Diet guidelines: No soda. NONE. Well, maybe one, like, a week. But other than that, no. (...*weeps*) And no more eating the school's food, no one knows what's actually in it except for Julie, and she changes her story daily. x.x SALAD AHOY! I have nothing against salad, it's actually very... crispy. >.> So, there, lunch. It's not like I eat much anyway. And mom always makes something mildly healthy anyway, so I'll just, um, start eating dinner. o.O Stupid metabolism. -_- Stupid only being outside for five minutes a day. -_- BAH. Anyway.

(If anyone ever hears me when I'm talking to myself, this is how I sound, it's just on a screen and not me spitting it out at 3000wps.)

Father: *shove* Wake up.
Me: >.<
Father: Tanya said not to use the blankets from the living room.
Me: I didn--
Father: I want you to ask Tanya if she needs anything done around the house, and I'm sure you're going to want to go to the store, so here's a 20, i want ten back.
Me: Bu--
Father: And while you're up there pick up a lightbulb for the candle light on the counter, and clean up your room, and take a shower, and wash your clothes. Do you know my cell phone?
Me: N--
Father: Well, here, and Lindsey's number is on here too, so you can call her later. I need to get going, make sure everything's done before I get home.
Me: *stares at him*
Father: Do you love your daddy?
Me: *throws face into pillow and stays still till he leaves*

Hate.


What Visual Kei band are you?


What Piece of Jrock Anatomy are You?

In other, partially related news, I am in love with Dir en Grey. Was I ever not? :D

Fucker Fucker Radical Fucker Trans Psycho Pleasure
Fucker Fucker Radical Fucker Trans Psycho Pleasure
Fucker Fucker Japanese Fucker Thrash Psycho Family
Fucker Fucker Japanese Fucker Thrash Psycho Family
Fucker Fucker Domestic Fucker Human Psycho Passion
Fucker Fucker Domestic Fucker Human Psycho Passion

XD!!!

Oh yeah, totally forgot to mention this.

I started my diet for super Sakura Con Miyabi fun!

James said I couldn't afford to lose ten pounds, but to be brutally honest, it certainly wouldn't kill me. x.x;;;

So, by April third I need to have lost at least ten pounds, if not more. *____*

*preens, imagining self skinny and strutting around the convention with all the girlies hanging off her*

47 1/4 hours left.

30,000 words to go.

*dances*

This idea was... just.... brilliant.

Btw, no, I'm not cheating. At all. Isn't that amazing? I can't believe I didn't think of this before.

50,000 word novel in 48 1/2 hours an impossible goal?

We'll see. :D

Theotherrazor: We were in your 'room'. it obviously wasn't yours.
Paradox Lain: What did it look like?
Theotherrazor: it was the room of a little girl. pink, but no frills
Theotherrazor: you sat on the bed, and the window was behind you. we were high above a forest
Theotherrazor: like in a tower.
Theotherrazor: i looked again, you were alice in wonderland.
Theotherrazor: you were in your thirties, then you were 6, then 12.
Theotherrazor: you switched back to nine.
Theotherrazor: why are you making me do this...?
Paradox Lain: Tell me.
Paradox Lain: I want to hear what you experience.
Paradox Lain: I want to help you get some of the anger out.
Theotherrazor: fine...
Theotherrazor: there were paintings on the wall, and they showed other places
Theotherrazor: rooms like ours
Theotherrazor: you told me, 'i can be anything you want here' and i heard my own voice echo you
Theotherrazor: it was overlaid, like you had both of our voices in your throat.
Theotherrazor: ...
Theotherrazor: you kissed me.
Theotherrazor: it wasn't an innocent kiss, an i remember feeling more drawn to you than... anything
Theotherrazor: to pulled at my clothes, you undressed me, you ...
Theotherrazor: you took me into you.
Theotherrazor: you cried.
Theotherrazor: you tried so hard to enjoy it, but you were like a broken doll.
Theotherrazor: you got up and went to the corner
Theotherrazor: there was a small umbilical cord of light between us as you went
Theotherrazor: you sniffed and tried to climb into one of the other pictures.
Theotherrazor: i took you by the neck and threw you back.
Theotherrazor: you screamed no, and my voice faded out
Theotherrazor: it was only yours now, young adrienne.
Theotherrazor: it was horrible.
Theotherrazor: you kept moving around, i had to force you down.
Theotherrazor: ... you whined, you screamed, you tried to claw at my face
Theotherrazor: i covered your screams with my mouth, and forced myself in
Theotherrazor: i remember the climax. i was pulling you down onto me, my arms on your wrists.
Theotherrazor: i let you off, blood and.. everything else covering us.
Theotherrazor: you teased again and went down on me, and you started to choke.
Theotherrazor: you tried to stop, but i forced your head there.
Theotherrazor: you were... covered. and it was more and more obvious how young and broken you were.
Theotherrazor: you ran.
Theotherrazor: i chased you down the hall, and we were in the warehouse.
Theotherrazor: everyone was walking around me, and it was the time right after the bombing.
Theotherrazor: i looked back to my office, and the smoking hole that it was.
Theotherrazor: i saw myself, the way you can in dreams.
Theotherrazor: my hair was white, and my face was pale. i had a tattoo of a small red triangle upside down below my eye
Theotherrazor: i was crying.
Theotherrazor: i grabbed you by the wrist, but you struggled free.
Theotherrazor: i grabbed you leg, and my hands severed you.
Theotherrazor: ^your.. my hands are shaking..
Theotherrazor: i clawed you back, and threw you to the ground, still covered in semen.
Theotherrazor: you...
Theotherrazor: uhm, urinated. you were frightened.
Theotherrazor: i drew my hand back, above you.
Theotherrazor: i had a collar, and i collared you.
Theotherrazor: i made you mine.
Theotherrazor: i tore between your legs, widening you.
Theotherrazor: i forced in, again and again. i couldn't stop myself.
Theotherrazor: i wouldn't.
Theotherrazor: you bled on the concrete floor, and i climaxed, over and over.
Theotherrazor: your back arched, you said you loved me, and i cut your throat.
Theotherrazor: .... that's it.

Someone remind me why I made that deal with Robert again? Christ.

Sawa's just about done playing psychiatrist.

I've been a bad bad girl. I've been careless with a delicate man... *flashes everyone a smile, lets it fade quickly and sighs* I'm calling shenanigans on him. I'm tired of entertaining the idea that he might be telling the truth. I'm tired of this deal. I'm calling my mother tomorrow morning, and then I'm dumping this heaping pile of shit in the trash bin where it all belongs.

I let the beast in too soon.
I don't know how to live without my hand on his throat.
I fight him always and still.
Oh darling, it's so sweet.
You think you know how crazy, how crazy I am.
You say you don't spook easy.
You won't go, but I know, and I pray, that you will.

Fast as you can, baby, run.
Free yourself of me.
Fast as you can.

I may be soft in your palm,
but I'll soon grow hungry for a fight,
and I will not let you win.
My pretty mouth will frame
the phrases that will disprove
your faith in man.
So if you catch me trying to
find my way into your heart
from under your skin...

Fast as you can, baby,
scratch me out,
free yourself.
Fast as you can.
Fast as you can, baby,
scratch me out,
free yourself.
Fast as you can.

Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift,
but most of the time it does.
And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift,
or I'll drown in the wonders and the was.
And I'll be your girl, if you say it's a gift,
and you give me some more of your drugs.
Yeah, I'll be your pet, if you just tell me it's a gift,
cause I'm tired of whys, choking on whys,
just need a little because, because.

I let the beast in and then
I even tried forgiving him, but it's too soon.
So I'll fight again, again, again, again, again.
And for a little while more, I'll soar the uneven wind,
complain and blame the sterile land.
But if you're getting any bright ideas,
quiet dear, I'm blooming within.

Fast as you can, baby, wait.
Watch me, I'll be out.
Fast as I can, maybe late,
but at least about.
Fast as you can, leave me,
let this thing run its route.
Fast as you can.

James: You have been so strong Miss Adrienne. I've been quite impressed with you.
Sawa: Really? ;_;
James: Yes. You have been far stronger than I expected. You've been stronger than I would have. That impresses me. That makes me respect you.

Missa: ;_; I'm impressed with you too.

Shuichi wants Yuki. ._.

~More Intermission~

Tsutomu: I'm not going to fall in love with you, you know that right?
Sawa: No, I don't believe you. But thanks for trying.

Title: I Am The Worst Writer Ever, And No One Should Let Me Write Songfics Again
For: Me
Listening: Something by Due le Quartz, number three on my burned CD

She sits on the concrete, staring out at the stark snow, and Christmas lights scalding the air. Sighs visible in the air, tugs on the sleeves of an uncomfortable shirt. The snow falls down, covering and suffocating everything. Big flakes, like last year, bright against night, glowing and full of mute silence. One more sigh, and she throws another handful of her own handwritten letters into the fire.

I'm learning. I'm yearning.
I'm burning all your stuff,
but that's not enough.

Staring into the flames, tongues wrapped around and melting into each other, drawing the letters in and parting them with licks, warm lovers she wishes she could throw herself into. Just to get away from the cold inside. The orange hurts her eyes.

I'm faking that I'm aching,
mistaking lust for love.

She smiles a little, despite herself. She has her snow, she has this world of cold to sit in, to admire. She leans backward, laying on her back in the sky's ice and staring up at the clouds. Her hands are pale and shaking. She's blinking hard and trying to make the lights stop gleaming in star shapes.

Thanks, that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets.
Except maybe one.

Her head deep in the snow, the fire at her feet, she closes her eyes and breathes in sharp air. The crystals of cold are weaving into her hair, melting and forming thick tendrils. She sits back up to place another letter on the flames, watching it burn and following the dancing ashes with her eyes up into the smoldering sky.

Did I scare you
when I dared you?
I stared you in the eye
and told you good-bye.

They were supposed to meet in the snow, on a night like this. One of the fantasies filed away in her mind. She was supposed to be there sometime soon, having driven halfway across the nation to see her most prized discovery. Everything was supposed to be better, the way she had planned it. And yet here she was.

You mock me.
It shocked me when you
walked me to the bus.

Things are going to be much different now, she knows it. She's playing her field, going out at night with people she barely knows in hopes that this is the time someone steals her. She makes plans with these worthless boys, and fantasizes about being taken when they all look away for a second. They'd find some minor item of hers a few blocks away, and that would be the end of all of this. She wouldn't mind. Not at all.

Thanks, that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets.
Except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel.
God, that's dumb.

She is numb in more ways than one, and still out in the snow, catching flakes on her tongue. The smoke smells strange, all the ink burning bright in blues and greens. Her head's almost empty, thoughts fading away as she contemplates all the words she wasted on those letters.

Everybody knows the deal fell through.
I was hoping I could just blame you.
When was it that I became so soft?

The shivering sadness sweeps through again, and she takes a deep breath to kill it before anything shows on the outside. Even though no one can see her, she doesn't want to admit anything.

