Sean: Lain! Hit me with the link to that NEXT article you showed me.
Adrienne: Okay. Pause plzkthx. ...http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/next/2001170024_nextfamily20.html
Sean: You RAWK SO HARD IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY OH MY GAWD YOU'RE SO SEXY! I mean... thanks.
Adrienne: ;D
So Ashura/Ryan asked me to go to Ocean City with him and his friends yesterday, and called me and talked to me with his friend John for a while. They promised that they'll drive over and pick me up as soon as possible. As he said himself, there's always spring break.
Downloaded the entirety of Radiohead's new CD Hail to the Thief. (Naughty!) I'm absolutely buying the CD the day it comes out. That's an awesome voice you've got there, Thom. Always loved it, but this... ;D
Went back to my mother's house. ._. Last night was so.. felt so... GAH. I LOVE YOU. IIIII LOOOOVE YOOOOOOU. ;_;
*sniffle*
Wanna go back. REWIND AND REDO PLZKTHXBYOB.
Went to Green River to take the rest of my college entrance exams. The fucking cunt (who stared at my hair and my collar and my lipring THE ENTIRE TIME) at the testing office wouldn't let me take it, citing that a half-hour wouldn't be enough for me. My mother about jumped over the counter and beat the shit out of her. Samantha and I laughed muchly. XD So then we went to the dance outfitting place where I got my stuff a few years ago, and got a leotard for Spam, who is going to le coveted DANCE CAMP OMG. I tease the shit out of her about joining the dance squad at her high school. Everyone who's danced knows that high school dance teams don't really do much of ANYTHING, let alone dance.
(This part's for you, Taisa.) I drove to Southcenter and went shopping. Got men's cargo pants. 29". At Nordstrom's. :D I look so very unf in them. Lots of room in the crotch area, which I'm greatly enjoying. Was thinking about seeing how much stuff I could put down them. (I feel like I could park a fucking car in my pants.) I also swiped a bunch of stuff to put on my walls, along with the stuff retrieved from your place. (I have two Gir postcards now. :3) So it'll look more filled out the first time you see it. Hopefully. I mean, fuck, I've been saving all of this stuff to put up all at once, you'd think I'd run out of wall space someday. Anyway.
I also bought Ozma's Spending Time On The Borderline, and drove home listening to it. I heart Utsukushii Shibuya. They even have a special Japanese version of it you can listen to on teh computar. (*SPOOGE*) His Japanese is so pretty. @_@ The hetero part? You can't listen to the actual CD; it's Everything Protected. And I'm far too not-caring to rip it. I'll just find someone to download it all from.
The end! :O
Edit:
Sawa: speaking of enjoying things in wrong ways. I LOVE THESE PANTS *jumps up and down*
Taisa: really? :O i assume youre going to have me try them on :D
Sawa: if you can fit in them :O
Taisa: you know the jeans that fall off me?
Sawa: they're like 20"? ;O
Taisa: ...no >:
Sawa: XD
Taisa: theyre 32s
Sawa: oh XD well you can try them on if you want. i loev them. SO MUCH CROTCH ROOM OMG *puts hands down pants* :3 AND, something i didn't mention in my blog, it has a hidden pocket. but i can't find it :O THEY HID IT SO WELL :O maybe the hidden pocket is the huge crotch XD
Taisa: ....NO MORE SUGAR
7.30.2003
thank you please
but your flattery is truly not becoming me
your eyes are poor
you are blind
you see no beauty could have come from me
i am a waste of breath, of space, of time
Day six. I hate myself and my female nature and my blood. How it comes out looking so ugly on my hands.
Sean: Had a nice shower?
Adrienne: Yes.
Sean: Did you get my messages?
Adrienne: Yes.
Sean: And did you make hot monkey love to Josiah?
Adrienne: No. He came in my mouth.
Sean: And did you swallow?
Adrienne: Always.
Sean: Good girl.
as i hide behind these books i read
while scribbling my poetry
like art could save a wretch like me
with some ideal ideology
that no one can hope to achieve
but your flattery is truly not becoming me
your eyes are poor
you are blind
you see no beauty could have come from me
i am a waste of breath, of space, of time
Day six. I hate myself and my female nature and my blood. How it comes out looking so ugly on my hands.
Sean: Had a nice shower?
Adrienne: Yes.
Sean: Did you get my messages?
Adrienne: Yes.
Sean: And did you make hot monkey love to Josiah?
Adrienne: No. He came in my mouth.
Sean: And did you swallow?
Adrienne: Always.
Sean: Good girl.
as i hide behind these books i read
while scribbling my poetry
like art could save a wretch like me
with some ideal ideology
that no one can hope to achieve
7.28.2003
From the pages of the art book:
Pg. 12
The knobbed knees and dark-side-of-the-moon eyes of a 12 year old anorexic.
Bottles and cans and just clap your hands.
Watery white jellyfish with egg yolk centers poached in the salty water.
Wings of eyelashes.
Pg. 13
Tch tch tch... *sighs* ._. Miss Josiah. Lots. LOTS.
I liked the way she wrote my name best.
I love the way you look at me.
Someone dies.
All of that hard work wasted.
Everything inside their brain, wasted.
Everything gone.
Nothing left.
Just food for the various flora + fauna.
What utter shit it is to waste something like that.
Then again, there's tons of us.
An overabundance in fact.
So it's not that big of a waste.
Not a waste at all?
Depends.
Pg. 14
I would love to stay here and never have to go.
And no one in the world would ever know.
I want to breathe the day.
A demon in my view.
When the rest of Heaven was blue.
And when it hurts, he takes it out on you.
A pair of star cross'd lovers.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is sick and pale with grief that thou art far more fair than she.
Every me and every you.
I'd pay to have you near.
Let me know you are there.
I can't do this alone.
Now we are one.
How do you live as a fugitive?
Show me the right way to go.
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
It's all for you.
I will love you till the day that I die.
Pg. 15
Bad and good are two lovers
Never to be separated.
Each appreciates the other,
Accompanies them wherever
They may go.
Bad is the monthly flow
Of scarlet blood and
Distended belly.
Good is the breast and
the womb, and the potential
For creation inside someone
So uniquely unoriginal.
Bad is a lover's quarrel full of
Spite and betrayal.
Good is the bond strong enough
To last a thousand ill words.
Bad is the shackle of obligation.
Good is a midnight escape
To the person one is secretly bound to.
Merely me.
You consume me.
I am a feather to this flame.
Each appendage sweetly savored
by your fiery tongue.
Your mouth and those lips.
Red is the color.
Red like your lips.
Pg. 16
The human body is full of the colors
and flavors of love! We are made to
love, to let it flow through us soft
and sweet like the wind through hair,
violent and ever-changing like a waterfall
over the side of an enormous cliff.
Our blood from our bodies is red, our
mouths pinks, our lips and tongue and
fingernails and flesh! Our vessels for
physical love are pinkish. We breathe,
eat, pulse love. It gives everything
life. Love turns each sunset into a
beautiful portrait. Love takes us places
we've never been and makes so
many things vibrant and full of
meaning. Love gives reasons for life.
Love drives the world, gives meaning
to what used to hold none what-
soever! Love is illogical, love is chaotic
and nonsensical, but most of all,
love is the grandest thing you will ever know.
Pg. 12
The knobbed knees and dark-side-of-the-moon eyes of a 12 year old anorexic.
Bottles and cans and just clap your hands.
Watery white jellyfish with egg yolk centers poached in the salty water.
Wings of eyelashes.
Pg. 13
Tch tch tch... *sighs* ._. Miss Josiah. Lots. LOTS.
I liked the way she wrote my name best.
I love the way you look at me.
Someone dies.
All of that hard work wasted.
Everything inside their brain, wasted.
Everything gone.
Nothing left.
Just food for the various flora + fauna.
What utter shit it is to waste something like that.
Then again, there's tons of us.
An overabundance in fact.
So it's not that big of a waste.
Not a waste at all?
Depends.
Pg. 14
I would love to stay here and never have to go.
And no one in the world would ever know.
I want to breathe the day.
A demon in my view.
When the rest of Heaven was blue.
And when it hurts, he takes it out on you.
A pair of star cross'd lovers.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is sick and pale with grief that thou art far more fair than she.
Every me and every you.
I'd pay to have you near.
Let me know you are there.
I can't do this alone.
Now we are one.
