Kazuhiko reminds me of Josiah.



For: Josiah
Called: Treachery
To the tune of: Nakaido "Chabo" Reiichi - Inner Vision

We await the day we all can start living like a coming-of-age ceremony. Only for us there won't be parties and cakes, fancy French hors d'oeuvres and flutes of sparkling wines, people we've never met and boys who want to dance with us just to have a chance to feel us up, and it most certainly won't have a set date.

There will be us, just us. And there will be realization that makes your heart beat its fists against the hidden bars of your rib cage. You are living for the first time. You are breathing on your own. Every thought is contained inside you, and even though they chase each other as they race through your head, they are yours to savour, to dissect, to examine, to dismiss. Your body is yours to manipulate, any words are yours to speak, to scream, to whisper.

You own yourself and no one else ever will, no matter how many rules they make, no matter how many ways they beat you back, no matter how many times they wipe away the pink path you were following blindly like Alice herself. No matter how hard everything is, no matter where you are or who you're with, the intimacy is always there, waiting to hold you up to the sun. You are yourself. And you are alive.

You are alive.

Owari

AJ: I admire you. =/
Me: ...really?
AJ: No joke.
Me: why, though?
AJ: I don't know. You're everything. You're fucking strong.

And thus she is unbreakable.

Reading Clover makes me all... melancholy.

I don't want to lose you.

I'm disappointed. There's no ring in my lip, and there's no wallet in Jade's back pocket.

We were walking. I said something stupid. She responded with what I didn't want to hear. But that's okay. Illusion's legs are rather weak. It's always falling in on itself. I'm sitting here with you in that small Dairy Queen in Capitol Hill. You're across from me and all I can feel is the dark green pen in my back pocket itching to attack your skin. You smile. I stare out the window. This section of Seattle vibrantly bubbles over with foreign feeling. You can feel it in the air, invading your skin and pulling you inside out. I want to do something. I don't know what it is. This feeling hasn't left me yet. That store made of glass... and everything inside it. Metal clocks, wooden handbags. Vase after vase made of fresh and shining blood, suspended and glossy. Beautiful.

Deception. Coersion. Deceit. Sweet little innocent me.



For: Jade
Called: Tres Belle la Pantalone

poor little pigeon
broken leg all crumpled up
wonder if it lived

Owari

Thank you, so very much, dear father, for embarrassing me yet again, and this time in front of Jade. Sure, take the only real person left from my past. Shape him like clay into a perfect younger you. Dress him in all the shit he hates, spend thousands on his looks, his mind, his future, simply because HE HAS A PENIS AND I DON'T. Fine. Just know that I despise you, and that, were the consequences not so inconvenient, you'd be on fire right now, the stench of your own seared flesh stinging your nose.

Tomorrow will start with coffee, and mumbled French, and loud music, and black, and angst, and six extra strength tylenol each, and pseudo-sleeping all day. Jade and I are mentally taking the day off, letting our brains purr as they rub against the fur lining the insides of our skulls.

For: Robbie
Called: Identity Crisis
To the tune of: Please Save my Earth - Toki no Kioku

My hair's a mess of slick green gel and sky blue manipulator thick as wood glue. I feel like I haven't washed it in years.

When I get nervous, or angsty, it shows on my lips. I chew on them till they bleed, then ashamedly lick the red away and busy myself with writing. Right now all I can taste is copper.

The new me has resigned to a sullen solitary state. It makes me wonder who this new me is. Who voted them in? Where did they come from? More importantly, who was I before and how is the new version any better? This new me. The me that I wasn't five minutes ago. Who am I?

One of these days I'll adopt a style. I'll have the most original metaphors, brilliant words and complex stories with the most intriguing characters you'll ever see. I'll scrawl my own signature all over the sheets. I'll greet my fans' praise with modest smiles and carefully constructed autographs. My books will be on a shelf in one neat row in post-post-modern bookstores, right next to my fellow contemporaries. I will win awards, and give interviews, and speak with TV show hosts about where my inspiration comes from. I'll talk about my next work, and where I think the literary world is headed. I'll travel everywhere. I'll write next to the Seine, in a train station in Poland, on the steps of the Delphi shrine, in a bar in Russia, on the countrysides of Kyoto, in a small village in the Amazon rainforest. I'll write about places I've been, the anticipation of places I haven't seen yet, and all the places inside my dreams. I'll have my own worlds to shape as I please.

I will put little pieces of you into my signature, and I will sign everyone's books with your smile. They will carry bits of you without knowing it, and I will come home to your coloured planets, your sketches and charcoal and oil paints, and over the finished and half-finished and not even begun art, you will see me, and smile, and I'll have more secrets to sign away tomorrow.

I want to live on a vineyard someday. Just for a little while. I'd like to walk among the acres of grapes, pause, close my eyes, and breathe it all in so deeply that for the rest of my life, whenever I sip someone's Bordeaux, I'll smell the grapes I left waiting patiently in the sun.

Owari

It's my birthday in two days, and I'm giving other people gifts. Silly girl-child.

"If you take any word, symbol, object, and study it to the point of exhaustion, then it loses all coherence and meaning. Now substitue the word, symbol, or object, with a person. You discover the same thing. Any single act of a human may make sense on its own, but when you put them all together, it's nothing but mindless chance. Now multiply that by billions. The product is our society."

Robbie: *sighs* See? I need at least one pill. This is tearing me apart.
Me: no.
Me: you don't need anything.
Robbie: I need you, I think.
Me: well, here i am.
Robbie: : /

OMG NEW LAYOUT OMG OMG OMG

[e-mail to robbie]

So... Somehow I found myself in my bed this morning, an hour before I'm supposed to leave for school. I have no recollection of how I got there. I probably just kinda fell off the face of the earth in regards to AIM, and I'm sorry for it :\. I probably missed a trillion people's IMs >.<.

I was only supposed to sleep for an hour, then stay up till 3:30 or so, and that my body had the nerve to sleep right through the alarm I set. Which means my lack of sleep I get from doing their work every waking minute just fucked me over even more. I have my psych paper due today that I'm going to have to fax to her. I have ten plus assignments in geometry to do, not to mention the little random things from other classes. I had a "discussion" with my mother that went something like this:

Her: You need to work harder and stop putting things off. You need to pull everything together and stop procrastinating. I can't believe you suggested a mental health day for yourself. If this were a job and you had a big project due, and you did this, you'd be fired. You need to learn that you can't take days off. You have to be there every day, you have to do all of your work. I don't understand why you do this. We're not even a month into the school year. I thought they weren't going to put you in that AP class.
Me: *coerces with fun skillz of manipulation*
Her: Just once. And I want to see all of your work when I get home.

I hate her so very much. I wonder if she knows I only get 2-4 hours of sleep every single night because I'm doing what SHE'S WANTED ME TO DO SINCE I HIT SIXTH GRADE. And what the fuck? Does she NOT want me in the AP class?

Why does nobody care whether I reach the point to where it's an actual challenge or not? Why doesn't anybody care about me getting more intelligent and not being utterly bored, and instead insist that I "just get it over with"? I'D LIKE TO BE SMARTER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW AND NOT HAVE WHAT I DO HAVE ATROPHY, THANKS. Bah. If I wasn't lacking in the emotion department, I'd be crying right now.

/mad raving

This is bullshit. Nobody should wake before the sun does. I'm going back to sleep.

[/e-mail to robbie]

FUCK THEM ALLLLLLL.