This sentimentality doesn't look good on me.
I thought that you would be begging to be with me.
I'm the one on my knees, blubbering, "Please let me stay."

Anger is edging in. She remembers how they stopped chasing after one another, and him saying how much he hates her. She needs to distract herself with something. Anything. Another heavy sigh. She throws his Christmas present on the fire.

Deflated and jaded.
I hate it when you call,
which isn't at all.

The gift lights quickly, and she edges away, grabbing handfuls of snow to press against her burning lips. She is wet, and cold, acknowledging the distant feeling of being alone, but ignoring it. Melted snow runs down her chin and neck like tears. She casts the snow off and wipes the rivulets of water away. Leaning her head back, she gazes up.

I've spoken, though broken.
Here's a token of my love.

"What am I doing?"

Thanks, that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets.
Except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel.
God, that was dumb.

Owari.

No snow for me. No freaking way.

(No one ever gets my Daria references. It makes me sad. ._.)

Anyway. Mike's taking me... uh... I don't remember, I think to a movie tomorrow. And then pizza? Or whatever he said, I never pay attention. And Tsutomu wants to do something again since last time was so much fun, which I automatically agreed with.

Anything to get myself away from thinking.

~Intermission~


How Jrock are You?


Which Dir en grey Song Best Represents Your Inner Turmoil?


I am a Malice Mizer fangirl!
What kind of Gackt fan are you?



take the damn thing yerself.

Gradually becoming more and more known, it's doesn't hurt that you're good friends with some extremely popular people; you deserve whatever attention comes your way. You're very intelligent and are most likely interested in various cultures. take the "which neglected jrock band are you?" test. or something.

Paradox Lain: :O
Paradox Lain: *stares at matt's IM window*
Paradox Lain: :O
Theotherrazor: *mutters over and over again* 'you are machine, not man. you are machine, not man...'
Theotherrazor: .....?
Paradox Lain:
Lanimilbus15: god, ive always liked linux but this is the first time ive seen it look as good as windows
Paradox Lain: @.@
Lanimilbus15: I am so astounded
Lanimilbus15: I really didn't have to configure a god damn thing
Paradox Lain:
Lanimilbus15: this is beautiful
Paradox Lain: :O
Lanimilbus15: the fonts are pretty too
Lanimilbus15: oh my, both of my cd burners already configured
Lanimilbus15: *stroke and hits the floor*
Theotherrazor: i've seen the new one.
Paradox Lain: *flails*
Paradox Lain: I WANT MANDRAKE 9 NOW KTHX
Theotherrazor: uh, adrienne?
Paradox Lain: what?
Theotherrazor: ...
Theotherrazor: ITS SO KEWL AND IM GETTING IT AHHAHAHH
Paradox Lain: *kills him with hammer*

Oh, I feel icky. x.x Fresh pumpkin pie and processed sand witch and orange/banana/strawberry juice does NOT mix well... *attempts to keep contents of stomach actually in stomach*

Paradox Lain: i just discovered Dué le Quartz... and... O.O
Paradox Lain: *gropes miyabi freely*
LolTolhurstSucks: I ENJOY DUE LE QUARTZ
LolTolhurstSucks: MIYABI IS VERY HOT YES
LolTolhurstSucks: THEIR MUSIC IS FUN AND DELICIOUS
LolTolhurstSucks: AND IT TASTES LIKE MURDER
Paradox Lain: THE SWEETEST TASTE OF ALLLLL
LolTolhurstSucks: AND I BELIEVE THEY SAMPLE EVIL DEAD IN ONE OF THEIR SONGS LEWL
Paradox Lain: it's a bitch to find any of their lyrics, though :\
LolTolhurstSucks: hehe, that's cos they're practically indie
Paradox Lain: and broke up already *weeps*
LolTolhurstSucks: THEY BROKE UP?!
LolTolhurstSucks: SINCE WHEN?!
Paradox Lain: september
LolTolhurstSucks: :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LolTolhurstSucks: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! T_T
Paradox Lain: I WAS SO PISSED OFF I WAS LIKE "NOOOOOO!"
LolTolhurstSucks: THAT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR
LolTolhurstSucks: /ME MURDERS

J-rock fans are insane yse. :D

Anyway, here we are, as I said. My little regurgitation of what little I know about Harajuku.

Sawa's Sort Of Long Introduction To Japanese Fashion For Anyone That Cares
Elegant Gothic Lolita And Other Harajuku Street Trends
Part One

I'm not going to get too deep into everything, I'm just skimming because I know none of you find any of this quite as fascinating as I do.

Japanese teens picked up on American and European fashions pre-1994, and subsequently adopted all of the unwritten rules that applied, the main one being "Wear what everyone else is, and you'll be fine." Anyone dressing differently ran a big risk of being denounced and disowned by the cliques that had formed in some areas of Harajuku.

In the mid 90's, however, the styles changed like the weather, and fashion in general shifted into strange rehashings of traditional Japanese wear from three centuries prior.

Harajuku fashion in general is a big mix of three types of people: the trendsetter, the original, and the wannabe.

The trendsetters smartly stick to the current types of fashion, altering a few things to make a certain look even more amazing.

The originals form their own sort of looks, and don't usually have anything to do with the trendsetters other than sometimes their look could be put in the same category as something a trendsetter is wearing.

The wannabes, of course, rip off everything the other two kinds of Harajuku regulars wear, and mangle it to try and look unique when it's quite obviously just a bad replica of something someone was wearing last week.

There's numerous punk/futuristic styles, along with some of the things you could imagine seeing in America.

Sunday is the day to be seen, especially in the afternoon. No one has school, and why stay at home when you could go to Yoyogi Kouen? The rule there is to be original as possible. Everything is unusual and unique.

A few examples of the numerous factions of style:

- Takenkozoku (bamboo shoot tribe) is mostly made up of girls who dress eerily akin to geisha and kabuki actresses with, of course, a modern twist. They hate looking alike and try to avoid it as much as possible.

- There's almost always a group of 50s style greasers as regulars, and they normally don't warmly accept anyone in without being thoroughly impressed first.

- Elegant Gothic Lolita (sometimes referred to as EGL, but most commonly known as Gothic Lolita) is a play on the older Harajuku style of lolita, with the dress overall being very girly, black lace, satin, and velvet. The few guys that get into this style are always accompanying an EGL, dressed to complement the other's outfit. EGL are very quiet and tend to go out alone or with a close friend who's dressed in the same style.

More on them and other things later. :D

Small edit: HOLY SHITE, THERE'S A LIVE-ACTION YOU'RE UNDER ARREST SERIES! *dies*

Small update.

Thanks, that was fun.
Don't forget, no regrets.
Except maybe one.
Made a deal not to feel.
God, that's dumb.

Yeah, all of you heard how I slept for fourteen hours yesterday. (And only woke up three times.) Everything caught up with me and I just... blah. I even slept through the two alarms I set for myself, so don't blame my cerebellum, I didn't consciously choose to sleep. ._.;

chibiukyou420: I kinda wish I had someone to practice make out with
chibiukyou420: I'm not a very good kisser v.v
Paradox Lain: *jumps into her lap* You called? :D

Er... Therapy today. I didn't tell Katharine about the small excursion I'm on. (No titles, right?) I just skimmed over everything and talked about school enough to show that maybe I was trying to ignore something.

<3 <3 <3 Modest Mouse <3 <3 <3

I've been talking to Lyra lately, and she's uber-genki now that she's found Ms. Right. I'm so happy for her. At least one of us is, ne? ^______^

Wufei: ...Stupid onna.
Sawa: Er... Moments of weakness?
Fuuma: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sawa: Shut up.
Cy: *laughs* You're not getting laid.
Sawa: *glare* I could if I wanted.
Fuuma: *rolls eyes*
Sawa: I could! James!
Wufei: Oh, please.
Sawa: There's nothing wrong with him. >:
Lexan: Except that he's not--
Afton: *slaps both hands over his mouth* She said not to talk about that.
Lexan: :x

chibiukyou420: I HATE LOVE

Ah, it's so cute how Missa loves Crystal! : 3

Please God, tell me that I'm still asleep.

...I have a psych something due tomorrow. Shite.

*sighs* Guess I'll go work on that, then. Keep my mind occupied... x.x;

P.S. to Missa:
...ROFLMFAO
I want my hammer right about now. ._.

Edit: Two things.

One: NEW OBSESSION AHOY. Due le Quartz is your new god, kidlets!

Two: Mana continues to and always will be the forefront of gothic & lolita/Harajuku street fashion in Japan.

More on the both of these tomorrow, when I'm not so needing to go to sleep (read: paint my nails and get clothes ready for tomorrow), including an entire analysis/explanation of just what gothic & lolita entails, how it's different from Harajuku street fashion in general, and exactly how old all these girls really are.

You.

Me.

Hood of my car.

One bottle of wine.

Two dixie cups.

3am we'll fall in love.

Any questions?

I played in the big toy at Burger King this weekend. I went up the slide the wrong way like I always used to do... gah, I'm such a child. XD

Ohoho, the best way to get through any afternoon: popping extra strength tylenol and downing glasses of sugar-laden kool aid. Yum yum.

Hayley and Sarah have taken a billion or so pictures of me with them and various other people. x.x There's three or so of me with this guy I don't know named Josh that greeted Hayley by screaming, "I TOUCHED YOUR BREASTS!"

Oh, and we had kid's day today in psych! That was so much fun! A bunch of the students brought in their young siblings and we got to play with them the entire period. I sat down with this quiet little one year old named Amanda and we made a big playdough butterfly with lots of different colors XD. And then we all got to watch Athena (four) and Sierra (five) beat the crap out of Tonio. Which was hilarous. Athena just hung off his neck the entire time and looked quite content in doing so. Saa, she was so adorable. ^^

A lot of the kids spent the day at our school, and there was someone who brought in a two and a half year old to chemistry, which made for one really noisy class, and a wonderful showing of A Bug's Life.

I haven't felt the way I did playing with all of those kids in a long time. A large break from the everyday.

Robbie, get better soon plzkthx. <: Although Sick Robbie makes really pretty poetry so... x.x;

Bleh, my Piaget paper's due wednesday. But we get a four day weekend. Hurrah! ^^

Everyone let me know if you're going to Sakura Con so I can make sure I have enough hotel rooms. :D And Tony, I already know what you're thinking and the answer's no. She has to get her own room. We'll have adults semi-supervising because they insisted. :P

So, I'm going to go read my fics now and nap for lengthy periods of time because I'm feeling icky. Thank you and good night!

I can't help anyone cause everyone's so cold.
Everyone's so skeptical of everything they're told.
And even I get sick of needing to be sold.