How do you live as a fugitive?
Show me the right way to go.
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
It's all for you.
I will love you till the day that I die.
Pg. 15
Bad and good are two lovers
Never to be separated.
Each appreciates the other,
Accompanies them wherever
They may go.
Bad is the monthly flow
Of scarlet blood and
Distended belly.
Good is the breast and
the womb, and the potential
For creation inside someone
So uniquely unoriginal.
Bad is a lover's quarrel full of
Spite and betrayal.
Good is the bond strong enough
To last a thousand ill words.
Bad is the shackle of obligation.
Good is a midnight escape
To the person one is secretly bound to.
Merely me.
You consume me.
I am a feather to this flame.
Each appendage sweetly savored
by your fiery tongue.
Your mouth and those lips.
Red is the color.
Red like your lips.
Pg. 16
The human body is full of the colors
and flavors of love! We are made to
love, to let it flow through us soft
and sweet like the wind through hair,
violent and ever-changing like a waterfall
over the side of an enormous cliff.
Our blood from our bodies is red, our
mouths pinks, our lips and tongue and
fingernails and flesh! Our vessels for
physical love are pinkish. We breathe,
eat, pulse love. It gives everything
life. Love turns each sunset into a
beautiful portrait. Love takes us places
we've never been and makes so
many things vibrant and full of
meaning. Love gives reasons for life.
Love drives the world, gives meaning
to what used to hold none what-
soever! Love is illogical, love is chaotic
and nonsensical, but most of all,
love is the grandest thing you will ever know.
// series one - you:
Middle name:: Marie.
Birth time:: 8:56pm.
Birthplace:: Seattle.
Last place you traveled:: Out of town: Josiah's. :3 Out of state: Oregon.
Eye Color:: Gray.
Nail Color:: Normal!
Height:: 5' 1 1/2".
Zodiac Sign:: Libra.
// series two - describe:
Your heritage:: Prussian, Polish, French, German, Russian, Welsh, Irish. (Not in order.)
The shoes you wore today:: None. :D
Your hair:: Short. Dark. The blonde's coming back.
Your weakness:: The spot where I cracked my ribs in elementary school.
Your perfect pizza:: CHEESE. HAHAHAHA. :D
// series three - what is:
Your most overused phrase on msn/aim/yahoo:: Omg wtf plzkthx yse.
Your thoughts first waking up:: Where's Josiah. ._.
Your current worry:: BLEEDING TO DEATH GRHIWEHIAH.
Your plans tomorrow:: Go to Josiah's mebbe?
Your best physical feature:: My large... ego.
Your bedtime:: Whenever I fucking feel like it. :)
// series four - you prefer:
sunrise or sunset:: Sunrise. That perfect moment where everything is blue. I'd like to have an orgasm at that very moment, share a little bit of the magic.
gore or horror:: Horror.
eastsiiiide or wessssside: LEFT SIDE. @_@
stripes or polka dots:: Go to hell and die. (Thx for the answer, Chris.)
Planes or trains:: Trains. SO FUCKING COOL.
metal or hardcore:: Japanese underground indie. :O
Boxers or briefs:: NAKED.
Pools or hot tubs:: Ocean.
// series five - do you:
Do you think you've been in love:: Am. :3
Want to get married:: Um no. Kthx.
Type w/ your fingers:: I use my tongue.
Like to take baths:: Not "take baths", but lay there in ice-cold water and cry silently to myself, yes.
Get motion sickness:: Not really.
like talking on the phone:: Not unless it's like Josiah or Missa or Aya or Sean or Chris. If you aren't on the list, then no.
Like thunderstorms: Of course.
Play an instrument:: Nope.
Workout:: Not conventionally, no.
Like reading:: Fnord.
// series six - favorite: >
Body part:: CHIBI TAISA.
Kind of fruit:: Pears, peaches, strawberries. I need to try more fruit.
Music to fall asleep to:: Acoustic whatever.
Time of the day:: Night/early morning.
Car:: The... pretty kind.
Number:: 3.
Thing to do:: Josiah.
Movie to watch: Cruel Intentions.
Horror movie:: Ringu. *shiver*
Colors:: Blue, dark green.
// series eight - the future:
Age you hope to be married:: NEVAR.
Numbers and Names of Children:: 14. Anna, Michelle, Stephanie, Olivia, Hayley, Kylie, Jessica, Brent, Trevor, Josh, Robbie, Christian, Mark, and Daniel. :D! [/extreme sarcasm]
Describe your Dream Wedding:: The kind where everyone DIES FOR EVEN CONSIDERING THAT I'D JEOPARDIZE MY RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES FOR COMING UP WITH SOMETHING SO DESTRUCTIVE AND DESOLATE AND SOUL-SUCKING.
How do you want to die:: During some sort of lolita-esque illegal sex act.
What do you want to be when you grow up:: Sex slave.
What country would you most like to visit:: Burma.
// series nine - opposite sex:
Best eye color:: Dark brown.
Best hair color:: Lipstick red.
Short or long hair:: Short.
Best personality trait:: Cock. I mean... cock.
Best height:: At least six inches taller than me.
Best weight:: SKINNY.
Best articles of clothing:: Blindfold. On me, of course. On him? Whatever he wants to wear while he's spanking me.
Best first date location:: His bed.
Best first kiss location:: Between my legs.
// series ten - finish:
I eat:: ...Chibi Taisa!
I think:: that I'm getting a little too excited over that conversation we had earlier tonight.
I am:: sleepy and lonely.
I adore:: waking up with him next to me.
I suck at:: skipping rocks.
I am obsessed with:: Josiah.
I can:: get another juice pouch. And so I will.
I can't wait:: to get FUCKED.
I am annoyed with:: my guardian.
I miss:: the kids from Firefly's cabin in session 2. ._.
Middle name:: Marie.
Birth time:: 8:56pm.
Birthplace:: Seattle.
Last place you traveled:: Out of town: Josiah's. :3 Out of state: Oregon.
Eye Color:: Gray.
Nail Color:: Normal!
Height:: 5' 1 1/2".
Zodiac Sign:: Libra.
// series two - describe:
Your heritage:: Prussian, Polish, French, German, Russian, Welsh, Irish. (Not in order.)
The shoes you wore today:: None. :D
Your hair:: Short. Dark. The blonde's coming back.
Your weakness:: The spot where I cracked my ribs in elementary school.
Your perfect pizza:: CHEESE. HAHAHAHA. :D
// series three - what is:
Your most overused phrase on msn/aim/yahoo:: Omg wtf plzkthx yse.
Your thoughts first waking up:: Where's Josiah. ._.
Your current worry:: BLEEDING TO DEATH GRHIWEHIAH.
Your plans tomorrow:: Go to Josiah's mebbe?
Your best physical feature:: My large... ego.
Your bedtime:: Whenever I fucking feel like it. :)
// series four - you prefer:
sunrise or sunset:: Sunrise. That perfect moment where everything is blue. I'd like to have an orgasm at that very moment, share a little bit of the magic.
gore or horror:: Horror.
eastsiiiide or wessssside: LEFT SIDE. @_@
stripes or polka dots:: Go to hell and die. (Thx for the answer, Chris.)
Planes or trains:: Trains. SO FUCKING COOL.
metal or hardcore:: Japanese underground indie. :O
Boxers or briefs:: NAKED.
Pools or hot tubs:: Ocean.
// series five - do you:
Do you think you've been in love:: Am. :3
Want to get married:: Um no. Kthx.
Type w/ your fingers:: I use my tongue.
Like to take baths:: Not "take baths", but lay there in ice-cold water and cry silently to myself, yes.
Get motion sickness:: Not really.
like talking on the phone:: Not unless it's like Josiah or Missa or Aya or Sean or Chris. If you aren't on the list, then no.
Like thunderstorms: Of course.
Play an instrument:: Nope.
Workout:: Not conventionally, no.
Like reading:: Fnord.
// series six - favorite: >
Body part:: CHIBI TAISA.
Kind of fruit:: Pears, peaches, strawberries. I need to try more fruit.
Music to fall asleep to:: Acoustic whatever.
Time of the day:: Night/early morning.
Car:: The... pretty kind.
Number:: 3.
Thing to do:: Josiah.
Movie to watch: Cruel Intentions.
Horror movie:: Ringu. *shiver*
Colors:: Blue, dark green.
// series eight - the future:
Age you hope to be married:: NEVAR.