James.. call me? Please? ;_____;

Gray.
No petals.
No introduction.
Gray matter.
For introspection.
Water making.
And breaking.
Seeming fine.

Faith.
No martyr.
No resolution.
Depth of water.
Over our heads in.
Breath restricted.
All suffocation.
Breath.

A trippy absolute.
Eye tripping disease.
No resolution.
No auto save.

Crave.
It matters.
No fixed solution.
No path crossed.
Aging desert.
Scenic fixture.
And fixing.
I wonder why.

Goal neglected.
Greed for negation.
Rights affected.
Last stop salvation.
World objective.
Equalization.

Choice.
Decision.
No real division.
Backburn system.
Scream for your life.


First item of business: Robbie. That was... indescribable. I lost count after seven. You did absolutely beautifully. And yes, everything was brighter today. For the first time in a while I wasn't upset about anything.

So last night has put me up to eight hours of sleep in the last four days.

And I have yet to do any assignment in Geometry. Fuck. But I have an A in Psychology. Even though I got an F on my Psych paper. Interesting how things don't work out, non?

Psych paper due on thursday. Overdue lab for Chemistry due tomorrow, along with other worksheet. Also need to pull together PHOSPHORUS OF DOOM quarter project. French homework due tomorrow. Eight or so Geometry assignments due on friday, test on thursday. Have to REWRITE MY FUCKING ESSAY for AP Amer. Lit., also have to finish vocab worksheety thing.

I hate school. Even more than I hate French.

I feel... icky. :(

Steve: Phone for y-
Me: JAMES!!!
Steve: No, it's your father.
Me: ...Ew. *takes phone* Meh?
Mein Führer: What are we doing for your birthday?
Me: Nothing. I almost forgot it was coming.
Mein Führer: We'll go out to dinner, that okay?
Me: Uh... sure. Right. Sure.
Mein Führer: I accept your apology.
Me: ...What apology?
Mein Führer: By agreeing to letting me take you out, you've indirectly apologized.
Me: Whatever you want to think.
Mein Führer: Apologize.
Me: I'm not sorry. Are you?
Mein Führer: Just agree with me that you could've been a bit immature in your actions. Just tell me you're sorry for what you said.
Me: I don't regret it.
Mein Führer: Well, I'm sorry for what I did.
Me: Didn't hear what you said.
Mein Führer: I said I'm sorry.
Me: What?
Mein Führer: I'm sorry, Adrienne.
Me: Could you repeat that?
Mein Führer: Ugh... I made a mistake. At least agree with me that what you did was immature.
Me: Yeah, it was.
Mein Führer: And next time you'll do differently?
Me: Most likely.
Mein Führer: Adrienne...
Me: Yes. Sure. Why not. Don't you know how to deal with women?
Mein Führer: *laughs* Of course I do. So I'll talk to Tanya a bit about going out, see what she thinks. When's your birthday?
Me: Sunday.
Mein Führer: You want to go sunday?
Me: Or Saturday.
Mein Führer: Alright. Now, you know what I expect from you.
Me: Indeed.
Mein Führer: I want you to be good, I want you to be courteous, I want you to be respectful, I want you to dress in your polite clothing, and I want you to take your sunny disposition out of your pocket and wear it on your head. You understand?
Me: Yes.
Mein Führer: Okay. Good. We're on the same page. I'll call you later this week to discuss it further.
Me: Okay.
Mein Führer: Talk to you later. I love you.
Me: Right.
Mein Führer: Say it.
Me: Say what?
Mein Führer: Tell me you love me.
Me: Why?
Mein Führer: Because I want you to.
Me: Uh, no.
Mein Führer: Then lie to me.
Me: You want me to lie?
Mein Führer: Say it, Adrienne.
Me: But I'm lying.
Mein Führer: I've gotten plenty of that from your mother. Just say it.
Me: Fine. I love you.
Mein Führer: Talk to you later.

...*long sigh*

Daigo Kazama 7: I still call it the single stupidest thing You've ever done.
Paradox Lain: feh.
Daigo Kazama 7: Just letting you know.
Paradox Lain: I DIDN'T ASK FOR UR OPINION, BITCH.
Paradox Lain: *leaves you*
Paradox Lain: *takes the children*
Daigo Kazama 7: Lovely!