Sawa: I like your father, for what that's worth. He's not like everyone else's parents.
Tsutomu: He likes you, based on what he's seen so far.
Sawa: Yay. :D
Tsutomu: He likes you more than Heather, actually. Respect is something that you either get from my dad, or you don't. And you've got his respect.
Sawa: ..Wow.
Tsutomu: My compliments. He says that you're more down to earth...
Sawa: ....*preen*
Tsutomu: He also said that he likes your appearance more than he did Heather's. Because you're an everyday woman, and you're not real girly. That's all I guess.

MELISSA, YOU SICK SICK WOMAN. KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR PANTS WHEN YOU GO TO SEE THE HARRY POTTER MOVIE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. YOU'RE SCARING THE CHILDREN. (Although I bet you probably like that... O.o)

Oh, I don't know what to say to you lovelies. What would you like me to say? I have a life, with people and places and things? Then let me tell you of them.

Tsutomu and I had a smashing time, and I say we do it again because he doesn't see nearly enough of the world and that's the only thing I'm good for anyway, is to show people things they haven't seen before. We went everywhere, and my legs are rubber. I've got a new book (Possession, by A. S. Byatt) and a new CD (Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West). And all is cold and jittery.

Tsutomu: I can't think of anything else to say, so I'm just going to say wow.

I don't understand a damn thing that's going through my head right now, so I'll just slip in midst my mound of feathers, break open this delectable book and call James. That's what's best to do at a time like this, no?

Before, all the fireworks exploded,
our conversations were so loaded, innuendo flying.
Now what can we say?
"Have a nice day."
"Looks like rain today..."

For those wondering, I think this will just be a stand-in layout till I can polish what I've been working on.

*shrugs*

Ah, Blue kun. See, I put you in here from time to time. ^^ I hope you feel better, get out of this little spot of depression you've been in. Do something fun, do something you like doing. And not drugs. >:

Saa... Anyway, for everyone that I haven't told, I'll be gone all day tomorrow, and most of Sunday. My schedamul goes something like this:

Friday night: Coding, then sleep.
Saturday: Drive to Oregon, help prepare great aunt for her death, and run around like small kidlet with my soon-to-be kitties.
Saturday night: No fucking clue. Probably trying to sleep as much as possible so everything goes faster.
Sunday: Coming back from Oregon w/ new furniture. Arriving back at home around 1pm. Gone from 3:30pm to 11pm. (Out with Tsutomu.)

If I hadn't made it clear enough before, let me reiterate: Green Hair is the coolest person I know.


Which Utena couple are you?

Which Overrated Band Are You?

You are Sum 41. You never were cool in my eyes. You never were cool in many people's eyes. Yeah, you have an aggresive attitude [On a side note, I lie a lot], and your on-stage hyperactivity is welcome, but you still make shitty music. The punk thing is cool, you've got that going for you, but you absolutely destroy it by rapping over the riffs. Who let two white dudes and an Indian guy rap over rock?
Take the quiz at [clinically insane]
(On a side note, I like the person's results for Avril Lavigne: "You are Avril Lavigne. You are a fucking poser. You pathetic piece of shit. Basically. you keep this hardcore, punk, skater-chick image even though you make POP songs. [Read: Destroy the image, or I'll destroy you]. You piss me off so much I'm not even going to add anymore to this result. Poser.")

How Much of a Loner Are You?

Just like a llama, you aren't exactly popular, but you aren't a total loner. You're a gamer, period. You could care less about where you stand on the popularity scale, don't give a shit about school and are absolutely lost when it comes to planning for your future, but you know you've always got your gaming to come back to when you get home. Game on!
Take the quiz at [clinically insane]


What Kind of Virgin Are You?

HayleyMajayley: im really quite famished
HayleyMajayley: heh i just felt like saying that
Paradox Lain: lol
Paradox Lain: i have mountain dew.
HayleyMajayley: I have a granola bar.
Paradox Lain: i have a lip ring :O
HayleyMajayley: wel....
HayleyMajayley: i have six toes on my left foot!
Paradox Lain: ....
Paradox Lain: LIAR
HayleyMajayley: SO
Paradox Lain: XD
HayleyMajayley: i cant beat a LIP RING!
HayleyMajayley: My granola bar did not satisfy me.
HayleyMajayley: I CANT GET NO
HayleyMajayley: SATISFACTION
Paradox Lain: ALL I EVER WANTED
Paradox Lain: ALL I EVER NEEDED IS HERE
Paradox Lain: IN MY AAAAAARMS
HayleyMajayley: isnt it ironic, dont ya thing?
HayleyMajayley: think*
HayleyMajayley: a little too ironic
HayleyMajayley: yeah i really do think!
HayleyMajayley: its like rain on your wedding
Paradox Lain: day
HayleyMajayley: a green light when your already late
HayleyMajayley: yes
Paradox Lain: lol
HayleyMajayley: DAY
Paradox Lain: DAAAAAAY
HayleyMajayley: and who would have thought, it FIGURES?!
Paradox Lain: *applaudes*
HayleyMajayley: :D
HayleyMajayley: im so cooool
HayleyMajayley: in a not very cool way
Paradox Lain: aw, you're cool hayley :D
HayleyMajayley: yay :)
HayleyMajayley: i feel so SPECIAL now!
HayleyMajayley: cuz a girl with a LIP ring thinks im cool...
HayleyMajayley: HOW COOL CAN You GET?
Paradox Lain: NOT MUCH COOLER
HayleyMajayley: NOT MUCH INDEED

That, believe it or not, is exactly how we talk in real life. We're rather loud. XD

Paradox Lain: i hate relationships.
Lanimilbus15: preach it reverend Sawa
Paradox Lain: the entire base of two people being together for what's assumed to be forever is completely unrealistic.
Paradox Lain: no one ever takes into consideration anything ever changing.
Paradox Lain: all they do is make promises they can't keep.
Paradox Lain: love makes you stupid.
Paradox Lain: and for that matter, so does more than a moderate amount of sex.
Lanimilbus15: lol
Paradox Lain: everyone should start having sex as soon as possible so they are aware of how it affects relationships in general.
Lanimilbus15: haha
Paradox Lain: we should be passing condoms out to thirteen year olds.
Paradox Lain: "hey, kid. that your boyfriend? great. here, have some condoms, go fuck his brains out. you'll thank me later."

Everything's all, uh, back on track... Like it was before? Hah.

Writing is the more boring of all the popular arts one could have talent in. It's all the same twenty-six bits of puzzle, rearranged in such a fashion as to give motion to a world that has trouble moving. Sure, you've got your pretty words, your articulate vernacular, but what else have you got?

You can say the same for any other realm of the ambiguous wet daydream that is art.

Sure, you've got your pretty colors, paints and pencils, your pretty sounds, sheet music and elegant instruments, but what else have you got?

Dinner with Tsutomu Sunday. Makes the butterflies inside me quiver just thinking about it.

...I'm not sure why I post in here anymore.

You fool. YOU GOD DAMN FOOL. That wasn't clinging. That was your love. That was need, without the softening frequent sex gives it, with the awareness of how delicate and short everything is. THAT WASN'T CLINGING. THAT WAS YOU LOVING ME. AND THAT WAS ME LOVING YOU.

And now it's you loving her.

Small update.

Tsutomu: Do you have any plans for this weekend?
Sawa: I'll be gone saturday. Other than that, no.
Tsutomu: Want to go out and do something?
Sawa: Sure. Where?
Tsutomu: I have no idea, Seatac perhaps? Or Southcenter? With Seatac...we can ditch and go do anything, pretty much.
Sawa: I know. That's where Jade and I had our date.
Tsutomu: *laughs* Very amusing..
Sawa: I'll go wherever you like. As long as it's out.
Tsutomu: *nods*
Sawa: My piercing's so cool. *preens*
Tsutomu: I still haven't seen it.
Sawa: There'll be pictures when the last bit of swelling is gone. :\
Tsutomu: Good. So, what do you want to go out and do?
Sawa: I've always been partial to outdoor sex.
Tsutomu: Hmm.....do you have a large appetite? Sexual appetite, that is. *laughs*
Sawa: I'd be a solid nine on your one to ten scale.
Tsutomu: We can go eat at the Mongolian Grill...yummy all you can eat food. And of course, we have to do something stupid, and reckless.
Sawa: Of course.
Tsutomu: Ok..so, Seatac, Sunday, Mongolian Grill..and then whatever the hell we please.
Sawa: Sounds fantastic.
Tsutomu: Do you need a ride there?
Sawa: Maybe. We'll see. Is this a date, Tsutomu?
Tsutomu: No!
Sawa: *smiles* Nick seems to think so.
Tsutomu: If I were to ask you out on a date, I'd use more of my testosterone. I'm curious..what does Nick care? He seems to think you're going to make me your bitch, and his enemy.
Sawa: He hates me for tricking him. Understandably.
Tsutomu: Of course.
Sawa: I'm smarter, more crafty and clever, and he's all too aware.
Tsutomu: You turk you.. *grins*
Sawa: *smiles* Indeed. And you can see my lovely ring on sunday, too. Oh, Jade, dearest, when are things ever good?
Tsutomu: What is she doing now.. You know what?
Sawa: Just her away message..
Tsutomu: Jade snapped at me when I told her I was having my ear gauged. And, as it turns out..she's having them gauged too. That's probably why she was so pissed.
Sawa: She's so... trendy.
Tsutomu: Stop me Adrienne, I'm stealing all of her individuality.
Sawa: Anne Rice, vampires, angst, blood, pain, black. She never had any.
Tsutomu: She should get over herself, honestly.
Sawa: *nods* I rather enjoy these conversations we have.
Tsutomu: Any particular reason?
Sawa: I enjoy you as a person. That's always what makes a conversation superior, to me.
Tsutomu: Thank you, that's quite the compliment from you, really. I of course enjoy you as a person just the same.
Sawa: Oh, well, thank you.

ʹ¤¯: Because We Can - Fatboy Slim - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

I never should have started talking to him again.

This isn't my fault.

Her eyes looking at your face. Her hand on yours. Her lips kissing your skin.

You fuck her.

You hurt me so much.

And you fuck her.

I am worth nothing. It’s more than I can stand.

This game isn't meant to be mean, I'm just mocking you all. ...Oh wait. XD

Guess who each mystery person is!

1) "OMG LET ME SHOW YOU ALL HOW MELANCHOLY I AM, AND HOW CAGED AND SUPPRESSED I AM. Let me whine and whine, and get his attention by talking vaguely about blood, so he can give me some small, pitiful amount of comfort while I continue to complain about A SITUATION I CHOOSE TO BE IN. Watch me make cliched references to having wings and being in glass boxes, and cages. Watch me repeat the same thing over and over and over with different words each god damned day. Each and every one of my posts can be summed up with 'I hate my mother. I love him.' I must be the most damned helpless person in the world!"

2) "Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it? Wow. I can't believe I have this. It's as if love never existed until now. She and I are the definition of love, we're so in love! AND SHE'LL BE COMING HERE IN 130 DAYS, IGNORING THE FACT THAT OUR LIVES WILL CHANGE DRASTICALLY FROM NOW TILL THEN. Wow. Look, I'm wearing her ring. Look at how in love we are. Look at how she makes me dance like a moron for no reason! Hold on... I do that anyway. She's so amazing, even though I don't know why! Wow. Just... wow."