Numbers and Names of Children:: 14. Anna, Michelle, Stephanie, Olivia, Hayley, Kylie, Jessica, Brent, Trevor, Josh, Robbie, Christian, Mark, and Daniel. :D! [/extreme sarcasm]
Describe your Dream Wedding:: The kind where everyone DIES FOR EVEN CONSIDERING THAT I'D JEOPARDIZE MY RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES FOR COMING UP WITH SOMETHING SO DESTRUCTIVE AND DESOLATE AND SOUL-SUCKING.
How do you want to die:: During some sort of lolita-esque illegal sex act.
What do you want to be when you grow up:: Sex slave.
What country would you most like to visit:: Burma.
// series nine - opposite sex:
Best eye color:: Dark brown.
Best hair color:: Lipstick red.
Short or long hair:: Short.
Best personality trait:: Cock. I mean... cock.
Best height:: At least six inches taller than me.
Best weight:: SKINNY.
Best articles of clothing:: Blindfold. On me, of course. On him? Whatever he wants to wear while he's spanking me.
Best first date location:: His bed.
Best first kiss location:: Between my legs.
// series ten - finish:
I eat:: ...Chibi Taisa!
I think:: that I'm getting a little too excited over that conversation we had earlier tonight.
I am:: sleepy and lonely.
I adore:: waking up with him next to me.
I suck at:: skipping rocks.
I am obsessed with:: Josiah.
I can:: get another juice pouch. And so I will.
I can't wait:: to get FUCKED.
I am annoyed with:: my guardian.
I miss:: the kids from Firefly's cabin in session 2. ._.
7.25.2003
God dammit. I'm not even home yet.
*thanks body silently inside head for not springing this on her earlier/at an extremely awkward moment*
Reason number 34923048023984 to live with people of your own gender:
Girls know to have stuff on hand just in case. Guys do not.
(Apparently I am a guy.)
*stares down at her uterus* I.. I hate you. So very much. So.. so very very much.
I DON'T WANT BABIES EVER. THUS IT HAS NO USE, NO PURPOSE. TAKE IT OUT OF ME AND/OR MAKE ME STOP BLEEDING PLEASE. >:
WHY WASN'T I BORN MALE? WHY?!
*thanks body silently inside head for not springing this on her earlier/at an extremely awkward moment*
Reason number 34923048023984 to live with people of your own gender:
Girls know to have stuff on hand just in case. Guys do not.
(Apparently I am a guy.)
*stares down at her uterus* I.. I hate you. So very much. So.. so very very much.
I DON'T WANT BABIES EVER. THUS IT HAS NO USE, NO PURPOSE. TAKE IT OUT OF ME AND/OR MAKE ME STOP BLEEDING PLEASE. >:
WHY WASN'T I BORN MALE? WHY?!
*eyes roll into the back of her head*
I'm so tired...
Wtf is this. It's just a fucking dream. Damn fucking creepy as it is, I'm not going to let it dictate my sleep patterns any longer. Fuck what I've said and how it's twisted around. For the most part I've forgotten what's been done to me, just that it was BEYOND HORRIBLE and to this day still fear certain facial features, smiles, touches.
Get the hell over yourself, Adrienne.
*smackah*
*toddles off to color or something*
I'm so tired...
Wtf is this. It's just a fucking dream. Damn fucking creepy as it is, I'm not going to let it dictate my sleep patterns any longer. Fuck what I've said and how it's twisted around. For the most part I've forgotten what's been done to me, just that it was BEYOND HORRIBLE and to this day still fear certain facial features, smiles, touches.
Get the hell over yourself, Adrienne.
*smackah*
*toddles off to color or something*
7.24.2003
Chris: I'm leaving soon too, so you won't have my amazing cynicism to help you.
Sawa: Dammit. Ah well. I have stuff I could be doing. Like writing. I guess.
Chris: lol.. I have writing to do as well. But at this rate it will never get done. which is, as always, the problem
Sawa: Yes... *sighs* having so many problems with motivation lately. after being turned down, all of my stuff is shit in my eyes and i can't even bear to work on what i've begun
Chris: So you're letting the opinion of someone else control your ability to produce?
Sawa: Yes. First time it's happened, really.
Chris: I've seen your writing and it doesn't suck. I will have none of this.
Sawa: I've been editing a little, but beyond that all I can think about is how they were misled by the different style of one story that was published into believing that all of the rest of my stuff is the same, and then seeing the dark parts of my writing and rejecting me as quick as they could. I think that's what the problem is/will be.
Chris: Diversity should be desireable.
Sawa: Then they should take it all and like it or fuck them?
Chris: Yup.
Sawa: Fuck them, then.
Chris: If they don't like your writing, they're not worth writing for. ;)
Sawa: Mm. :) Indeed.
Chris: The problem you'll have is with finding your demographic and where you can reach them from. Your writing itself is fine, so keep doing it. Some imbecile who rejected you is not your demographic, which makes him among the least important people on earth, he no longer affects you in any way. I'll have him shot later.
I love you Chris. :3
Sawa: Dammit. Ah well. I have stuff I could be doing. Like writing. I guess.
Chris: lol.. I have writing to do as well. But at this rate it will never get done. which is, as always, the problem
Sawa: Yes... *sighs* having so many problems with motivation lately. after being turned down, all of my stuff is shit in my eyes and i can't even bear to work on what i've begun
Chris: So you're letting the opinion of someone else control your ability to produce?
Sawa: Yes. First time it's happened, really.
Chris: I've seen your writing and it doesn't suck. I will have none of this.
Sawa: I've been editing a little, but beyond that all I can think about is how they were misled by the different style of one story that was published into believing that all of the rest of my stuff is the same, and then seeing the dark parts of my writing and rejecting me as quick as they could. I think that's what the problem is/will be.
Chris: Diversity should be desireable.
Sawa: Then they should take it all and like it or fuck them?
Chris: Yup.
Sawa: Fuck them, then.
Chris: If they don't like your writing, they're not worth writing for. ;)
Sawa: Mm. :) Indeed.
Chris: The problem you'll have is with finding your demographic and where you can reach them from. Your writing itself is fine, so keep doing it. Some imbecile who rejected you is not your demographic, which makes him among the least important people on earth, he no longer affects you in any way. I'll have him shot later.
I love you Chris. :3
A little bit of backstory for you all. A good friend of mine, Aya, attempted to do the same thing I did: meet the net boyfriend. In her case, they hadn't been together for what felt like forever, hadn't gone through everything and made it out in two whole but very interconnected pieces, hadn't talked about everything, hadn't said what was on their mind. They'd known each other for a little under a year, if memory serves, and are much closer in age. Her life situation, understandably, called for desperate action sometimes, but all that she had done before was run away and come up (from Oregon) to my place for a few days at a time. Aya nagged her parents into allowing her to fly to Ohio to meet this Odin fellow, this boy she'd been so taken with.
In her own words, "He frenched me and I felt nothing." All was not lost; she was able to hang out with his (much cooler) cousin for a great deal more time than she even saw Odin. She comes back to me talking about wondering whether she'd be better matched with a girl. Aya last saw/talked to Odin a week ago. She's building up to a point of sheer mindless rage that I'm whole-heartedly supporting.
We have one life. One chance on the planet, one body, one mind, one lifespan composed of a finite and very small amount of time. You knew when you needed to pull away from him, Aya. You even knew why, most people don't get that. You should've ended it months ago.
But you know that.
Pack your things and come here again. I'll take you to the ocean and we'll go play in the sand for a day or two.
In her own words, "He frenched me and I felt nothing." All was not lost; she was able to hang out with his (much cooler) cousin for a great deal more time than she even saw Odin. She comes back to me talking about wondering whether she'd be better matched with a girl. Aya last saw/talked to Odin a week ago. She's building up to a point of sheer mindless rage that I'm whole-heartedly supporting.
We have one life. One chance on the planet, one body, one mind, one lifespan composed of a finite and very small amount of time. You knew when you needed to pull away from him, Aya. You even knew why, most people don't get that. You should've ended it months ago.
But you know that.
Pack your things and come here again. I'll take you to the ocean and we'll go play in the sand for a day or two.
*screams*
Anyway.
One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper.
At the end of the week the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said, "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? EEK EEK!"
I got an F.
When I told my mom about it she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey."
The end.
