Floodgates.
Oh, I am so weak.
How did I get like this.
11.28.2005
Am I more than you bargained for yet?
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Things are a little more poppy around here. Someone needs to give me better music to listen to.
The novel's winding down. It actually split in two half-way through the month. My novels tend to reproduce asexually. Part Sin City, part Kite, part Ultimate Rush, part whatever fucked up goings on occur in my head. I'm not sad to see these characters go and that worries me, that I haven't put enough emotion behind them, or that what's there is fake fake fake.
Ugh. It pains me to write such long short stories and call them novels.
My throat feels like sandpaper. I can't find enough of anything edible to swallow. The illness is fading but it still sucks ass.
Natalie slept with Matt. O_o Didn't see that one coming. She told me about how he was painfully awkward, and I laaaauuughed... She also bought me lunch. I feel vaguely crappy to know that I'll never repay her favors, but I don't think she cares.
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex
Cock it and pull it
I have so many short story ideas. I hate how the creative juices are squeezed from the pulp of hatred for something else I've already started. Hate breeds beauty breeds hate, and I can barely keep up with the words that want to just gush out of me in any direction but the one my novel's in.
Blar.
I really don't want to fucking write this novel anymore. :
Here I go round again again again
Think that I will never come down again again again
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Things are a little more poppy around here. Someone needs to give me better music to listen to.
The novel's winding down. It actually split in two half-way through the month. My novels tend to reproduce asexually. Part Sin City, part Kite, part Ultimate Rush, part whatever fucked up goings on occur in my head. I'm not sad to see these characters go and that worries me, that I haven't put enough emotion behind them, or that what's there is fake fake fake.
Ugh. It pains me to write such long short stories and call them novels.
My throat feels like sandpaper. I can't find enough of anything edible to swallow. The illness is fading but it still sucks ass.
Natalie slept with Matt. O_o Didn't see that one coming. She told me about how he was painfully awkward, and I laaaauuughed... She also bought me lunch. I feel vaguely crappy to know that I'll never repay her favors, but I don't think she cares.
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex
Cock it and pull it
I have so many short story ideas. I hate how the creative juices are squeezed from the pulp of hatred for something else I've already started. Hate breeds beauty breeds hate, and I can barely keep up with the words that want to just gush out of me in any direction but the one my novel's in.
Blar.
I really don't want to fucking write this novel anymore. :
Here I go round again again again
Think that I will never come down again again again
11.20.2005
In the spirit of NaNo, here is a re-cap of last night's event in not-so-fictional novel format:
Adrienne arrived, looking cold and shivery. She forgot her scarf, jacket and extension cord, and the writers area isn't looking so warm to her. Everyone was outside, gathered in a small group inside of four space heaters which aren't doing a very good job. No, not at all. It was 35 degrees outside, what was everyone expecting?
"Hey guys."
Silence.
"I'll just, uh, take a seat here then."
Silence.
Where were all of the prizes and candy and food everyone had promised? Bah.
"So it's fucking cold out here."
"Oh, are you cold? Here, let me lend you a blanket that's not mine because the owner's gone right now."
"Ok." Adrienne wraps the blanket around her. Slightly better.
Until the owner comes back.
"Nah, it's okay. Use it. It's cold out."
No shit. She had to con someone out of a bottle of Coke in trade for their electric blanket the same girl lent Adrienne.
Someone behind her begins playing musicals on his laptop speakers for all to hear. He sings along as well. Adrienne asks him to stop, please, my novel would eat those musicals for breakfast. He stops and then starts again. Twice.
The girl on her left takes everything she says seriously and literally, and mostly just wrong, all wrong.
"Yeah so my novel's about this cool guy who's paid to burn things down."
"Burning things isn't cool."
"No, the guy is."
"*ignores*"
"Please, PLEASE stop playing the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and singing along."
"Sorry sorry lol ^_^;"
"What's that strange movie you're watching?"
"Oh," Adrienne answers, glad to hear that someone was interested in the movie she'd started watching for inspiration, and to ignore the cold that was eating away at her feet, "it's Sin City."
Marv then cut someone's head off with a saw and held it up for the camera to see.
"That movie's gross."
"Yeah, what kind of movie shows stuff like that."
Oh, the anger Adrienne felt at that moment.
"God, it's so smoky out here."
"*incessant coughing*"
Multiple offers to help her quell her coughing ensued.
"No, guys, I'm fine, just a little never-ending coughing that disrupts everyone repeatedly."
">:\"
And then the Municipal Liaison got mouthy with her for no reason. Adrienne had simply informed her of how people still hadn't posted their word counts on the board yet.
"Yeah well all of those people aren't here, they're watching the movie, so there's nothing I can do about it. >:("
"o_O Sry."
"Here, let me list off every name and what they're doing right now, even though it turns out I don't know where a quarter of these people are."
Adrienne returns to writing dejectedly. This wasn't so mediocre after all. It was just plain annoying and boring.
In comes the stupid girl for a last sniping with her stupid word-bullets.
"I've never seen a guy cosplay Harry Potter."
"I have."
"Oh, well I haven't seen guys cosplay, like, ever."
"Then obviously you've never been to Sakura Con."
Adrienne left after the girl's last comment, not wanting to freeze her clit off and put up with the idiocy of the writers around her any longer.
Fucking nerds. Why is it that the NERDS have to come out of the woodwork and ruin all of the events I enjoy. Anime cons, writing novels in a month, BDSM clubs. EVERYTHING.
I'll learn them all some social skills someday. Write a book called "Social Situations for the Painfully Clueless" and sell them at the aforementioned places. Hopefully I'll sell enough to make the world a better place and then I can die happily, knowing I reduced the percentage of yearly "deaths by angering those around me with my tactless, careless retardation."
Damn nerds.
(Pot and kettle have already met and are good friends in the universe my mind lives in, thank you very much.)
Adrienne arrived, looking cold and shivery. She forgot her scarf, jacket and extension cord, and the writers area isn't looking so warm to her. Everyone was outside, gathered in a small group inside of four space heaters which aren't doing a very good job. No, not at all. It was 35 degrees outside, what was everyone expecting?
"Hey guys."
Silence.
"I'll just, uh, take a seat here then."
Silence.
Where were all of the prizes and candy and food everyone had promised? Bah.
"So it's fucking cold out here."
"Oh, are you cold? Here, let me lend you a blanket that's not mine because the owner's gone right now."
"Ok." Adrienne wraps the blanket around her. Slightly better.
Until the owner comes back.
"Nah, it's okay. Use it. It's cold out."
No shit. She had to con someone out of a bottle of Coke in trade for their electric blanket the same girl lent Adrienne.
Someone behind her begins playing musicals on his laptop speakers for all to hear. He sings along as well. Adrienne asks him to stop, please, my novel would eat those musicals for breakfast. He stops and then starts again. Twice.
The girl on her left takes everything she says seriously and literally, and mostly just wrong, all wrong.
"Yeah so my novel's about this cool guy who's paid to burn things down."
"Burning things isn't cool."
"No, the guy is."
"*ignores*"
"Please, PLEASE stop playing the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and singing along."
"Sorry sorry lol ^_^;"
"What's that strange movie you're watching?"
"Oh," Adrienne answers, glad to hear that someone was interested in the movie she'd started watching for inspiration, and to ignore the cold that was eating away at her feet, "it's Sin City."
Marv then cut someone's head off with a saw and held it up for the camera to see.
"That movie's gross."
"Yeah, what kind of movie shows stuff like that."
Oh, the anger Adrienne felt at that moment.
"God, it's so smoky out here."
"*incessant coughing*"
Multiple offers to help her quell her coughing ensued.
"No, guys, I'm fine, just a little never-ending coughing that disrupts everyone repeatedly."
">:\"
And then the Municipal Liaison got mouthy with her for no reason. Adrienne had simply informed her of how people still hadn't posted their word counts on the board yet.
"Yeah well all of those people aren't here, they're watching the movie, so there's nothing I can do about it. >:("
"o_O Sry."
"Here, let me list off every name and what they're doing right now, even though it turns out I don't know where a quarter of these people are."
Adrienne returns to writing dejectedly. This wasn't so mediocre after all. It was just plain annoying and boring.
In comes the stupid girl for a last sniping with her stupid word-bullets.
"I've never seen a guy cosplay Harry Potter."
"I have."
"Oh, well I haven't seen guys cosplay, like, ever."
"Then obviously you've never been to Sakura Con."
Adrienne left after the girl's last comment, not wanting to freeze her clit off and put up with the idiocy of the writers around her any longer.
Fucking nerds. Why is it that the NERDS have to come out of the woodwork and ruin all of the events I enjoy. Anime cons, writing novels in a month, BDSM clubs. EVERYTHING.
I'll learn them all some social skills someday. Write a book called "Social Situations for the Painfully Clueless" and sell them at the aforementioned places. Hopefully I'll sell enough to make the world a better place and then I can die happily, knowing I reduced the percentage of yearly "deaths by angering those around me with my tactless, careless retardation."
Damn nerds.
(Pot and kettle have already met and are good friends in the universe my mind lives in, thank you very much.)
11.19.2005
"The clouds of fog hung low in the sky, and the street lights swept them up and held them like a white tent over the city."
- Falling, by me. Bitches.
Yeah, all of my ugly bits are splattered here. But so are the pretty bits too.
(Those comments still incense me something awful. People's disgust and horror make me want to succeed even more, however, so the more hate sent my way, the more I want to take the sweet spoils of victory and rub it into their sour faces and small lives.)
The day my first novel hits bookshelves, I'm going to mail a free copy to Josiah's father.
Let's make a fast plan
Watch it burn to the ground
I try to whisper
So no one figures it out
I'm not a bad man
I'm just overwhelmed
Everything turns around so easily. Mum bailed me out, and i love her dearly for being the guardian/watchdog I needed and need and will need. She's so patient, waiting for me to sprout and bloom into the bold flower I've always been threatening to become. They're all watching.
I have a car. I would have pictures but I haven't asked Keith to take any yet with his newest new camera phone. It's a 2005 Nissan Sentra SE (special edition) with a subwoofer half the size of ME in the trunk. It's glorious. And the same winning blue color as those Subaru WRXs. Liquid on the road. So responsive, so agile, so easy to find myself going 80 on the freeway. The fastest I've taken it so far is 100, where you can hear the engine purring away like the freeway's scratching my car's belly.
I have a job and will have a job. Mum needed me down in Shithole, Washington at her business. I'm the only one whose work is accurate and productive; she's been having issues with the guys doing shoddy work and skipping steps. Pah.
Life gets better. The interviews and job offers roll in slowly. The writing improves, lengthens, expands in the universe and stakes space of its own on Pink Lady's hard drive. (I named my Apple Pink Lady. Har har. ;|)
And those by themselves
By choice
Or by somber war
No mistakes
All of my metaphors are turning into similes because adding the word like raises my word count, so you'll see my writing style go bonkers for a few months. Though I think everything's always unnecessary long due to the artistry of linguistics I pitch in every now and then. Words words words words. Something like that. You all are so nice to sit here and listen to this.
In fact, I should really be writing right now. I haven't quite caught up to my goal yet. I'm supposed to be finished on the 25th per the 2000 words a day. We'll see how that goes. My excel sheet is telling me I'm aiming for the 28th as things are right now.
Hmph.
E-mails of encouragement are... encouraged.
This is the time of your life
But you just can't tell
<3
- Falling, by me. Bitches.
Yeah, all of my ugly bits are splattered here. But so are the pretty bits too.
(Those comments still incense me something awful. People's disgust and horror make me want to succeed even more, however, so the more hate sent my way, the more I want to take the sweet spoils of victory and rub it into their sour faces and small lives.)
The day my first novel hits bookshelves, I'm going to mail a free copy to Josiah's father.
Let's make a fast plan
Watch it burn to the ground
I try to whisper
So no one figures it out
I'm not a bad man
I'm just overwhelmed
Everything turns around so easily. Mum bailed me out, and i love her dearly for being the guardian/watchdog I needed and need and will need. She's so patient, waiting for me to sprout and bloom into the bold flower I've always been threatening to become. They're all watching.
I have a car. I would have pictures but I haven't asked Keith to take any yet with his newest new camera phone. It's a 2005 Nissan Sentra SE (special edition) with a subwoofer half the size of ME in the trunk. It's glorious. And the same winning blue color as those Subaru WRXs. Liquid on the road. So responsive, so agile, so easy to find myself going 80 on the freeway. The fastest I've taken it so far is 100, where you can hear the engine purring away like the freeway's scratching my car's belly.
I have a job and will have a job. Mum needed me down in Shithole, Washington at her business. I'm the only one whose work is accurate and productive; she's been having issues with the guys doing shoddy work and skipping steps. Pah.
Life gets better. The interviews and job offers roll in slowly. The writing improves, lengthens, expands in the universe and stakes space of its own on Pink Lady's hard drive. (I named my Apple Pink Lady. Har har. ;|)
And those by themselves
By choice
Or by somber war
No mistakes
All of my metaphors are turning into similes because adding the word like raises my word count, so you'll see my writing style go bonkers for a few months. Though I think everything's always unnecessary long due to the artistry of linguistics I pitch in every now and then. Words words words words. Something like that. You all are so nice to sit here and listen to this.
In fact, I should really be writing right now. I haven't quite caught up to my goal yet. I'm supposed to be finished on the 25th per the 2000 words a day. We'll see how that goes. My excel sheet is telling me I'm aiming for the 28th as things are right now.
Hmph.
E-mails of encouragement are... encouraged.
This is the time of your life
But you just can't tell
<3
11.12.2005
Adrienne's back in high school.
LOL.
Isn't this just hilarious.
I no longer have a car. Or a job. But I need one to get the other. I have no money. I have NO MONEY. I can't pay for food. Josiah doesn't have a secure job. He's running out of money. Josiah has more debt that both of us could handle together. I'm going to voluntarily send my laptop back just to save him part of the burden I'm putting on him. We can't stay in this apartment anymore, we can't even pay for it. No one will hire me. I fucked up college and if I go back, I'll have to start over, and the only way to get money from my college fund is to BE in college, which is a waste of time, as I've already determined. The road trip is off, Japan is off, I'll never have the money for any of it.
I hate my life.
I have no motivation to do anything. Not even write. I just feel like nothing's gone right ever since July.
I was so looking forward to having a car, ANY car today, that I'm crying right now because I know that I can't pay for it.
It's very hard to say this, but I think I've dug myself a hole that I can't get out of, and the only thing I have as a resort is moving in with my mother.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
LOL.
Isn't this just hilarious.
I no longer have a car. Or a job. But I need one to get the other. I have no money. I have NO MONEY. I can't pay for food. Josiah doesn't have a secure job. He's running out of money. Josiah has more debt that both of us could handle together. I'm going to voluntarily send my laptop back just to save him part of the burden I'm putting on him. We can't stay in this apartment anymore, we can't even pay for it. No one will hire me. I fucked up college and if I go back, I'll have to start over, and the only way to get money from my college fund is to BE in college, which is a waste of time, as I've already determined. The road trip is off, Japan is off, I'll never have the money for any of it.
I hate my life.
I have no motivation to do anything. Not even write. I just feel like nothing's gone right ever since July.
I was so looking forward to having a car, ANY car today, that I'm crying right now because I know that I can't pay for it.
It's very hard to say this, but I think I've dug myself a hole that I can't get out of, and the only thing I have as a resort is moving in with my mother.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
11.10.2005
2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake:
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him
Winter just wasn't my season
This song is directed at someone. You know who you are.
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass
Glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe
I feel like the main character of my new novel, now. To the point where I can't write. I can't bring myself to. I can see all the bad things coming, and I don't want to like these characters any more than I already do because I know what's going to happen to them.
I feel so sad for these people in my head. Maybe it's just me feeling sorry for myself. So much for a policy of no pity.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout cause you're just as far in
As you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again
If you only try turning around
I don't know what Josiah's looking for inside me. So much pity, looking down on me like nothing ever gets to him. Like he's so high above me and everyone else.
You're in a relationship with someone you love only sometimes who loves you only sometimes. This is the best you could do?
I just want to tear him down. Wanna make him feel as bad as I do.
2am and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper
It's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
I do believe I'm going to cry when I end up writing the end of the novel. Saying goodbye to a whole cast of characters is always hard, but this one's going to be excruciating.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary
Screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them
However you want to
By the by, things are going well as far as word production is going. Not quite sure if I'll have enough story for 50,000 but we'll see.
He hasn't told me where he's going for Christmas yet.
So many things to worry about. I don't even know what to make for Thanksgiving at my mother's house. I don't even know if I want to be around so many people unless my novel's finished and I'm on the recovery end of letting go.
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe
Clover and Pockets are picking on each other, rolling circles around the carpet and mewing at each other. Oh, to be a cat with cat friends and people to feed me and pet me.
Just breathe
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him
Winter just wasn't my season
This song is directed at someone. You know who you are.
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass
Glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe
I feel like the main character of my new novel, now. To the point where I can't write. I can't bring myself to. I can see all the bad things coming, and I don't want to like these characters any more than I already do because I know what's going to happen to them.