The other razor: So, what do you think about the painting idea?
Paradox Lain: *purrs* nn.. while i do think it's rather original, i neither particularly like my body nor have any pictures of me to give you.
The other razor: :O
The other razor: Well, I could make it a portrait.
Paradox Lain: :\
The other razor: What...?
Paradox Lain: i don't like my appearance.
Paradox Lain: i'm not very camera friendly
The other razor: : (
The other razor: ::sniff::
Paradox Lain: no, seriously. i do not look good. i think you're all insane.
The other razor: I ... wanna paint you.
The other razor: I know art when I see it, damn it.
Paradox Lain: i. am. not. art.
The other razor: You're doubting my talent?
Paradox Lain: no, i'm doubting myself.
Paradox Lain: i'm just not art. the end.
The other razor: It has nothing to do with your opinion.
The other razor: I, the artist, find you -- the subject -- to be art.
The other razor: The fruitbowl I paint is gonna be a painting if it wants to, or not.
The other razor: You. Are. Beautiful.
The other razor: I want to paint you, and I want you to have it.
Paradox Lain: *sputters*.. ARE YOU BLIND?!
The other razor: No!
Paradox Lain: there's nothing beautiful about me.
The other razor: :sigh:
The other razor: I'm about to wax poetic on your ass.
The other razor: Don't make me do it.
The other razor: ::shakes fist::
Paradox Lain: *runs the edge of the box of contacts in her hand against her lower lip* oh, please.
The other razor: *hugs*
The other razor: I'm doin' it, then.
The other razor: And I suck at this.
The other razor: ::sigh:: When I saw your picture, your smile reminded me a lot of mine. It scared me, really. I felt this automatic kinship with you and I was... I don't know, taken. I saw a lot of joy in your eyes, and talking to you and knowing how much pain is there only makes me cherish that rare moment of your smile. I want to make you smile as much as possible. Your skin made me think of clean crisp blankness -- kind of like a smooth new canvas, waiting for my etch and design. And, well... I'm not going into what your body makes me think.
The other razor: That's just naughty. ^_-
Paradox Lain: *drops box* you..
Paradox Lain: *turns liquid and melts out of her chair to the floor*
The other razor: :/
The other razor: That wasn't anything.
The other razor: But, I'll tell you what I think tonight.
The other razor: All of it.
Paradox Lain: alright.
Paradox Lain: nobody ever says anything like.. that... x.x
The other razor: Well, I will.
The other razor: And when I'm done telling you on the phone,
The other razor: I'll write even more.
The other razor: Then, when I can't write anymore, I'll paint you.
The other razor: And when I'm done with that, I'll paint how I feel about you.
The other razor: You know what then?
The other razor: I'll do it all over again until you're sick of hearing how rockin' cool you are!
The other razor: ::tackle::
---
Paradox Lain: *nuzzles, and takes the pigtails out of her hair* mouuu
The other razor: ... pigtails.
Paradox Lain: .....
Paradox Lain: >.>
The other razor: Goddamn it!
The other razor: *hits wall* This day is... crap.
Paradox Lain: *laughs* i dunno, i just had my little band thingies sitting on my desk, so i just... put my hair in pigtails.
---
Paradox Lain: there's this guy at school.. that won't stop flirting with me.. it's getting disturbing.
Paradox Lain: AND I DON'T GET EET
Paradox Lain: stupid boys.
Paradox Lain: you'd be better off flirting with EACH OTHER
Paradox Lain: *gets video camera*
The other razor: Hmpth. Well, do you like 'em?
Paradox Lain: pffffffft. i never like them.
Paradox Lain: well.. not never.
Paradox Lain: but not this one.
The other razor: :breaths sigh of relief secretly:
Paradox Lain: it's been about a week and a half since i've masturbated.
The other razor: O_o
The other razor: Well....
The other razor: Maybe you should tonight.
The other razor: :wink:
Paradox Lain: oh, you mean while i'm on the phone with you?
Paradox Lain: gladly.
The other razor: :D
The other razor: :is anxious:
The other razor: That's why you brought that up, huh.
Paradox Lain: he's catching on.
Paradox Lain: *runs away to brazil*
The other razor: *catches her on the way there*
The other razor: Ah, damn. Tina never even touched herself.
Paradox Lain: that and i just mentioned it because i've been nonstop horny for the last three days.
The other razor: I... really wanted to see her do it.
The other razor: *sits in her lap*
The other razor: Realllllly?
Paradox Lain: yah x.x
Paradox Lain: practically soak my panties, it's just horrible.
The other razor: O_O
The other razor: Well, now I've got a problem.
The other razor: And, once again, that was your intention.
Paradox Lain: *just smiles*
The other razor: Oh, uh huh.
The other razor: *pulls her shirt over her head and tackles her*
Paradox Lain: *nips at his ear and purrs*
The other razor: *puts her ankles to his shoulders and tears her pants off*
Paradox Lain: *laughs* and he says he's submissive.. rawr ;D
The other razor: Occasionally...
The other razor: *nips her leg and looks coy*
Paradox Lain: silly robbie.. you're not helping the situation in my panties.
The other razor: :groans:
The other razor: You...
The other razor: Grr.
The other razor: *bites into her thigh and trails his tounge to her navel*
Paradox Lain: *bites her lower lip to stifle her whimpering* nn..
The other razor: *grabs her panties between his teeth and slowly drags them lower, licking playfully into them*
The other razor: *then stopping, looks up and grins*
Paradox Lain: *smiles and looks down at him* i'm the strangest girl you'll ever know. i'd rather suck you off than you give me oral sex. but if you insist..
The other razor: ...
The other razor: ::yells::
The other razor: GET DOWN HERE
The other razor: ADSFKASFDKASF
---
The other razor: Wow. So, I get to take your virginity.
The other razor: ^_^ :rubs paws:
Paradox Lain: nyeheheh
The other razor: :O
The other razor: That's not an answer.
Paradox Lain: *rubs naked body against him* and neither is this.
The other razor: O_O
The other razor: *twitches nervously* Eh... well, no.
The other razor: :snicker:
The other razor: Mm. I can't wait until tonight.
Paradox Lain: i'll probably be finishing my homework the first half of the conversation
The other razor: :/
The other razor: tee hee
The other razor: Ah, well.
The other razor: I mean, how long can you stay on the phone?
The other razor: It is long distance.
Paradox Lain: eh... few hours, tops.
The other razor: :nod:
The other razor: That's fine.
The other razor: I'll try to get a phone card next check.
Paradox Lain: okie
The other razor: :O
The other razor: Don't steal my 'okie'!
The other razor: *takes it and runs*
Paradox Lain: *chases*
The other razor: *flashes her as a distraction and hides while she's distracted*
Paradox Lain: *shows all her friends his naked pictures* :O
The other razor: :O
The other razor: YOU SO ARE, AREN'T YOU
---
The other razor: Mmm, I like the word wonky.
The other razor: It tastes good.
---
The other razor: When I get ahold of you, we're driving out to a forest at two in the morning and having sex in the grass.
Paradox Lain: and then i can write about it.
The other razor: :nods:
The other razor: Making love surrounded by life -- not people -- is the best thing to do on the fucking planet.
The other razor: I'm convinced. You're completely, utterly, alone. It's like civilization and none of this shitty mess ever happened.
The other razor: It's just you, and them, and the forest.
---
The other razor: :snicker:
The other razor: Silly girl.
The other razor: I'd ask what song you want to lose your virginity to, but...
The other razor: You'd better burn about 5 cd's and put them on repeat. ^_-
Paradox Lain: can and will do.
The other razor: Oh, we're going to have to get a small cooler of ice, too.
The other razor: And candles, and oil.
The other razor: Hrm, what else.
The other razor: Condoms, arch pillow, ooooooo.
The other razor: Saran wrap. My, that's fun stuff.
---
The other razor: Ooooh, I had a girl talk to me in Japanese once, though...
The other razor: :melt:
Paradox Lain: psh... i could do that.... ;_;
The other razor: :melt melt:
The other razor: :sigh: You don't have a lot of downsides, contrary to what you say.
Paradox Lain: pfft...
The other razor: Adrienne: Robbie, given the chance, I'd rip you apart, but I don't feel like it 'cause I like you.
The other razor: BIG DOWNSIDE LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL
---
Paradox Lain: "tsumetai hitomi de sora o mitsumeteru"
Paradox Lain: ...that's a really beautiful sentence.
The other razor: What's it mean?
Paradox Lain: it means "my cold pupils are staring at the sky".. well... the tsumetai implies that it's cold, but to the touch. which makes no sense if you translate this literally. which makes it so cool. i love gakuto sama so very much. x.x
Paradox Lain: extremely literally, it's "cold pupils at sky staring"
Paradox Lain: *laughs at silly japanese grammar*
The other razor: Mm, you'll have to direct me to this stuff. There aren't really many around here who like J-pop.
Paradox Lain: at least the fucking thing isn't ba-.....
The other razor: Just me and my friends, I think.
Paradox Lain: ......J-POP?
The other razor: :shrug:
Paradox Lain: did you just call malice mizer..... J-POP?!
---
Paradox Lain: WATASHI O TABERU KUDASAI ;_;
Paradox Lain: ....er...
Paradox Lain: that came out wrong.
Paradox Lain: *ahem* WATASHI O TABEMASEN KUDASAI
Paradox Lain: fuck you, verbs.
Paradox Lain: *mutterS*
The other razor: ...
The other razor: *is confused and sad and feeling inferior*
Paradox Lain: translation: DON'T EAT MEEEEE
The other razor: O_o
Paradox Lain: *giggles*
The other razor: *confusion increases*
Paradox Lain: i don't know.
Paradox Lain: hima na toki ni inu o tabemasen.
Paradox Lain: in my spare time i do not eat dog.
Paradox Lain: fucking switching between languages..
The other razor: :sighs deeply: I do wish you wouldn't compare me, though... I'm a whole different animal.
The other razor: I'm doing my best not to compare you to Tina.
Paradox Lain: fine, then. no comparing.
The other razor: :nods:
The other razor: Unless it's a good thing. :grin:
The other razor: Je habite un sac de papier.
The other razor: hehehe
Paradox Lain: eh.. kutabare. furansugo mo.
The other razor: ?
Paradox Lain: fuck you. and your french.
The other razor: hehe
The other razor: Sur la tiuant, en vertgris une velde de cromios.
Paradox Lain: je..n'aime..pas..le..francais. and that's all i know, for the most part.
The other razor: heheh
Paradox Lain: my pronunciation is shit.
Paradox Lain: japanese has fucked my tongue up.
The other razor: Tu. et. Uncule.
Paradox Lain: .....tch. tu madre.
The other razor: My mom?
The other razor: You know what I even said to you?
The other razor: phhhhhhhsst.
The other razor: You.
Paradox Lain: no, which is why i broke out the spanish.
The other razor: Are.
The other razor: Sex.
The other razor: *rolls over on her*
Paradox Lain: *coos like pigeon*
Paradox Lain: god damn, that stupid in-joke will never die.
---
Paradox Lain: we have fucking closed campus cause no on trusts us.
Paradox Lain: people leave anyway.
The other razor: :/
The other razor: The bus.
The other razor: Ouch.
Paradox Lain: I CAN'T DRIVE ;____;
The other razor: I know...
The other razor: I keep forgetting. You're so much more mature than me...
Paradox Lain: hahaha.
Paradox Lain: ...this guy i know that transferred to auburn is talking to me
Paradox Lain: i flashed him last year. he was laying down and i walked over to him in my catholic schoolgirl outfit.
Paradox Lain: i did it on half-purpose, but he made a huge deal out of it.
The other razor: :shakes:
The other razor: :messes up his pants:
The other razor: Ack, look what you did.
---
The other razor: :sigh: You make me feel so dirty, sometimes.
Paradox Lain: good. that's what i'm going for.
The other razor: I feel like I'm taking your innocence, or something.
Paradox Lain: indeed you are.
The other razor: I'm getting off on it. ^_^
Paradox Lain: yay ^^
The other razor: :D