Josiah and I have the same mice. @_@ No wonder I haven't bitched about him not having a scroll wheel or extra back/forward buttons like I do with everyone else. @_@_@_@
Adrienne: So here I am, naked as the day I was born. And Josiah's working.
Sean: But won't he be happy when he opens the door? I'm taking it you have your own key?
Adrienne: Why would I have my own key? WHERE WOULD I GO?
Sean: Well you're ALWAYS there when he's not. I just assume. o.o
Adrienne: Not always. Just yesterday and today. Stupid work. >:
Sean: Ah.
Adrienne: Yes. And he won't be home for another FOUR HOURS Wejwperjpwefj
Sean: Calm yourself, my horny little dear.
Adrienne: It's not fair. ;_;
Sean: I TOLD you to try and develop some patience.
Adrienne: Fuck patience. ;_;
Sean: No....fuck Josiah. All day. Oh wait...you can't. Not for another four hours. Four...long....horny....boring...frustrating hours.
Adrienne: With a friend like this... >:
Sean: ^^
OMG. PLZ COME HOME NOW. PLZ.
Edit: And now that I remember that his sister reads this and his relatives have access to this, I.. won't change a thing. :D
Anyway.
One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper.
At the end of the week the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said, "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? EEK EEK!"
I got an F.
When I told my mom about it she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey."
The end.
Josiah and I have the same mice. @_@ No wonder I haven't bitched about him not having a scroll wheel or extra back/forward buttons like I do with everyone else. @_@_@_@
Adrienne: So here I am, naked as the day I was born. And Josiah's working.
Sean: But won't he be happy when he opens the door? I'm taking it you have your own key?
Adrienne: Why would I have my own key? WHERE WOULD I GO?
Sean: Well you're ALWAYS there when he's not. I just assume. o.o
Adrienne: Not always. Just yesterday and today. Stupid work. >:
Sean: Ah.
Adrienne: Yes. And he won't be home for another FOUR HOURS Wejwperjpwefj
Sean: Calm yourself, my horny little dear.
Adrienne: It's not fair. ;_;
Sean: I TOLD you to try and develop some patience.
Adrienne: Fuck patience. ;_;
Sean: No....fuck Josiah. All day. Oh wait...you can't. Not for another four hours. Four...long....horny....boring...frustrating hours.
Adrienne: With a friend like this... >:
Sean: ^^
OMG. PLZ COME HOME NOW. PLZ.
Edit: And now that I remember that his sister reads this and his relatives have access to this, I.. won't change a thing. :D
our communications are in one-line jokes
10pm, fell asleep. Had the first part of the dream. Woke up at 11 confused. Went back to sleep. Had the first part plus the second part. Woke up at 2 with that glorious feeling of impending doom. Went back to sleep warily. Had the entire dream and woke up at 3 petrified that something like that could come out of my head, let alone the fucking implications... I remembered that I had had the beginnings of this dream before many times over the last two weeks, but I hadn't actually remembered anything beyond feeling out of control. I never actually fell back to sleep after that, just half-coherent dozing (caused by the mere fear of having the whole dream again) from five to eight, when I decided I'd had enough.
And now I'm theorizing all over myself.
What, I have to have a fucked up night in order to epiphanize?
I hate you, brain.
and it all seems a little abrupt
no, i don't like this change of pace
Oh, I swear to every god in existence, if I hear anything about twins today, I'm going to scream.
10pm, fell asleep. Had the first part of the dream. Woke up at 11 confused. Went back to sleep. Had the first part plus the second part. Woke up at 2 with that glorious feeling of impending doom. Went back to sleep warily. Had the entire dream and woke up at 3 petrified that something like that could come out of my head, let alone the fucking implications... I remembered that I had had the beginnings of this dream before many times over the last two weeks, but I hadn't actually remembered anything beyond feeling out of control. I never actually fell back to sleep after that, just half-coherent dozing (caused by the mere fear of having the whole dream again) from five to eight, when I decided I'd had enough.
And now I'm theorizing all over myself.
What, I have to have a fucked up night in order to epiphanize?
I hate you, brain.
and it all seems a little abrupt
no, i don't like this change of pace
Oh, I swear to every god in existence, if I hear anything about twins today, I'm going to scream.
7.23.2003
"I talked to the Running Start Coordinator at Green River (Fumi). She said you don’t have to come in for a special meeting just because your GPA was low (I also told her your SAT scores - she was impressed).
Once you pass the other Compass test, and you get your counselor’s signature, that’s when you’ll call Fumi to set up a meeting for her to discuss the program in more detail. Ms. Kousey should be back in the office some time in early August, and Fumi said that will leave you enough time before classes start to get you set up with some sort of classes, but you may have some gaps in your schedule throughout the day. She also said that if you want late afternoon or evening classes, those usually are the last ones to fill up- I mentioned that you’re a night owl J, so this might work for you as long as you have time to get a few hours of work in each week. Once you get into the program, she said your 2nd quarter there will be easier to get the classes you want, because you’ll have some priority in the registration process by accumulating some credits there.
By the way, she said the key to getting a better score on the writing test is to click on every single sentence. I guess you click through every sentence and then pick which ones need changing? I thought that was nice of her to give me that tip so you have a better chance at getting the higher score.
See you tomorrow evening at about 6:00.
Love,
Mom"
Stupid fucking confusing writing part. ;_; IT'S THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T PASS THE FIRST TIME SWEIRFQ;OWAEIHF;n.
Anyway.
I'm home. Finally. I won't be back at my mother's for another day and a half or so. He's at work right now. :|
I was looking around his place for a pen and found The Screwtape Letters, which both surprised me and didn't surprise me. It's a book. Josiah doesn't own much less read books. Ah, but this book has content that surely would've come within his very narrow literary vision, standing there on the shelf or counter, small and unassuming with its quaint synopsis. He hasn't read it, but I think I will. I'll come back to you all later a bit wiser and in the know, surely.
Once you pass the other Compass test, and you get your counselor’s signature, that’s when you’ll call Fumi to set up a meeting for her to discuss the program in more detail. Ms. Kousey should be back in the office some time in early August, and Fumi said that will leave you enough time before classes start to get you set up with some sort of classes, but you may have some gaps in your schedule throughout the day. She also said that if you want late afternoon or evening classes, those usually are the last ones to fill up- I mentioned that you’re a night owl J, so this might work for you as long as you have time to get a few hours of work in each week. Once you get into the program, she said your 2nd quarter there will be easier to get the classes you want, because you’ll have some priority in the registration process by accumulating some credits there.
By the way, she said the key to getting a better score on the writing test is to click on every single sentence. I guess you click through every sentence and then pick which ones need changing? I thought that was nice of her to give me that tip so you have a better chance at getting the higher score.
See you tomorrow evening at about 6:00.
Love,
Mom"
Stupid fucking confusing writing part. ;_; IT'S THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T PASS THE FIRST TIME SWEIRFQ;OWAEIHF;n.
Anyway.
I'm home. Finally. I won't be back at my mother's for another day and a half or so. He's at work right now. :|
I was looking around his place for a pen and found The Screwtape Letters, which both surprised me and didn't surprise me. It's a book. Josiah doesn't own much less read books. Ah, but this book has content that surely would've come within his very narrow literary vision, standing there on the shelf or counter, small and unassuming with its quaint synopsis. He hasn't read it, but I think I will. I'll come back to you all later a bit wiser and in the know, surely.
7.22.2003
Couldn't help but be curious about how meeting Josiah would change this test for me.
Old scores:
Self-Lovin': 46.7%
Shamelessness: 76.2%
Sex Drive: 63.2%
Straightness: 44.6%
Gayness: 33.9%
Fucking Sick: 86.7%
You are 58.31% pure.
New scores:
Old scores:
Self-Lovin': 46.7%
Shamelessness: 76.2%
Sex Drive: 63.2%
Straightness: 44.6%
Gayness: 33.9%
Fucking Sick: 86.7%
You are 58.31% pure.
New scores:
| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | ||
| Category | Your Score | Average |
| Self-Lovin' | 41.7% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself | 64.7% |
| Shamelessness | 57.1% It takes a couple of drinks | 79.1% |
| Sex Drive | 52.6% A fool for love, but not always | 77.4% |
| Straightness | 19.6% Knows the other body type like a map | 44.5% |
| Gayness | 26.8% At least one weekend of ecstacy | 82.8% |
| Fucking Sick | 83.2% Refreshingly normal | 89.7% |
| You are 48.85% pure Average Score: 72.3% | ||
7.21.2003
he's strutting with your flesh mechanic
Andrew Andrew Andrew.