I feel so sad for these people in my head. Maybe it's just me feeling sorry for myself. So much for a policy of no pity.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout cause you're just as far in
As you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again
If you only try turning around
I don't know what Josiah's looking for inside me. So much pity, looking down on me like nothing ever gets to him. Like he's so high above me and everyone else.
You're in a relationship with someone you love only sometimes who loves you only sometimes. This is the best you could do?
I just want to tear him down. Wanna make him feel as bad as I do.
2am and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper
It's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
I do believe I'm going to cry when I end up writing the end of the novel. Saying goodbye to a whole cast of characters is always hard, but this one's going to be excruciating.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary
Screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them
However you want to
By the by, things are going well as far as word production is going. Not quite sure if I'll have enough story for 50,000 but we'll see.
He hasn't told me where he's going for Christmas yet.
So many things to worry about. I don't even know what to make for Thanksgiving at my mother's house. I don't even know if I want to be around so many people unless my novel's finished and I'm on the recovery end of letting go.
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe
Clover and Pockets are picking on each other, rolling circles around the carpet and mewing at each other. Oh, to be a cat with cat friends and people to feed me and pet me.
Just breathe
11.06.2005
Do you
Do you wanna
Wanna go
Never fall in love. Ever.
I give this advice out all the time, I know.
The best thing that could ever happen to you is to be single and bullshit-free.
Fuck this shit forever. I don't need this, I don't need this, I didn't want this, why am I still here, what am I doing here.
...What AM I doing here, exactly?
You're lucky
Lucky
You're so lucky
The idealized side of love is so nice. Give me daydreams, give me sweet sleep with lacy dreams of holding hands. Real love I would trade in any day for idealized love. I am constantly disappointed. I am constantly upset, wishing he and I were something else, other people, different.
I will never be thin, he'll never have muscle. Standing in front of me naked like he was earlier, I could hardly look at him, I was so distracted. Pretty, sure. Maybe I'm pretty too. But ideal? Never.
Why is it always Shay and I with the issues.
We're so nice when we're on paper, but this story doesn't translate well into real life.
What do you say we just kill ourselves now and save the pain of the truth?
Lucky lucky
You're so lucky
11.03.2005
I hate anime fans.
There, I said it.
I hate you all. Every single last one of you.
The girls whose first, second and third loves are the three main guy characters from whatever new anime's just been released in Japan, who stay up all night reading slash fanfiction of and watching the latest fansubbed episode. The boys who devour the latest never-ending manga-turned-anime-turned-marketing-mecha, who masturbate endlessly to tentacle hentai and play the latest shonen video games that they import from Japan.
Yes, go ahead and download the crappy mainstream j-pop and j-rock. Mail your favorite singers fanart, and throw in random Japanese words while you're at it. Giggle with all of your sick high school Japanophile friends during lunch about how cute character x and character y would be together. Draw in your notebook and laugh at everyone who doesn't know what "Samurai Champloo" is when they see the manga on your desk. Newsflash: there are people exactly like me who are laughing at you in the same manner.
You all sicken me. I can't even begin to make you understand how irritating you make my life. Especially when you all post on the NaNoWriMo forums about how much of an "expert" you are on anime/manga when you don't even know the fucking language, or anything about everything that was released before 2002. I'd ridicule you all on the forums myself, but I tried that and all I got was a humongous backlash from every fan of Full Metal Alchemist and Bleach.
Go get raped and kill yourselves, thanks.
There, I said it.
I hate you all. Every single last one of you.
The girls whose first, second and third loves are the three main guy characters from whatever new anime's just been released in Japan, who stay up all night reading slash fanfiction of and watching the latest fansubbed episode. The boys who devour the latest never-ending manga-turned-anime-turned-marketing-mecha, who masturbate endlessly to tentacle hentai and play the latest shonen video games that they import from Japan.
Yes, go ahead and download the crappy mainstream j-pop and j-rock. Mail your favorite singers fanart, and throw in random Japanese words while you're at it. Giggle with all of your sick high school Japanophile friends during lunch about how cute character x and character y would be together. Draw in your notebook and laugh at everyone who doesn't know what "Samurai Champloo" is when they see the manga on your desk. Newsflash: there are people exactly like me who are laughing at you in the same manner.
You all sicken me. I can't even begin to make you understand how irritating you make my life. Especially when you all post on the NaNoWriMo forums about how much of an "expert" you are on anime/manga when you don't even know the fucking language, or anything about everything that was released before 2002. I'd ridicule you all on the forums myself, but I tried that and all I got was a humongous backlash from every fan of Full Metal Alchemist and Bleach.
Go get raped and kill yourselves, thanks.
10.28.2005
"A writer must collect valuable experiences so they can write about them later. The more dangerous an experience is, the more valuable it is."
Clipped wings. I feel molested and incomplete. Unwhole. Is that a word? It should be.
Fucking Josiah and our fucking retardation. We CANNOT have a funtional relationship. I thought we weren't even taking this seriously. What the fuck ever, I am so sick of dealing with this shit. It's so much easier to love him from far away.
I hope his parents and relatives are reading this. Let me lay it all out in the open: YOU FUCKING SUCK AT RAISING CHILDREN. Both of you, Josiah's parents, have FAILED to teach him ANYTHING about how real relationships work. You raised an emotionally stunted son, a slutty misguided daughter, and what's looking to be a repeat of the latter. Keep shielding your eyes from the truth, maybe they'll all grow up to be just as miserable as you two are.
I sincerely hope they've gotten whatever they wanted out of trying to kill their children's chances of being sincerely happy and successful in ways they themselves never were. They deserve AIDS for all the top-notch parenting they've done.
Your teeth believe
That teeth are for tearing
Tear into me
And the scent of you sweating
He's flipping me shit about how I don't sympathize with him. I'm thinking to myself, did I ever? I can't remember a single time where he ever tried to share his problems with me before he moved here. He even went out of his way to avoid talking about them. And then I try to show interest in ANYTHING involving him, and he tells me his childhood prevents him from accepting I care. Lovely! He sucks at the communication game, and I suck at the caring game.
I keep myself overweight because he finds me less attractive this way. That's how vindictive I've been feeling in the last three months. Fuck looks. I hope I turn him off.
FUCK SO ANGRY GOD I JUST WANT TO KILL EVERYONE RIGHT NOW
Like a thousand miles of fire
*sighs*
I wish someone had the balls to just leave already.
Was thinking to myself that if Josiah died, I think I'd go marry Chris and run off into the woods like I always said. Or maybe I'll do that if we separate. Split. Divide.
I pour it all out here for everyone to see. You see what real love does? It HURTS. If you're in love, fucking leave them and save yourself bleak years of uncomfortable uncertainty.
FUCK LOVE.
Josiah, I'm so tired. I'm so tired inside, can't you see it every time you look at me? Aren't you tired? Don't you just want to sleep for centuries?
Swollen and small is where you'll find me now
With that silver stripping off
From my tongue you're tearing out
I massively updated my secret journal. Lots of conquests to add, lots of updates.
I hate Chris for introducing us. I hate me for answering his first IM. I hate me for taking him back after that stupid cunt.
GOD DAMMIT.
Clipped wings. I feel molested and incomplete. Unwhole. Is that a word? It should be.
Fucking Josiah and our fucking retardation. We CANNOT have a funtional relationship. I thought we weren't even taking this seriously. What the fuck ever, I am so sick of dealing with this shit. It's so much easier to love him from far away.
I hope his parents and relatives are reading this. Let me lay it all out in the open: YOU FUCKING SUCK AT RAISING CHILDREN. Both of you, Josiah's parents, have FAILED to teach him ANYTHING about how real relationships work. You raised an emotionally stunted son, a slutty misguided daughter, and what's looking to be a repeat of the latter. Keep shielding your eyes from the truth, maybe they'll all grow up to be just as miserable as you two are.
I sincerely hope they've gotten whatever they wanted out of trying to kill their children's chances of being sincerely happy and successful in ways they themselves never were. They deserve AIDS for all the top-notch parenting they've done.
Your teeth believe
That teeth are for tearing
Tear into me
And the scent of you sweating
He's flipping me shit about how I don't sympathize with him. I'm thinking to myself, did I ever? I can't remember a single time where he ever tried to share his problems with me before he moved here. He even went out of his way to avoid talking about them. And then I try to show interest in ANYTHING involving him, and he tells me his childhood prevents him from accepting I care. Lovely! He sucks at the communication game, and I suck at the caring game.
I keep myself overweight because he finds me less attractive this way. That's how vindictive I've been feeling in the last three months. Fuck looks. I hope I turn him off.
FUCK SO ANGRY GOD I JUST WANT TO KILL EVERYONE RIGHT NOW
Like a thousand miles of fire
*sighs*
I wish someone had the balls to just leave already.
Was thinking to myself that if Josiah died, I think I'd go marry Chris and run off into the woods like I always said. Or maybe I'll do that if we separate. Split. Divide.
I pour it all out here for everyone to see. You see what real love does? It HURTS. If you're in love, fucking leave them and save yourself bleak years of uncomfortable uncertainty.
FUCK LOVE.
Josiah, I'm so tired. I'm so tired inside, can't you see it every time you look at me? Aren't you tired? Don't you just want to sleep for centuries?
Swollen and small is where you'll find me now
With that silver stripping off
From my tongue you're tearing out
I massively updated my secret journal. Lots of conquests to add, lots of updates.
I hate Chris for introducing us. I hate me for answering his first IM. I hate me for taking him back after that stupid cunt.
GOD DAMMIT.
10.07.2005
Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't wanna fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon
What a potentially strange night cut short by slow thinking.
Further from them
Further from home
Full of words I can't pronounce.
Don't talk
They don't understand
And a feeling I can't name.
The sky will drop
The night into our hands
But baby I was lonely
I don't wanna fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon
What a potentially strange night cut short by slow thinking.
Further from them
Further from home
Full of words I can't pronounce.
Don't talk
They don't understand
And a feeling I can't name.
The sky will drop
The night into our hands
10.03.2005
But these are days we dream about
When the sunlight paints us gold
And this apartment could not be prettier
As we dance up there alone
The tape's on rewind, hold on to your trousers.
Natalie gave me her phone number. She's cute, but has a boyfriend. I think I could seriously fall hard into renai with her. Just watching her talk makes me kind of fuzzy, anything she says feels like a blanket wrapping around me. She's so soft and nice to sit with.
Ben and I shot the shit for lack of anything better to do. We held down the A button, ate teriyaki and yakisoba and I explained to him in a nutshell why I kept calling Josiah my roommate. He tried to give me a lot of advice that I shot down repeatedly, but he wasn't pushy about it, just... full of things to say I guess. He's alright. I don't suppose we'll get along much outside of work though. Not many of us will anyway. Makes me wonder whether they're going to ask me back.
And this tv's old
The color's fucked
Do you see the difference in the shades?
But the green's still close to green, my love
And I believe we are the same
Josiah and I are doing okay. I told him I don't want things to be as serious between us, it ends up with a lot of hurt feelings and this way everything bad between can roll off my back better. Also I can figure myself out more. I really don't know what I'm doing.
I mean what I'm doing with others, not myself. I know myself sort of okay. I don't really know how to treat everyone else. I don't even know what to say about my uncle having more kinds of cancer than cigarettes he's smoked these last 40 years.
And we’ll stay like this
All gold and green
I can't wait for winter. You guys have no idea how buzzed I am at the thought of Christmas.
Light collects and projects
Your heart on a movie screen
And if you close your eyes
We will always be
The way we were that night
You crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood
The way you sleep now
I'm feeling about zero need or want to smoke cigarettes anymore. Not my thing I guess. Maybe just when I'm upset. Not really even then, just an automatic reaction of wanting to poison myself when in dire circumstances.
Ugh. I've decided to enter NaNoWriMo again. AGAIN! Why do I torture myself like this?
I think I have a better idea this year. It has to do with a guy who's paid to burn things down. I've tentatively given it a classic title of the ages that will have hordes of the masses rushing to their local corporate chain bookstore to purchase this fine masterpiece-in-progress: The Worst Novel in the History of the Universe.
What do you think?
Every day is mostly the same
As it is, growing weaker is okay
But without knowing why
I raise my eyes to the sky
Boys and girls
Delusions of perfection
They laugh because they have finally
Seen through their emotions
It isn't seriousness
That isn't seriousness
I don't know what to do about my crazy life. I both await and deplore taking a break from work. I take all the overtime I can, I do good work, I lead with a firm touch, I try to keep everything together at home. The cats are fed, the bills are paid, everything has grown a homeostasis that I don't know whether I'm pleased about.
For instance
For example
If one time we were reborn
Another life
For sure another life
To meet you
To be able to meet you by chance
In the winter that suits you so well
You get so used to everything up in the air that one thing falling into place, one right thing, one good thing seems foreign.
How many years have I been waiting
Even though nothing has begun to fall?
I will hold your heart's missile in my arms
And let's go
When the sunlight paints us gold
And this apartment could not be prettier
As we dance up there alone
The tape's on rewind, hold on to your trousers.
Natalie gave me her phone number. She's cute, but has a boyfriend. I think I could seriously fall hard into renai with her. Just watching her talk makes me kind of fuzzy, anything she says feels like a blanket wrapping around me. She's so soft and nice to sit with.
Ben and I shot the shit for lack of anything better to do. We held down the A button, ate teriyaki and yakisoba and I explained to him in a nutshell why I kept calling Josiah my roommate. He tried to give me a lot of advice that I shot down repeatedly, but he wasn't pushy about it, just... full of things to say I guess. He's alright. I don't suppose we'll get along much outside of work though. Not many of us will anyway. Makes me wonder whether they're going to ask me back.
And this tv's old
The color's fucked
Do you see the difference in the shades?
But the green's still close to green, my love
And I believe we are the same
Josiah and I are doing okay. I told him I don't want things to be as serious between us, it ends up with a lot of hurt feelings and this way everything bad between can roll off my back better. Also I can figure myself out more. I really don't know what I'm doing.
I mean what I'm doing with others, not myself. I know myself sort of okay. I don't really know how to treat everyone else. I don't even know what to say about my uncle having more kinds of cancer than cigarettes he's smoked these last 40 years.
And we’ll stay like this
All gold and green
I can't wait for winter. You guys have no idea how buzzed I am at the thought of Christmas.
Light collects and projects
Your heart on a movie screen
And if you close your eyes
We will always be
The way we were that night
You crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood
The way you sleep now
I'm feeling about zero need or want to smoke cigarettes anymore. Not my thing I guess. Maybe just when I'm upset. Not really even then, just an automatic reaction of wanting to poison myself when in dire circumstances.
Ugh. I've decided to enter NaNoWriMo again. AGAIN! Why do I torture myself like this?
I think I have a better idea this year. It has to do with a guy who's paid to burn things down. I've tentatively given it a classic title of the ages that will have hordes of the masses rushing to their local corporate chain bookstore to purchase this fine masterpiece-in-progress: The Worst Novel in the History of the Universe.
What do you think?
Every day is mostly the same
As it is, growing weaker is okay
But without knowing why
I raise my eyes to the sky
Boys and girls
Delusions of perfection
They laugh because they have finally
Seen through their emotions
It isn't seriousness
That isn't seriousness
I don't know what to do about my crazy life. I both await and deplore taking a break from work. I take all the overtime I can, I do good work, I lead with a firm touch, I try to keep everything together at home. The cats are fed, the bills are paid, everything has grown a homeostasis that I don't know whether I'm pleased about.
For instance
For example
If one time we were reborn
Another life
For sure another life
To meet you
To be able to meet you by chance
In the winter that suits you so well
You get so used to everything up in the air that one thing falling into place, one right thing, one good thing seems foreign.
How many years have I been waiting
Even though nothing has begun to fall?
I will hold your heart's missile in my arms
And let's go
9.12.2005
Yamero.
Sotto, kite.
Mimi o akete.
Sotto.
WARNING FATAL ERROR
CORE DUMP
we still haven't found a house to move into and the cutoff date is this next friday i have to start paying for my own car insurance out of pocket and hold it in my own name weights all around yourself which with my one ticket from 1.75 years ago is going they do the unpredictable all dots and lines thatspeakandsay to be outrageously expensive my car's falling apart i need new brakes the key sometimes sticks in the ignition the fan turns on randomly it burns oil the [tires balding=yes] and the engine [rattles][so loud you can barely hear the radio on the] crazymind inside josiah and i are having a crisis which summarized is something like why are we together and what's a relationship i've quit college out of lack of care i don't have money i turn fucking 19 this month josiah's going to leave me because i'm not a spring chicken my tits are too big i have to redye my hair only i need a blowdryer to do so **PACKET LOSS ** kiminonakade someone took my tweezers and i've run out of black nail polish the girl i had a date with was too tired to fuck i haven't had my yourworldthatis period in FOUR MONTHS josiah and i had sex minus birth control twice shame and abject horror inside me stark raving
Outsiders applaud as they watch terebi
Please enjoy the show about to come on
Sotto, kite.
Mimi o akete.
Sotto.