Ophion Of Rage: Hm..I was supposed to go to math workshop today.
Ophion Of Rage: As if I would have time for something like that.
Paradox Lain: tch. really.
Paradox Lain: you're much too busy masturbating and playing various games.
Ophion Of Rage: And reading this excellent book.
Ophion Of Rage: Don't forget that.
Paradox Lain: what book is it?
Ophion Of Rage: All The King's Men
Paradox Lain: *writes on list*
Ophion Of Rage: lol
Ophion Of Rage: did you try From The Corner of His Eye?
Paradox Lain: no. because i don't really have a list and my short term memory has an attention span like a two year old.
Paradox Lain: Sapporo Ichiban ramen... best ramen EVAR.
Ophion Of Rage: psssh.
Ophion Of Rage: you should read that book.
Paradox Lain: i should.
Ophion Of Rage: I can't believe I'm paying money to go to school.
Ophion Of Rage: Doesn't that just seem absurd?
Ophion Of Rage: Doing something I hate costs an unbelievable amount of money.
Paradox Lain: that \ absurd.
Paradox Lain: BAH
Paradox Lain: fuck you, delete button.
Paradox Lain: that IS absurd.
Ophion Of Rage: The delete button should be shot.
Paradox Lain: ....*shoots delete button*
Paradox Lain: *shoots bill gates*
Paradox Lain: *shoots all men ever*
Ophion Of Rage: whoa whoa
Ophion Of Rage: **dodges bullet**
Paradox Lain: you have no idea how pissed off i am about my situation.
Paradox Lain:
robbie: LOVE ME PLEASE I LOVE YOU I'LL KILL MYSELF IF YOU DON'T TELL HIM YOU DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE
josiah: it's funny how you want me over him, isn't it?
Paradox Lain: we've got emo boy on one hand, and someone pretty close to satan on the other.
Ophion Of Rage: I'm wondering why you still talk to Josiah.
Paradox Lain: BECAUSE I'M STUPID.
Ophion Of Rage: Oh, and emo boy should be hit with a pipe.
Paradox Lain: *laughs*
Ophion Of Rage: Doesn't have to be hard necessarily
Ophion Of Rage: But it's a definitely necessity
Paradox Lain: i love you, chris.
Ophion Of Rage: Love you, too.

Paradox Lain: you 'member Jap Cat?
LolTolhurstSucks: yes I do
Paradox Lain: he likes meh. like... LIKE likes meh.
LolTolhurstSucks: so I've heard, heh
Paradox Lain: x.x
LolTolhurstSucks: D00D ITS LIKE ALL OVAR THE INTARWEB

AyaPAX217: how goeth the evilness that is school for you?
Paradox Lain: it's a total
Paradox Lain: bitch
AyaPAX217: of course
Paradox Lain: i have homework coming out of my ASS.
AyaPAX217: same.
AyaPAX217: the nightmare gets better when i spend senior year with you
Paradox Lain: OH HELLS YES
AyaPAX217: and help you pay rent

Okay. Now to have phone sex with Robbie, and then do the rest of my homework.

Oh it sounds like a fire in store
Holding down while the tides are strong
I survive a wave, but now I'm gone
How am I to change the damage done?

Maybe today, today we die
Maybe today, today we die
Forgive us and take away the cries
Baby today we die

There's a fire in the wind and the oxygen
There's a round I'm afraid your name is on
And I gave you the rain
You claimed the sun
When I took it away
You came undone
Even the rain can take the sun
Take it away and file into the light
Where everyone just waits to find
Another thing to steal that's mine
It's unbelievable
Human kind
It's unbelievable
It's like a pain

How come everybody's doing
Different than they've said?
Complaining that they're living
And they'd rather be dead
Always part of the new score that shows
So many things that he don't know

Maybe today, today we die
Maybe today, today we die
Forgive us and take away the cries
Baby today we'll die

I've had a hard time thinking
I've had the hardest fall
I'm drowning and now
I'm sinking into it all
Remember the words of someone
Someone I used to know
Love everyone but keep them
Far from your soul

Listening to: Blue Danube Waltz - Vienna Symphonic Orchestra

If you come back, I'll throw myself into your arms and beg you... I don't know. To kill me, I suppose. Or to tie me down and lock me up and keep me, to do whatever you want so long as I never have to say again you left me.

"When I was younger... before... I used to think of you like this. Sometimes."
"Like this?"
"Yes."
"Then you've thought about me like this for quite some time."
"I used to think about what you'd look like... and wonder if you'd like me looking... Or doing anything else... I mostly thought about kissing you. It seemed... innocent enough, something you wouldn't object to, if you knew what I was thinking... But there was more. There was more when I couldn't stop thinking, sometimes."
"What more was there?"
"I'd think about kissing your mouth first, because that's... that's what you're supposed to kiss, after all. But then... I'd think about kissing your throat, and your chest. I wondered if you'd like that, and I thought... I thought you would."
"Do you like kissing me?"
"Yes. Very much."
"Do you like it as much as you thought you would?"
"More," I confessed. "It's real."

Here you can be anything.
And I think that scares you.
I think that scares you.
I've been here before but only by myself.
What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you.
I've had and I've been.
Here in center frame, there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.
I said it out loud over and over, but what do I know.
I said it out loud but it did not help.
I'll stop now.
Just so I can hear you, I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes.
I promised I'd see it again.
I promised I'd see this with you now.

With a turn and a twist, she gets her wish.
Just a smile makes her who she wants.
It's the smoke from the spark when sulfur hits.
It turns into an inspiration.
With a splash and a twist, we'll both get pissed.
And leave after we hear our songs.
It's the smoke from the spark when sulfur hits.
She'll just remember she felt something.
So much for see you around.
So much for seeing at all.
Don't leave me in the trivia.
Give it a name, and that's how it stays.
Over the threshold.
Over and out.