There's no room for three on this two-person ride.
I don't have friends. I can't keep you like a pet, stitch your minds shut like a teacher to a child, feed you ideas and spurn growth inside your empty faults that gape so wide I can see straight through you. I don't have friends for much the same reason I don't have happy endings at the end of every story.
You were a co-worker once upon a time. A colleague. But you were fired.
Chalk it up to me being a bitch, as Gaia so often accused me of, but I assure you the downfall lies within your own actions, words and intent.
The end.
Andrew Andrew Andrew.
There's no room for three on this two-person ride.
I don't have friends. I can't keep you like a pet, stitch your minds shut like a teacher to a child, feed you ideas and spurn growth inside your empty faults that gape so wide I can see straight through you. I don't have friends for much the same reason I don't have happy endings at the end of every story.
You were a co-worker once upon a time. A colleague. But you were fired.
Chalk it up to me being a bitch, as Gaia so often accused me of, but I assure you the downfall lies within your own actions, words and intent.
The end.
Note the change to my schedule, if you please.
The main warning sign that something was seriously wrong inside of me was the raw wound that's on my arm. It's been there for a week and a half, and has not healed. Why? Because I unconsciously dig at it like I used to do when I was very young to distract myself from the utter hell that is being here. Regression for someone that's already regressed as far as is socially acceptable for her age (perhaps even more than really is) isn't good.
I'm going home today. Those of you that I still feel like talking to will hear from me.
The main warning sign that something was seriously wrong inside of me was the raw wound that's on my arm. It's been there for a week and a half, and has not healed. Why? Because I unconsciously dig at it like I used to do when I was very young to distract myself from the utter hell that is being here. Regression for someone that's already regressed as far as is socially acceptable for her age (perhaps even more than really is) isn't good.
I'm going home today. Those of you that I still feel like talking to will hear from me.
7.20.2003
all the movies in my head
they flicker with my bleeding heart
a careless slipping of the tongue
on just another private part
Rejected.
How can a 16 year old possibly write good enough for anyone to want to pay them?
I'm so fucking horrible. I knew it.
wrap your lip around your head
and slowly blow yourself away
they flicker with my bleeding heart
a careless slipping of the tongue
on just another private part
Rejected.
How can a 16 year old possibly write good enough for anyone to want to pay them?
I'm so fucking horrible. I knew it.
wrap your lip around your head
and slowly blow yourself away
7.19.2003
7.18.2003
1. First Name: Adrienne.
2. Hair Color: Black/blonde.
3. Middle Name: Marie.
4. Hair Style: Fucking bangs.
5. Eye Color: Gray.
6. Height: 5' 2".
8. Birthday: September 29th, 1986.
9. Zodiac Sign: Libra.
Favorites
1. Favorite Animal: Neko.
2. Favorite Sport: Fucking soccer, volleyball or something.
3. Favorite Color(s): Blue.
4. Favorite Friend(s): Chris. Sean. I don't have friends.
6. Favorite Song(s): VAST - Blue.
7. Favorite Movie Quote: "You see this? This is the world's smallest violin playing for the waitresses of America."
8. Favorite Store: Wonderworld.
9. Favorite Feeling: Josiah. (It's indescribable, kidlets.)
10. Favorite Shoe: Vans.
11. Favorite Scent: My shampoo. :3
12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: No.
13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: Personality.
14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: The kind that Josiah has.
15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: Both at the same time.
16. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: Take a wild guess.
17. Would you ever ask someone out?: Sure.
18. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Both are pretty in different ways.
Love, Life & Friends
1. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Their tits.
2. When's the last time you cried?: Uh.. At Josiah's...
3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: A writer.
4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: Not normally.
5. How far have you gotten?: My hand is down your pants as you read.
6. Do you like someone right now?: Of course.
7. Do they know?: MAYBE. :O
8. Do you have a best friend?: I have a twin.
Within the last 24 hours, have you...
1. Had a serious talk?: Nope.
2. Hugged someone?: No.
3. Gotten along well with your parents? I'm not even around them. :D
4. Fought with a friend?: None to fight with.
Do you like to...
1. Do you like to give hugs? Yeah.
3. Take walks in the rain?: Yeah.
4. You ever have that falling dream?: Little ones.
5. What is on the walls of your room?: Tons of posters, wallscrolls, stolen signs, drawings, postcards, pictures...
6. When you chew gum, what kind?: Wrigley's anything. (Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Doublemint.)
7. Do you use chapstick? Rarely need to.
In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink?: No.
2. Smoke?: No.
3. Do drugs?: No.
4. Have Sex?: Yes.
5. Made Out?: Tee hee.
6. Go on a date?: ...Do those count as "dates"?
8. Go to the mall?: Nope.
9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No.
10. Eaten sushi?: Of course.
11. Been on stage?: Yes.
12. Been dumped?: No.
13: Had someone unfaithful to you?: No. (*looks at last answer* ..I love you, Chris.)
14. Watched The Smurfs?: No.
15. Hiked a mountain?: Not necessarily a mountain...
16. Made homemade cookies?: No.
1. Are you popular?: Of course not.
2. Are you pretty? Not really.
4. What is your favorite word to say?: Wtf.
5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: (Not to say necessarily, but I couldn't stop laughing when I overheard this.) "Rhymer is on the front page of the Skagit Herald News. Sawa is published, twice. What can Homestar do? Build a computer, score 900 on his SATs, and get rammed up the ass."
6. What are you doing right now?: Drinking Pepsi.
7. What song are you listening to?: Ben Kweller - Sha Sha. (That's right. That's how it should be. Sha sha.)
8. What are you wearing?: Dirty jeans, dirty shirts, dirty bracelets.
1. Cold or hot?: Cold.
2. Lace or satin?: Satin.
3. Blue or Red?: Blue.
4. New or old?: New. (You're so new. You. You're new. [/No Doubt])
5. Rain or snow?: Snow.
6. Give or receive?: Give.
7. Wool or cotton?: Cotton.
8. Rose or Daisy?: Snapdragon.
9. Private school or public school? Public.
10. Chocolate milk or plain milk? Rice milk.
11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: Kelvin.
12. Spring or Fall?: Spring.
13. Inny or outty?: Inggy. (Reference no one will get since it comes from a story I read last night never the fuck mind. :|)
14. Now or then?: Now.
15. How many fingers am I holding up? Go to hell.
16. Scent?: Me and Josiah. Josiah and myself and I.
17. English or Math?: Chemistry. English has always been too easy.
18. Bath or shower?: I want to bathe in a body of water.
19. Bedtime phrase?: FUCK ME.
20. Self-stick or lick? Lick. :D
21. Cursive or print?: Print. Fuck connected letters.
22. Do you like surprises?: Absolutely.
23. Paranoid or Cautious?: Paranoid.
24. Heights or Crowds?: Heights.
25. Half-full or half-empty?: Fuck this dumb question.
26. Top or bottom?: Bottom. :x
27. Do you/Would you dye your hair?: I did, and I will soon. YEY BLUE.
28. Speeding or running red lights?: Both.
29. Gold or silver? Silver.
30. Bad habits?: Filled with deliciously gooey EVIL.
31. Piercing?: Ears, lip.
33. "Maybe" or "Mebbe"? Mebbe.
35. What do you wish you'd done?: NOT TAKEN THIS JOB.
37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: Yeah.
38. Jammies or naked?: Nekkid all the way. I don't own pajamas.
39. Neurotic or psychotic?: Psychotic.
40. Do you talk to yourself?: Yeah. Gaia looks at me weird whenever I do it around her.
2. Hair Color: Black/blonde.
3. Middle Name: Marie.
4. Hair Style: Fucking bangs.
5. Eye Color: Gray.
6. Height: 5' 2".
8. Birthday: September 29th, 1986.
9. Zodiac Sign: Libra.
Favorites
1. Favorite Animal: Neko.
2. Favorite Sport: Fucking soccer, volleyball or something.
3. Favorite Color(s): Blue.
4. Favorite Friend(s): Chris. Sean. I don't have friends.
6. Favorite Song(s): VAST - Blue.
7. Favorite Movie Quote: "You see this? This is the world's smallest violin playing for the waitresses of America."
8. Favorite Store: Wonderworld.
9. Favorite Feeling: Josiah. (It's indescribable, kidlets.)
10. Favorite Shoe: Vans.
11. Favorite Scent: My shampoo. :3
12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: No.