3) "Here, let me repeatedly cut my arms in the most noticeable and violent of ways and walk around spouting suicide warnings to get everyone's attention and adoration! Oh, wait, that didn't work. Then let's tell the same mildly appalling stories about how my parents hates me over and over! Oh, wait, that didn't work. Then I'll just let people draw all over my face and make weird animal noises at the most innappropriate times, simultaneously begging for people to love me and hiding any shred of substance I may have!"

4) "Lord gods, I'm so depressed. Look at me. One big bucket of high school angst. I make fun of half of you behind your backs. I read Anne Rice, and listen to classical music, and give up on everyone after I'm hurt just once! I'm going to turn out to be just like my mother! That's not enough? How about this: I SLEPT WITH ADRIENNE ON HER BIRTHDAY."

5) "I'm so worried about doing anything wrong, I do EVERYTHING wrong! I hide my feelings, I play with most of the people around me, and I treat the male part of the species like shit because it amuses me to do so. I take pride in being called wicked, evil, cold, heartless, soulless. It's my goal to make you as happy/miserable as I'm feeling at any given moment. I'll turn your life upside down. Even when I don't mean to! In fact, most every cruel thing I do is usually a result of a situation I didn't mean to make! ISN'T THAT FUNNY? I denounce love when I myself am drowning in it, and manage to further isolate myself by coming up with complex theories that only three people can understand, let alone check for mistakes, and quote people most everyone around me has never heard of, and talk about everywhere that I'll go that begets bovine stares and/or unwanted comments about the state of that country's economical situation. Hell, the sheer size of this one compared to the others says something about me!"

Ne, Oburi, why don't you write in your deadjournal anymore?

If I were a stone... I'd be on the pacific shore.
If I were a tree... I'd be a birch tree.
If I were a bird... I'd be a sparrow.
If I were an insect... I'd be a liddle caterpillar.
If I were a machine... I'd be a computer.
If I were a tool... I'd be a band saw.
If I were a fruit... I'd be a strawberry.
If I were a flower... I'd be a cherry blossom.
If I were a kind of weather... I'd be snow.
If I were a mythical creature... I'd be God.
If I were a musical instrument... I'd be a violin.
If I were a kind of profession... I'd be a photographer.
If I were an animal... I'd be a squirrel.
If I were anything in the world... I'd be Josiah's bedsheets.
If I were a color... I'd be blue.
If I were a fragrance... I'd be winter.
If I were an emotion...I'd be stupid-happy.
If I were a vegetable...I'd be oriental peapods.
If I were a sound...I'd be rain hitting the roof.
If I were an element...I'd be water.
If I were a word... I'd be waiting.

[What does your name mean?] The Dark One.
[Birthday?] September 29th. I've only known of one other person with that birthday.
[Zodiac Sign?] Libra.
[What are your plans for tonight?] Talk to Josiah till he stops responding, then call James, then sleep.
[What time is it?] 3:50 am.

Who was the last person that...
[Called you?] My mum.
[Slept in your bed?] Me.
[Saw you cry?] Um.. hrm... Melissa.
[Made you cry?] Josiah.
[Spent the night at your house?] Jade.
[You shared a drink with?] Good question.
[Went to the movies with] Melissa!
[You went to the mall with?] Melissa again!
[Yelled at you?] *blink*... I can't remember.
[Sent you an email?] Michi.

Have you ever...
[Taken a picture of yourself with a milk mustache and sent it to the milkpeople?] No.
[Said "I love you" and not meant it?] Yes.
[Gotten into a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish/etc?] YSE.
[Been to New York?] No.
[Been to Florida?] Yes.
[California?] Yes.
[Hawaii?] No.
[Mexico?] No.
[Philippines?] No.
[Danced naked?] Of course.
[Had a dream about something really crazy?] Oooooh yah. *glances at James*
[Stalked someone?] Yes.
[Had a mud bath?] No.
[Wished you were the opposite sex?] Lots of times.
[Had an imaginary friend?] I talked to myself.
[What time is it now?] 3:57.
[Apples or Bananas?] Red delicious apples. BANANAS MAKE YOU FAT. XD
[Red or Blue?] Blue.
[Wal-Mart or Target?] Target.
[Spring or fall?] Spring.
[Do you have a boy/girlfriend?] Not yet.
[What time is it now?] 3:58.

which one of your friends . . .
[Has the most distinct laugh?] Michi. Gods, those squeaks. x.x
[Will grow up and be a model?] MELISSA.
[Is going to have the most kids?] Melissa with three: Dortio, Pringle, and Slurpee.
[Have you known the longest?] ...Er...Sean?
[Knows you the best?] *shrugs* Prolly Missa.
[Is the loudest?]
[Is the quietest?] ...None of us are quiet.
[Do you have the most classes with?] Jen! I have a total of 2 classes with her.
[Do you miss the most?] Teara
[What are you going to do after you finish this survey?] ...Something.
[What was the last meal you ate?] ...Wheat thins. About two handfuls.
[High school or college?] College.
[Are you bored?] All the damn time.
[How many of your buddies are online?] Twelve.
[Last movie you saw?] Legally Blonde.
[Last noise you heard?] hide singing Hurry Go Round.
[Last birthday party you went to?] Alana's.
[Last time you went out of state?] Last time I went to Oregon, whenever that was.
[What is your lucky number?] Three!

I hold in my hand Linux Journal, issue September 2002. I hold in my other hand a disc containing Slackware 8.1 and a handful of networking/webserver tutorials. I have in my box a completely empty 20gb hard drive. None of my Linux people are online, and I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

YAY! ^_________^

(Note: that's not sarcasm.)

PS - What the fuck is a BogoMip?

Bands I listen to every day, or close to it:

Lee Jung Hyun (kor), Nine Inch Nails, B'z (jap), Coldplay, Die Ärzte (ger), Dir en Grey (jap), DJ Dan (kor), Everclear, Jenifer (fr), hide (jap), Jewel, Hajime Chitose (jap), Jimmy Eat World, Kim Hyun Jung (kor), L'arc~en~Ciel (jap), Luxt, Malice Mizer (jap), DJ Dero, Mozart, OhGr, Ozma, Radiohead, No Doubt, Sublime, S#arp (kor), Sinohara Tomoe (jap), Robbie Williams, Supergrass, Spitz (jap), Yaen (jap), White Stripes, The Verve, Coma (jap), Sarah McLachlan, Chemistry (jap), Dashboard Confessional, Garbage, Modest Mouse, Mindless Self Indulgence, Buck-Tick (jap), Good Charlotte, Utada Hikaru (jap + eng), Brahms, Racoon, Country Kko Kko (kor), Bright Eyes, Chemical Brothers, X Japan (jap), Goto Maki (jap), Do as Infinity (jap + eng), Schumann, Hamasaki Ayumi (jap), Glay (jap + eng), Serena Paris, Gackt.Camui (jap), Zilch (jap), Hang on the Box (chi), 311, Beethoven, DJ Quicksilver, Naganuma Hideki (jap), Spread Beaver (*cough* jap), A Perfect Circle, Incubus, Cake, Joydrop, Goldfinger, KMFDM, Captain Jack, Hidenobu Itou (jap), Yaida Hitomi (jap), (hed)pe, Fra-Foa, Orgy, Prodigy, Schubert, Denki Groove, Sash (dutch), Dream (jap), Nakaido "Chabo" Reiichi (jap), Smile.dk, Natalie Imbruglia, M.Y.K.N. (jap), Flare (jap), Green Day, Hyde (jap + eng), Akino Arai (jap), Crystal Method, Daft Punk, Fiona Apple, HAL (jap), AOA (jap), Boy Hits Car, Jenny Rom, Ali Project (jap), BoA (kor), Audio Active, B.O.N., Takako Matsu (jap), Baek Ji Young (kor), Bush, The Cardigans, Air, Siam Shade (jap), Ming (jap), SiLC (jap), Suzumu Yokata (jap), The Pillows (jap), Aoi Tada (jap), Yoko Kanno (jap), The Seatbelts (jap), Antiloop, Sawasaki Yoshihiro (jap), Sadersper Record (jap), Pucchimoni (jap), Dido, Sugar Ray, System of a Down, Folder5 (jap), Simon and Milo, Boa, Smashmouth, Russell Watson (ital + eng), Something Corporate, Sugarcult, Unter Null, Marylin Manson, Weezer, Thursday, Goo Goo Dolls, Shizuka Kudo (jap), Tokio (jap), Shakka Zombie (jap), Linkin Park, Ours, Our Lady Peace, God Lives Underwater, Shonen Knife, The Avalanches, Onosaka Masaya (jap), Vast, Rob Zombie, Rage Against the Machine, Yamamoto Maria (jap), Takemoto Akira (jap), Mono, and more.

I don't know a damn word of korean, and yet I listen to seven different groups that sing in it.

*yawns* I adore Afton's sense of fashion. Seeing her every single day in those adorable outfits, with the scarves, and fitted everything, and her Mary Janes, and the burgundy hair that curls just so. If I wasn't so damn lazy/saving my money for something, I'd mimic her as closely as I could.

Another music friday comes and goes, this one complete with red applesauce. Mm. ^^

Practically slept through Geometry. Yes, Mrs. Saarenas, I know what an isosceles triangle is, I can even spell it, unlike three-fourths of the class. Yes, Mrs. Saarenas, I know I'm failing. Yes, Mrs. Saarenas, I am mocking you, so why don't you go back to teaching this class full of shitheads what I learned in seventh grade and let me continue my game of Dinky Bomb, kthxbye.

They say to get the grades they're asking for and I'll get what I want. What I want is to be smarter, maybe learn something, I thought you wanted that for me too? If not, then fuck school, I'll just take the GED test and leave with Aya now instead of later. Didn't everyone used to say that all they wanted was what was best for you? Well, here's your chance to do what's best for me, and what are you all doing? Nothing. Caught in some retarded circular train of though of you keeping me in the normal classes because I don't do the work, but I don't do the work because I resent that you think I'm lazy and stupid and keep me in the normal classes.

"It was the mutual conclusion between your mother and I that we both didn't think you were able to do the work in the AP class, so we kept you in the normal American Literature." Well, you see, when I thought it was AP, I threw myself headfirst into the work because I was utterly delighted that for once I got the chance to show them that I'm not the stereotypical teenager everyone seems to have me pegged as. I had a solid A+ in that class for the first two weeks. When I found out the class I was in wasn't AP, I immediately stopped caring about the class at all. SUCKS TO YOUR LOGIC, ADULTS.

Hate. Haaaate.

Life lesson #1: Adults lie.

100 things about me:

1) my backpack is light shiny blue.

2) i want to go everywhere. everywhere.

3) i steal ideas from other people and make them my own, much like japan.