Pretend right now was worth waiting for.
Pretend right now is worth fighting for.
Pretend right now you aren't scared.
And you're not here while I write.
Spider suicide in my shower.

Did it matter where they ended and I started, or where I ended and they started? No.

Fuck, my crappy writing is running rampant again.

Hope Chris was happy with his birthmas sex.

The other razor: This hurts..
The other razor: I wish you loved me.

Today... sucked.

*smears more charcoal on her cheeks and goes back to writing*

AyaPAX217: i swear i'm insane
AyaPAX217: i keep thinking this guy's in my room...
Paradox Lain: maybe he is.
AyaPAX217: i wish he was
AyaPAX217: oh how i do
AyaPAX217: then again, i might just get what i wish for...
Paradox Lain: so. i found someone to replace josiah.
AyaPAX217: oh?
AyaPAX217: *curious*
Paradox Lain: yeh.
Paradox Lain: he's... nice.
AyaPAX217: ?
Paradox Lain: GODS FUCKING FORBID. -.-
AyaPAX217: 'nice?'
Paradox Lain: he's sweet
Paradox Lain: charming
Paradox Lain: charismatic
Paradox Lain: nice
AyaPAX217: wow
AyaPAX217: i wish this guy i followed was really in my room.
AyaPAX217: lol, though it would prolly be to kill me
Paradox Lain: that's okay.
AyaPAX217: yep
AyaPAX217: give me something to think about
Paradox Lain: exactly how many people are you capable of loving?
AyaPAX217: ...
AyaPAX217: thank you
Paradox Lain: i mean, before it becomes numbing, or boring, or trivial. how many people can you love before it's not special?
AyaPAX217 signed off at 8:40:40 PM.
AyaPAX217 signed on at 8:40:44 PM.
AyaPAX217: i do not know. you?
Paradox Lain: i always figured just one. but then again... you love everyone differently. i loved josiah, but it was in a different way from me loving anyone else. if i fall in love with this new guy, robbie, then... it's different. it's truly unique. that's what makes it special, i guess.
AyaPAX217: ...yeah
Paradox Lain: but still... who can really say it was or is love?
AyaPAX217: exactly
Paradox Lain: we need new words for the different kinds.
AyaPAX217: we can't define it
AyaPAX217: yeah
AyaPAX217: the greek had five words for it
Paradox Lain: hm... you wanna talk to this guy?
AyaPAX217: sure
Paradox Lain: The other razor
Paradox Lain: is is AIM name..
AyaPAX217: ok
AyaPAX217: this is robbie?
Paradox Lain: yah
AyaPAX217: he's funny
Paradox Lain: yeah ^^
AyaPAX217: we're talking about my paranoid imagination
AyaPAX217: omg, that was fun
Paradox Lain: ^^
AyaPAX217: have fun with him
Paradox Lain: will do
AyaPAX217: good

Paradox Lain: why do i always have to fucking fight with you?
Paradox Lain: i should just fucking leave.
Daigo Kazama 7: Sorry I don't bend to you as quickly as most males do.
Daigo Kazama 7: Fine, I will do this thing you ask.
Paradox Lain: this isn't bending. this is doing your fucking job.
Paradox Lain: BITCH.
Paradox Lain: >:
Paradox Lain: NOW GET BACK IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN
Daigo Kazama 7: Sorry, about having free will! won't happen again!
---
Paradox Lain: you know i like my men au naturel.
Daigo Kazama 7: Your Men or your TOYS?
Paradox Lain: ...men. the toys, i could care less.
Paradox Lain: look at missy, she's totally fried from her Paxil.
Daigo Kazama 7: A problem to which you proudly contributed.
Paradox Lain: more like was the entire cause of.
Paradox Lain: *smiles smugly*
Daigo Kazama 7: Incouragable...
Paradox Lain: :D
Daigo Kazama 7: All boyfriends seem good at first.
Daigo Kazama 7: I mean, look at Fencer.
Paradox Lain: no kidding
Paradox Lain: asshole.
Paradox Lain: wouldn't ever fucking shut up.
Paradox Lain: totally just removed himself whenever i was being honest, THE VERY FEW TIMES THERE WAS.
Daigo Kazama 7: Awwww.
Daigo Kazama 7: So you've blocked him to this very day?
Paradox Lain: yep.
Paradox Lain: fook heem.
Daigo Kazama 7: I see.
Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/energetic_person/koibitowadare.html
Daigo Kazama 7: Woman, get through ONE hour without giving me something to do, would ya?
Paradox Lain: fuck you and your rules.
Paradox Lain: YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! FUCK YOU!
Paradox Lain: so on.
Daigo Kazama 7: You only say that because you know I'm going anyway...
Paradox Lain: yeah. it's short. ^^
Daigo Kazama 7: That's...curious.
Paradox Lain: ^^
Paradox Lain: it's shit.
Paradox Lain: *peers out at him from inside closet*
Daigo Kazama 7: Ah, the closet, It's been a long time since ya used that one!
Paradox Lain: so, is it good, yes or no
Daigo Kazama 7: The story? Good writing, excellent writing. But I'm confused.
Paradox Lain: think of the obvious symbolism
Daigo Kazama 7: For whatever reason, I wasn't even thinking about symbolism, just blunt right in front of ya kinda stuff.
Paradox Lain: well, it could be that too.
Daigo Kazama 7: Well, okay, it works then. May have been better as a poem maybe? THAT way you can add another writing style to your plate.
Paradox Lain: i think the thought of a bunch of people devouring roses would be... interesting to see
Daigo Kazama 7: That's one way of putting it.
Paradox Lain: how could that have been better as a poem?
Daigo Kazama 7: The writing would stay the same, but it'd just be a nice entry to your list of poems, the ones you had on your old site?
Paradox Lain: yeah
Daigo Kazama 7: As it is now I can't classify it, not that it's important.

