Fucking awful day today, aside from it being Friday and therefore the weekend.

Grenadine syrup liquer and Hpnotiq. Ohhhhh God, this is absolutely sickeningly sweet.

*clucks her tongue*

Hmm hmm hmm.

I think he ran.

There's no justice in the world
And there never was

Josiah really doesn't know much about me. I wish he would look at me like I was worth looking at. I wish he wouldn't just treat me cutely, like some sort of half-finished project that's not structurally sound. I wish he would look at my curves and give any sort of response that he's alive at all in that portion of his brain concerning sex. I get... nothing I want. Nothing I want out of this.

Come into my life
Regress into a dream
We will hide
Build a new reality

Words pouring through me. An endless river. Half are mine, half belong to a collection of people. I keep thinking of things to say to him, turning this on its side, upside down, inside out, looking for something and not yet finding it. I think he and I are more alike than has been let on.

I think we're both stuck in a black hole.

Draw another picture
Of the life you could have had
Follow your instincts
And choose the other path

I want to rush over to him right now. He's probably drunk, celebrating his victory over Nintendo, celebrating the end of the tedium. I just want to look at him. Just to touch, just one touch. A kiss. Slipping further. An embrace, the intense smell of his tanned skin. This is all lust. All just a string of words with no meaning, no reality to attach to. (Yet?) I hunger for penetration, exploring another body of flesh, an ocean of skin to glide against.

I've barely touched him yet, I have just barely scraped the surface, but I want it all. I want him to hold my hand. I want him to teach me Spanish. I want to know everything about him. Seriousness has nothing to do with this. I'm not looking for something definable. I want passion without a label. I want him to leave his mark on me.

Taught to be
How did it come to be
Tied to a railroad
You'll have to set us free
Watch our souls fade away
Let our bodies crumble away
Don't be afraid

And the confusion this has spun me into sends me headed for Keith, watching from the sidelines, but I'd be lying right now if I said I didn't want to march right into his room, take my clothes off and ask him to tell me I'm worth something. I would cry softly and ask if I'm worth a struggle against logic and sanity. Worth bedding, even. That I might have an answer from Buddy through Keith, vicariously somehow, as he fucks me, temporarily soothing this craving I've had for a week now.

That I might myself have some sort of vindication.

And I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am

Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh Goddamnit.

What's the word for this?

Enchanted.

I met someone at work I have a serious craving for. He scratches an itch I didn't know I had. I find myself inexorably attracted to him. He's doing wonders for my writing, I feel my creative side set into rapid motion, everything's passion and fire again. But it's all churning inside of me, not ripe enough to come out yet.

You set my soul alight

His eyes and the lips forming the words of that song, ripping right into me. He might have meant it, or I might just be making all of this up. But oh, if he meant even one of those subtle glances.

In time, I tell myself. In time. Wait. Patience. This will work itself out. And all I can do is watch myself fall. Hard.

I'm going to cry when you leave.

(Why did I have to meet you?)

Hahaha, a real gem from one of my classes.

"Marx was a man symbolized the lack of religion and the effortness of putting workers into hard labor without remorse."

This sentence showed up in the discussion board of my astronomy class. The topic was "What is a theory? Does science try to prove anything?"

I went digging around more and found the topic he'd started under the heading, that is, his submission of work on the topic. There, I found this sentence. (Verbatim, of course.)

"When Galilao discovered Mars through a telescope he invented, he was arrested by the Italian government for false information."

Holy shit. How does this person get dressed and fed? I can't even... I just... BOGGLE at shit like this. We just got done reading a section in our text about Galileo and why he was put on trial! We even had an essay to write about it! Jesus.

Somehow he managed to form some coherent sentences for his intro post on the board:

"Hello all, my name is John **** and I am a senior at the University of La Verne here in La Verne California. My major is political science and I will be graduating in the fall. I don't know too much about math, but I hope that the class can help me along with the instructor. I am taking this class for the credit I need to fullfill my GE requirements and graduate on time."

I would not want this man running any portion of any government system in any country on this planet.

Sighing over this ring.

I remember when
I remember

Wide open, two to each net, pop pop pop. So lovely the hard painted ground with lines arbitrary, not enough to hold me in. It's hard running in pants that don't fit you, and I was wearing too much anyway. Got hot right away, got miserable looking at the hacked edges of the shadow my head was casting. Got self-conscious. Got teary-eyed looking at the mangled bits of hair in my face.

Pop, across the net. Pop, across the net. On the line. Aimed at my knees. Over my head. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss. Loss.

Oof.

I needed the practice, ugh, hadn't been out for however long, too long. Got concerned with my handling of the ball, then irked, then frustrated, then angry, then furious on fire livid at myself and the lack of control I was exhibiting.

I threw my racket.

I don't throw things, and I threw my racket.

Yeah.

It felt good.

The only part I regret is where I threw it at an angle that warped the entire rim. :| Gonna have to replace it, shouldn't be a big deal. Twenty dollar titanium racket hoooooo.

I had some amazing hits today, good aim when I wasn't too furious to concentrate, and most importantly strength. My arm has strengthened and stretched out and my control builds with each session.

I am going to throw myself at the ball. I am going to be fucking stellar.

Going back out again tomorrow for however long I can stand the heat. Who's coming with me?