4) i have a preoccupation with moody mysterious bands like coldplay and ours.

5) i am the cheshire cat to an alice.

6) i like all the bands no one's heard of.

7) visual kei bands are the one thing i can't help but scream along to.

8) i own a monday to friday set of powerpuff girl panties.

9) i also own a hide 'everfree' t-shirt that i am very very proud of.

10) i know that jimmy eat world is really emo.

11) i have been wearing vans skater shoes since i was in sixth grade.

12) i coat my cd players in stickers i steal.

13) i've run from the police.

14) i've never taken standardized testing seriously.

15) i let a little boy put his hands up the top of my swimsuit the summer after third grade.

16) i'm very picky about the pens i choose to write with.

17) i've actually lived in 9 different places.

18) my first friend was aja williams.

19) i bit my brother the first time i ever met him.

20) i won't wear a ring unless it can stand up on its own.

21) i danced a mixture of ballet, tap, and jazz for eight years, and was consequently outcasted for being younger and better than everyone else.

22) i quit dancing because i felt horribly out of place.

23) i love hugs from other people that love hugs. they're real hugs, none of that one-arm crap i get at school so much. (this is why i love hayleh-face. :D)

24) i used to dye my hair with cherry kool-aid in the summertime.

25) i climb trees spontaneously.

26) i really don't care what i look like.

27) sometimes i just forget to eat.

28) i can keep secrets. when i know they're supposed to be secrets.

29) i'm honest even when it's to the point of hurtful or tactless.

30) half the time i end up liking those bands/songs i say i hate.

31) my grade in any class depends heavily upon my surroundings and the teacher.

32) i'm rarely sick, for how horrible my diet is, and when i am, i never mention it unless it gets to the point where i can barely function.

33) i have my period sporadically, maybe four times every year, if that.

34) i treat my pets as if they were my children.

35) the worst day of my life can be accurately documented as august 14th 2002.

36) i bought britney spears' first cd.

37) i've seriously considered walking to colorado.

38) i painted my walls myself. you can tell. and i like that.

39) i've given myself the vast majority of scars i have.

40) i can fall asleep in the bottoms of showers.

41) i hate wearing clothes.

42) i add sugar to the majority of everything i drink.

43) deep down, i know i can write good.

44) i think moans from guys are really cute.

45) i can top girls; i can't top guys.

46) i arrogantly give my address out to complete strangers online.

47) i have an online journal none of you know about.

48) i beta tested redmoon.

49) a third of my day is spent thinking up things i can talk to josiah about that might actually hold his attention.

50) my comfort food is peach juice.

51) the one thing i hate more than anything else is plucking my eyebrows.

52) my first fourth grade teacher told me i'd either be a best-selling author or a brain surgeon.

53) i joined cyber town (then colonycity) when they had just 3000 members, in 1997.

54) sometimes i think i just might want a child someday.

55) i thought the blair witch project was actually kinda scary.

56) i don't remember meeting anyone that wasn't white till fifth grade.

57) i've had at least two cats my entire life.

58) i got a hundred or so pages into war and peace before i stopped.

59) i think descartes just needed to get laid.

60) i hate the smell of new cars.

61) i lost my first and last state spelling bee competition in third grade because the girl i was paired up with misspelled afternoon.

62) i played the flute in fifth grade and half of sixth. i dropped out of band because it was too easy.

63) i try to be nonchalant whenever possible.

64) my library books are always overdue.

65) my sneezes sound like coughs.

66) i hate overly dramatic people.

67) i also hate flagrant optimists.

68) i manage to scare everyone.

69) every therapist to date has suggested i'm anything from chronically depressed to schizophrenic and hyperparanoid.

70) i don't answer the phone unless i absolutely have to.

71) i steal small things from people's houses that i'll never visit again.

72) i have never not had a tv in my room.

73) i love it when people play with my hair.

74) i have no screen on my window.

75) i still do not know the exact definition of felching, and would not mind anyone setting james and i straight once and for all.

76) i have a favorite direction: left.

77) i've panned garnet out of a river.

78) i was on the student council in second grade and fifth grade.

79) in all reality, i'm the one that leaves people behind the majority of the time.

80) i can read palms and tarot cards to an extent.

81) i used to want to be cher from clueless.

82) the only thing that i've owned my entire life is my blankie.

83) i got a kill count of over 10000 on multiplayer perfect dark.

84) i've been skinnydipping in a glacier lake in the mountains.

85) i've always lived a couple blocks from some body of water, be it lake, river, or ocean.

86) i didn't stop playing with barbies till i was in seventh grade.

87) my own first pet died while i was away at my father's house.

88) i got the first holes in my ears repierced on my ninth birthday and they have stayed ever since.

89) i swore off mtv forever when they bought out the box and replaced it with that bastard child they call mtv2.

90) i have a clear dark blue inflatable chair sitting in my closet somewhere.

91) i've never finished a game of monopoly.

92) remembering a time that i saw someone when they were still alive creeps me out.

93) i haven't played or even touched an xbox anything. i consider it a mortal sin.

94) i kick ass at uno.

95) i developed a temporary habit of dating everyone that kelly broke up with.

96) my goal in life used to be to learn aiml.

97) i don't honestly care about many people.

98) i used to hike the entire four mile trail at seahurst beach barefoot.

99) i conducted the entire prosecution of a mock trial on my own in fourth grade.

100) i have a tendency to mock everything and everyone, including myself.

French test. WASL Writing Assessment. Geometry test. Chemistry test. Psychology test.

me =/= love for skewl.

Steve's taking me home early tho. ^.^

.....Oog......*rubs eyes gently*......

Okay, so I'm not just sick.... I'm REALLY sick...

Like.. I have a fever and my ears hurt and I just ache all over.

Knock meh out... x.x

Keith: *attempts to sit down next to me* Hey.
Sawa: Hi.
Keith: Oh, right. These. *pulls speakers out of pants and sits down*
Sawa: ...

I love that boy. : 3

Song lyrics seem to be the going currency around here. Just my kind of language.

Sitting around, no work today.
Try pacing to keep awake.
Laying around, no school today.
Just drink until the clock has circled all the way.

And you try to find one source of light,
try to name one thing you like.
You used to have such a longer list,
And light, you never had to look for it.

But now it's so easy to
second guess everything you do
until all you want, all you want is to
finish this half empty glass
before the ice all melts away.
This feeling always used to pass,
seems like it's every day
seems like it's every night now.

Lights go out, and I can't be saved.
Tides that I tried to swim against.
You've put me down upon my knees.
Oh I beg, I beg and plead.
Come out of things unsaid.
Shoot an apple off my head.
Trouble that can't be named.
Tigers waiting to be tamed.

Confusion never stops.
Closing walls and ticking clocks.
Come back and take you home.
I could not stop, that you now know.
Come out upon my seas.
Curse missed opportunities.
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease?

Pale cheeks and mussed hair and she's taking a day off from living. She lays in bed and reads and stares, and very nearly pretends to be ill.

This is all so very surreal. A movie, I'm in a movie, and we're nearing the end, the hunter and the hunted playing children's games, one calling names and one documenting everyone's downfall, both growing up into sickly twisted and disfigured hints of what any adult should be. The secondary character predicting and waiting reluctantly.

The storyline is a pulsing enigma, fading in and out, a small universe exploding and imploding over and over, one big astronomical sex scene. Imbalance reigns supreme, insanity scooping small hunks of flesh out of this cadaver to turn what should make sense unidentifiable, and even when the heroine tries to do good she blackens that hollow space her soul used to reside in, and the rain keeps coming down. Pretty words from an ugly person. A writer through and through? Melodrama to feed a nation. And people wonder why I take nothing seriously.

This is all laughable. Worlds away, no physical touch, just a mass of feelings and chemicals, both natural and foreign. Why I'm writing in here about it I don't know, the fact that so many see it doesn't register, I guess. This is as if I were writing in the little black book I read to Blue from, the only one I read to, read to him till he begged me to stop. It's full of pain, things that hurt people, even me, mocking me and reminding me of my starlet status, playing a role in a movie that has more twists and downward spirals than anything Koontz could come up with. It's nothing I had ever hoped it would be.

I already have the soundtrack for this movie, Blue. Guess what song this movie ends with?

War. By The Cardigans.

They always said I'd make a lovely actress.

Oh, come crush me now
Don't leave
No one has won this war
This time

No, don't sleep tonight, I'm hurt
And ready for fire
Don't leave me up alarmed
And ready to die

Come on, it's war, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, it's war, come on

Please, I'm almost done
Don't retreat
I've loaded my gun
With blood, with...

Hear the dust roll over the floor
Why must you sleep?
Come crush me now, I'm armed
And ready to die

Come on, it's war, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, it's war, come on
(Come crush me now)
Come on, fight me, come on
Come on, it's war, come on

You look so peaceful when you sleep
Beautiful creep
It's such an easy way to choose
You lose

(It's getting late)

Come on, it's war, come on
(Come crush me now)
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, fight me, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, it's war, come on
(Come crush me now)
Come on, come on, come on
Come on, it's war, come on

You look so peaceful when you sleep
Beautiful creep
It's such an easy way to choose
You lose

Maybe someone can answer this question properly... What would you be willing to do to save someone's life? Would you beg? Embarrass yourself? Give everything you have? Would you trade yourself for them? If you found a method of retaliation against the person threatening harm, would you do it? What if you cared for both people in question? Do you know who'd come first? Would you save that person even if it meant hurting them at the same time?

So much for sleep.

This is how much I love Missa chan:

1. What song (if any) reminds you of me? Anou... Not really ^^;; Although everytime Gravitation comes up, I think about you almost right away. ^^
2. Do I remind you of any characters on TV? ...Sakano o.o
3. If you could rename me... what would my name be? MISSACHU.
4. Have you ever had a dream about me? Once. It was the really short one where I parked my mom's 2000 navy blue Impala, Josiah and I got out, and as we were walking away, Josiah turned into you.
5. Do you think I'm a virgin? *torrent of coughs*
6. If you just met me how old would you guess I am? 12. XD
7. Am I huggable? Very very very much so.
8. If you could give me anything... what would it be? The ability to get away from everyone and everything that hurts you.
9. If you could promise me anything.. what would it be? That you're the only friend I'll ever have that I know honestly cares about me.

+ Personal +

1. Am I physically ugly, average, decent, good looking, beautiful, hot, etc? You're prettier than you give yourself credit for.
2. Would you ever kiss me? Without the makeup, yes. Doesn't taste good. x.x
3. Have you ever considered asking me out? Yep.
4. Do you ever think about me offline? Of course, of course! ^^
5. If we spent a day together... where would we go and what would we do? We'd just go wherever we like. Probably cap the day with crying together somewhere and talking about how shitty things are.
6. If you could describe me in one word... what would that word be? Suteki na~! :D!
7. Do you/have you ever had a crush on me? YSE OMG. :O!
8. When we first met, what were your thoughts? She's way older than me and we'll never get to really know each other.
9. If you had to describe to someone who I am and what I am like, what would you tell them? I'd tell them you were the one person that can be cute and funny and classically themselves at the same time.
10. What are my faults? Personally, I'm of the opinion that no one has any faults or strengths, but that they are themselves and they are always who they mean to be at all times, especially you. But I'll take a stab at this. Your faults... hm... just one that I can think of, and that's not letting me see the rest of your pretty self. Stop covering those arms all the time, lovely~!
11. My strengths? Strengths... you have empathy to fill a fucking ocean. That's my all-time favorite part of you.