Paradox Lain: ANY gay guys are cute.
The other razor: NOT TRUE
Paradox Lain: specially the ones that are in relationships.
Paradox Lain: YES TRUE
Paradox Lain: DON'T RUIN MY FANTASY
---
The other razor: : /
The other razor: Stop bleeding me for secrets. :sniff:
The other razor: It... really REALLY did not work.
Paradox Lain: psh. it's my nature. i lure people in, AND THEN I EAT THEIR SOULS.
Paradox Lain: o.o
The other razor: : O
The other razor: Oh, I finished your blog
The other razor: Everyone is against me! Augh!
Paradox Lain: you'll be fighting a LOT of skepticism.
The other razor: I don't doubt it.
Paradox Lain: i'm more trouble than i'm worth : \
The other razor: This is my only arguement --
The other razor: Every relationship is a different animal.
The other razor: I'm not REALLY like this other guy at all. We may share qualities, but I'm not him.
The other razor: Ditto to Robbie, or anyone else.
The other razor: I just think it's harsh to throw something that has promise aside out of fear of the unknown.
The other razor: /rant
Paradox Lain: the first test is melissa. she's pretty easy.
Paradox Lain: or missa, if you will.
The other razor: :nod:
Paradox Lain: but james gets confused between missy and missa, so.. x.x
The other razor: Well, I'll tell her the same.
The other razor: :snicker:
The other razor: I will too.
Paradox Lain: missy = my little broken one. missa = my partner in all yaoi crime.
Paradox Lain: very very different people.
The other razor: Oi.
The other razor: Well.
The other razor: Put up the hoops.
The other razor: I'll jump them.
Paradox Lain: for example, missa's away message: Hi! Farfie's away messages are broken. This is her refridgerator. Speak very slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
The other razor: :O
Paradox Lain: she's real fun ^^
The other razor: THAT WAS ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE FOR LIKE, FOUR MONTHS
Paradox Lain: .....
The other razor: :OOO
Paradox Lain: wow
The other razor: :calms down:
Paradox Lain: you guys will get along fine.
The other razor: Cha.
Paradox Lain: sean will give in eventually. maybe. he just wants me to cheer up.
The other razor: I can win over anybody. I'm nothing if not charasmatic.
Paradox Lain: ..........er.......it's either matt or john that will give you a REALLY hard time...... fucking twins......
The other razor: That's the one talent I'll admit to.
The other razor: heh.
Paradox Lain: god dammit....
The other razor: Like I said, I'll fight.
Paradox Lain: either way i call him jedah, sho.. yeah. good. IF I EVEN STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH.
The other razor: What? You are worth it.
Paradox Lain: haha... no.
Paradox Lain: really.
Paradox Lain: no.
The other razor: Yesh.
The other razor: OW
The other razor: OWWWW
The other razor: ...
The other razor: I hate Lonnie's cat.
Paradox Lain: hee hee
The other razor: Fawk you, grey cat.
The other razor: FAWK YOU
Paradox Lain: it's GRAY no GREY.
The other razor: It gets in my lap and loves me then claws my pants.
The other razor: OW
Paradox Lain: i'd do the same. :D
The other razor: I like grey.
The other razor: :sniff:
Paradox Lain: gray.
The other razor: :bites her lip:
The other razor: Tsk.
Paradox Lain: mou >: grey connotates boringness.
The other razor: grey.
Paradox Lain: gray
The other razor: :knows when to give up:
The other razor: Fine, gray.
Paradox Lain: *me wins*
The other razor: :lick:
Paradox Lain: *loves on robbie*
The other razor: (grey)
The other razor: :O
The other razor: tee he
The other razor: OW
Paradox Lain: the typo virus is spreading, i see.
The other razor: :sniff:
Paradox Lain: ALL IS GOING AS PLANNED
The other razor: I really don't to hurt the cat.
The other razor: :O
Paradox Lain: ....if you take an n out of planned it says planed.
The other razor: NOS
Paradox Lain: :O
The other razor: :GASPAROONI:
Paradox Lain: all is going as planed.... >:D
The other razor: :sigh: Everything is better on these pills, I swear.
Paradox Lain: fake reality.
Paradox Lain: *kicks his ass*
The other razor: I had a cigarette today -- tasted like the first one.
Paradox Lain: get rid of the happy pills.
The other razor: Cha.
The other razor: Ow.
The other razor: Oh, no -- get this.
The other razor: Actually, they aren't mine but they're what I'm going to be perscribed.
The other razor: I just can't afford the visit yet.
Paradox Lain: >:
The other razor: Anyway --
The other razor: I'm really fucking horny today, so I uh, go take care of myself.
The other razor: I usually have multipule orgasms, (more troublesome than cool, seriously) but this --
Paradox Lain: .....*laughs under breath* i have my short story to re-write
The other razor: Arg. Then, ten minutes later I start to have aftershocks or something.
The other razor: I just convulse for NO APPARENT REASON and endorphins explode in my head.
The other razor: It.... was good.
The other razor: Short story? 'Ich one?
Paradox Lain: the one that you haven't seen.
Paradox Lain: ...well, one of them.
The other razor: Oooooh. What's it about?
Paradox Lain: .......stuff.
Paradox Lain: :D
The other razor: Hrm.
Paradox Lain: i don't tell people things. i just let them read.
The other razor: Okie.
Paradox Lain: you'll just have to wait :P
The other razor: The way you act makes me think you put me in it.
The other razor: :hopes:
Paradox Lain: nnnnope.
Paradox Lain: i don't put anyone in my stories.
The other razor: Meh.
Paradox Lain: i put them in my poetry.
The other razor: :grab:
Paradox Lain: *bites*
The other razor: I'll... put you in something.
The other razor: NUDGE NUDGE
Paradox Lain: ohohoho ^^
The other razor: Ooooo. Write a poem about meeeeee
Paradox Lain: i will i will.
The other razor: :sniffs at air:
The other razor: Don't laugh.
The other razor: Oh, goodie.
The other razor: So.
The other razor: When's your birthday?
Paradox Lain: eight days.
Paradox Lain: TWO MORE YEARS TILL I'M LEGAL
Paradox Lain: :O
The other razor: Bah, I can't even administer birthday spankings.
The other razor: Heh. Funny thing about that.
The other razor: Everyone I talk to gives me the same answer about you --
The other razor: Four years is nothing.
The other razor: They're all... encouraging.
Paradox Lain: ....*dies of shock*
The other razor: Even my mom. I can't believe it.
---
The other razor: I can only go by what I want. What else is there? : /
Paradox Lain: nothing.
The other razor: :is affirmed:
The other razor: Good.
The other razor: I want this, Adrienne.
The other razor: *hug*
Paradox Lain: i'm scared of fucking everything up. i do that a lot.
The other razor: Don't be.
The other razor: If you want this to work too, we'll fight together. If it's something we both want what will go wrong?
Paradox Lain: ....*clings* you are so.... something
The other razor: I try.
The other razor: You're so... something else.
The other razor: Together, we're EVERYTHING
The other razor: BWHAHAHAAHA
The other razor: :dies of bad joke:
Paradox Lain: *giggles and hugs him* you're silly, for one.
The other razor: You have actual depth, for another.
Paradox Lain: yep. you put your arm in and you can't touch the bottom. dear gods, don't ever touch the bottom.
---
The other razor: I won't run away screaming. I promise.
---
The other razor: I can't wait to make you happy, you know that?
Paradox Lain: *smiles shyly* really..
The other razor: Just wait. I'll do .... something cool.
The other razor: :thinks really hard:
The other razor: Yeah. I will.
The other razor: I'm not sure what I can do, yet though.
The other razor: You'll be hard to please, I think.
Paradox Lain: Not really.
Paradox Lain: Well... I don't know.
The other razor: :snicker:
The other razor: See?