13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: Personality.
14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl?: The kind that Josiah has.
15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: Both at the same time.
16. What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl?: Take a wild guess.
17. Would you ever ask someone out?: Sure.
18. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Both are pretty in different ways.
Love, Life & Friends
1. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Their tits.
2. When's the last time you cried?: Uh.. At Josiah's...
3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: A writer.
4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: Not normally.
5. How far have you gotten?: My hand is down your pants as you read.
6. Do you like someone right now?: Of course.
7. Do they know?: MAYBE. :O
8. Do you have a best friend?: I have a twin.
Within the last 24 hours, have you...
1. Had a serious talk?: Nope.
2. Hugged someone?: No.
3. Gotten along well with your parents? I'm not even around them. :D
4. Fought with a friend?: None to fight with.
Do you like to...
1. Do you like to give hugs? Yeah.
3. Take walks in the rain?: Yeah.
4. You ever have that falling dream?: Little ones.
5. What is on the walls of your room?: Tons of posters, wallscrolls, stolen signs, drawings, postcards, pictures...
6. When you chew gum, what kind?: Wrigley's anything. (Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Doublemint.)
7. Do you use chapstick? Rarely need to.
In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink?: No.
2. Smoke?: No.
3. Do drugs?: No.
4. Have Sex?: Yes.
5. Made Out?: Tee hee.
6. Go on a date?: ...Do those count as "dates"?
8. Go to the mall?: Nope.
9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No.
10. Eaten sushi?: Of course.
11. Been on stage?: Yes.
12. Been dumped?: No.
13: Had someone unfaithful to you?: No. (*looks at last answer* ..I love you, Chris.)
14. Watched The Smurfs?: No.
15. Hiked a mountain?: Not necessarily a mountain...
16. Made homemade cookies?: No.
1. Are you popular?: Of course not.
2. Are you pretty? Not really.
4. What is your favorite word to say?: Wtf.
5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: (Not to say necessarily, but I couldn't stop laughing when I overheard this.) "Rhymer is on the front page of the Skagit Herald News. Sawa is published, twice. What can Homestar do? Build a computer, score 900 on his SATs, and get rammed up the ass."
6. What are you doing right now?: Drinking Pepsi.
7. What song are you listening to?: Ben Kweller - Sha Sha. (That's right. That's how it should be. Sha sha.)
8. What are you wearing?: Dirty jeans, dirty shirts, dirty bracelets.
1. Cold or hot?: Cold.
2. Lace or satin?: Satin.
3. Blue or Red?: Blue.
4. New or old?: New. (You're so new. You. You're new. [/No Doubt])
5. Rain or snow?: Snow.
6. Give or receive?: Give.
7. Wool or cotton?: Cotton.
8. Rose or Daisy?: Snapdragon.
9. Private school or public school? Public.
10. Chocolate milk or plain milk? Rice milk.
11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: Kelvin.
12. Spring or Fall?: Spring.
13. Inny or outty?: Inggy. (Reference no one will get since it comes from a story I read last night never the fuck mind. :|)
14. Now or then?: Now.
15. How many fingers am I holding up? Go to hell.
16. Scent?: Me and Josiah. Josiah and myself and I.
17. English or Math?: Chemistry. English has always been too easy.
18. Bath or shower?: I want to bathe in a body of water.
19. Bedtime phrase?: FUCK ME.
20. Self-stick or lick? Lick. :D
21. Cursive or print?: Print. Fuck connected letters.
22. Do you like surprises?: Absolutely.
23. Paranoid or Cautious?: Paranoid.
24. Heights or Crowds?: Heights.
25. Half-full or half-empty?: Fuck this dumb question.
26. Top or bottom?: Bottom. :x
27. Do you/Would you dye your hair?: I did, and I will soon. YEY BLUE.
28. Speeding or running red lights?: Both.
29. Gold or silver? Silver.
30. Bad habits?: Filled with deliciously gooey EVIL.
31. Piercing?: Ears, lip.
33. "Maybe" or "Mebbe"? Mebbe.
35. What do you wish you'd done?: NOT TAKEN THIS JOB.
37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: Yeah.
38. Jammies or naked?: Nekkid all the way. I don't own pajamas.
39. Neurotic or psychotic?: Psychotic.
40. Do you talk to yourself?: Yeah. Gaia looks at me weird whenever I do it around her.
7.17.2003
7.16.2003
"I keep birds."
That was a half-truth. I did keep birds, but not the normal kind.
"What kind of birds?"
I kept the wingless kind.
"Sparrows."
They were wingless because I made them wingless. I cut their wings off with my own hands, with my right holding their weightless bodies down and my left holding the equally weightless scalpel. I caught the birds to rape them of something I had found myself so long ago to be lacking: freedom.
Story growing so huge inside my head, first sprouting from the seeds of my cruelty to a moth, sending roots to wrap around my vertebrae, and now leaves surfacing from my hair, reaching up to the sky. Hoping it will split my skull and grow big enough to blossom.
That was a half-truth. I did keep birds, but not the normal kind.
"What kind of birds?"
I kept the wingless kind.
"Sparrows."
They were wingless because I made them wingless. I cut their wings off with my own hands, with my right holding their weightless bodies down and my left holding the equally weightless scalpel. I caught the birds to rape them of something I had found myself so long ago to be lacking: freedom.
Story growing so huge inside my head, first sprouting from the seeds of my cruelty to a moth, sending roots to wrap around my vertebrae, and now leaves surfacing from my hair, reaching up to the sky. Hoping it will split my skull and grow big enough to blossom.
7.15.2003
OMG ANNA WROTE TO ME HOW CUTE XD *opens letter and clears throat*
Dear Sawa,
Hello! Remember me, Anna? I'm at my Grandma and Grandpa's house right now. I needed to write something -- anything -- and thought I should write to you.
It's really pretty nice out here at my Grandparent's house. They have a garden here where they grow cherry tomatoes, and other stuff like chives... and lettuce, and have lots of cherry trees. My Grandma and I are making necklaces out of old earrings she had lost the match to. I'm using some silver wire and an earring with silver, green, and amber. (YAY! Amber!)
[Anna had/has an obsession with amber. Every single time we played Tarzan, she always chose it.]
Please write back:
*adress here*
Tell me about everything you've done while I was gone!
Miss you,
Anna
P.S. You're my favorite staff member! :)
*sniffles and folds the letter* Make Anna come baaaaaaack. ;_;
Dear Sawa,
Hello! Remember me, Anna? I'm at my Grandma and Grandpa's house right now. I needed to write something -- anything -- and thought I should write to you.
It's really pretty nice out here at my Grandparent's house. They have a garden here where they grow cherry tomatoes, and other stuff like chives... and lettuce, and have lots of cherry trees. My Grandma and I are making necklaces out of old earrings she had lost the match to. I'm using some silver wire and an earring with silver, green, and amber. (YAY! Amber!)
[Anna had/has an obsession with amber. Every single time we played Tarzan, she always chose it.]
Please write back:
*adress here*
Tell me about everything you've done while I was gone!
Miss you,
Anna
P.S. You're my favorite staff member! :)
*sniffles and folds the letter* Make Anna come baaaaaaack. ;_;
Sawa: *bouncing back and forth in breezeway* Yeah, we're almost ready.
Tigger: Okay. *fidgets with 2nds sign* Oh yeah, I had a totally cracked out dream last night, and you were in it. We were all having a good time, getting totally shit-faced, and then you came up to me and said, "Hey Tigger, I'm pregnant." I was like, "...Fuck." *glances out into the dining hall* Oh shit, I have to go. *runs out*
Sawa: <:O
Tigger: Okay. *fidgets with 2nds sign* Oh yeah, I had a totally cracked out dream last night, and you were in it. We were all having a good time, getting totally shit-faced, and then you came up to me and said, "Hey Tigger, I'm pregnant." I was like, "...Fuck." *glances out into the dining hall* Oh shit, I have to go. *runs out*
Sawa: <:O
7.14.2003
well, if i ever caused you trouble
Everything that happens here is kept under wraps, so gossip flies faster than the planes overhead. I had to ask around to find out where he was, and he is indeed gone. It feels weird when things like that happen, as with my cat Hobbes. You don't see them go. You remember the last time you had seen them, but the parting wasn't treated as the last one ever. Homestar and I put up a sign among the other ones above the monitors about a week ago stating "DO NOT BE STUPID". Someone took it down today. They're taking him apart piece by piece and throwing him into the ocean.