WARNING FATAL ERROR
CORE DUMP
we still haven't found a house to move into and the cutoff date is this next friday i have to start paying for my own car insurance out of pocket and hold it in my own name weights all around yourself which with my one ticket from 1.75 years ago is going they do the unpredictable all dots and lines thatspeakandsay to be outrageously expensive my car's falling apart i need new brakes the key sometimes sticks in the ignition the fan turns on randomly it burns oil the [tires balding=yes] and the engine [rattles][so loud you can barely hear the radio on the] crazymind inside josiah and i are having a crisis which summarized is something like why are we together and what's a relationship i've quit college out of lack of care i don't have money i turn fucking 19 this month josiah's going to leave me because i'm not a spring chicken my tits are too big i have to redye my hair only i need a blowdryer to do so **PACKET LOSS ** kiminonakade someone took my tweezers and i've run out of black nail polish the girl i had a date with was too tired to fuck i haven't had my yourworldthatis period in FOUR MONTHS josiah and i had sex minus birth control twice shame and abject horror inside me stark raving
Outsiders applaud as they watch terebi
Please enjoy the show about to come on
9.11.2005
Take me down
Six underground
The ground beneath your feet
Laid out low
Nothing to go
Nowhere or way to meet
Hanna: So, there are a lot more assholes than I'd previously imagined living in Auburn.
Adrienne: welcome to the hell that was my life while i lived there for four years.
Hanna: I am so sorry.
Adrienne: eh! so what were your issues
Hanna: A few days ago, I got a message from Sam from Jon's screenname. It was a really retarded message, like "Nobody loves you." so I didn't think too much of it. I assumed it was Pam. I didn't expect it to be Sam, because he and I had gotten along rather well.
Adrienne: they're all stuck in high school and will probably never give it up. did we ever find out who pam's new boyfriend was?
Hana: Jon
Adrienne: saw that coming.
You're never gonna drag me out again
Adrienne: these people's jobs are holding grudges.
Hanna: yeah XD
Adrienne: i hate drama bombs. i seriously don't care or have any motivation to change how these people think of me, and i could never get close enough to jon to save him from pam. people need to figure their own shit out and learn the hard way.
Hanna: think of how fucked up she'll be after everyone else learns what you and the rest of the house already knows.
Adrienne: they won't. that's the problem with small towns and small people. they squirm in their own sicknesses, vomiting on each other's lives and stitching and restitching relationships back together, breaking them, reconfiguring, throwing personal vendettas out in the open and fighting private wars that get treated like pink elephants in rooms. i should've known better than to house someone from that disease of a town.
So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight
As for you, Pam, I don't have many words for you. I can tell you that while you sat on the back porch, crying your eyes out, I was rolling my own. Or I could say that Tony told me (before you two broke up) that the first time he no longer felt love for you was the first night he spent at your old apartment. Or that you told me that Jon was too ugly for you to date and you considered dating him below your level.
I really don't hate you. I'm not angry either. I pity you, greatly, with the same magnitude that I pity most everyone else in Auburn. They have very tiny lives that they feed with the puffed up drama they create themselves. You make your own miserable world, and you sit in it. Have fun with that.
Six underground
The ground beneath your feet
Laid out low
Nothing to go
Nowhere or way to meet
Hanna: So, there are a lot more assholes than I'd previously imagined living in Auburn.
Adrienne: welcome to the hell that was my life while i lived there for four years.
Hanna: I am so sorry.
Adrienne: eh! so what were your issues
Hanna: A few days ago, I got a message from Sam from Jon's screenname. It was a really retarded message, like "Nobody loves you." so I didn't think too much of it. I assumed it was Pam. I didn't expect it to be Sam, because he and I had gotten along rather well.
Adrienne: they're all stuck in high school and will probably never give it up. did we ever find out who pam's new boyfriend was?
Hana: Jon
Adrienne: saw that coming.
You're never gonna drag me out again
Adrienne: these people's jobs are holding grudges.
Hanna: yeah XD
Adrienne: i hate drama bombs. i seriously don't care or have any motivation to change how these people think of me, and i could never get close enough to jon to save him from pam. people need to figure their own shit out and learn the hard way.
Hanna: think of how fucked up she'll be after everyone else learns what you and the rest of the house already knows.
Adrienne: they won't. that's the problem with small towns and small people. they squirm in their own sicknesses, vomiting on each other's lives and stitching and restitching relationships back together, breaking them, reconfiguring, throwing personal vendettas out in the open and fighting private wars that get treated like pink elephants in rooms. i should've known better than to house someone from that disease of a town.
So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight
As for you, Pam, I don't have many words for you. I can tell you that while you sat on the back porch, crying your eyes out, I was rolling my own. Or I could say that Tony told me (before you two broke up) that the first time he no longer felt love for you was the first night he spent at your old apartment. Or that you told me that Jon was too ugly for you to date and you considered dating him below your level.
I really don't hate you. I'm not angry either. I pity you, greatly, with the same magnitude that I pity most everyone else in Auburn. They have very tiny lives that they feed with the puffed up drama they create themselves. You make your own miserable world, and you sit in it. Have fun with that.
9.04.2005
So, in fairly dense detail, the house is as such: two stories, the upper which has three bedrooms and a bathroom. The bedrooms upstairs are of varying sizes, the middle of which is the blue room (as it has the only blue paint in the house).
This room, Keith and Avery are having an epic war over which will consist of a 3-out-of-5 battle involving gokarts, minigolf, a game of Tekken, a foot race, and rock paper scissors.
Complete with photos.
Which I will post on my blog.
The other, slightly bigger bedroom will go to the loser, unless the loser wants the bedroom downstairs with the fireplace. The third bedroom upstairs is small enough to be considered an office or nursery, but seeing as how we all have an average of 2 computers to each person, and no babies, we have no idea what we're doing with that room. Probably a guest bed. The kitchen is small but full of cabinet space. The living room is spacious and well-lit, with its own fireplace. There's a huge deck through the sliding door in the dining area that's always half-shaded with plenty of room for whatever.
Downstairs, we have the master bedroom, which is gigantic, with its own furnace. Big corner closets, master bathroom with the laundry area in a closet space inside of it. The fireplace bedroom's also down here, and of a decent size. The huge room downstairs is going to be where all of the computers are. It has a slider going to the backyard, which isn't very big, but it wraps around the house and is fenced, which makes for some great games of shooting each other with pellet guns, or capture the flag or whatever.
There's a carport with two spaces, and a decently long driveway, with free parking on the streets as well. Rose bushes, rhododendrons, lots of trees everywhere, brand new appliances, plush carpeting. It's set at an amazing price and I can only just hold my bladder waiting to hear whether he's approved our applications yet.
Anyway, stay tuned for those pictures. The contest will commence the evening after we're approved for the house, before we start moving in.
._.
Yeah but nobody searches
Nobody cares somehow
When the loving that you've wasted
Comes raining from a hapless cloud
They include gum with the Japanese Pikmin figurine packages, which I thought was a little weird. What's even weirder is what flavor it is. It's like... minty fruity. It also loses flavor after two minutes.
Josiah's being a poop and not packing, when we could be moving as early as the middle of this week. :\ He snapped at me for being bossy. I think he just wants to play WoW and ignore everything that's going on around him.
And I might stop and look upon your face
Disappear in the sweet sweet gaze
See the living that surrounds me
Dissipate in a violet place
This is the Adrienne Has Friends And She Says Nice Things About Them section. :D!
ZOMG KEITH HAS GREEN HAIRS!
This is Keith. He's very nice to me and is very spontaneous, even more than me. He's one of the people I'm going with when we take our crazy road trip next year. He doesn't "do" politics. "It's bullshit and everyone lies to each other," he says. Take that however you want.
He also makes light of his own mistakes in a very serious tone, which makes it funny. Also also, he crashes at our place a lot, and he likes parties because he likes dancing, and goes alone frequently. He's also single. ;O
We spies
We slow hands
Put the weights all around yourself
We spies
Oh yeah we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
This is his emo side. He likes Sex in the City and Chobits. Keith also likes strawberry flavoring and candy (rave bracelets). He's moving in with us at our new place this month.
This is Tony. He's special. He's the only bisexual guy I know that's not faking it or acts straight to cover his gay side up. I think that's awesome. He works in the same place I do. He's really good at what he does.
I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the poledance
Of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance
Of passing cars
Now that we're done with that, I can show you my cool new bracelet!
But I am married to your charms and grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
And finally, the only shot I have of the BYOC room at PAX. Sorry my head's in the way, it was an accidental picture. :(
You've got to press it on you
You just think it
That's what you do baby
Hold it down
Dare
Speaking of PAX, it was awesome, yes. I have a few stories I need to tell from it.
So we get there, and set our computers up and everything's great. The panels were wonderful, the atmosphere was tangible, the smell was unbearable at times but hey, dirty fanboys are what make the convention. I guess.
This is kind of an intro to what happened. We're kicked out of the entire convention at 2am because of a huge issue with people stealing things and the cleaning crew needed to at least come it and resupply different rooms. So the first night, we go back to the hotel room, and Keith and I took a shower, and Josiah and I crashed because there was nothing better to do. Keith wandered around and made friends the ENTIRE NIGHT, came back and passed the fuck out.
Jump with them all and move it
Jump back and forth
And feel like you were there yourself
Work it out
So now comes the next night, and we're kicked out at 2am, but we're riding such gigantic caffeine highs that there's no way we even think of going back to our own hotel room. So Keith's heard of this awesome room party that's going on right now. It's in the Doubletree. We go there, get in, beer everywhere, people everywhere and some Xbox going on.
We're trying to figure out if this girl from Canada is 16 or 18, and someone gets the balls to ask. She's 24. Keith chokes on his words, I laugh a little. Some chips, beer's running out, a few guys are drunk. These guys decide to play a game called Ironman Rock Paper Scissors.
This consists of playing in groups of two or three, shouting "ONE TWO THREE FUCK!" and whoever loses overall gets suckerslapped.
Never did no harm
Never did no harm
They moved on to punching each other in the shoulders. Security was called, everyone was asked to leave the room immediately. Almost all of the people at that party crashed the Neskimos room on the other side of the floor and barged their way in. We were then kicked out after Ironman Rock Paper Scissors resumed, and the drunkest of them all, who kept losing, went to his hotel room to puke his entrails up.
Afterwards, we wandered around a bit, Josiah and I ran off to the hotel room for some lovins, came back and dragged Keith out from the middle of a huge Nerf war. We took three people from the hall party to Denny's with us, ate a whole shit ton of food. I've completely forgotten everything we talked about that morning. We stayed up till 10am or so, got 2 hours of sleep, woke up and went right back to the convention. It was a lot of fun, and I even came up with a list of my top ten favorite things. :O!
10. The red-headed guy who manned the BYOC table outside the entrance and his amazing vibrating chair.
9. Being able to broadcast Puyo Pop on the DS and have all of the free slots fill immediately.
8. The impromptu Nintendo laser light dancing on the furthest wall during the concert.
7. Where the idea for Fruit Fucker came from.
6. The Minibosses performing the underwater level of Super Mario 2 and everyone swaying back and forth like seaweed.
5. Ironman Rock Paper Scissors.
4. Denny's at 6am with my hotel room buddies and three guys I had just met in the unofficial hall party at the Doubletree.
3. Pictochatting: drawing penises, catgirls and editing other people's pictures to add penises and catgirls.
2. Playing UT2k4 for the first time ever with all the guys in BYOC and not getting last place except for once.
1. All of the cool people I got to hang out with, and not a single one of them hit on me once. <3
We spies in amid slow hands
Killer for hire
You know not yourself
Nobody cares somehow
When the loving that you've wasted
Comes raining from a hapless cloud
They include gum with the Japanese Pikmin figurine packages, which I thought was a little weird. What's even weirder is what flavor it is. It's like... minty fruity. It also loses flavor after two minutes.
Josiah's being a poop and not packing, when we could be moving as early as the middle of this week. :\ He snapped at me for being bossy. I think he just wants to play WoW and ignore everything that's going on around him.
And I might stop and look upon your face
Disappear in the sweet sweet gaze
See the living that surrounds me
Dissipate in a violet place
This is the Adrienne Has Friends And She Says Nice Things About Them section. :D!
ZOMG KEITH HAS GREEN HAIRS!
This is Keith. He's very nice to me and is very spontaneous, even more than me. He's one of the people I'm going with when we take our crazy road trip next year. He doesn't "do" politics. "It's bullshit and everyone lies to each other," he says. Take that however you want.
He also makes light of his own mistakes in a very serious tone, which makes it funny. Also also, he crashes at our place a lot, and he likes parties because he likes dancing, and goes alone frequently. He's also single. ;O
We spies
We slow hands
Put the weights all around yourself
We spies
Oh yeah we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
This is his emo side. He likes Sex in the City and Chobits. Keith also likes strawberry flavoring and candy (rave bracelets). He's moving in with us at our new place this month.
This is Tony. He's special. He's the only bisexual guy I know that's not faking it or acts straight to cover his gay side up. I think that's awesome. He works in the same place I do. He's really good at what he does.
I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the poledance
Of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance
Of passing cars
Now that we're done with that, I can show you my cool new bracelet!
But I am married to your charms and grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
And finally, the only shot I have of the BYOC room at PAX. Sorry my head's in the way, it was an accidental picture. :(
You've got to press it on you
You just think it
That's what you do baby
Hold it down
Dare
Speaking of PAX, it was awesome, yes. I have a few stories I need to tell from it.
So we get there, and set our computers up and everything's great. The panels were wonderful, the atmosphere was tangible, the smell was unbearable at times but hey, dirty fanboys are what make the convention. I guess.
This is kind of an intro to what happened. We're kicked out of the entire convention at 2am because of a huge issue with people stealing things and the cleaning crew needed to at least come it and resupply different rooms. So the first night, we go back to the hotel room, and Keith and I took a shower, and Josiah and I crashed because there was nothing better to do. Keith wandered around and made friends the ENTIRE NIGHT, came back and passed the fuck out.
Jump with them all and move it
Jump back and forth
And feel like you were there yourself
Work it out
So now comes the next night, and we're kicked out at 2am, but we're riding such gigantic caffeine highs that there's no way we even think of going back to our own hotel room. So Keith's heard of this awesome room party that's going on right now. It's in the Doubletree. We go there, get in, beer everywhere, people everywhere and some Xbox going on.
We're trying to figure out if this girl from Canada is 16 or 18, and someone gets the balls to ask. She's 24. Keith chokes on his words, I laugh a little. Some chips, beer's running out, a few guys are drunk. These guys decide to play a game called Ironman Rock Paper Scissors.
This consists of playing in groups of two or three, shouting "ONE TWO THREE FUCK!" and whoever loses overall gets suckerslapped.
Never did no harm
Never did no harm
They moved on to punching each other in the shoulders. Security was called, everyone was asked to leave the room immediately. Almost all of the people at that party crashed the Neskimos room on the other side of the floor and barged their way in. We were then kicked out after Ironman Rock Paper Scissors resumed, and the drunkest of them all, who kept losing, went to his hotel room to puke his entrails up.
Afterwards, we wandered around a bit, Josiah and I ran off to the hotel room for some lovins, came back and dragged Keith out from the middle of a huge Nerf war. We took three people from the hall party to Denny's with us, ate a whole shit ton of food. I've completely forgotten everything we talked about that morning. We stayed up till 10am or so, got 2 hours of sleep, woke up and went right back to the convention. It was a lot of fun, and I even came up with a list of my top ten favorite things. :O!
10. The red-headed guy who manned the BYOC table outside the entrance and his amazing vibrating chair.
9. Being able to broadcast Puyo Pop on the DS and have all of the free slots fill immediately.
8. The impromptu Nintendo laser light dancing on the furthest wall during the concert.
7. Where the idea for Fruit Fucker came from.
6. The Minibosses performing the underwater level of Super Mario 2 and everyone swaying back and forth like seaweed.
5. Ironman Rock Paper Scissors.
4. Denny's at 6am with my hotel room buddies and three guys I had just met in the unofficial hall party at the Doubletree.
3. Pictochatting: drawing penises, catgirls and editing other people's pictures to add penises and catgirls.
2. Playing UT2k4 for the first time ever with all the guys in BYOC and not getting last place except for once.
1. All of the cool people I got to hang out with, and not a single one of them hit on me once. <3
We spies in amid slow hands
Killer for hire
You know not yourself
9.03.2005
Posted for truth:
It's unbelievable that this is America. It's hard to comprehend that these repeating images of herds of people without food or water or medical treatment after nearly a week are happening on our soil. They're our fellow citizens and while the politicians, directors, planners and generals congratulate each other at press conferences they are suffering and dying.
I have seen some efforts in the media to pressure officials to accept responsibility. None have, because in public office the buck stops nowhere. The only person I have really seen come close to capturing the raw fury of the people trapped in New Orleans or forgotten in Mississippi and Alabama is CNN's Anderson Cooper. He confronted Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu on live TV, chiding her with a voice cracking with emotion that he couldn't believe the politicians were patting each other on the back over a job well done when he just saw rats eating a woman's body in the street of Biloxi.