Paradox Lain: I'm fickle.
The other razor: :nod: Yeah. I really hope I can keep you interested.
Paradox Lain: ...*updates blog*
The other razor: :reads:
Paradox Lain: It's not hard. It's just that my emotions are schizophrenic, so it's hard for a lot of people to keep up.
The other razor: That's okay.
The other razor: :snicker:
The other razor: My favorite song.
The other razor: I used to listen to it all the time after my break up.
The other razor: BUT WAS THE GRAY NESESSARY??
Paradox Lain: YES :P
The other razor: :chokes her ... with love:
---
The other razor: I'm such a fool to fall in love like this. :smacks self:
The other razor: Why couldn't you be down here?
Paradox Lain: because... i'm not. i don't know x.x
The other razor: : / We had a nice sunny day, too.
The other razor: Way to miss it, sawa.
Paradox Lain: today was sunny here too :P
The other razor: ... Mine was better.
Paradox Lain: how would you know?
The other razor: Because ... I was outside your window all day?
Paradox Lain: so the blinds were open?
The other razor: And how. XD
Paradox Lain: HAH! MY BLINDS ARE NEVAR OPEN.
The other razor: :O
The other razor: WHO WAS I CREEPING OUT??
The other razor: ::somewhere in Seatlle, a little girl cries herself to sleep::
Paradox Lain: mwahahahahaha
The other razor: "The hair, daddy, the HAIR"
---
Paradox Lain: *sings along with gakuto sama* saaaa me o akete, boku o mite yo.. hora mada nukumori sae.. boku no te no hira ni dakarete iru ima wa mou itami mo nai naka de... anata waaaa nani ooo ima mo omotte iru noooo.. kono senaka o tsutsumu yoru to yami ni e o egakuuuuu boku wa toki to iu na no mono ni ayatsurareeeeteeeeee
The other razor: :sigh:
The other razor: Japanese breaks my mind. I tried to learn, once.
Paradox Lain: ooooozora ni ukabetaaaa omoide no naka deee odoru futari o mitsume naite ita saaaaigo made sayonara saeeee iezu kono basho deeeee nemuri ni ochita anata o daite itakuteeeeee.....
The other razor: ::starts bleeding::
Paradox Lain: yure nagara ashi o ukase... *cries*
The other razor: ::tries to tie a cut of flow of blood::
The other razor: Wait...
The other razor: ::Not making sense, AGAIN::
The other razor: ...What... was I even getting at?
---
The other razor: I'm going to Canada.
Paradox Lain: take me with you. we can screw like bunnies.
The other razor: :O
The other razor: Such vulgarity.
The other razor: tee hee
The other razor: Ah, wouldn't that be nice.
Paradox Lain: i know what i want for my birthday ^^
Paradox Lain: a Malice Mizer dvd
The other razor: ::looks around::
The other razor: I'll try to get it for you. Uh, not sure when, though.
The other razor: ::mutters about car::
The other razor: I really wish that thing wasn't so fucked up.
Paradox Lain: you can't find them in stores.
The other razor: I didn't plan on buying one in a store.
Paradox Lain: nothing malice mizer was EVER released here... /resentment
Paradox Lain: ...nani?
The other razor: Online would probably be better.
Paradox Lain: ah, sou.
The other razor: Ah, fuck.
The other razor: Fuck. fuck dkslfajsldkafjalksdfj
The other razor: That -- was my last cigarette.
The other razor: Someone has to die.
Paradox Lain: *hides*
The other razor: ::looks at lonnie::
The other razor: Can't kill him, he's fixing the computer I fucked up.
The other razor: Hm.
The other razor: Can't kill Adrienne, in love with her. Hm.
The other razor: Can't kill mother, cause...
The other razor: Hm.
---
The other razor: I've only had sex with Tina.
The other razor: : /
The other razor: :O
Paradox Lain: silly male. SLEEP WITH PEOPLE
The other razor: ::giggles::
The other razor: Well... we just broke up, and no one wants my cock except you.
Paradox Lain: hah
The other razor: And you're way over there.
Paradox Lain: i'm sure that's not true
Paradox Lain: go pick up some slutty girl. ^^
The other razor: Oh, no, it is.
The other razor: : /
The other razor: Meh.
The other razor: I'd feel sorta bad about it now.
Paradox Lain: i wouldn't.
Paradox Lain: i understand.
Paradox Lain: i was forced to.
Paradox Lain: josiah... sleeping.... with people.... grr. anyway.
The other razor: Mmm, maybe. It wouldn't have to mean anything, but...
The other razor: ... while he was with you?
Paradox Lain: of course.
The other razor: God.
The other razor: Yeah.
The other razor: Don't compare me to him.
Paradox Lain: i figured you'd say that sometime. everyone else i say it to does.
The other razor: I... had so many opportunities to cheat.
The other razor: Never did -- and this is what I got.
The other razor: Oh, well. It worked out.
The other razor: Oh, shit.
The other razor: I need to take a pill.
Paradox Lain: .....
The other razor: No, seriously. Two a day.
Paradox Lain: if you take it, i'm not talking to you.
The other razor: Adrienne, there what I'd get if I had insurance anyway.
The other razor: *they're
The other razor: Ack.
The other razor: It's not like I'm doping up.
Paradox Lain: doesn't matter.
Paradox Lain: it changes you.
Paradox Lain: i don't want to talk to the pills, i'd like to talk to you.
Paradox Lain: i don't care if you're horribly depressed. i don't care if you hate everything.
The other razor: You've been talking to me, they don't change who I am.
Paradox Lain: oooooh yes they do.,
The other razor: Oh, so you could tell when I started?
Paradox Lain: i don't even know you, i couldn't tell.
The other razor: Well, basically --
The other razor: This is what the pill does.
The other razor: It just balances out the chemistry that ought to be going on.
Paradox Lain: i know what the fucking pill does, robbie. if you take them, i don't want to talk to you.
The other razor: Fine.
The other razor: I won't take it.
The other razor: If I freak out, I'm blaming you. : /
Paradox Lain: good. freak out. at least it'll be you.
The other razor: Phhht. What are you gonna do if I go to the psych and he wants me to take them?
Paradox Lain: you have a choice.
Paradox Lain: i did. missy did.
Paradox Lain: we both chose.
Paradox Lain: you can too.
The other razor: ::sigh::
The other razor: I don't like living sad all the time.
The other razor: For the first time in a .... very, very long time I felt like I did when I was a kid.
The other razor: I wasn't worried about anything.
The other razor: If you feel that strongly about it, I'll consider all my options.
The other razor: Just understand my side of it.
The other razor: Like I said, I'll do anything to make this work. I did mean it.
Paradox Lain: i do. i know, that you see some pill that you can take that will just make everything feel better, but that's not life. if you feel bad, change what's making you feel bad. if you don't want to do something, and you have any sort of choice, don't fucking do it. most of the people i know do this all the time, put themselves in a place where they don't have to be. if you want to feel good, fix your life, don't tweak your mind.
The other razor: The thing wrong was I couldn't stop constant worry.
Paradox Lain: then let me smack you.
---
Paradox Lain: god damn, guys are bastards.
The other razor: I'm not!
The other razor: : O
Paradox Lain: all of them, at some point, are.
Paradox Lain: good thing i hate all humans without discrimination.
The other razor: ...
The other razor: :sniff:
Paradox Lain: it's because of something you can't really control.
Paradox Lain: in fact, it's more exact to say i hate the human *race* then all humans.
The other razor: Well, I'm not perfect. I'll piss you off eventually.
Paradox Lain: if i get obsessed enough, no.
Paradox Lain: i'm accepting to a fault.
The other razor: Ah, you will.
The other razor: I'm so damn lovable.
Paradox Lain: yessah ^^ *cuddles*
The other razor: :D