+ Everybody +

1. Do you wish we were closer? Yes. I wish I had all my classes with you. ;-;
2. State here your completely honest opinion of me. I will never get tired of you. I'm extremely grateful that you're there for me even when I'm just complaining, and that you accept my actions even when you're against them. I love you Missa. ^^

GOD DAMMIT. *shreds self*

He'll drive me to drink when I'm older.

Look at me check his posts on the NaNoWriMo forums.

Look at me check his blog every ten minues, and stare longing-like at his name.

Look at me cry because I've associated everything with him and it pains me just to open my eyes.

Pitiful.

Sorry this is so long. Read all of it, or none of it, becase any part of it makes no sense on its own, and either way, don't talk to me about it.

This is the part of me that needs medication. This is the part of me that's trying to be funny. This is the part of me that thinks all humans are ants. This is the part of me that means nothing. And I don't know where I could go away and you could wish that I had stayed or just stayed gone. So, out of the context and into what you meant and you know your reasons. I don't know. You can't make dirt clean so we'll just lemon-scent it.

Eating snow flakes with plastic forks, and a paper plate, of course. You think of everything. Short love with a long divorce, and a couple of kids, of course. They don't mean anything. Live in trailers with no class. God damn, I hope I can pass. High school means nothing. Taking heartache with hard work. God damn, I am such a jerk, I can't do anything. And I shout that you're all fakes. And you should have seen the look on your face. And I guess that's what it takes when comparing your bellyaches. And it's been a long time, which agrees with this watch of mine. And I guess that I miss you, and I'm sorry if I dissed you.

Quarter Report Card.

French: C-
Capable of better work.

Psychology: C+
Pleasure to have in class.

American Literature: B-

US History: C+
Pleasure to have in class.

Chemistry: D

Geometry: F
Capable of better work. Effort needs to improve. Attitude needs to improve.

Listening to: Modest Mouse - Trailer Trash, Boy Hits Car - As I Watch The Sun Fuck The Ocean, Bright Eyes - The Calendar Hung Itself.

Went out and about today, felt good to walk in the rain and soak these queer clothes with all this Tacoma pollution and dirty the edges of my khakis on the slick sidewalks.

Tanya took me to this... thing that I can't think of the exact name of, but it's where you go and get a demonstration of some sort of product for women, be it makeup or other things, at someone's house. She got me some face something or other, lotions and exfoliators and things. Things I'll use till I forget to. *shrugs* The house it was in was.. something out of those furniture catalogues you see in the mail from time to time.

I liked the punch.

And that's about it.

Everything was freakishly clean, like it is here. The view reminded me of Lindsey's old old condo, the one in Magnolia, overlooking Seattle, only this one overlooked Tacoma. I like Seattle better. Tacoma is a cheap knockoff. Doesn't feel like home, feels like the neighbouring town, like you're aways just visiting, if you know what I mean. Lindsey moved again, I think. Anyway.

Tanya's mother was there, she fawned over my hair a bit. She offered to take me out for coffee. I gratefully accepted.

We went to Starbucks, over by... wherever it was. Got my not so usual vanilla mocha, and debated over a raspberry scone till I found I had already bought and eaten half of it. Sat down, talked about Custer and the native americans and all the wars concerning them, and the Salem witch trials. Taught her everything I knew about them.

Was interrupted with an inquiry as to whether I was taking native american courses, which makes me think maybe sometimes I sound like I know what I'm talking about. I told her I was only in high school, and she said that she was involved in some native american organization and was taking classes on native american culture, and said that she was glad the public school system was finally teaching us something about the other sides of the stories.

Beth and I talked more, I told her my plans and she told me I was extremely bright and could pull off anything I like. We finished, left, went to Tanya's friend Shannon's house. Helped them cook. They playfight over who's going to keep me for the night, like the adults used to when I was young. Such the good little helper. Shannon comments on my eyelashes. We leave for home, and here I am.

I finished Evangelion: Death + Rebirth. I could keep up, but it didn't help that I haven't seen anything past episode four. They had the End of Evangelion there too, but it was already rented out. Rei's so... yum.

Tanya bought me jammies. They're black, with dark red chinese dragons on the pants, and a big one right on the front of the tank top. Comfy.

She got frank with me on the way from the house, which makes me just a little sickened, because she bitches at me what she should be saying to my mother. It's given to me because somehow I can fix things for her without there being a confrontation, or something, I guess.

We talked again about my classes, and my driving, and she said what I should be doing, and I just agreed because here, if you're younger, you don't disagree. Your own opinion only goes outside of their's far enough to where you both can still agree. If you show any sort of disagreement with a consistency thicker than air, then you're in for the hour lectures my father and Tanya are famous for.

The guy that has my pants was in friday school. Forgot to mention that. His name is Sean.

Shannon, someone I used to know, her mum died. Car accident. Haven't seen her in over five years. Wonder how she's making it. Gods... that girl, and her books, and her dolls, and her three story house. And that birthday party where I became her enemy.

I remember the first time I met her. We played in a field by her old house, and sat on black steps, and my father fucked her mother in the living room while we were shut away in her bedroom. "Half an hour more, you two, half an hour and stay in the room, then we'll go," over and over and over. Fell asleep next to her on the top bunk, woke with the sun, and left before breakfast.

And you find yourself on a velvet couch, tasting the skin of a foreign girl. Her eyes are black and wet like oil. She ties your hands with a string of pearls, and you tremble like a frightened bird as she closes in and captures you to place you in the silver cage deep within her poisoned womb. Once you're safe inside, she might let you out to fly in the circles around the room. But it's always night and there is no moon and you wonder if you are alive and you’re not sure if you want to be. But you drank her sweat like it was wine and you lay with her on a bed of blue and it's awful sweet, like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you.

Save me, dear gods, someone.

*sighs pitifully* I have a headache and I'm surrounded by these distasteful people and I can never get it dark enough in here to sleep and I'm tweaking about everything and I wish everyone would leave me alone at school, I don't want to be fucking touched.. and even hurting them doesn't make them stop.. I want Josiah but he's happy just a little I think and I don't want to ruin anything else for him.. I can't sleep... This isn't my bed and this isn't my blanket and this isn't my house... *goes back to bed crying*

You Are a Henna Gaijin!

You're not Japanese, but you wish you were!
You can use chopsticks with your eyes closed, and you've memorized hundreds of Kanji.
You even answer your phone "moshi moshi."
While the number of anime videos you've seen is way higher than the number of dates you've been on, there's hope.
Play the sexy, mysterious gaijin, and you'll have plenty of Japanese meat.
What's *Your* Japanese Subculture?

Lol... Atashi wa hen na gaijin no da. It means weird foreigner, to those not in the know.

Have you ever...
{x} Fallen for your best friend? no.
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? yes.
{x} Been rejected? many.. many.. times.
{x} Been in love? fuck love.
{x} Been in lust? ugh... yes.
{x} Used someone? all of you. all. of. you.
{x} Been used? yes.
{x} Cheated on someone? technically.
{x} Been cheated on? oh, i'm sure i have.
{x} Done something you regret? *sighs*... i don't even know what that is.

Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? hayley.
{x} You talked to? that sixth grader on the bus that idolizes me.
{x} You hugged? hayley.
{x} You instant messaged? aya.
{x} You kissed? jade, i think.
{x} You yelled at? myself.
{x} You laughed with? hayley.

Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? yes.
{x} Considered being a hooker? yes.
{x} Considered being a pimp? yes.
{x} Are you psycho? yes.
{x} Split personalities? yes.
{x} Schizophrenic? yes.
{x} Obsessive? yes.
{x} Obsessive compulsive? no.
{x} Panic? sometimes.
{x) Anxiety? hah.
{x} Depressed? yes.
{x} Suicidal? whenever people get in my way.
{x} Obsessed with hate? no.
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? ......when i was younger.
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? sometimes.
{x} Understanding: i might be.
{x} Open-minded: yes.
{x} Arrogant: i might be.
{x} Insecure: with a few things.
{x} Interesting: hardly.
{x} Hungry: no.
{x} Friendly: i'm not sure.
{x} Smart: not. in. the. slightest.
{x} Moody: i guess.
{x} Childish: yes.
{x} Independent: yes.
{x} Hard working: only when i'm interested.
{x} Organized: no.
{x} Healthy: no.
{x} Emotionally Stable: no.
{x} Shy: sometimes.
{x} Difficult: i guess.
{x} Attractive: not really.
{x} Bored Easily: yes.
{x} Thirsty: yes.
{x} Responsible: no.
{x} Sad: yes.
{x} Happy: more not than often.
{x} Trusting: slightly. if ever.
{x} Talkative: only when i'm hyper.
{x} Original: no.
{x} Different: sure.
{x} Unique: no.
{x} Lonely: yes.
{x} Color your hair? yes.
{x} Have tattoos? no.
{x} Piercings? ears.
{x} Have a girlfriend? no.
{x} Own a webcam? yes.
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? no.
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche? ja, wie gehts?
{x} Habla espanol? si, como estas?

Currents
{x} Current Clothes: fully unbuttoned short sleeved dress shirt. jeans. shoes.
{x} Current Mood: pitiful. failing.
{x} Current Taste: blue raspberry.
{x} Current Hair: brownish
{x} Current Annoyance: me.
{x} Current Smell: dust.
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: homework.
{x} Current Desktop Picture: lain.
{x} Current Favorite Group:
{x} Current Book:
{x} Current DVD In Player: the crucible.
{x} Current Refreshment: juice.
{x} Current Worry: money. freedom. fixing everything on the inside in time to save the world.
{x} Current Crush: keith.


Favorite...
{x} Food: none.
{x} Drink: peach juice.
{x} Color: yellow.
{x} Shoes: vans.
{x} Candy: airheads.
{x} TV Show: music station.
{x} Movie: fun.
{x} Dance: parapara.
{x} Vegetable: ...nori.
{x} Fruit: strawberries. pears. peaches.

On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? depends on their sex.
{x} Dark or blond hair? dark.
{x} Tall or short? tall.
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? neither.
{x} Good guy or bad guy? someone i won't have to drag down to my level first.
{x} Dark or light eyes? dark.
{x} Hat or no hat? ...either.
{x} Pierced or no? either.
{x} Freckles or none? either.
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? *blink*... either.
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? neither.