On the Internet I've seen people blatantly placing blame on Bush, FEMA, Congress, the National Guard, and even Homeland Security. Who is responsible? Who should be blamed? All of them. This is a colossal failure of our government to care for and protect its citizenry on every conceivable level.
The heroes are the men and women on the scene doing their utmost to help those in need. Coast Guard rescue workers plucking people to safety and Red Cross workers feeding people from emergency kitchens are heroes. The man who commandeered a bus and got people out of New Orleans when the government was woefully impotent is a hero. The woman who smashed the glass on a convenience store to loot bottled water for fifteen kids who should have been absolutely inundated with supplies by then is a hero. The doctors and nurses hand-bagging ventilator patients 24 hours a day in dark hospitals are heroes.
In the ineloquent but true words of the Mayor of New Orleans: "Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here. They're not here. It's too doggone late. Now get off your asses and do something, and let's fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country." CNN was better prepared to deal with this disaster than FEMA was.
I am ashamed of my country's government in a universal way right now. Republicans, democrats, opportunists, it doesn't matter; they're all guilty in this situation. In a magical world where justice is actually served most of these people would not have jobs in a month or two. Instead the people without jobs will be the millions who have lost everything and found their government with its back turned. Remember that people are still dying because of this incompetence. Remember that when each and every one of these fools appears on TV for a photo op or complains about "placing blame later," because placing blame now is the only hope America has to change the situation.
It's unbelievable that this is America. It's hard to comprehend that these repeating images of herds of people without food or water or medical treatment after nearly a week are happening on our soil. They're our fellow citizens and while the politicians, directors, planners and generals congratulate each other at press conferences they are suffering and dying.
I have seen some efforts in the media to pressure officials to accept responsibility. None have, because in public office the buck stops nowhere. The only person I have really seen come close to capturing the raw fury of the people trapped in New Orleans or forgotten in Mississippi and Alabama is CNN's Anderson Cooper. He confronted Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu on live TV, chiding her with a voice cracking with emotion that he couldn't believe the politicians were patting each other on the back over a job well done when he just saw rats eating a woman's body in the street of Biloxi.
On the Internet I've seen people blatantly placing blame on Bush, FEMA, Congress, the National Guard, and even Homeland Security. Who is responsible? Who should be blamed? All of them. This is a colossal failure of our government to care for and protect its citizenry on every conceivable level.
The heroes are the men and women on the scene doing their utmost to help those in need. Coast Guard rescue workers plucking people to safety and Red Cross workers feeding people from emergency kitchens are heroes. The man who commandeered a bus and got people out of New Orleans when the government was woefully impotent is a hero. The woman who smashed the glass on a convenience store to loot bottled water for fifteen kids who should have been absolutely inundated with supplies by then is a hero. The doctors and nurses hand-bagging ventilator patients 24 hours a day in dark hospitals are heroes.
In the ineloquent but true words of the Mayor of New Orleans: "Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here. They're not here. It's too doggone late. Now get off your asses and do something, and let's fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country." CNN was better prepared to deal with this disaster than FEMA was.
I am ashamed of my country's government in a universal way right now. Republicans, democrats, opportunists, it doesn't matter; they're all guilty in this situation. In a magical world where justice is actually served most of these people would not have jobs in a month or two. Instead the people without jobs will be the millions who have lost everything and found their government with its back turned. Remember that people are still dying because of this incompetence. Remember that when each and every one of these fools appears on TV for a photo op or complains about "placing blame later," because placing blame now is the only hope America has to change the situation.
9.02.2005
8.30.2005
I'm gonna dance all dancehall everyday
Mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau.
I talked to my mother about this, and she grounded me and offered her viewpoint. Told me what I hadn't said out loud just yet, and in applying it to this situation affirmed it.
What is it with fathers anyway?
Well I'm giving myself another one
I have too much to say
Lael's griefing me, but not on purpose I don't think.I mean, there was that crap pseudo-rumor about how she talks behind other's backs like high school is going out of style. She's flighty, but this flighty?
All the same, what a fucking relief to have her out of the house come tomorrow. I'm sure that you all who moved out at the beginning of August felt the same when you left. But we've talked this to death over coffee already.
I can't even apologize for that. She has her moments. And thusly it all sinks into indifference, because it's not like I'm out to get EVERYONE.
Or is it.
...DUN DUN DUN!
I'm gonna angle for telepathy
Cause I don't know the words to say
Well I'm gonna act up but not in your fucking play
I'll let you win the argument if things still go my way
I couldn't help myself.
Well I haven't had enough
And I said I had my fill
The past does not exist
And I'm told it never will
I guess that I'm stuck here
Like a plant on a windowsill
Modest Mouse is louder. The more of their music I dip my toes into, the louder they get. Or the louder I like it. Or both. Or something.
I really like just talking like this now. Even more, ever better, just running at the mouth, blah blah blah, whatever I want to go goes here and all is lost to the vastness of the internet.
I came up with this just now: Don't shit in my shit hole. Oh man, I'm on a role. Unnecessary profanity! Derogatory ranting! Post-post-post-modern grammar! HAHA!
I'm gonna tell you what you want to hear anyways
I could give myself a shot
I could get myself a pill
I'm gonna go and try to buy a little more time to kill
I need a can opener, cause I got some beans to spill
I could even make an entire post with NOTHING IN IT.
I don't mean no content, that's far too rampant lately. I'm talking about a single post with absolutely nothing in it.
Well somehow or another I fell for every scam
But I was dancing on the tin roof, cat be damned
Committing crimes running down the alley
I am the captain and you are in the galley
What a glorious idea.
Mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau.
I talked to my mother about this, and she grounded me and offered her viewpoint. Told me what I hadn't said out loud just yet, and in applying it to this situation affirmed it.
What is it with fathers anyway?
Well I'm giving myself another one
I have too much to say
Lael's griefing me, but not on purpose I don't think.
All the same, what a fucking relief to have her out of the house come tomorrow. I'm sure that you all who moved out at the beginning of August felt the same when you left. But we've talked this to death over coffee already.
I can't even apologize for that. She has her moments. And thusly it all sinks into indifference, because it's not like I'm out to get EVERYONE.
Or is it.
...DUN DUN DUN!
I'm gonna angle for telepathy
Cause I don't know the words to say
Well I'm gonna act up but not in your fucking play
I'll let you win the argument if things still go my way
I couldn't help myself.
Well I haven't had enough
And I said I had my fill
The past does not exist
And I'm told it never will
I guess that I'm stuck here
Like a plant on a windowsill
Modest Mouse is louder. The more of their music I dip my toes into, the louder they get. Or the louder I like it. Or both. Or something.
I really like just talking like this now. Even more, ever better, just running at the mouth, blah blah blah, whatever I want to go goes here and all is lost to the vastness of the internet.
I came up with this just now: Don't shit in my shit hole. Oh man, I'm on a role. Unnecessary profanity! Derogatory ranting! Post-post-post-modern grammar! HAHA!
I'm gonna tell you what you want to hear anyways
I could give myself a shot
I could get myself a pill
I'm gonna go and try to buy a little more time to kill
I need a can opener, cause I got some beans to spill
I could even make an entire post with NOTHING IN IT.
I don't mean no content, that's far too rampant lately. I'm talking about a single post with absolutely nothing in it.
Well somehow or another I fell for every scam
But I was dancing on the tin roof, cat be damned
Committing crimes running down the alley
I am the captain and you are in the galley
What a glorious idea.
8.27.2005
Been thinking about how much information is here. My blog is three years and one month old. This is post 1051. That's an average of 28.4 posts a month. And .947 posts a day. I'd like to think that the quality's gotten better.
I'm here again inside you
It's so nice in here
But I can't stay for long
I float around in liquid hibernation
In a hotel nourishing on the electricity board
There are a lot of things that I have never felt the need to say in here because I have always felt them, and continue to, and there's no sense in putting them here. The fundamentally unchanging things about myself are left out, but why? I thought I was supposed to be inside this place, like my memory palace. It's distorting the point of writing things down. Why not have a blog sitting inside my head? I could easily do it, with memory exercises. I don't know the answers to these yet. Probably because I have a different version of blog in my palace. I have Josiah's room, Sean's room, the dungeon, the blueprint room, The Island above the entrance, the fireplace, et cetera on into the infinite confines of my mind. It makes me curious whether even my memory palace would be here if I could draw adequately. I would like to do so someday. Even if in small, infrequent amounts.
I've always been pretty blatant about why this is here in the first place, but not why I post certain things. My mind's convecting around this, some liquid core of a planet's body.
I heard a lot when I was growing up that the difference between sane and insane is the amount of filtering you do from transferring brain to mouth. The thought of filtering NOTHING and your sanity remaining intact interests me to the point where I look for people that do this. I'm not talking about secrets you shouldn't be talking about according to whoever makes up these rules (abortions, drunks, drug problems, rape, incest, abandoned children, whatever). I'm talking about every single god damn thing that comes to mind. If it were possible for someone to do so, the internet would collapse under the weight of such thoughts.
This blog is on the path to that point. There's a lot here, but there's filtering, some rearranging at my own discretion, and as much or little forethought as I feel like applying. My own space to manipulate. I guess you could go so far as to say that absolutely no filtering puts upon the rest of the world due to the invasive feeling of being manipulated at someone else's leisure. Reality would turn on its head, you'd never know what is what. There's that feeling here too. I've told so many contradictory things here. I think I'm starting to understand why people are scared that this exists. It's so assaulting in so many ways.
I explode out and the peace is no more
Bathed in new light
I cry and cry
Disconnected
An unused brain put on breasts
And fed by sleepwalkers
I get a lot of questions as to what's real and what's not. I never know how to answer that.
I'm here again inside you
It's so nice in here
But I can't stay for long
I float around in liquid hibernation
In a hotel nourishing on the electricity board
There are a lot of things that I have never felt the need to say in here because I have always felt them, and continue to, and there's no sense in putting them here. The fundamentally unchanging things about myself are left out, but why? I thought I was supposed to be inside this place, like my memory palace. It's distorting the point of writing things down. Why not have a blog sitting inside my head? I could easily do it, with memory exercises. I don't know the answers to these yet. Probably because I have a different version of blog in my palace. I have Josiah's room, Sean's room, the dungeon, the blueprint room, The Island above the entrance, the fireplace, et cetera on into the infinite confines of my mind. It makes me curious whether even my memory palace would be here if I could draw adequately. I would like to do so someday. Even if in small, infrequent amounts.
I've always been pretty blatant about why this is here in the first place, but not why I post certain things. My mind's convecting around this, some liquid core of a planet's body.
I heard a lot when I was growing up that the difference between sane and insane is the amount of filtering you do from transferring brain to mouth. The thought of filtering NOTHING and your sanity remaining intact interests me to the point where I look for people that do this. I'm not talking about secrets you shouldn't be talking about according to whoever makes up these rules (abortions, drunks, drug problems, rape, incest, abandoned children, whatever). I'm talking about every single god damn thing that comes to mind. If it were possible for someone to do so, the internet would collapse under the weight of such thoughts.
This blog is on the path to that point. There's a lot here, but there's filtering, some rearranging at my own discretion, and as much or little forethought as I feel like applying. My own space to manipulate. I guess you could go so far as to say that absolutely no filtering puts upon the rest of the world due to the invasive feeling of being manipulated at someone else's leisure. Reality would turn on its head, you'd never know what is what. There's that feeling here too. I've told so many contradictory things here. I think I'm starting to understand why people are scared that this exists. It's so assaulting in so many ways.
I explode out and the peace is no more
Bathed in new light
I cry and cry
Disconnected
An unused brain put on breasts
And fed by sleepwalkers
I get a lot of questions as to what's real and what's not. I never know how to answer that.
8.26.2005
Lol conformist. With her top 40 lyrics and indie bullshit, and how gross it must be to live in a quivering little hole in the digital ground, hmm? Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing here. I'm a mess, completely confused about who I am or what I want, absolutely oblivious to how my actions affect other people. I'm blind, deaf and stupid. I am selfish, arrogant, egoistical, confused, paranoid, scared, meaningless, adrift. Empty. Right?
I constantly compare myself to people, I ignore warnings and advice, my hearing is selective, I hate everything around me that's good and chaste and better than myself, I seek out and destroy things that make me look just as bad as I really am. I represent everything that is wrong and confused about this generation. I am a stunningly sickening poster child for sin, immorality, self-gratification, meaninglessness, aimlessness, and WORST of all, bad art.
Is that what you wanted to hear me say?
It's just vile.
I'm becoming less defined
As days go by
Fading away
Well you might say I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract
In terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
It makes me wonder who reads this. I really don't know now.
So Josiah's shamed by me? What does that even mean? Josiah's a separate being from me. He can shame himself just fine.
Less concerned about fitting in the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter
No it doesn't really matter
None of this really matters anymore
Me: sean, as you've known me for five years now, do you think my blog is worthless? i mean absolutely nothing, just some blitherings about whatever i feel like saying?
Sean: I don't believe your blog is worth any more or less than anyone ELSE'S.
Me: and the fact that other people can see it? josiah's father told me it's shit and worthless.
Sean: And...does his son say the same thing?
Me: no
Sean: Then he can blow me. How often does he actually sit down and talk to you? spend any real time with you?
Me: none. ever.
Sean: And so he reads your BLOG and just starts popping off at the mouth like he knows who you are?
Me: yeah.
In retrospect, how funny this all is.
Only
Only
Only
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be
And I can see things I shouldn't see
And now I know why
Now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
How pitiful it would be to exist in a barren world with sad, small people.
There is no fucking you
There is only me
I don't have the time for this, I have a convention to go to.
I constantly compare myself to people, I ignore warnings and advice, my hearing is selective, I hate everything around me that's good and chaste and better than myself, I seek out and destroy things that make me look just as bad as I really am. I represent everything that is wrong and confused about this generation. I am a stunningly sickening poster child for sin, immorality, self-gratification, meaninglessness, aimlessness, and WORST of all, bad art.
Is that what you wanted to hear me say?
It's just vile.
I'm becoming less defined
As days go by
Fading away
Well you might say I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract
In terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
It makes me wonder who reads this. I really don't know now.
So Josiah's shamed by me? What does that even mean? Josiah's a separate being from me. He can shame himself just fine.
Less concerned about fitting in the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter
No it doesn't really matter
None of this really matters anymore
Me: sean, as you've known me for five years now, do you think my blog is worthless? i mean absolutely nothing, just some blitherings about whatever i feel like saying?
Sean: I don't believe your blog is worth any more or less than anyone ELSE'S.
Me: and the fact that other people can see it? josiah's father told me it's shit and worthless.
Sean: And...does his son say the same thing?
Me: no
Sean: Then he can blow me. How often does he actually sit down and talk to you? spend any real time with you?
Me: none. ever.
Sean: And so he reads your BLOG and just starts popping off at the mouth like he knows who you are?
Me: yeah.
In retrospect, how funny this all is.
Only
Only
Only
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be
And I can see things I shouldn't see
And now I know why
Now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
How pitiful it would be to exist in a barren world with sad, small people.
There is no fucking you
There is only me
I don't have the time for this, I have a convention to go to.
8.13.2005
(To make myself feel better about the stress.)
What I have accomplished:
I pay my own bills on time.
I pay my own rent on time.
I make $23k a year with massive benefits doing a job I like.
I am engaged to a wonderful guy I thought I'd lost forever.
I have enough money to buy a 2004 Mazda 3s.
I am getting close to my A.A. degree.
I did a damn fine dyejob on my own hair without help.
I got rid of the problem people in my life.
I am moving into a townhouse above Uwajimaya at the end of this month.
I pay for my own books for class.
I am going to PAX.
I have friends that I can more than just stand.
I have the time to help my friends with their own lives.
I have under $150 in debt.
What Alana has accomplished:
She went to Japan on her mother's dime.
She learned to drive.
What I have accomplished:
I pay my own bills on time.
I pay my own rent on time.
I make $23k a year with massive benefits doing a job I like.
I am engaged to a wonderful guy I thought I'd lost forever.
I have enough money to buy a 2004 Mazda 3s.
I am getting close to my A.A. degree.
I did a damn fine dyejob on my own hair without help.
I got rid of the problem people in my life.
I am moving into a townhouse above Uwajimaya at the end of this month.
I pay for my own books for class.
I am going to PAX.
I have friends that I can more than just stand.
I have the time to help my friends with their own lives.
I have under $150 in debt.
What Alana has accomplished:
She went to Japan on her mother's dime.
She learned to drive.
1. initials: AMH
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Cervantes.
3. Where was your first kiss?
I don't remember. I was a little slut-child.
4. For or against same sex marriages?
For.
5. Are you homophobic?
No.
6. Are you bisexual?
Yeah.
7. do you believe in God?
No.
8. how many US states have you been to?
Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Florida. Seven.
9. how many of the US states have you lived in?
Two.
10. have you ever lived outside the US?
No.
11. name something you like physically about yourself:
My hands.
12. name something non physical you like about yourself:
My financial responsibility.
13. where do you want to go to retire?
I'm never going to retire from writing.
14. what is your dream car?
350z, with a Mazda 6 or a Scion TC for every-day driving.