Queer how I'm so objective (or maybe not) and look upon this as fantasy. Something I perhaps wrote about, a yarn weaved into tapestries depicting great moments that will be forgotten come next summer. "Old stories told by travelers, great songs that bards have sung about summers past, faded, gone." Our shared love of Redwall.
see i try
and look up
to the sky
but my eyes burn
I was making up epitaphs for him as I fannied about in the kitchen a la Bridget Jones. Here lies Andrew, a brave man who once fondled a little girl without her knowing. Here lies Andrew, co-breaker of the most in-jokes between two people ever. Here lies Andrew, who never got the last PB note I ever left him.
Can't help but laugh at why he's gone, though.
Everything that happens here is kept under wraps, so gossip flies faster than the planes overhead. I had to ask around to find out where he was, and he is indeed gone. It feels weird when things like that happen, as with my cat Hobbes. You don't see them go. You remember the last time you had seen them, but the parting wasn't treated as the last one ever. Homestar and I put up a sign among the other ones above the monitors about a week ago stating "DO NOT BE STUPID". Someone took it down today. They're taking him apart piece by piece and throwing him into the ocean.
Queer how I'm so objective (or maybe not) and look upon this as fantasy. Something I perhaps wrote about, a yarn weaved into tapestries depicting great moments that will be forgotten come next summer. "Old stories told by travelers, great songs that bards have sung about summers past, faded, gone." Our shared love of Redwall.
see i try
and look up
to the sky
but my eyes burn
I was making up epitaphs for him as I fannied about in the kitchen a la Bridget Jones. Here lies Andrew, a brave man who once fondled a little girl without her knowing. Here lies Andrew, co-breaker of the most in-jokes between two people ever. Here lies Andrew, who never got the last PB note I ever left him.
Can't help but laugh at why he's gone, though.
7.13.2003
7.11.2003
7.09.2003
7.08.2003
Ten hours of sleep. I am still tired. I tried to sleep more, but couldn't, so I'm doing laundry/writing this.
I lived up to the meaning of my name while you were gone. The Josiah that lives inside my head was bound by each limb and tortured. I did inside my head what I'd never dream of doing in real life. He still hangs there inside that room because I can't bear to remember what I felt and look at how I left him: A bloody mess, with huge and heavy metal wings pinning him to the ground, a sick display of what I felt and what I wanted to do to you so many times.
(Have you ever held something by their wings? The soft struggle, rapid pulsing beating of their body back and forth instead of their wings, because you hold their only chance of escape between your thumb and index finger. It's mesmerizing.)
My pain comes from the fact that I had a life without you that I still have to live for a little while longer. I talked to my mother; she wants me home for the next two breaks. To fill out applications for after school starts, and to finish all of the things that I ran from when you came here. I literally dropped everything, and I don't want to pick the pieces back up, but I have to. The small consolation that this will be a catalyst for a greater happiness holds the same a single thread holds a boulder. A small part of me is always cringing inside of me because I know that one of these times I'm going to leave your place and not go back for a very long time, and I'm afraid that that last time was it.
For everyone else: I get news every single day that changes how my breaks start, end, affect other people's schedules, et cetera. I haven't planned so much in my entire life than I have in the last month. I'm losing my voice. I slept through my STO. I have to go to my mother's, see people I hate, apply to three different places/things, finish my license shit, retake the COMPASS. I have to hike back up to where I was yesterday evening for challenge course with five people I like and four people I hate for two hours, then hike back down and rove for three hours, including putting the kids to bed. If anybody hadn't noticed beforehand, I am very stressed. Just giving you fair warning. Don't IM me when I'm on AIM. Don't send me shit; I can't download it. If I tell you to fuck off, do so. Do not continue talking, I will block you, and I've already done it a few times today. Leave me the fuck alone.
I lived up to the meaning of my name while you were gone. The Josiah that lives inside my head was bound by each limb and tortured. I did inside my head what I'd never dream of doing in real life. He still hangs there inside that room because I can't bear to remember what I felt and look at how I left him: A bloody mess, with huge and heavy metal wings pinning him to the ground, a sick display of what I felt and what I wanted to do to you so many times.
(Have you ever held something by their wings? The soft struggle, rapid pulsing beating of their body back and forth instead of their wings, because you hold their only chance of escape between your thumb and index finger. It's mesmerizing.)
My pain comes from the fact that I had a life without you that I still have to live for a little while longer. I talked to my mother; she wants me home for the next two breaks. To fill out applications for after school starts, and to finish all of the things that I ran from when you came here. I literally dropped everything, and I don't want to pick the pieces back up, but I have to. The small consolation that this will be a catalyst for a greater happiness holds the same a single thread holds a boulder. A small part of me is always cringing inside of me because I know that one of these times I'm going to leave your place and not go back for a very long time, and I'm afraid that that last time was it.
For everyone else: I get news every single day that changes how my breaks start, end, affect other people's schedules, et cetera. I haven't planned so much in my entire life than I have in the last month. I'm losing my voice. I slept through my STO. I have to go to my mother's, see people I hate, apply to three different places/things, finish my license shit, retake the COMPASS. I have to hike back up to where I was yesterday evening for challenge course with five people I like and four people I hate for two hours, then hike back down and rove for three hours, including putting the kids to bed. If anybody hadn't noticed beforehand, I am very stressed. Just giving you fair warning. Don't IM me when I'm on AIM. Don't send me shit; I can't download it. If I tell you to fuck off, do so. Do not continue talking, I will block you, and I've already done it a few times today. Leave me the fuck alone.
7.07.2003
Who gives a ratfuck what happened today. Skip.
it's more than i can stand
Falling up hills, falling into the sky, falling everywhere I shouldn't. Newton? Never heard of him. I spent my free time double-checking Einstein's theory of relativity and came to the conclusion that he was right about most of it, but wrong about the separate dimensions part.
let's go down with the ship
The burning cores of all the planets around me were never within my grasp. I lift hands toward them and find each broiling pit out of reach. We are all made of stars, burning so warm trillions of kilometers away from each other, and I run from one to the next, extending welcome palms and extracting nothing. NOTHING.
We are all stars, so far away from everyone. So far away.
The voices drift in. Small snatches of sentences caught in the sip of water, in the echo of a scream, in a wave crashing or the snap of a lit match. Pick them out, place them, stitch them together, make a quilt of myself made of all the parts I've splintered into. Wonder where I start or do I even end?
Once upon a time. Once upon a time I sent myself spinning into a sun. Once upon a time I charred my skin on the exhaled breath of a supernova. In space, there is no time, no direction, nor warmth, light, sound. The universe's largest sensory deprivation tank. Dark space is on earth too, inside of me, single slivers of its birth mother clinging in corners.
There is a place in a room where everything comes together. The sweet spot. There is a sweet spot in every universe. In my universe. Once upon a time I fell in love like one falls into the mouth of a volcano. Once upon a time I can't remember, I found my universe's sweet spot.
WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW.
Expound. Verbatim.
Once upon a time the universe exploded. Once upon a time my universe gave birth to an idea. To a feeling. A memory dislodged. It gives my universe its dark space. Soothing cold darkness for blinding light. My holy rapture. My debauchery. MY DISSOLUTION.
Once upon a time we collided and everything changed into a sight so sweet, something so perfect.
s-t-a-r-i-n-g
i just can't stop staring
Something that turns my stomach. Something that takes one singular part of me and twists its arms till the skin tears and it shrieks. The wings of the metal angel on the other side of the fence are small versions of the wings I gave your badly wounded body while you were gone. After he chained you up in the black room in the back of Deceit and I drove screws into your sides. I nailed those wings to your back and let them weigh you down.
Spent my day wiping the opalescent scales off of moth wings and then throwing them to the wind. Never to fly again. Raping them of their ability to live. So eager to destroy what I want that others have.