On preferences....
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? both.
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? neither.
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? neither.
{x} Sweet or sour? sweet.
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? mountain dew.
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? none.
{x} Cats or dogs? none.
{x} Ocean or Pool? ...either... i haven't gone swimming in over a year...
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? neither.
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? jell-o.
{x} With or without ice-cubes? either.
{x} Shine or rain? both. at the same time.
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? spring.
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? boku wa kimi no vanilla.
{x} Gloves or mittens? ...gloves.
{x} Eyes open or closed? closed.
{x} Fly or breathe under water? breathe underwater. then i could just.. hide.
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? either.
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? both.
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? neither.
{x} Lights on or off? off.
{x} Chicken or fish? neither.

What's your favorite:
{x} Number? three.
{x} Holiday? none.
{x} Radio station? none.
{x} Place? i don't know yet.
{x} Flower? none.
{x} Scent? can't be described.

{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be? ...anywhere but here.
{x} What would you be doing? exploring.
{x} What are you listening to? it's gonna rain.
{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body? um... no, i guess not.
{x} Do you have a favourite animal? *shrugs*

Dude, I found my spinny ring. ^^

Ashidori mo karukushite.
Torumono mo toriaezu.
Raion ga unaru mitai no raimei ga taisan o unagashite iru.
Dou naru no?
Sou... Mou sugu ame.

Footsteps are lightly taken.
But hurrying anyway.
The thunder like a lion's roar prompts a dispersion.
What's going on?
That's right... the rain's coming.

Dai kirai ame nanka.
Mou sukoshi itai noni.
Kaikan ga kaisan ni kawaru shunkan o raion ga isogaseta no wa meihaku.
No, meiwaku.
It's gonna rain.

I really hate the rain
I wanted to stay here a little longer
In the instant when the pleasant sensation was changed, when the lion made me hurry, it was obvious.
No, annoying.
It's gonna rain.

Ame wa mou aribai wo kesu no?
Kare wa mou wasurete shimau no?
Futari wa mou korekiri ni naru no?
Subete wa ame no seitte koto ni shite okou.

Has the rain erased his alibi?
Did he already forget?
Is this all the two of us will become?
Let's make all of this the rain's fault.

Kare kara no renraku wa nothing, nothing.
Ame ni yoru kyoukun mo nothing, nothing.
Kanjou mo igirisu no tenki mitai ni utsurigi dattara totemo raku nanoni... gyaku na no.
It's gonna rain.

As for calls from him, nothing, nothing.
And lessons from the rain too, nothing, nothing.
If my mind would change like the weather in England, that would be a relief... but it's the opposite.
It's gonna rain.

Ame ga netsu o yomigaeraseta.
Kare mo futo watashi wo omoidashita.
Futari wa ima koko ni michibikareta.
Subete wa ame no sei, uun, okage na no.

The rain has made my fever return.
But he also suddenly remembered me.
The two of us were guided to here now.
It's all the rain's fault, no, thanks to it.

Ame wa hito wo yondari keshitari.
Dare yori mo tegowai majishan ne.
Futari wa itsumo damasarete bakari.
Subete wa ame de hajimarun deshou?
It's gonna rain.

The rain calls people and makes them disappear.
A magician stronger than anyone.
The two of us had merely been fooling each other.
And didn't everything start in the rain?
It's gonna rain.


I... guess... talking to Josiah, um.. helped.. something... maybe?... *sighs quietly*


A: i've decided i'm going to start over.
C: your book?
A: no. me.
C: Okay.
C: How are you going about doing so?
A: i'm.. not sure. i think the first step is telling everyone about my ulterior motives.
A: josiah suggested i be... nice.
C: Okay.
C: I want to hear this.

---

C: He's right though.
A: i know.
C: I'm nice to people most of the time.
C: Except Kelly, who tries to talk to me about silly little idiot things while I'm feeling homicidal.
A: i'm kind of mad that i'm wrong, and have known i'm wrong, and haven't had the care to do anything other than what i've been doing.
A: stupid me.
C: **shrugs uneasily**
C: so what about these ulterior motives?
A: the reasons i act the way i do around all the people that i'm being fake to.
A: i'm just going to open everything up and be.. um... nice.
A: to people i want to talk to, that is.
A: there will be many people going on the block list, but that just shows how stupid i am for talking to so many people i hate.
C: I'm guilty of that last one.
A: i think we should just... stop.
A: i'm making me unhappy and that's disconcerting.
C: Stop what?
A: stop talking to people we hate.
C: Yes.
C: most definitely


A: I'm sorry for everything.
J: I know.
A: I won't be able to say it enough times.
J: I know that too.

Phone sex with Robbie is... adorable.

RyuichixTatsuha: how do you dance?
Paradox Lain: ....
Paradox Lain: ...what?
RyuichixTatsuha: how. do. you. dance?
Paradox Lain: with my hands.
RyuichixTatsuha: oooooh
RyuichixTatsuha: hehehehe

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHE WAS DOING A SURVEY OMG.

Although my results were very, um... true... >.>;

LolTolhurstSucks: it's either "HEY, LOOK AT THE GOTH! LET'S BEAT HER UP AND RAPE HER :D" or "OMFG IT'S A SCARY PUNK POSSESSED BY DEMONS, RUN AWAY!!!!!"

...Jora, I love you.

So I'm only bringing the last four pags I have or so to school tomor-... today, cause I need to stop my incessant and compulsive editing/revising. I also need to smack Cy and Afton around to maybe try and get them to TELL ME THE GOD DAMN STORY IN LINEAR FASHION. Jesus, you guys... And YOU, Cy, you didn't need to be a little snot while Afton was telling me about that last part. "OMG WHAT ARE YOU MAKING HER SAY, SAWA, STOP IT *flails*" Whiny bastard. I make her do nothing. What about YOU?! I MEAN YOU KIDNAPPED HER FOR FUCK'S SAKE. AND OTHER HORRIBLE THINGS I CAN'T SCREAM IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE. YOU DON'T DESERVE LEXAN. AT LEAST HE COOPERATES. FUCKERS.

...Now I know what Melissa means when she talks about her characters being seperate from her. Mine just grew bodies and walked away from the small bit I had planned the first night. It's annoying to have 2 people talking at the same damn time. I ended up switching the pieces around again. I'm thinking I should stop changing the names of the pieces and just let it go.

Coldplay - Spies/Coldplay - Shiver = Mmmmm.

Um... what else... Oh right, I have this guy's phone number on my hand. 735.3468. He must be joking if he thinks I'll call. *moves on*


Course Title: Creative Writing
Final Exam Grade: B+
Course Grade: A


AND MY MOTHER STILL WANTS MORE. JESUS CHRIST. *rips up paper and goes on to other things*

Bushido Brain: *yawns* it was a mistake for me to skip a day. ah well.
Bushido Brain: 5,420. I wrote 2,560 in about 2 hours. *shrugs* I missed this weekend. ah well, i'll probably double that tomorrow. night.

Hee. ^^

Paradox Lain: ************ words into my novel ^^
DameoDontCry: damn
DameoDontCry: that's awesome
Paradox Lain: and it's only day four. i feel really good about it.
DameoDontCry: wow.

[Note: Number of stars not co... *blinks* ...con... *skips word* relevant to digits of actual word count.]

I'M NEVER TELLING ANY OF YOU MY WORD COUNT EVER AGAIN. WHORES. I look at all the people with 30K and it's... just...... HOW?! DON'T ANY OF YOU WORK/GO TO SCHOOL?!

TU TROUCHE!

(I probably spelled that wrong.)

Fun with Dinky Bomb!:







Paradox Lain: http://www.glass-tears.net/shojojisatsu/blog.html
RyuichixTatsuha: ^_^
RyuichixTatsuha: Made Out: With Patrick at the bowling alley.
RyuichixTatsuha: .......
RyuichixTatsuha: x_x
Paradox Lain: hee XD
RyuichixTatsuha: anou...did you get this from me?
RyuichixTatsuha: or from Tony?
Paradox Lain: tony
Paradox Lain: i read yours, tho
RyuichixTatsuha: hehe
RyuichixTatsuha: he must have gotten it from me @_@
Paradox Lain: hai
RyuichixTatsuha: ^_^
RyuichixTatsuha: . What is your favourite anime? It's... Gravitation. *giggles* Not really, even though me loves it.
RyuichixTatsuha: NO
RyuichixTatsuha: GRAVITATION OWN0RZ YOU
RyuichixTatsuha: jflkdajf;ldak j*nodnodnodnod*
Paradox Lain: lmfao
RyuichixTatsuha: 9.9;
Paradox Lain: TOO MUCH OF THE FUNNEH TONIGHT
Paradox Lain: YOU'RE ALL GOING TO GIVE ME SEZIURES.
Paradox Lain: ....however you spell that.
RyuichixTatsuha: hehe
Paradox Lain: my spelling went to shit during my many games of dinky bomb with joey
RyuichixTatsuha: I'LL GIVE YOU A SEZIURE!
RyuichixTatsuha: >.<
RyuichixTatsuha: :D
Paradox Lain: hahahaha
RyuichixTatsuha: Do you have a favourite yaoi couple? ...YukixShuichi...cause...OMG SO MUCH CUTENESS.
Paradox Lain: *seziurs*
RyuichixTatsuha: :D:D:D:D GOOD
Paradox Lain: HAI!!!
RyuichixTatsuha: >(
RyuichixTatsuha: though Ryuichi and Tatsuha are better >.<
Paradox Lain: hah
Paradox Lain: HAH
Paradox Lain: no
RyuichixTatsuha: *motions towards profile*
RyuichixTatsuha: But Yuki and Shuichi = *dies*
Paradox Lain: yuki and shuichi = taisa and sawa.
Paradox Lain: *nodnodnod*
RyuichixTatsuha: haha
RyuichixTatsuha: ...you failed your permit test?
Paradox Lain: ....yeah ._.
RyuichixTatsuha: ...did you even read the book?
Paradox Lain: ....no ._.
RyuichixTatsuha: its a hard test to wing it
RyuichixTatsuha: *sigh*
RyuichixTatsuha: *shakes head*
RyuichixTatsuha: hehe
RyuichixTatsuha: I got to driving school the 12th
RyuichixTatsuha: I'll have my liscence before Christmas!
RyuichixTatsuha: ...I hope!
Paradox Lain: :O
Paradox Lain: WE'RE FUCKING GOING TO COLORADO
RyuichixTatsuha: hahaha!
Paradox Lain: ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS BREAK
RyuichixTatsuha: lmao
Paradox Lain: SO JOSIAH AND I CAN HAVE SEX IN THE SNOW
Paradox Lain: *shakes her* YOU WILL TAKE ME OR DIE
RyuichixTatsuha: hahaha
Paradox Lain: please ;_;
RyuichixTatsuha: okay okay
Paradox Lain: so you'll really take me?
RyuichixTatsuha: it depends
RyuichixTatsuha: x.x
RyuichixTatsuha: I would need a car
RyuichixTatsuha: and money
RyuichixTatsuha: and time off from work
RyuichixTatsuha: and I wont' even go into my dad issues
Paradox Lain: we'll just leave in your dad's car.
Paradox Lain: we can get money.
Paradox Lain: really easily, no less.
RyuichixTatsuha: haha
RyuichixTatsuha: Riiight
RyuichixTatsuha: :D
Paradox Lain: I JUST WANT TO SEE THE MAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE
RyuichixTatsuha: lmao
Paradox Lain: we don't even have to stay.
Paradox Lain: we can just drive down, and i can look at him, even the back of him!
Paradox Lain: and then we leave!
RyuichixTatsuha: aww
RyuichixTatsuha: hehe
Paradox Lain: that simple, they'll never know we left.
RyuichixTatsuha: haha
RyuichixTatsuha: except for like the week it takes there and back
RyuichixTatsuha: x.x
Paradox Lain: *clings* i love you. o.o
RyuichixTatsuha: hehe
RyuichixTatsuha: I'm apple pie
RyuichixTatsuha: Popular and sweet! a classic!
Paradox Lain: i can attest to the sweet part ;DDD
RyuichixTatsuha: ....
RyuichixTatsuha: no you can't!
RyuichixTatsuha: its the other way around if anything :D
Paradox Lain: ......*blushes profusely*
Paradox Lain: *coughs*
Paradox Lain: innocence? what's that? >.>

An overview of certain people participating in NaNoWriMo:

I would like to subscribe to this man's newsletter.