15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
All of Europe, Japan, China, South Africa, India, Brazil, West Indies (the places that aren't currently in political unrest. does that even apply to any of them? XD)
16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?
Yes.
17. how many concerts have you gone to?
Three I think. Maybe four.
18. do you download music?
Yeah.
19. how many illegal things have you done?
Too many to name.
20. where would you want to go on a first date?
One of the little restaurants in Seattle that I like. And cabaret maybe. Or a burlesque show.
21. describe your perfect date:
That One French Restaurant ftw.
22. has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yeah, both. One of my friends runs by his new musical creations with me whenever he works up the courage to let me hear them.
23. ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes.
24. do you like president bush?
I kind of pity him for being so mentally challenged in such a high position of office. It's also difficult for me to watch him push his religious agenda when he clearly knows what he's trying to get passed into law is unconstitutional.
25. have you ever bungee jumped?
Not yet.
26. have you ever white- water rafted?
No. And no thanks.
27. have you ever crashed a car?
Yes.
28. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you?
Yes.
29. have you met a real redneck?
Yes.
30. are you interested in anyone right now?
Yes.
31. what song are you listening to right now?
The hum of the many computer fans.
32. what is your current favorite song?
Um. I'm not sure. I had a favorite song from high school, but I don't know whether it's changed or not. And I'm not really sure that there would be a new contender for the spot.
33. what was the last movie you watched?
Clerks.
34. who was the last person you said you loved?
Josiah.
35. where was the last place you went besides your house?
I went to Dilletante's last night for a Voltaire and cheesecake.
36. have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property?
No. Well, not seriously.
37. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yep. Tons of times. It's what brothers are for.
38. Have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?
Does large group of people include all of my siblings?
39 is missing due to a repeat question from an earlier quiz.
40. what really turns you on?
Sneaky spontaenous touches, kisses and nips.
41. what do you usually order from starbucks?
Something with caramel. Sometimes their Tazo black tea, iced. I get my raspberry mochas from Bauhaus.
42. what is your biggest mistake?
Currently, it would be not doing my homework and waiting till the last minute.
43. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes. No regrets.
44. say something totally random about you:
I hate people who answer questions that require you to be random with "uh..." or "um..." like they can't possibly come up with ANYTHING about themselves that's interesting. I hate them for it because if it's not true, then they're not interested in showing their real selves to other people, and if it IS true, why the fuck are they taking this quiz and not out doing interesting things with interesting people? Either way, I wouldn't want to know them in the first place.
45. do you have an i-pod?
No.
46. has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No.
47. do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yeah, I kind of nanny.
48. do you have braces?
No.
49. are you comfortable with your height?
For the most part.
50. what is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Nothing particularly romantic. Sexy things, sure. Nice gestures, yeah. Surprise gifts, those too. But nothing romantic.
51. when do you know it's love?
When you break up momentarily and it hurts like a million bees are stinging your insides.
52. do you speak any other languages besides English?
Japanese, somewhat. I need more practice. AVERY GIVE ME MORE PRACTICE. >:( Also some mumbly French, German, Spanish.
53. have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No.
54. what magazines do you read?
Gothic Lolita Bible. :55. have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yeah, a couple of times.
56. has anyone you were really close with passed away?
No.
57. do you watch mtv?
No.
58. whats something that really annoys you?
Not only misspellings/mispronunciation, but when someone doesn't honestly care enough about the integrity of the language they're trying to convey to correct the mistakes they made and try to remember not to do so next time.
59. whats something you really like?
Voltaires. :D
60. do you like michael Jackson?
No.
61. can you dance?
Yes.
62. have you ever surfed?
Not yet.
63. do you know how to pump gas?
*incredulous look*
64. do you drive?
Mm hmm.
65. whats the latest you have ever stayed up?
50 some-odd hours.
66. have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
No. I'd like to think of myself as invincible, until proven otherwise.
67. were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No.
68. have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
Yes. And turned it down rightly. But it's only happened once or twice, because I don't say dare unless I'm ready to do whatever's asked of me.
70. do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Yes, unless I just want the quiz and don't care about the person who wrote it.
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Cervantes.
3. Where was your first kiss?
I don't remember. I was a little slut-child.
4. For or against same sex marriages?
For.
5. Are you homophobic?
No.
6. Are you bisexual?
Yeah.
7. do you believe in God?
No.
8. how many US states have you been to?
Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Florida. Seven.
9. how many of the US states have you lived in?
Two.
10. have you ever lived outside the US?
No.
11. name something you like physically about yourself:
My hands.
12. name something non physical you like about yourself:
My financial responsibility.
13. where do you want to go to retire?
I'm never going to retire from writing.
14. what is your dream car?
350z, with a Mazda 6 or a Scion TC for every-day driving.
15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
All of Europe, Japan, China, South Africa, India, Brazil, West Indies (the places that aren't currently in political unrest. does that even apply to any of them? XD)
16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?
Yes.
17. how many concerts have you gone to?
Three I think. Maybe four.
18. do you download music?
Yeah.
19. how many illegal things have you done?
Too many to name.
20. where would you want to go on a first date?
One of the little restaurants in Seattle that I like. And cabaret maybe. Or a burlesque show.
21. describe your perfect date:
That One French Restaurant ftw.
22. has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yeah, both. One of my friends runs by his new musical creations with me whenever he works up the courage to let me hear them.
23. ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes.
24. do you like president bush?
I kind of pity him for being so mentally challenged in such a high position of office. It's also difficult for me to watch him push his religious agenda when he clearly knows what he's trying to get passed into law is unconstitutional.
25. have you ever bungee jumped?
Not yet.
26. have you ever white- water rafted?
No. And no thanks.
27. have you ever crashed a car?
Yes.
28. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you?
Yes.
29. have you met a real redneck?
Yes.
30. are you interested in anyone right now?
Yes.
31. what song are you listening to right now?
The hum of the many computer fans.
32. what is your current favorite song?
Um. I'm not sure. I had a favorite song from high school, but I don't know whether it's changed or not. And I'm not really sure that there would be a new contender for the spot.
33. what was the last movie you watched?
Clerks.
34. who was the last person you said you loved?
Josiah.
35. where was the last place you went besides your house?
I went to Dilletante's last night for a Voltaire and cheesecake.
36. have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property?
No. Well, not seriously.
37. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yep. Tons of times. It's what brothers are for.
38. Have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?
Does large group of people include all of my siblings?
39 is missing due to a repeat question from an earlier quiz.
40. what really turns you on?
Sneaky spontaenous touches, kisses and nips.
41. what do you usually order from starbucks?
Something with caramel. Sometimes their Tazo black tea, iced. I get my raspberry mochas from Bauhaus.
42. what is your biggest mistake?
Currently, it would be not doing my homework and waiting till the last minute.
43. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Yes. No regrets.
44. say something totally random about you:
I hate people who answer questions that require you to be random with "uh..." or "um..." like they can't possibly come up with ANYTHING about themselves that's interesting. I hate them for it because if it's not true, then they're not interested in showing their real selves to other people, and if it IS true, why the fuck are they taking this quiz and not out doing interesting things with interesting people? Either way, I wouldn't want to know them in the first place.
45. do you have an i-pod?
No.
46. has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No.
47. do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yeah, I kind of nanny.
48. do you have braces?
No.
49. are you comfortable with your height?
For the most part.
50. what is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Nothing particularly romantic. Sexy things, sure. Nice gestures, yeah. Surprise gifts, those too. But nothing romantic.
51. when do you know it's love?
When you break up momentarily and it hurts like a million bees are stinging your insides.
52. do you speak any other languages besides English?
Japanese, somewhat. I need more practice. AVERY GIVE ME MORE PRACTICE. >:( Also some mumbly French, German, Spanish.
53. have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No.
54. what magazines do you read?
Gothic Lolita Bible. :55. have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yeah, a couple of times.
56. has anyone you were really close with passed away?
No.
57. do you watch mtv?
No.
58. whats something that really annoys you?
Not only misspellings/mispronunciation, but when someone doesn't honestly care enough about the integrity of the language they're trying to convey to correct the mistakes they made and try to remember not to do so next time.
59. whats something you really like?
Voltaires. :D
60. do you like michael Jackson?
No.
61. can you dance?
Yes.
62. have you ever surfed?
Not yet.
63. do you know how to pump gas?
*incredulous look*
64. do you drive?
Mm hmm.
65. whats the latest you have ever stayed up?
50 some-odd hours.
66. have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
No. I'd like to think of myself as invincible, until proven otherwise.
67. were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No.
68. have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
Yes. And turned it down rightly. But it's only happened once or twice, because I don't say dare unless I'm ready to do whatever's asked of me.
70. do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Yes, unless I just want the quiz and don't care about the person who wrote it.
8.06.2005
So we're being evicted warned by our landlord. For having people living in the house that are not on the lease.
The guy didn't want to rent to kids in the first place, God knows why he went ahead with it. He also didn't want any pets in the house. He was very reluctant to do this with us in the first place. I'm not surprised.
Anyway, we need to be out of here like right now. We legally have until the end of the month, but it's basically get out as soon as we can or he's going to take us to court for the rest of the lease's rent.
And to top this all off, Pam (who is on the lease) owes Josiah a great deal of money. She didn't pay August's rent, then left without telling anyone where she was going, and with no way of getting ahold of her. But she left all of her stuff here, so we assume that she's going to come back for it. (She's on a lease. It's a legally binding contract, you can't just walk away from that. The landlord will go after her if she tries to disappear.) Nevertheless, people have already started pre-emptively claiming her things.
She's stupid anyway, obviously, and hopefully not stupid enough to push this into court.
I'm floating down a river
Oars free from their hold long ago
Lying face-up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Nick moved out today. Keith moves out tomorrow. Both of them are going to their parents' places. Keith said he wants to come back up and live in a studio somewhere once he has a job lined up. Lael's trying to get out as fast as she can, and moving in with a friend somewhere. And who the fuck knows/cares about Pam.
Josiah and I are moving to the apartments above Uwajimaya with Avery (woo!) into some 2 bed 2 bath apartment made of sex. We're going over to their office Monday to take a look at places in the building.
I'm just really glad I hadn't put up my posters/pictures/photos on the walls yet. They're a bitch to take down. @_@
The guy didn't want to rent to kids in the first place, God knows why he went ahead with it. He also didn't want any pets in the house. He was very reluctant to do this with us in the first place. I'm not surprised.
Anyway, we need to be out of here like right now. We legally have until the end of the month, but it's basically get out as soon as we can or he's going to take us to court for the rest of the lease's rent.
And to top this all off, Pam (who is on the lease) owes Josiah a great deal of money. She didn't pay August's rent, then left without telling anyone where she was going, and with no way of getting ahold of her. But she left all of her stuff here, so we assume that she's going to come back for it. (She's on a lease. It's a legally binding contract, you can't just walk away from that. The landlord will go after her if she tries to disappear.) Nevertheless, people have already started pre-emptively claiming her things.
She's stupid anyway, obviously, and hopefully not stupid enough to push this into court.
I'm floating down a river
Oars free from their hold long ago
Lying face-up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Nick moved out today. Keith moves out tomorrow. Both of them are going to their parents' places. Keith said he wants to come back up and live in a studio somewhere once he has a job lined up. Lael's trying to get out as fast as she can, and moving in with a friend somewhere. And who the fuck knows/cares about Pam.
Josiah and I are moving to the apartments above Uwajimaya with Avery (woo!) into some 2 bed 2 bath apartment made of sex. We're going over to their office Monday to take a look at places in the building.
I'm just really glad I hadn't put up my posters/pictures/photos on the walls yet. They're a bitch to take down. @_@
8.04.2005
We were aiming for the moon
We were shooting at the stars
Okay, okay.
I'll admit we screwed up bringing Pam into this. My fault. My bad. I apologize for even entertaining the thought that there's another human being with female genitalia who could even match my superior emotional control and logistics.
(Excuse the ego, but really, it's very hard to find good female friends these days.)
I wanted very badly to have a girl I could mess around with and then go shopping with and not think anything of it.
I was wrong about this one. :
Your word and my word and your word is
Tomorrow, today and yesterday
But it's a necessary evil
And you will find your way there
And then the ensuing argument two people held THROUGH a third party because one of them was too angry to directly fight, and the other too scared.
Hah!
HAH!
Here, Aevi, let me pick at your flaws. Your inconsistencies. Your grammar, for Christ's sake. Someone didn't pay attention in high school.
And sorry about cutting up your post, but your run-on sentences make my head ache.
Aevi: okay it took nick over a month to find a job after him moved here. [*snip*] I don't have a lot of experence in anything the only good things that i have to put down on a resume is that i have microsoft certified and that is easy for anybody to do [*snip*] I have my own upstairs and I will pay for things once I have money. I don't have any right now so I can't pay for things. Everybody will be paid back once I get a check or get a job.
Taisa: I had 2 jobs lined up if the painting thing didn't go through. It took nick a month to find a job? Funny, he wasn't late on the rent, and keith didn't move in until he got the job because he knew that he WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING WITHOUT A JOB so he did the responsible thing and waited until he had a job to move in.
What drives you on
Can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had
Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste
You stupid girl
Wait... a second.
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
Me: what?!
Geo: experence
Me: i mean... florist's positions. she's up shit creek without a paddle.
Backstory: Pam's a guru when it comes to plants. She has more experience with it than I do NANNYING for fuck's sake. What does she do with it?
Looks for nanny positions.
Why?
The world may never know.
Oh, and then she tells someone (excuse me, I've forgotten in the slurry of limp-wristed punches and don't care to look) that she'd put up a fight if we tried to kick her out because she's on the lease. She wouldn't WANT to live here after the shit we'd put her through.
Come on, do you really think there's one person in this house that doesn't have a problem with you, besides Nick (who doesn't count, ever)?
Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings
The consequence at hand
But I keep livin this day like
The next will never come
Sigh.
Yeah, you guys wish your lives were this exciting, right? *eyeroll*
Anyway.
Here's a quiz, because I've forgotten who I am again.
Seven Deadly Sins
WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with? Josiah, for being a dick in the car.
2. What is your weapon of choice? My sai. (If only they were sharpened.)
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Oh yes.
4. How about of the same sex? Even better.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Pam, I think. Really angry is a pretty relative term.
6. What is your pet peeve? Too much of anything.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on who you are and what you did.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Take care of my ear piercings. >_>
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? I've woken up at all sorts of crazy times.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: That guy from my Creative Writing class. :4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I can't even remember it, it was so lame. Ask Josiah, he'd know.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? Yeah. The one about the special set of knives with that crazy portly guy in the striped apron with the mustache.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? While taking care of my kids. x_x
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None, I slept the fuck in.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Grande iced caramel frappuccino. Starbucks, mm.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Dark.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? 10 shots and five beers. I had to really concentrate in order to walk straight.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Not really. Working on the little kinks.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet, spicy, salty. In that order.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? Oh, all the time.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Oh god. Twenty at least.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? More than the previous estimate. I'm such a little slut.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Many times.
4. Have you "done it"? Many times.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Hair. Shoulders. Hands.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Yes.
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? None!
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? The internet.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Move to Japan, finish my degrees there and translate/write to my heart's content. Also, take care of my Josiah and give ourselves a right proper wedding/honeymoon.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Oh yes.
6.Have you ever stolen anything? All the time.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Something like 1500.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Being published.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Being successful in all my endeavours.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? To figure myself out.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Not unless it's the millionth time in a row.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Yes.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? From time to time.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Had only one cigarette, and kissed Josiah a lot.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? One-on-one time with Avery.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Neil.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Josiah.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? ... ._.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Smaller breasts. Slightly slimmer torso.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I don't want anyone else's traits but my own.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Wrath.
We were shooting at the stars
Okay, okay.
I'll admit we screwed up bringing Pam into this. My fault. My bad. I apologize for even entertaining the thought that there's another human being with female genitalia who could even match my superior emotional control and logistics.
(Excuse the ego, but really, it's very hard to find good female friends these days.)
I wanted very badly to have a girl I could mess around with and then go shopping with and not think anything of it.
I was wrong about this one. :
Your word and my word and your word is
Tomorrow, today and yesterday
But it's a necessary evil
And you will find your way there
And then the ensuing argument two people held THROUGH a third party because one of them was too angry to directly fight, and the other too scared.
Hah!
HAH!
Here, Aevi, let me pick at your flaws. Your inconsistencies. Your grammar, for Christ's sake. Someone didn't pay attention in high school.
And sorry about cutting up your post, but your run-on sentences make my head ache.
Aevi: okay it took nick over a month to find a job after him moved here. [*snip*] I don't have a lot of experence in anything the only good things that i have to put down on a resume is that i have microsoft certified and that is easy for anybody to do [*snip*] I have my own upstairs and I will pay for things once I have money. I don't have any right now so I can't pay for things. Everybody will be paid back once I get a check or get a job.
Taisa: I had 2 jobs lined up if the painting thing didn't go through. It took nick a month to find a job? Funny, he wasn't late on the rent, and keith didn't move in until he got the job because he knew that he WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING WITHOUT A JOB so he did the responsible thing and waited until he had a job to move in.