I cried because I can't imagine being good enough. No, not ever.
laid entwined together on a bed of clover
and left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness
it's more than i can stand
Falling up hills, falling into the sky, falling everywhere I shouldn't. Newton? Never heard of him. I spent my free time double-checking Einstein's theory of relativity and came to the conclusion that he was right about most of it, but wrong about the separate dimensions part.
let's go down with the ship
The burning cores of all the planets around me were never within my grasp. I lift hands toward them and find each broiling pit out of reach. We are all made of stars, burning so warm trillions of kilometers away from each other, and I run from one to the next, extending welcome palms and extracting nothing. NOTHING.
We are all stars, so far away from everyone. So far away.
The voices drift in. Small snatches of sentences caught in the sip of water, in the echo of a scream, in a wave crashing or the snap of a lit match. Pick them out, place them, stitch them together, make a quilt of myself made of all the parts I've splintered into. Wonder where I start or do I even end?
Once upon a time. Once upon a time I sent myself spinning into a sun. Once upon a time I charred my skin on the exhaled breath of a supernova. In space, there is no time, no direction, nor warmth, light, sound. The universe's largest sensory deprivation tank. Dark space is on earth too, inside of me, single slivers of its birth mother clinging in corners.
There is a place in a room where everything comes together. The sweet spot. There is a sweet spot in every universe. In my universe. Once upon a time I fell in love like one falls into the mouth of a volcano. Once upon a time I can't remember, I found my universe's sweet spot.
WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW.
Expound. Verbatim.
Once upon a time the universe exploded. Once upon a time my universe gave birth to an idea. To a feeling. A memory dislodged. It gives my universe its dark space. Soothing cold darkness for blinding light. My holy rapture. My debauchery. MY DISSOLUTION.
Once upon a time we collided and everything changed into a sight so sweet, something so perfect.
s-t-a-r-i-n-g
i just can't stop staring
Something that turns my stomach. Something that takes one singular part of me and twists its arms till the skin tears and it shrieks. The wings of the metal angel on the other side of the fence are small versions of the wings I gave your badly wounded body while you were gone. After he chained you up in the black room in the back of Deceit and I drove screws into your sides. I nailed those wings to your back and let them weigh you down.
Spent my day wiping the opalescent scales off of moth wings and then throwing them to the wind. Never to fly again. Raping them of their ability to live. So eager to destroy what I want that others have.
I cried because I can't imagine being good enough. No, not ever.
laid entwined together on a bed of clover
and left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness
7.06.2003
Maybe I don't quit.
I don't know, but that's been up in the air ever since I got here.
The little kidlets lub me. The meeting last night sucked; didn't get to sleep till 12:30. Puma's having the worst summer ever and acting accordingly though I don't blame her. Half the in-jokes are lost on everyone because Olive's gone. Gaia's fucking two months PREGNANT and might be forced to leave, making our KA crew FOUR PEOPLE. *gestures wildly*
We have seven cabins in BBH next session, with only 6 counselors, which means they begged someone back from last year to volunteer. Sunflower. I don't know her, I won't even work with her until seven days in because I'm KA for the first six days of combined session 3/4. And then I rover with DAISY OF ALL PEOPLE RAGE DIE KILL for the last four days. At least that's the plan so far.
And Josiah has a jorb. ._.
Boo for jorb.
*deflates*
*sips hot chocolate with rice milk and sulks in corner* ;_;
I don't know, but that's been up in the air ever since I got here.
The little kidlets lub me. The meeting last night sucked; didn't get to sleep till 12:30. Puma's having the worst summer ever and acting accordingly though I don't blame her. Half the in-jokes are lost on everyone because Olive's gone. Gaia's fucking two months PREGNANT and might be forced to leave, making our KA crew FOUR PEOPLE. *gestures wildly*
We have seven cabins in BBH next session, with only 6 counselors, which means they begged someone back from last year to volunteer. Sunflower. I don't know her, I won't even work with her until seven days in because I'm KA for the first six days of combined session 3/4. And then I rover with DAISY OF ALL PEOPLE RAGE DIE KILL for the last four days. At least that's the plan so far.
And Josiah has a jorb. ._.
Boo for jorb.
*deflates*
*sips hot chocolate with rice milk and sulks in corner* ;_;
7.05.2003
Rover word/phrase of the day: Gaia's pregnant. (Seriously, she is.)
Rover word/phrase of the day tomorrow: (insert beginning of sentence/noun here) WITH FRIGGIN' LASER BEAMS, MAN!
IN OTHER NEWS, I FUCKING QUIT.
I HATE THE WORLD. AND I HATE HOW IT WORKS. AND YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL KTHX.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY FUCKING MUSIC TO LISTEN TO.
._.
Rover word/phrase of the day tomorrow: (insert beginning of sentence/noun here) WITH FRIGGIN' LASER BEAMS, MAN!
IN OTHER NEWS, I FUCKING QUIT.
I HATE THE WORLD. AND I HATE HOW IT WORKS. AND YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL KTHX.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY FUCKING MUSIC TO LISTEN TO.
._.
Homestar: Omg.
Sawa: What? D:
Homestar: The new Blogger format.
Sawa: Omg I know. It's like...
Homestar: Too user friendly.
Sawa: Yse.
Homestar: Aaaaagh.
>:
Sawa and Taisa: *shower shower shower... lick lick... shower shower*
Fireworks: *splode*
Taisa: o.o
Sawa: o.o
Taisa and Sawa: *jump out of shower, get minimal amount of clothing on, and jump in his car*
Fireworks: *splode*
Taisa: :O
Sawa: The colors, Duke... The colors... @_@
Car alarms: *go off*
Taisa: XD
Sawa: *mumbles* too... early........
Aya: why are you awake?
Sawa: because i'm dumb. and i got a job. that requires me to be awake today. at this hour.
Aya: fuck.
Sawa: already did that, about five hours ago, but thanks. :D
Begin summary of last week:
My mother found the nudes of me on my computer. Tee hee. >.> I bet from a combination of that, the whole weekend fiasco, and me not calling her during this last break of mine, that I'm grounded for the next year or two. Whatever, stupid bitch can't do anything till I get back from work two months from now. :D
Think about consequences what? Sorry, I wasn't listening to you, I was having too much fun licking Josiah.
A semi-famous writer/editor guy wants to publish my stuff in his literary magazine. Can we say HELLS YES? o.o *dances*
I did another tree in chalk sprouting out from Josiah's front door. It turned out alright, considering conditions. Purple trunk, blue branches, yellow leaves. Took me at least 45 minutes total. I, uh, don't know what Josiah thinks and maybe I don't want to. It's all I can draaaaw... ;_;
This break was awesome. So much sex/cuddling/naked time. And now I get to go hang out with 80 little girls for six days. HURRAH.
(I don't know if that was sarcasm or not either. ._.)
Sawa: What? D:
Homestar: The new Blogger format.
Sawa: Omg I know. It's like...
Homestar: Too user friendly.
Sawa: Yse.
Homestar: Aaaaagh.
>:
Sawa and Taisa: *shower shower shower... lick lick... shower shower*
Fireworks: *splode*
Taisa: o.o
Sawa: o.o
Taisa and Sawa: *jump out of shower, get minimal amount of clothing on, and jump in his car*
Fireworks: *splode*
Taisa: :O
Sawa: The colors, Duke... The colors... @_@
Car alarms: *go off*
Taisa: XD
Sawa: *mumbles* too... early........
Aya: why are you awake?
Sawa: because i'm dumb. and i got a job. that requires me to be awake today. at this hour.
Aya: fuck.
Sawa: already did that, about five hours ago, but thanks. :D
Begin summary of last week:
My mother found the nudes of me on my computer. Tee hee. >.> I bet from a combination of that, the whole weekend fiasco, and me not calling her during this last break of mine, that I'm grounded for the next year or two. Whatever, stupid bitch can't do anything till I get back from work two months from now. :D
Think about consequences what? Sorry, I wasn't listening to you, I was having too much fun licking Josiah.
A semi-famous writer/editor guy wants to publish my stuff in his literary magazine. Can we say HELLS YES? o.o *dances*
I did another tree in chalk sprouting out from Josiah's front door. It turned out alright, considering conditions. Purple trunk, blue branches, yellow leaves. Took me at least 45 minutes total. I, uh, don't know what Josiah thinks and maybe I don't want to. It's all I can draaaaw... ;_;
This break was awesome. So much sex/cuddling/naked time. And now I get to go hang out with 80 little girls for six days. HURRAH.
(I don't know if that was sarcasm or not either. ._.)
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