The idea for your novel SUCKS ASS. [/blatant jealousy]

...WHORES.

I'd like to read your novel first. :D

     

...Yum.

I wanna be a gothic lolita and live in the Harajuku area... *weeps*


// series one - as usual
-- Name: Sawa.
-- Birthdate: Septembre Vingt-neuf 1986.
-- Birthplace: Seattle.
-- Current Location: Deceit.
-- Eye Color: Steel.
-- Hair Color: Brown. FINALLY.
-- Righty or Lefty: Slowly going right.
-- Zodiac Sign: Libra... uh... *makes scale noise*
-- Innie or Outtie: In. Very in.

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: (Going from most to least.) Prussian, Welsh, Irish, French, Scottish, some other shite. I'm a Northern European mutt.
-- The shoes you wore today: YOUR shoes. :O
-- Your hair: Dyed black every two months or less. (Some people have asked why black? Because blue doesn't stay in long enough.)
-- Your eyes: They have a cold glint when I'm not being fake/genki. I get the usual pretty eyes crap a lot. They turn reeeeally dark after I've had an orgasm.
-- Your weakness?: This guy that lives in Colorado.
-- Your fears: *laughs at Tony's* Oi... child. Finding out that all of the things I consume are actually good for me.
-- Your perfect pizza: Pizza Hut's Big New Yorker. Just cheese. *drool* So many good times with that kind of pizza...
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: Finishing my novel.


// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: omg. wtf.
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Fuck you, Mr. Alarm Clock, I'm going back to sleep.
-- Your best physical feature: Uh... my... *glances at self*... little boy figure.
-- Your bedtime: Anywhere from 3 pm to 3 am on weekdays. It varies even more on weekends. Just.. whenever.
-- Your greatest fear: Not getting to see Taisa.
-- Your greatest accomplishment: Eating your soul.
-- Your most missed memory: The week before August 14th. You'd never seen me so happy.


// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or Coke: Mountain Dew.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Both.
-- Single or group dates: Single. I get.. um... distracted with more than two people around.
-- Adidas or Nike: Vans.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Ew.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Boku wa... kimi no... Vanilla~.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Hot chocolate.
-- Boxers or briefs: *looks at Tony's answer* ....lmfao. B0X0RZ.


// series five - do you
-- Smoke: Not anymore.
-- Cuss: All the fucking time.
-- Sing well: Eh... I guess.
-- Take a shower everyday: Sometimes I skip. But for the majority, yes.
-- Have a crush: Yeah...
-- Who are they: Keith... ;-; Shut up, Missa...
-- Do you think you've been in love: I am now. *nod*
-- Want to go to college: Yes. YES. RIGHT NOW.
-- Like high school: No.
-- Want to get married: No.
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: If you mean right keys as in the home row, no. I have my own style, because that home row shite with the QWERTY keyboard is for heteros.
-- Believe in yourself: I neither do, nor don't. If you can wrap your head around that one. Think of it as... not being aware of believing in oneself existing. I do what I do. Motivation comes from me. The end.
-- Get motion sickness: Only if I read for a long time in the car about something not plant-related. My mom brainwashed me effectively with the "darker shades of green make you not motion sick so look out the window" crap, and it carried over into greenery in general.
-- Think you're attractive: Sometimes. When I'm in seduction mode. But that's only because if I show that I believe it, then other people believe it too.
-- Think you're a health freak: Not in the slightest.
-- Get along with your parents: If I want to. Doesn't mean I don't hate them forever. :)
-- Like thunderstorms: Yep.
-- Play an instrument:


// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: Um... I don't remember. I don't think so.
-- Smoke(d): Nope.
-- Done a drug: ...Define drug.
-- Have Sex: Phone sex count?
-- Made Out: With Patrick at the bowling alley.
-- Go on a date: No.
-- Go to the mall?: ...Uh... don't remember.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No.
-- Eaten sushi: Yes.
-- Been on stage: Many times for various things that don't include acting cause it's gay. ^^
-- Been dumped: Tch, always.
-- Gone skating: What.. kind... of.. skating...?
-- Made homemade cookies: YES! ^^^^^^
-- Been in love: Hai.
-- Gone skinny dipping: No.
-- Dyed your hair: It's been longer than a month. :\
-- Stolen anything: Whatever it was, I've forgotten. Hee!


// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: Yep. :O
-- If so, was it mixed company: No.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No.
-- Been caught "doing something": ...Once or twice...
-- Been called a tease: Yes. Many many many times daily.
-- Gotten beaten up: Never.
-- Shoplifted: Of course.
-- If so, did you get caught: Nevar!
-- Changed who you were to fit in: No.


// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: Whenever, if at all.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: HAHAHAHA.
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: ...I haven't thought about it at all.
-- How do you want to die: Mr. Head, I think you'd like to meet Mr. Gun...
-- Where you want to go to college: Wherever. Aya and I are starting somewhere in New Orleans and winging it from there.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: ...Me.
-- What country would you most like to visit: The most most mostest ever? Japan.


// series nine - opposite sex (or the same?)
-- Best eye color? Dark brown.
-- Best hair color? Dark brown.
-- Short or long hair?: Short.
-- Best height: At least eight inches taller than me. OMG THAT RULES JAMES OUT OH NOS. :O
-- Best weight: A little under height/weight proportionate. Mm, skinny pale boys...
-- Best articles of clothing: I like guy pants. I bought some.* I like some of their shirts, too. Hee. ^^
-- Best first date location: ...*blink*...
-- Best first kiss location: Below the waist.


// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: ...Six?
-- Number of girls you have made out with: Three or four.
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: None... *cries* I'M SUCH A WHORE.
-- Number of boys I have kissed: Lots.
-- Number of boys you have made out with: Lots.
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: Lots.
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: Define illegal.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: I'd like to think one.
-- Number of CDs that I own: *shrugs*
-- Number of piercings: Ears, once. Lip soon. I hope. God dammit.
-- Number of tattoos: Gigantic dark green and blue butterfly across my entire back.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: None. That's I'm aware of.
-- Number of scars on my body: ...Well, the *biggest* one I have is the one on the top of my left foot... You know those pennies you can get stretched and imprinted with things? It's about the size of those. You see, two year old me thought it'd be an awesome idea to crawl across the stove... One side note: OMFG I HATE STRETCH MARKS.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: Um... all of them and none of them.



1. How long have you been into anime? FOREVAR. It was foreordained. *nod*
2. How did you find out about anime? How else? SAILOR MOON.
3. How did you get into anime? Pokemon.
4. What is your favourite anime? It's... Gravitation. *giggles* Not really, even though me loves it. I like Kite and Lain and Excel Saga and other things. I no longer have a true favorite.
5. Do you prefer dubbed or subbed? SUB. SUUUUUUUUUUUUBBED.
6. What do you think of that anime shown on cartoon network? ...*dies*
7. What do you think of yaoi? YUM.
8. Do you have a favourite yaoi couple? ...YukixShuichi...cause...OMG SO MUCH CUTENESS.
9. What do you think of yuri? Yays.
10. Do you have a favourite yuri couple? No.
11. What do you think about doujinshi? Ii no da.
12. Do you like manga? HAI HAI HAI!
13. Did you like manga or anime first? Amine. ^-^
14. Who is your (current) favourite anime character? Chii from Chobits.
15. Do you pick characters from every anime you get into? ....Yeah. >.>
15a. Do you try to act and dress like your characters? Sometimes. ^^
16. Do your friends like anime? All but one. *glares at Joey*
17. Are your friends only your friends because they like anime? Most, yeah. That's okay, though.
18. Does your family like the fact you like anime? Yep. ^-^ My mom'll watch it with me sometimes, like Mobile Suit Gundam and Cowboy Bebop and Perfect Blue and a little of Chobits.
19. Did you develop other interests because of you interest in anime? I like Japanese everything now.
20. Are you into anything else not anime related? Writing. And Japanese everything else. That's all, really.
21. What anime merchandise do you have and what's your favourite piece? ...Jebus, we're not even going to go through my inventory... But I'm rather fond of my collectable figurine of Tetsuo from Akira, and my Clover manga.
22. Is your room plastered w/ anime pictures? Posters all over one wall, and scattered over the others. It doesn't get all the way covered, what with the weird shapes of the posters and the wallscrolls...
23. Do you have an anime related website? Used to.
24. Do you role-play anime? Sometimes.
25. Did you learn Japanese because of liking anime? Hai.
26. Do you want to go to Japan? Very much so.
27. Do you like J-rock/J-pop? ...Duh.
28. Would you call yourself an otaku? YES. >: *glares at Taisa* But not a real one... Oh no, not yet...
29. Would you say you're obsessed? *nod nod*
30. How many manga do you have? Ranma, Inu Yasha, Sailor Moon, Clover, Evangelion, Ah! Megamisama!, DNA^2, Saint Tail, Dragonball, Gunsmith Cats, Ringu (yes, I'm an obsessive fag like that), one phonebook (the november '01 of Gan Gan Wing), and a lot of monthlies.
31. How many anime tapes/dvds do you have? ...*sighs as she thinks of Alana's illegal collection*... I have Kite, Akira, FAKE, Mahou Tsukai Tai, Bakuretsu Hunters, Nadesico, Maze, and lots others. @.@;;
32. Do you have any series completed? MANY. Don't make me say them.


Weirdest dream last night. Had to do with Taisa and a blowjob, and that's about all that's normal. Just... really fucked up. But I understand where it came from. As usual. So yay.