What drives you on
Can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had
Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste
You stupid girl
Wait... a second.
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
"I don't have a lot of experence in anything"
Me: what?!
Geo: experence
Me: i mean... florist's positions. she's up shit creek without a paddle.
Backstory: Pam's a guru when it comes to plants. She has more experience with it than I do NANNYING for fuck's sake. What does she do with it?
Looks for nanny positions.
Why?
The world may never know.
Oh, and then she tells someone (excuse me, I've forgotten in the slurry of limp-wristed punches and don't care to look) that she'd put up a fight if we tried to kick her out because she's on the lease. She wouldn't WANT to live here after the shit we'd put her through.
Come on, do you really think there's one person in this house that doesn't have a problem with you, besides Nick (who doesn't count, ever)?
Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings
The consequence at hand
But I keep livin this day like
The next will never come
Sigh.
Yeah, you guys wish your lives were this exciting, right? *eyeroll*
Anyway.
Here's a quiz, because I've forgotten who I am again.
Seven Deadly Sins
WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with? Josiah, for being a dick in the car.
2. What is your weapon of choice? My sai. (If only they were sharpened.)
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Oh yes.
4. How about of the same sex? Even better.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Pam, I think. Really angry is a pretty relative term.
6. What is your pet peeve? Too much of anything.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on who you are and what you did.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Take care of my ear piercings. >_>
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? I've woken up at all sorts of crazy times.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: That guy from my Creative Writing class. :4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I can't even remember it, it was so lame. Ask Josiah, he'd know.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? Yeah. The one about the special set of knives with that crazy portly guy in the striped apron with the mustache.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? While taking care of my kids. x_x
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None, I slept the fuck in.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Grande iced caramel frappuccino. Starbucks, mm.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Dark.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? 10 shots and five beers. I had to really concentrate in order to walk straight.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Not really. Working on the little kinks.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet, spicy, salty. In that order.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? Oh, all the time.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Oh god. Twenty at least.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? More than the previous estimate. I'm such a little slut.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Many times.
4. Have you "done it"? Many times.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Hair. Shoulders. Hands.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Yes.
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? None!
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? The internet.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Move to Japan, finish my degrees there and translate/write to my heart's content. Also, take care of my Josiah and give ourselves a right proper wedding/honeymoon.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Oh yes.
6.Have you ever stolen anything? All the time.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Something like 1500.
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Being published.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Being successful in all my endeavours.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? To figure myself out.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Not unless it's the millionth time in a row.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Yes.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? From time to time.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Had only one cigarette, and kissed Josiah a lot.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? One-on-one time with Avery.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Neil.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Josiah.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? ... ._.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Smaller breasts. Slightly slimmer torso.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I don't want anyone else's traits but my own.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Wrath.
He is the lamb
She is the slaughter
Someone new in our lives.
Avery.
He knows more Japanese than I do. :
I feel upstaged.
Sono kami mo
Kirei na yubi mo
Tamaranaku daremo o sono ki ni saseru
Urunda hitomi ni mitsumeraretara
Mou gaman dekinai kara
Kimi o daite uchuu no kanata e
Kodoku na tabi kara "sayonara"
Mujuuryoku na kankei de mo ii
Soredemo kimi wa
Dareka ni muchuu
Sono koe mo
Atsui toiki mo
Utsukushiku daremo o toriko ni saseru
Nurashita karada kasaneawasetara
Mou gaman dekinai
Very curious about this one.
He gawks at women.
What's his story.
What makes him tick.
I'd ask, but that seems too forward. He's not my friend, after all. I don't want to break social rules, it's usually a warning sign when that happens.
Too busy thinking about the what ifs to sleep.
So what would an angel say?
The devil wants to know
This is like Neil and the others all over again, only I can touch him.
It makes me want to sleep with him, to know his weight and texture.
Very curious indeed.
Sotto
Furerarete
Kono hoho no
Tsumetasa ni
Yatto kizuita
Asa me ga samete
Tori no koe ni
Hajimete
Kizuku you ni
Totsuzen
Mada shiranai nanimo
Kokoro ga motometeru mono
Shiranai no
She is the slaughter
Someone new in our lives.
Avery.
He knows more Japanese than I do. :
I feel upstaged.
Sono kami mo
Kirei na yubi mo
Tamaranaku daremo o sono ki ni saseru
Urunda hitomi ni mitsumeraretara
Mou gaman dekinai kara
Kimi o daite uchuu no kanata e
Kodoku na tabi kara "sayonara"
Mujuuryoku na kankei de mo ii
Soredemo kimi wa
Dareka ni muchuu
Sono koe mo
Atsui toiki mo
Utsukushiku daremo o toriko ni saseru
Nurashita karada kasaneawasetara
Mou gaman dekinai
Very curious about this one.
He gawks at women.
What's his story.
What makes him tick.
I'd ask, but that seems too forward. He's not my friend, after all. I don't want to break social rules, it's usually a warning sign when that happens.
Too busy thinking about the what ifs to sleep.
So what would an angel say?
The devil wants to know
This is like Neil and the others all over again, only I can touch him.
It makes me want to sleep with him, to know his weight and texture.
Very curious indeed.
Sotto
Furerarete
Kono hoho no
Tsumetasa ni
Yatto kizuita
Asa me ga samete
Tori no koe ni
Hajimete
Kizuku you ni
Totsuzen
Mada shiranai nanimo
Kokoro ga motometeru mono
Shiranai no
8.01.2005
In a thread dissing some asshat who lost his $300 Oakley sunglasses, and the ensuing "you're better off without them, now you don't look like a cunt," I got curious as to what was so great about this company.
So sue me, now I want a pair. :D
Also, new computer cam with high quality action. <3
Also also, new swimsuit. <3
So sue me, now I want a pair. :D
Also, new computer cam with high quality action. <3
Also also, new swimsuit. <3
7.31.2005
Alright already
We'll all float on
MilkmanDan: complements on "please do not fall in love with me" :)
Sphyx: lol
MilkmanDan: that sentence is totally counterproductive
Heh. :D
You can dance
Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Every smile for the man
Who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight
But don't forget who's takin you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin save the last dance for me
We've been going to the beach every single day, hahah. It's wonderful. The water's so nice. I'm getting the cutest little tanlines everywhere. We frolick in the water, play frisbee and dive and splash around like fishes.
Float on my back and drift in the tide. I am a jellyfish. :o
Turtleneck
Cover me
Don't let anybody see
Everything I've come to be
He throws his arms around me and I swell with love.
Star speckles and pink butterflies
And life is nice
So nice
Me: i mean, i was really just asking if there's that much allure in a bunch of pretty words and pictures.
Geo: yes. but if they fall in love with you because of it they're dumbasses ^o^
The minds are sick ones
Cause what we are is victims of fun
So much music food water swimming playing sex fun liquor games parties friends lovers sunlight softness.
Pure mornings.
Like the record spins on the trails we blaze
The walls are closing in
But that’s okay
Cause I’ve been waiting all week
To feel this way
And it feels so good
So good
I’m on top of the world
The coolest kid in the neighborhood
So let me be your star for one night
That’s right
I'm a little smelly, think I'll take a shower before we head out to the water.
Maybe. <_<
Such a lazy, slow summer.
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing's gonna stop me now
I do my homework when I remember to.
I can’t believe my eyes
I'm seein' stars
But the music's so distracting.
It goes
Ooh la la
I see stars
I'm seeing stars
We'll all float on
MilkmanDan: complements on "please do not fall in love with me" :)
Sphyx: lol
MilkmanDan: that sentence is totally counterproductive
Heh. :D
You can dance
Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Every smile for the man
Who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight
But don't forget who's takin you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin save the last dance for me
We've been going to the beach every single day, hahah. It's wonderful. The water's so nice. I'm getting the cutest little tanlines everywhere. We frolick in the water, play frisbee and dive and splash around like fishes.
Float on my back and drift in the tide. I am a jellyfish. :o
Turtleneck
Cover me
Don't let anybody see
Everything I've come to be
He throws his arms around me and I swell with love.
Star speckles and pink butterflies
And life is nice
So nice
Me: i mean, i was really just asking if there's that much allure in a bunch of pretty words and pictures.
Geo: yes. but if they fall in love with you because of it they're dumbasses ^o^
The minds are sick ones
Cause what we are is victims of fun
So much music food water swimming playing sex fun liquor games parties friends lovers sunlight softness.
Pure mornings.
Like the record spins on the trails we blaze
The walls are closing in
But that’s okay
Cause I’ve been waiting all week
To feel this way
And it feels so good
So good
I’m on top of the world
The coolest kid in the neighborhood
So let me be your star for one night
That’s right
I'm a little smelly, think I'll take a shower before we head out to the water.
Maybe. <_<
Such a lazy, slow summer.
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing's gonna stop me now
I do my homework when I remember to.
I can’t believe my eyes
I'm seein' stars
But the music's so distracting.
It goes
Ooh la la
I see stars
I'm seeing stars
7.14.2005
Suerte que en el sur hayas nacido
Y que burlemos las distancias
Suerte que es haberte conocido
Y por ti amar tierras extrañas
Yo puedo escalar los Andes solo
Por ir a contar tus lunares
Contigo celebro y sufro todu
Mis alegrÃas y mis males
Sabes que estoy a tus pies
Contigo mi vida
Quiero vivir la vida
Y lo que me queda de vida
Quiero vivir contigo
Suerte que es tener labios sinceros
Para besarte con más ganas
Suerte que mis pechos sean pequeños
Y no los confundas con montañas
Suerte que heredé las piernas firmes
Para correr si un dÃa hace falta
Y estos dos ojos que me dicen
Que han de llorar cuando te vayas
:(
Y que burlemos las distancias
Suerte que es haberte conocido
Y por ti amar tierras extrañas
Yo puedo escalar los Andes solo
Por ir a contar tus lunares
Contigo celebro y sufro todu
Mis alegrÃas y mis males
Sabes que estoy a tus pies
Contigo mi vida
Quiero vivir la vida
Y lo que me queda de vida
Quiero vivir contigo
Suerte que es tener labios sinceros
Para besarte con más ganas
Suerte que mis pechos sean pequeños
Y no los confundas con montañas
Suerte que heredé las piernas firmes
Para correr si un dÃa hace falta
Y estos dos ojos que me dicen
Que han de llorar cuando te vayas
:(
6.30.2005
2am and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer
Inside of me threating the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to
Everything's okay now.
@_@
But my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer
Inside of me threating the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to
Everything's okay now.
@_@
But my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
6.19.2005
My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
And this I know fo sho
But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me walk out the door
Don't try to fight the feeling
Cause the thought alone
Is killing me right now
Thank God for Mom and Dad
For sticking two together
Cause we don't know how
Oh, man. Oh man oh man oh man.
I live in a house made of histronic and codependant tendencies. I live in a house of liars. I don't mind, really. I do mind when my advice isn't taken and then the predictable events occur. We'll see, though, right? Is that what you're trying to convince yourself of?
It's difficult to watch them all fumble around when I stand on solid ground. Helping them is like dancing. Hold my arms just so. Bend, turn, pose. They're flat on their own ass frequently. Pretending that they aren't. Denying. Denial. Ignoring. Ignorance.
Ad infinitum.
I don't... look down on them. It's like watching an animal try to undo the locks on their cage...
You think you've got it
Oh you think you've got it
But got it just don't get it
Till there's nothing at all
We get together
Oh we get together
But separate's always better
When there's feelings involved
If what they say is "Nothing is forever,"
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Love the exception?
So why oh why oh
Why oh why oh why oh
Are we so in denial
When we know we're not happy here?
Sometimes I sit here, thinking to myself, why do they trust me. Why not themselves.
Why are they so unsure? As if they believe that the ground could fall away beneath their feet at any moment, and every step is to be taken so lightly.
I told her I'm adding a hint of irony to the stewing pot of bullshit. I play these songs whose lyrics sit around this post. I hear furious, fluttery typing. I know I'm going to be getting a mouthful.
Let's see what else festers.
Footsteps are lightly taken
But hurrying anyway
The thunder like a lion's roar
Prompts a dispersion
What's going on?
That's right
The rain's coming
I really hate the rain
I wanted to stay here a little longer
In the instant when the pleasant sensation was changed
When the lion made me hurry
It was obvious
No
Annoying
It's gonna rain
Has the rain erased his alibi?
Did he already forget?
Is this all the two of us will become?
Let's make all of this the rain's fault
As for calls from him
Nothing nothing
And lessons from the rain too
Nothing nothing
If my mind would change
Like the weather in England
That would be a relief
But it's the opposite
It's gonna rain
Because she loves me so
And this I know fo sho
But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me walk out the door
Don't try to fight the feeling
Cause the thought alone
Is killing me right now
Thank God for Mom and Dad
For sticking two together
Cause we don't know how
Oh, man. Oh man oh man oh man.
I live in a house made of histronic and codependant tendencies. I live in a house of liars. I don't mind, really. I do mind when my advice isn't taken and then the predictable events occur. We'll see, though, right? Is that what you're trying to convince yourself of?
It's difficult to watch them all fumble around when I stand on solid ground. Helping them is like dancing. Hold my arms just so. Bend, turn, pose. They're flat on their own ass frequently. Pretending that they aren't. Denying. Denial. Ignoring. Ignorance.
Ad infinitum.
I don't... look down on them. It's like watching an animal try to undo the locks on their cage...
You think you've got it
Oh you think you've got it
But got it just don't get it
Till there's nothing at all
We get together
Oh we get together
But separate's always better
When there's feelings involved
If what they say is "Nothing is forever,"
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Then what makes
Love the exception?
So why oh why oh
Why oh why oh why oh
Are we so in denial
When we know we're not happy here?
Sometimes I sit here, thinking to myself, why do they trust me. Why not themselves.
Why are they so unsure? As if they believe that the ground could fall away beneath their feet at any moment, and every step is to be taken so lightly.
I told her I'm adding a hint of irony to the stewing pot of bullshit. I play these songs whose lyrics sit around this post. I hear furious, fluttery typing. I know I'm going to be getting a mouthful.
Let's see what else festers.
Footsteps are lightly taken
But hurrying anyway
The thunder like a lion's roar
Prompts a dispersion
What's going on?
That's right
The rain's coming
I really hate the rain
I wanted to stay here a little longer
In the instant when the pleasant sensation was changed
When the lion made me hurry
It was obvious
No
Annoying
It's gonna rain
Has the rain erased his alibi?
Did he already forget?
Is this all the two of us will become?
Let's make all of this the rain's fault
As for calls from him
Nothing nothing
And lessons from the rain too
Nothing nothing
If my mind would change
Like the weather in England
That would be a relief
But it's the opposite
It's gonna rain
6.15.2005
My jobs have ended; the first and second jobs I had in Seattle. The Lawyer family wants me to come back next school year, which I'm perfectly fine with, unless someone offers me more money. I've taken on the role of household manager with them, essentially. I run the house while they're gone and make sure everything's kosher for their return home. Household managers get paid more. Hmm.
And G, the only kid, the awesome kid, got me potted Fuschias which is just freaking awesome. And I have a yard that I can plant them in. I also got a bonus added on; $100 for three hours of work. None of my checks bounced, and I have some spending money for these three days I have off until I start my work with E&E. Good times all round.
Starting my new job with those kids next Tuesday. I will be working with them full days Tuesday, Thursday and Friday (about 20 hours). I'll be making $1050 a month with them, which is subtantially more than I had been making.
I also am going to be getting a call from a woman I've had two interviews with who's basically hinted to me that I'm perfect for the job and she just needs to make sure that she's not missing out on someone better. This job will also be giving me the infant experience I need to be a real, professional nanny.
Her son is awesome and loves Japanese and I'm really excited for this job as well. With her, it's going to be maybe 5 hours each week to come in, hang out, impart my knowledge of the awesomeness of Japan, whip up a little ramen and then pat their heads and skip away into the sunset. That's going to add on an extra $230 a month, so I'll be making $1280, and not even working 30 hours a week. Everything's falling into place, thank the universe.
In other news, I'm taking summer classes (online only) and testing out of Japanese 101 and then finishing up my AA degree in Fall quarter with 2 5-cred classes that will also be the last of my requirements. So I'll have my AA, and a half-year off to save up money and write write write write, and then starting Fall semester, I'll be at the UW.
I've decided that I really want to pursue this Japanese thing, and translate. Maybe even translate novels! :O So I'll be double majoring in English and Japanese at the UW the same time my mum's there for Architecture, which she's finally setting her sights on for good. I'm so glad she's figured things out as well. <3
Everything's getting better. o_o Ash comes home soon. Nick's moved in. Pam and Tony aren't breaking up after all. Everyone has a job. Woooooo~
And G, the only kid, the awesome kid, got me potted Fuschias which is just freaking awesome. And I have a yard that I can plant them in. I also got a bonus added on; $100 for three hours of work. None of my checks bounced, and I have some spending money for these three days I have off until I start my work with E&E. Good times all round.
Starting my new job with those kids next Tuesday. I will be working with them full days Tuesday, Thursday and Friday (about 20 hours). I'll be making $1050 a month with them, which is subtantially more than I had been making.
