't have, as usual, but hey, it's my only complaint. I can deal with the massive mismanagement of money that goes on around here. It's fucking us in the ass... But I can deal.
(Here's the part where Josiah tells me that he's been covering so much for me, the least I can do is cover for him, and God help us all if he can't eat what he wants to at all times.)
I was infinitely pissed about the food comments though. Especially when I came back to work and found out he doesn't even really eat "well" like he told me, just large quantities and kinda cheaply. Burgers, teriyaki, pizza, yeah, real healthy there. There's not an eyeroll big enough.
(Here's the part where he snarks back at me about not working out anymore and still being like ten pounds overweight.)
-_- And he wouldn't tell me what was wrong last night, and I barely saw him today. He came over and chewed on my neck and then left. Whatever.
(Here's the part where he tells me he has friends and sometimes they come over, and how he doesn't want to interrupt my working.)
This is getting tedious.
On a choisi de prendre tout ce qu'on pouvait
Ce teint d'automne a une fin amère
Des années de frustration s'allongent côte à côte
My eyes are dry, all that salt. Hah. Telling me I'm tired, they are. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Ebichu's eating right now, I can hear her chewing. Owm owm owm, she says. Go to sleep, she says, you're interrupting me. >:[
Memory palace, here I come.
Move it like that
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)