I also am going to be getting a call from a woman I've had two interviews with who's basically hinted to me that I'm perfect for the job and she just needs to make sure that she's not missing out on someone better. This job will also be giving me the infant experience I need to be a real, professional nanny.
Her son is awesome and loves Japanese and I'm really excited for this job as well. With her, it's going to be maybe 5 hours each week to come in, hang out, impart my knowledge of the awesomeness of Japan, whip up a little ramen and then pat their heads and skip away into the sunset. That's going to add on an extra $230 a month, so I'll be making $1280, and not even working 30 hours a week. Everything's falling into place, thank the universe.
In other news, I'm taking summer classes (online only) and testing out of Japanese 101 and then finishing up my AA degree in Fall quarter with 2 5-cred classes that will also be the last of my requirements. So I'll have my AA, and a half-year off to save up money and write write write write, and then starting Fall semester, I'll be at the UW.
I've decided that I really want to pursue this Japanese thing, and translate. Maybe even translate novels! :O So I'll be double majoring in English and Japanese at the UW the same time my mum's there for Architecture, which she's finally setting her sights on for good. I'm so glad she's figured things out as well. <3
Everything's getting better. o_o Ash comes home soon. Nick's moved in. Pam and Tony aren't breaking up after all. Everyone has a job. Woooooo~
6.06.2005
A typical middle-class family looking-for-childcare call:
Her: Hi, um, I don't know who posted this ad because there was no name on it, but I saw your ad on the, uh, SPU.
Me: Um, there are three of us here with ads on the SPU website.
Her: Uh... Well, it was posted on May 23rd.
Me: *blink* ...What did the ad say?
Her: Mondays and Wednesdays.
Me: Oh, okay. That's me.
Her: So you're still available?
Me: Yes. And I'm Adrienne by the way.
Her: Mmk. So I just wanted to know if your price was negotiable?
Me: A little, if it's just one kid for part-time, it'll be $11/hr.
Her: Mmk, well, uh, I just got a job making $15/hr, so that's a little steep for me to be paying. I have a 2 year old daughter. What kind of experience do you have?
Me: Well, I worked with one family for four years, and I'm wrapping up working for two other families at the end of the school year, and I've been a counselor at Camp Sealth, and I worked at Wallingford Presbyterian Church's nursery.
Her: Uh huh. Well, I currently have a woman working with me who has more experience than you. She's 25. I only pay her $11/hr so if anything changes for you let me know k bye.
First of all, my name was on the ad. My name is ALWAYS on ANY ad I post, except for maybe Craigslist, but my phone number's never on those ads. Second, who the FUCK has a kid while making $15/hr. From the way it sounded, she doesn't have anyone with her supplementing her income. I wouldn't want to work there anyway, I'd be afraid she'd stiff me all the time. And who in their right mind would work for $11/hr and have MORE experience than me?! Please stop artificially lowering our income, you're hurting everyone by taking jobs that pay less than you're worth.
Her: Hi, um, I don't know who posted this ad because there was no name on it, but I saw your ad on the, uh, SPU.
Me: Um, there are three of us here with ads on the SPU website.
Her: Uh... Well, it was posted on May 23rd.
Me: *blink* ...What did the ad say?
Her: Mondays and Wednesdays.
Me: Oh, okay. That's me.
Her: So you're still available?
Me: Yes. And I'm Adrienne by the way.
Her: Mmk. So I just wanted to know if your price was negotiable?
Me: A little, if it's just one kid for part-time, it'll be $11/hr.
Her: Mmk, well, uh, I just got a job making $15/hr, so that's a little steep for me to be paying. I have a 2 year old daughter. What kind of experience do you have?
Me: Well, I worked with one family for four years, and I'm wrapping up working for two other families at the end of the school year, and I've been a counselor at Camp Sealth, and I worked at Wallingford Presbyterian Church's nursery.
Her: Uh huh. Well, I currently have a woman working with me who has more experience than you. She's 25. I only pay her $11/hr so if anything changes for you let me know k bye.
First of all, my name was on the ad. My name is ALWAYS on ANY ad I post, except for maybe Craigslist, but my phone number's never on those ads. Second, who the FUCK has a kid while making $15/hr. From the way it sounded, she doesn't have anyone with her supplementing her income. I wouldn't want to work there anyway, I'd be afraid she'd stiff me all the time. And who in their right mind would work for $11/hr and have MORE experience than me?! Please stop artificially lowering our income, you're hurting everyone by taking jobs that pay less than you're worth.
5.26.2005
On a whim, I went and got my ears pierced straight to an 8 gauge (4mm diameter). The specific technique with larger piercings like that is to pierce it with a needle one size smaller, and then to shove a taper through the hole (which pinches, oh how it pinches), followed by the glass plugs (only black, not blue) I picked out.
Never thought I'd mess with my ears, as I don't much care for them, but hey. The goal, as it were, is to stretch them to a 6 in three or four months, put some swanky steel (uncolored) eyelets in them, and call it done. The only reason I hadn't pierced straight to a 6 is because they didn't have any damn 6 steel eyelets on hand. Oh well, the plugs look neat. They're clear, save for the very front face, which is black. No pictures for you of my own because I haven't the means, sorry guys.
I about had an orgasm on that poor guy's chair. It feels so good, even the pinching with the taper. I can't stop touching them. *-*;
So besides this (which I did because it was the cheapest out of my projects), I am still planning on getting my two random rings on my left ear a la Shay from Ride (cartilage is more expensive than lobe :\) as well as uber cool venom tongue piercings (lol snail :3) which I have also whimed into wanting done. (Why is everything happening in twos?)
I imagine they will add something nice to pleasuring my bed partners. :D
Never thought I'd mess with my ears, as I don't much care for them, but hey. The goal, as it were, is to stretch them to a 6 in three or four months, put some swanky steel (uncolored) eyelets in them, and call it done. The only reason I hadn't pierced straight to a 6 is because they didn't have any damn 6 steel eyelets on hand. Oh well, the plugs look neat. They're clear, save for the very front face, which is black. No pictures for you of my own because I haven't the means, sorry guys.
I about had an orgasm on that poor guy's chair. It feels so good, even the pinching with the taper. I can't stop touching them. *-*;
So besides this (which I did because it was the cheapest out of my projects), I am still planning on getting my two random rings on my left ear a la Shay from Ride (cartilage is more expensive than lobe :\) as well as uber cool venom tongue piercings (lol snail :3) which I have also whimed into wanting done. (Why is everything happening in twos?)
I imagine they will add something nice to pleasuring my bed partners. :D
5.24.2005
5.19.2005
Sometimes I wonder why we have no limits
Everything we do is timed
Just find out who we are
So the contract's over.
Thought I would feel more certain about this, but I'm still just as torn. Well, not really. I mean, I loved it. Honest. It was... nice. There were problems, but yeah, I knew that would happen. And maybe because of those problems, I'm enjoying my freedom right now.
Wondering how this next time around's going to go.
I wanna be your illusion
So I got the job with the awesome family that'll pay me to take their kids all sorts of places and, on top of that, pay for GAS (thank you, universe). They're really neat people, both musicians, crazy kids. Good pay ($12/hr), lots of extra money. I'm pleased with myself, them, and everything.
I've decided to get rats. o_O
And, when they pop a few out, take care of rat bebbies. O_o
Yes, yes, I know. A little nuts. But fun! Very fun. I've had rats before, nobody panic. I will love them muchly. <3 Was thinking about naming them all after Roman gods/goddesses.
Josiah and I are doing wonderfully. All snuggles and kisses and touching. We're talking about a little secrety thing that I've mentioned to few in passing months ago, but never really said much about. Talking, just talking...
Everything we do is timed
Just find out who we are
So the contract's over.
Thought I would feel more certain about this, but I'm still just as torn. Well, not really. I mean, I loved it. Honest. It was... nice. There were problems, but yeah, I knew that would happen. And maybe because of those problems, I'm enjoying my freedom right now.
Wondering how this next time around's going to go.
I wanna be your illusion
So I got the job with the awesome family that'll pay me to take their kids all sorts of places and, on top of that, pay for GAS (thank you, universe). They're really neat people, both musicians, crazy kids. Good pay ($12/hr), lots of extra money. I'm pleased with myself, them, and everything.
I've decided to get rats. o_O
And, when they pop a few out, take care of rat bebbies. O_o
Yes, yes, I know. A little nuts. But fun! Very fun. I've had rats before, nobody panic. I will love them muchly. <3 Was thinking about naming them all after Roman gods/goddesses.
Josiah and I are doing wonderfully. All snuggles and kisses and touching. We're talking about a little secrety thing that I've mentioned to few in passing months ago, but never really said much about. Talking, just talking...
5.12.2005
O green world
Don't desert me now
Bring me back to fallen town
Where someone is still alive
Fighting for something new in this
When no one needs the heart of me and
I'll get out somewhere other than me before
Things are disjointed like a suicide jumper's limbs.
(Oh, the metaphors.)
Than me before
12th - dye Green Hair's hair, Grind afterwards with him Taisa Ash Aevi(?) Geo(?)
13th - work at 3:30, MSI show at 7:30 with Green Hair because none of you other faggots wanted to go with me
14th - babysitting in Mercer Island at 8:30
15th - work at 9, interview at 6:30
The new Gorillaz is awesome, I must say. Maybe I'd buy it, if I had the money.
O green world
Don't deserve me now
I'm made of you and you of me
But where are we?
Oh no sells to lie
Phone with talk
You stars suppose you
Down when you're in fast
Cause it seems so little to you
Don't desert me now
Bring me back to fallen town
Where someone is still alive
Fighting for something new in this
When no one needs the heart of me and
I'll get out somewhere other than me before
Things are disjointed like a suicide jumper's limbs.
(Oh, the metaphors.)
Than me before
12th - dye Green Hair's hair, Grind afterwards with him Taisa Ash Aevi(?) Geo(?)
13th - work at 3:30, MSI show at 7:30 with Green Hair because none of you other faggots wanted to go with me
14th - babysitting in Mercer Island at 8:30
15th - work at 9, interview at 6:30
The new Gorillaz is awesome, I must say. Maybe I'd buy it, if I had the money.
O green world
Don't deserve me now
I'm made of you and you of me
But where are we?
Oh no sells to lie
Phone with talk
You stars suppose you
Down when you're in fast
Cause it seems so little to you
5.11.2005
Green Hair: want to go to e3? ^_^
Me: :O yes plz
Green Hair: only catch is you have to help me drive down there. free pass though. yes indeed, I said free. oh and another catch. im likely not paying for a hotel for a week. so it'd be in my car ^_^
Me: i.. o_O
Green Hair: however ITS E3!!!111oneeleven
Me: it's in fucking los angeles o_O
Green Hair: ya, we'd have to start driving like saturday or something
Me: i work.
Green Hair: take a week off?
Me: and lose 1/4 of my paycheck for the month!
Green Hair: make pam work or something
Me: hahahahahaahah if everyone paid me back i could skip >:
Green Hair: come with me :<
Me: ughghughfduio;jiadfj :Green Hair: booooothbabes
Me: yeah, brainless ones *eyeroll*
Green Hair: xbox 360
Me: vomit!
Green Hair: pretty polygons
Me: welll.... polygons... :3
Green Hair: teh polys
Me: what pass do we have?
Green Hair: media ^_^ superlime industries, gaming news department
Me: ahahaahahahahahaha
Green Hair: which I plan to invent today ^_^
Me: i always wanted to try that trick <3
Green Hair: im going to make a full site and hax the timestamps, I plan to use it for pax as well + sakuracon etc etc
Me: good thing i'm registered for PAX earlybird stylez, i get a pwetty wristband in the mail so i can just skip right on in :D so, wait, you don't HAVE the passes yet?
Green Hair: well, no
Me: ...have you read the site.
Green Hair: im going to register on-site
Me: and you really think they'll buy it
Green Hair: how would they not? by the time I get there it'll be a legit news site with bunches of articles anyways, all I have to show them is one, the rest are just backup
Me: and what about me
Green Hair: slap yer name on one
Me: i don't have any business cards :x
Green Hair: we're gonna make em, im going all out baby, full forc3
Me: covert operations, kung-fu technique <3
Green Hair: irl styl3
Me: 1337 h4x
Green Hair: t0 t3h m4x
Me: hahahaha omg now i want to go :x
God dammit. >:o
Me: :O yes plz
Green Hair: only catch is you have to help me drive down there. free pass though. yes indeed, I said free. oh and another catch. im likely not paying for a hotel for a week. so it'd be in my car ^_^
Me: i.. o_O
Green Hair: however ITS E3!!!111oneeleven
Me: it's in fucking los angeles o_O
Green Hair: ya, we'd have to start driving like saturday or something
Me: i work.
Green Hair: take a week off?
Me: and lose 1/4 of my paycheck for the month!
Green Hair: make pam work or something
Me: hahahahahaahah if everyone paid me back i could skip >:
Green Hair: come with me :<
Me: ughghughfduio;jiadfj :Green Hair: booooothbabes
Me: yeah, brainless ones *eyeroll*
Green Hair: xbox 360
Me: vomit!
Green Hair: pretty polygons
Me: welll.... polygons... :3
Green Hair: teh polys
Me: what pass do we have?
Green Hair: media ^_^ superlime industries, gaming news department
Me: ahahaahahahahahaha
Green Hair: which I plan to invent today ^_^
Me: i always wanted to try that trick <3
Green Hair: im going to make a full site and hax the timestamps, I plan to use it for pax as well + sakuracon etc etc
Me: good thing i'm registered for PAX earlybird stylez, i get a pwetty wristband in the mail so i can just skip right on in :D so, wait, you don't HAVE the passes yet?
Green Hair: well, no
Me: ...have you read the site.
Green Hair: im going to register on-site
Me: and you really think they'll buy it
Green Hair: how would they not? by the time I get there it'll be a legit news site with bunches of articles anyways, all I have to show them is one, the rest are just backup
Me: and what about me
Green Hair: slap yer name on one
Me: i don't have any business cards :x
Green Hair: we're gonna make em, im going all out baby, full forc3
Me: covert operations, kung-fu technique <3
Green Hair: irl styl3
Me: 1337 h4x
Green Hair: t0 t3h m4x
Me: hahahaha omg now i want to go :x
God dammit. >:o
5.10.2005
City's breaking down on a camel's back
They just have to go cause they don't hold back
So all you fill the streets
It's appealing to see
You wont get out the county cause you're bad and free
Drinking orange juice I made. Waiting until enough hours minutes seconds have slipped by, enough to allow me to leave for work.
Chipping the blue off my nails. Tapping the tip of a pen against the desk, trying to persuade the last little bit of ink out.
Writing nothing.
Dropping out of school.
You've got a new horizon
It's ephemeral style
A melancholy town where we never smile
And all I wanna hear is the message beep
My dreams, they've got to kiss
Because I don't get sleep
No
I have 51 cents to my name. Such is the way of living with people whose rent you have to cover for one reason or another. Infinite frustration. I already have people frothing at the bit to take their places. Just waiting for this to resolve itself.
Haven't told my mother about school yet. Don't want to, because I really don't know what I'm doing. Going to take some online child development classes or something this summer to raise my GPA so that I might apply to SU or something. I also need to take care of my First Aid/CPR recertifications.
Looking for a job for summer. Someone fucking hire me. Trying to match the film of reality over fantasy, looking for the edges to match up. Want to cook for someone, cooking all the time, baking things that get devoured, splashing olive oil, dexterous. Wish I didn't have to pay for the food, but it's all so fresh. I want to have my hands in their stomachs.
Impossible. More children, more antsy parents who call three times every day. More money, more life, more gasoline, more time, draining, going.
Downloading the new Gorillaz album. Delicious beats feeding that hole in the base of my spine.
Figured out where I'd like a tattoo. As to what the tattoo actually is...
Windmill windmill for the land
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
The micro. Zoom in. Close-up. Molecular. See Adrienne vibrate. See Adrienne hum with life. See Adrienne turn in circles. See nothing make any sense anymore.
What do I really want to be doing anyway? Experience and talent across the board. I know I want to write, but really, how am I going to feed myself?
With my own two hands, I suppose. Hands in my own stomach.
Caffeine withdrawl. Suffering. Vision blurring. Very painful.
Sleep now.
Love forever, love is freedom
Let's turn forever you and me
Windmill windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
They just have to go cause they don't hold back
So all you fill the streets
It's appealing to see
You wont get out the county cause you're bad and free
Drinking orange juice I made. Waiting until enough hours minutes seconds have slipped by, enough to allow me to leave for work.
Chipping the blue off my nails. Tapping the tip of a pen against the desk, trying to persuade the last little bit of ink out.
Writing nothing.
Dropping out of school.
You've got a new horizon
It's ephemeral style
A melancholy town where we never smile
And all I wanna hear is the message beep
My dreams, they've got to kiss
Because I don't get sleep
No
I have 51 cents to my name. Such is the way of living with people whose rent you have to cover for one reason or another. Infinite frustration. I already have people frothing at the bit to take their places. Just waiting for this to resolve itself.
Haven't told my mother about school yet. Don't want to, because I really don't know what I'm doing. Going to take some online child development classes or something this summer to raise my GPA so that I might apply to SU or something. I also need to take care of my First Aid/CPR recertifications.
Looking for a job for summer. Someone fucking hire me. Trying to match the film of reality over fantasy, looking for the edges to match up. Want to cook for someone, cooking all the time, baking things that get devoured, splashing olive oil, dexterous. Wish I didn't have to pay for the food, but it's all so fresh. I want to have my hands in their stomachs.
Impossible. More children, more antsy parents who call three times every day. More money, more life, more gasoline, more time, draining, going.
Downloading the new Gorillaz album. Delicious beats feeding that hole in the base of my spine.
Figured out where I'd like a tattoo. As to what the tattoo actually is...
Windmill windmill for the land
Learn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
The micro. Zoom in. Close-up. Molecular. See Adrienne vibrate. See Adrienne hum with life. See Adrienne turn in circles. See nothing make any sense anymore.
What do I really want to be doing anyway? Experience and talent across the board. I know I want to write, but really, how am I going to feed myself?
With my own two hands, I suppose. Hands in my own stomach.
Caffeine withdrawl. Suffering. Vision blurring. Very painful.
Sleep now.
Love forever, love is freedom
Let's turn forever you and me
Windmill windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
4.26.2005
Paradox Lain: Hi.
Chaos Windstorm: Uhh.. hi. o_o
Paradox Lain: So, would you mind proving to me that you aren't annoying and won't cause drama if you stay in my hotel room at PAX. :)
Chaos Windstorm: I'm assuming that you're Adrienne? XD
Paradox Lain: Yeah. So, go for it.
Chaos Windstorm: Hm. I can't say that I'll cause drama, though if you know the situation then you know that drama might be caused because of me. ^^; I'm thinking that it might be better if I just don't go, though I'd really like to.
Paradox Lain: Tony's talked to me privately about you ever since this... fling started. So I know more about you than I bet you'd care for me to know. Now. How are you going to make PAX work.
Chaos Windstorm: Wow. XD I admit to a certain curiosity about the things he's said. I don't know how I'm going to make PAX work. I have parental issues which would be clarified so long as my mom knew that I wasn't just staying in a hotel with Tony. I want to go, but I don't want to go. I don't get along well with Pam and I know my being there would cause issues.
Paradox Lain: You're... fifteen?
Chaos Windstorm: Will be 16.
Paradox Lain: That's nice, but you're fifteen now. So let me get this straight. You, a minor in the state of California, slept with a legal adult.
Chaos Windstorm: Yep.
Paradox Lain: ...Oi. I thought I taught him better than that :\ Where, exactly, do you fit in here anyway?
Chaos Windstorm: What do you mean by that?
Paradox Lain: I mean, what are you to anyone here, besides a problem that needs to be dealt with. Do you have any substantial worth?
Chaos Windstorm: Perhaps. I have ambitions to go to college in Seattle, and Tony seems to like that thought. I don't have a clear idea of what you know about me. Tony and I have been close friends and lovers for some time now, but the relationship's been off-and-on. I guess I'm someone who's simply there.
Paradox Lain: ...Close friends? Hold on, I need to scold Tony.
Chaos Windstorm: Oh dear.
Paradox Lain: You know, when I told him to find someone that he didn't care about to gain some sexual experience with, I didn't think he'd go after a minor. -_- Look, whatever sort of ideas you've conjured up about this, I don't want to get into. I don't care what lines Tony's fed you to get into bed, I don't care what he's promised will happen. The ONLY reason Tony wants you to come to PAX is so he can pawn you off to one of his friends and move on and away from everything you two had.
Paradox Lain: This is from the horse's mouth.
Chaos Windstorm: he said that?
Paradox Lain: Yes. Today, in fact. We're trying to figure out collectively how to get rid of you, and I didn't comprehend how deep this ran until earlier. I told him no relationships, but he's emotionally needy sometimes. You sure were convenient at the time, but Pam's here, and they're going to be living together with myself.
Chaos Windstorm: So, how long do you think he and I have been together?
Paradox Lain: I don't really care. I know what you are to him, and I was the one who instructed him on how to get girls to get into bed with him, and then told him to lose his virginity. What matters right now is how we're all going to deal with you.
Chaos Windstorm: I'm not going to PAX, then. This is insanely fucked up.
Paradox Lain: Yeah, well, that's what happens when you think you get into honest
relationships. Thanks for playing.
*scratches her off the PAX list*
The way things are looking, we'll need the room anyway. Is anyone else coming that I don't know about?
Chaos Windstorm: Uhh.. hi. o_o
Paradox Lain: So, would you mind proving to me that you aren't annoying and won't cause drama if you stay in my hotel room at PAX. :)
Chaos Windstorm: I'm assuming that you're Adrienne? XD
Paradox Lain: Yeah. So, go for it.
Chaos Windstorm: Hm. I can't say that I'll cause drama, though if you know the situation then you know that drama might be caused because of me. ^^; I'm thinking that it might be better if I just don't go, though I'd really like to.
Paradox Lain: Tony's talked to me privately about you ever since this... fling started. So I know more about you than I bet you'd care for me to know. Now. How are you going to make PAX work.
Chaos Windstorm: Wow. XD I admit to a certain curiosity about the things he's said. I don't know how I'm going to make PAX work. I have parental issues which would be clarified so long as my mom knew that I wasn't just staying in a hotel with Tony. I want to go, but I don't want to go. I don't get along well with Pam and I know my being there would cause issues.
Paradox Lain: You're... fifteen?
Chaos Windstorm: Will be 16.
Paradox Lain: That's nice, but you're fifteen now. So let me get this straight. You, a minor in the state of California, slept with a legal adult.
Chaos Windstorm: Yep.
Paradox Lain: ...Oi. I thought I taught him better than that :\ Where, exactly, do you fit in here anyway?
Chaos Windstorm: What do you mean by that?
Paradox Lain: I mean, what are you to anyone here, besides a problem that needs to be dealt with. Do you have any substantial worth?
Chaos Windstorm: Perhaps. I have ambitions to go to college in Seattle, and Tony seems to like that thought. I don't have a clear idea of what you know about me. Tony and I have been close friends and lovers for some time now, but the relationship's been off-and-on. I guess I'm someone who's simply there.
Paradox Lain: ...Close friends? Hold on, I need to scold Tony.
Chaos Windstorm: Oh dear.
Paradox Lain: You know, when I told him to find someone that he didn't care about to gain some sexual experience with, I didn't think he'd go after a minor. -_- Look, whatever sort of ideas you've conjured up about this, I don't want to get into. I don't care what lines Tony's fed you to get into bed, I don't care what he's promised will happen. The ONLY reason Tony wants you to come to PAX is so he can pawn you off to one of his friends and move on and away from everything you two had.
Paradox Lain: This is from the horse's mouth.
Chaos Windstorm: he said that?
Paradox Lain: Yes. Today, in fact. We're trying to figure out collectively how to get rid of you, and I didn't comprehend how deep this ran until earlier. I told him no relationships, but he's emotionally needy sometimes. You sure were convenient at the time, but Pam's here, and they're going to be living together with myself.
Chaos Windstorm: So, how long do you think he and I have been together?
Paradox Lain: I don't really care. I know what you are to him, and I was the one who instructed him on how to get girls to get into bed with him, and then told him to lose his virginity. What matters right now is how we're all going to deal with you.
Chaos Windstorm: I'm not going to PAX, then. This is insanely fucked up.
Paradox Lain: Yeah, well, that's what happens when you think you get into honest
relationships. Thanks for playing.
*scratches her off the PAX list*
The way things are looking, we'll need the room anyway. Is anyone else coming that I don't know about?
4.21.2005
No alarms and no surprises
Silence
They're putting in the fences today. Comcast looked at the house but hasn't gotten back to us on the cable and when we can set up an installation date. I dropped my History class because, as I wanted, these English classes with Oakley are going to kill me. Blah blah blah fine blah blah cats are doing great blah blah some cute anecdote of Clover getting herself caught in the window blah.
We're doing fine
We're doing nothing at all
Uuuuhggghghgjfpokdfjeirowrueiewuajsdnsdnlansdcmsxzl...
Bruises that won't healYou look so tired unhappy
Don't give me your lines. "My arms hurt. They didn't want to stop holding you." "Everything will be okay." Don't look at me like that with those eyes and the messy hair like you're so afraid of losing me.
S: I don't spend enough time in my car. Josiah doesn't really like to just drive.
G: Neither does Megan. She starts getting uncomfortable.
I'll go to Arizona
Sex on the rocks
All warm and red
And we bled
S: I still haven't gotten a packet for one class because it says it's in the production room and I have no idea where that is. It's like... production room? What the fuck, did she mean the copy room? I don't know what to do.
G: Just ask someone.
S: Yeah, but then it'll just be the same thing. I'll ask and they'll think I'm stupid, and then I'll explain a bit and they'll say, "...Production room? What the fuck, does she mean the copy room?"
Don't pretend like we're still 16 and it was funny to put my naked feet on the dash and you to go the wrong way down streets. I don't need this ache. I don't need you to squeeze my hand so hard that it tingles. I don't need this.
G: Yeah, sex in cars is great.
S: Wouldn't know.
G: What?
S: Never had sex in a car. Or in a park. Or anywhere besides the floor, a bed, the shower.
G: But it's... fun.
S: Josiah's shown no interest in it, and whenever I'm with someone else, we tend to be at someone's place and close to a bed or futon.
G: Missing out.
S: *shrugs* I guess I am.
I really, really don't need this. I'm not a planet and you're not a curious little asteroid. You're not supposed to come in here and change my life.
Vide cor meum
How much of me has been devoured by Josiah. Does what he's taken away even exist anymore?
Relationship problems. (C'est mal de couer.)
Fuck today and its cloudy sky. The weather's so mockingly mild while I'm sitting here raging quietly to myself.
My hopes are so high
That your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me
So I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer
Silence
They're putting in the fences today. Comcast looked at the house but hasn't gotten back to us on the cable and when we can set up an installation date. I dropped my History class because, as I wanted, these English classes with Oakley are going to kill me. Blah blah blah fine blah blah cats are doing great blah blah some cute anecdote of Clover getting herself caught in the window blah.
We're doing fine
We're doing nothing at all
Uuuuhggghghgjfpokdfjeirowrueiewuajsdnsdnlansdcmsxzl...
Bruises that won't healYou look so tired unhappy
Don't give me your lines. "My arms hurt. They didn't want to stop holding you." "Everything will be okay." Don't look at me like that with those eyes and the messy hair like you're so afraid of losing me.
S: I don't spend enough time in my car. Josiah doesn't really like to just drive.
G: Neither does Megan. She starts getting uncomfortable.
I'll go to Arizona
Sex on the rocks
All warm and red
And we bled
S: I still haven't gotten a packet for one class because it says it's in the production room and I have no idea where that is. It's like... production room? What the fuck, did she mean the copy room? I don't know what to do.
G: Just ask someone.
S: Yeah, but then it'll just be the same thing. I'll ask and they'll think I'm stupid, and then I'll explain a bit and they'll say, "...Production room? What the fuck, does she mean the copy room?"
Don't pretend like we're still 16 and it was funny to put my naked feet on the dash and you to go the wrong way down streets. I don't need this ache. I don't need you to squeeze my hand so hard that it tingles. I don't need this.
G: Yeah, sex in cars is great.
S: Wouldn't know.
G: What?
S: Never had sex in a car. Or in a park. Or anywhere besides the floor, a bed, the shower.
G: But it's... fun.
S: Josiah's shown no interest in it, and whenever I'm with someone else, we tend to be at someone's place and close to a bed or futon.
G: Missing out.
S: *shrugs* I guess I am.
I really, really don't need this. I'm not a planet and you're not a curious little asteroid. You're not supposed to come in here and change my life.
Vide cor meum
How much of me has been devoured by Josiah. Does what he's taken away even exist anymore?
Relationship problems. (C'est mal de couer.)
Fuck today and its cloudy sky. The weather's so mockingly mild while I'm sitting here raging quietly to myself.
My hopes are so high
That your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me
So I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
To break or bury
Or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer
4.16.2005
This night is wild
So calm and dull
Moving is very tiring. :( I want to sleep and eat simultaneously, I'm hungry even after I've just had lunch or whatever. It's frustrating. I have work tomorrow morning, and we also need to do massive shopping tomorrow, we're going to have like 2+ carts full. Overall it's been great, though. I never thought I'd enjoy having people around so much.
Is Sawa starting to learn what friends are? Impossible!
(Oh man I'm about to get emo.)
Yeah, anyway, the cable won't be up and running for at least another 3 days. Possibly even 6, but I really don't want to think about that. It's bad enough having to look up recipes and check my e-mail on my cell phone, but AIM won't log me in and I can't check my gmail account. :\ At least we have electricity and gas and water.
Speaking of the gas stove, Jesus tap-dancing Christ, I am in love with that thing. Even though it makes the handles of the pots so hot that I burn my fingertips on them. >: Pam and I attacked the kitchen and set everything up. It's arranged very... queerly. :D
I... really want to cook for Ash for some reason. But I also don't want him being like "omgz ew u sux." Hmm! I'd call him right now, but he's on the phone with Hannah.
The kitties are starting to come out of hiding, Clover skitters around on her front two paws and her hind legs have a hard time catching up. Pockets sticks to the closets in my room. Everyone had sex for the first time in the house earlier today, and we took first showers and so on. There's this neat little area next to Pam and Tony's bedroom where I think I'll be putting a chair or pile of pillows and reading there. It gets a lot of sun through the massive windows.
For every day that I
Should have you by my side
Whoever had the misfortune of calling me right before the move was lambasted with news of Camp Sealth wanting to interview me. I got a letter today from them curtly rejecting me and telling me that they've hired everyone they need to. I've NEVER heard of a summer where they weren't lacking in staff. Something's up, it probably has to do with the fact that I quit last time. I figured I'd bug the woman who was so excited to interview me, Megan, but I can't access my gmail account and therefore don't have her phone number.
This jerking me around's put me in a foul mood today. This now means I don't have a job for summer and have to start posting on the SPU nanny forums AGAIN for a summer position. (I still don't have to work full-time because these people pay so much because I have so much experience.)
Quiz due by Monday. New novel (400 something pages) to be finished by Monday in order to make and turn in questions on it Tuesday. Recycled essay to clean up and turn in Tuesday.
Sotto me o tojite
Sigh. I don't want to have a wasted summer like last year, where the first half I worked full-time in an office, and the second half I frantically looked for a job and enrolled in school. I want to do something fun. ._.
And I starve
I starve for you
Everything's up and down.
So calm and dull
Moving is very tiring. :( I want to sleep and eat simultaneously, I'm hungry even after I've just had lunch or whatever. It's frustrating. I have work tomorrow morning, and we also need to do massive shopping tomorrow, we're going to have like 2+ carts full. Overall it's been great, though. I never thought I'd enjoy having people around so much.
Is Sawa starting to learn what friends are? Impossible!
(Oh man I'm about to get emo.)
Yeah, anyway, the cable won't be up and running for at least another 3 days. Possibly even 6, but I really don't want to think about that. It's bad enough having to look up recipes and check my e-mail on my cell phone, but AIM won't log me in and I can't check my gmail account. :\ At least we have electricity and gas and water.
Speaking of the gas stove, Jesus tap-dancing Christ, I am in love with that thing. Even though it makes the handles of the pots so hot that I burn my fingertips on them. >: Pam and I attacked the kitchen and set everything up. It's arranged very... queerly. :D
I... really want to cook for Ash for some reason. But I also don't want him being like "omgz ew u sux." Hmm! I'd call him right now, but he's on the phone with Hannah.
The kitties are starting to come out of hiding, Clover skitters around on her front two paws and her hind legs have a hard time catching up. Pockets sticks to the closets in my room. Everyone had sex for the first time in the house earlier today, and we took first showers and so on. There's this neat little area next to Pam and Tony's bedroom where I think I'll be putting a chair or pile of pillows and reading there. It gets a lot of sun through the massive windows.
For every day that I
Should have you by my side
Whoever had the misfortune of calling me right before the move was lambasted with news of Camp Sealth wanting to interview me. I got a letter today from them curtly rejecting me and telling me that they've hired everyone they need to. I've NEVER heard of a summer where they weren't lacking in staff. Something's up, it probably has to do with the fact that I quit last time. I figured I'd bug the woman who was so excited to interview me, Megan, but I can't access my gmail account and therefore don't have her phone number.
This jerking me around's put me in a foul mood today. This now means I don't have a job for summer and have to start posting on the SPU nanny forums AGAIN for a summer position. (I still don't have to work full-time because these people pay so much because I have so much experience.)
Quiz due by Monday. New novel (400 something pages) to be finished by Monday in order to make and turn in questions on it Tuesday. Recycled essay to clean up and turn in Tuesday.
Sotto me o tojite
Sigh. I don't want to have a wasted summer like last year, where the first half I worked full-time in an office, and the second half I frantically looked for a job and enrolled in school. I want to do something fun. ._.
And I starve
I starve for you
Everything's up and down.
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