Owari. Oog. *goes to do homewerk*

:: 9.21.2002 ::

I love Adrienne. That is all.

:: Robert 7:55 PM [+] ::

...*coughing fit*

*calls meetings with chris, sean, and melissa*

Bright Eyes - The Calendar Hung Itself

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning
When you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly
From the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school
With his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to
Pretend he walks with you.
Does he know that place below your neck
That is your favorite to be touched?
And does he cry through broken sentences
Like "I love you far too much"?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes?
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile
There's a thousand more
You won’t ever see
But most hold inside yourself eternally.
I drug your ghost across the country
And we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper
"Here is where you rest."
I was determined in Chicago
But I dug my teeth into my knees
And I settled for a telephone
And sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine
And I kissed a girl with a broken jaw
That her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me.
They reminded me of yours.
In a story told she was a little girl
In a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
And there were rows of ripe tomatoes
Where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder,
Clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries
To a diary entry’s end
Where I wrote
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
You make me happy
When skies are gray, gray, gray.
Well the clock’s heart
It hangs inside its open chest
With hands stretched towards
The calendar hanging itself
But I will not weep
For those dying days.
For all the ones who've left
There are a few that stayed.
And they found me here
And pulled me from the grass
Where I was laid.


Koibito wa Dare?

Yay for short stories.

Yeah, I know there are spaces where there weren't any. FUCK YOU. I turned the line break converter back on to make it easier on myself.

Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/energetic_person/un.html
Daigo Kazama 7: Mu-Harr!
Daigo Kazama 7: Remind me later.
Paradox Lain: you go now.
Daigo Kazama 7: I will NOT
Paradox Lain: NOW.
Daigo Kazama 7: Because....?
Paradox Lain: >:
Daigo Kazama 7: A-chan, I'm doing things for COLLEGE.
Daigo Kazama 7: I want to apply now.
Paradox Lain: <:
Daigo Kazama 7: Future!
Paradox Lain: >:
Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/energetic_person/un.html
Paradox Lain: you go now.
Daigo Kazama 7: Ummm, Can I just do this first? Y'know, something that affects the rest of my life as aopposed to something that affects the next 5 minutes?
Paradox Lain: yes. just.. hurry. bastard.
Daigo Kazama 7: I wish it was something I could hurry with.
Daigo Kazama 7: Thanks for understanding, though!
Paradox Lain: >:
Daigo Kazama 7: Now then, what was that site?
Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/energetic_person/un.html
Daigo Kazama 7: Check your links, babe.
Paradox Lain: i'm adding onze and douze right now, fag.
Paradox Lain: ta da.
Daigo Kazama 7: Don't have to get so touchy, bitch. --lick--
Daigo Kazama 7: Ta da mean the next two are up?
Paradox Lain: yep
Daigo Kazama 7: Well now I closed the window.
Daigo Kazama 7: Again, female!
Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/energetic_person/dix.html
Daigo Kazama 7: Stigmateriffic
Paradox Lain: :D:D:D
Daigo Kazama 7: I re-round that part like 7 times.
Paradox Lain: *hits the Sean Starts Making Sense button*
Daigo Kazama 7: Well that just kills the fun.
Daigo Kazama 7: They call me half a man, half amazing
Daigo Kazama 7: NOW I'll start making sense.
Daigo Kazama 7: Had to get that out. --cough--
Paradox Lain: *pets*
Paradox Lain: so, do you like ze projekt so far?
Daigo Kazama 7: It's a bit disturbing, which is why I like it.
Paradox Lain: ^______________________^
Paradox Lain: korean
Paradox Lain: FEH.
Paradox Lain: total assery
Daigo Kazama 7: Assery wasn't a word at last check.
Paradox Lain: ASSERY.
Paradox Lain: Nalbwa jalbwa nae saraneul baeshinma wawa wawa Ibuhni majimak nal mwotharuh mwotharuh dduhna Nal mwotharuh mwotharuh buhryuh ije jashineul balgo naegero dashi wajwo wajwo!
Daigo Kazama 7: Accessorize!
Daigo Kazama 7: brb
Paradox Lain: IT. MAKES. NO. FOOKING. SENSE.
Daigo Kazama 7: Miss me yet?
Paradox Lain: yes no.
Paradox Lain: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH KOREAN PEOPLE?!
Paradox Lain: GAH
Daigo Kazama 7: o.o
Daigo Kazama 7: What do YOU care?
Paradox Lain: I'M TRYING TO SING THEIR FOOKING SONGS AND THEY'RE LIKE.... UNWRITABLE.
Paradox Lain: GOD DAMMIT
Paradox Lain: WE DO NOT SOUND THINGS OUT WHEN DEALING WITH ASIAN DIALECTS.
Paradox Lain: FOOKING LYRICIST.
Paradox Lain: /done
Daigo Kazama 7: ....
Daigo Kazama 7: --simply dies--
Paradox Lain: this person is RETARDED
Paradox Lain: Nalbwa jalbwa nae saraneul baeshinma
Paradox Lain: should be...
Paradox Lain: Nalbwa jalbwa nee saranuhl baeshinma
Paradox Lain: GOD DAMMIT
Paradox Lain: I'M NOT FIXING THEIR RETARDEDNESS
Paradox Lain: I QUIT
Paradox Lain: *leaves*
Daigo Kazama 7: o.o
Daigo Kazama 7: A-chan, breathe.
Daigo Kazama 7: Relax, take it easy.
Paradox Lain: http://www.geocities.com/koreangalaxy3/join24.jpg
Paradox Lain: .......fag.
Daigo Kazama 7: What's with you and that word lately?
Paradox Lain: FAG. FAG FAG FAG FAG FAG.
Daigo Kazama 7: I didn't ask what the word was, I asked why you keep using it.
Paradox Lain: FAG FAG FAG FAG FAG FAG FAG.
Daigo Kazama 7: Hee. ^^
Paradox Lain: exactly. ^^
Paradox Lain: .....WHY IN FUCKING BLUE HELL WOULD KOREAN PEOPLE USE THE WORD NIGGER? DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?
Paradox Lain: *gives up on korean pop*
Daigo Kazama 7: Maybe?
Paradox Lain: they. aren't. BLACK.
Paradox Lain: *throws things at north and south korea*
Daigo Kazama 7: I don't think North Korea is producing that music
Paradox Lain: ...why not?
Daigo Kazama 7: Lack of freedom of speech?
Paradox Lain: ...moreover, why the bloody fuck can't north korea name themselves something else, fucking communist turned totalitarianism FAGS.
Daigo Kazama 7: lol
Daigo Kazama 7: A lot of pent up aggression today
Paradox Lain: yay japanese people. at least their fucking language makes SENSE.
Daigo Kazama 7: I'm sure Korean makes sense to Koreans
Paradox Lain: FUCK TEH KOREANS :o
Daigo Kazama 7: Mmmmhm...
Paradox Lain: gakuto's songs make my voice all scratchy. ;_;
---
Daigo Kazama 7: Fuck YOU
Daigo Kazama 7: Fuck YOU and everybody who LOOKS like you!
Daigo Kazama 7: Love ya!
Paradox Lain: *mwah*
Daigo Kazama 7: I love doing that.
Daigo Kazama 7: Bedtime
Paradox Lain: meh
Daigo Kazama 7: What?
Paradox Lain: ..meh
Daigo Kazama 7: Adrienne, speak English to me.
Paradox Lain: je n'aime pas l'anglais.
Daigo Kazama 7: --bites your lower lip--
Daigo Kazama 7: =p
Paradox Lain: i said i don't like english :P
Daigo Kazama 7: Don't care what you like.
Daigo Kazama 7: You'll like what I tell you to like.
Daigo Kazama 7: Now, goodnight.
Paradox Lain: fuck j00.
Daigo Kazama 7: --hugs-- try to get some sleep.
Paradox Lain: *hugs*

Jellyfish of Sea: Oha! Methinks that I fall in love too much.
Paradox Lain: who are you in love with now?
Jellyfish of Sea: Two, count 'em, two girls. ^^;;;
Paradox Lain: and one of them is me.
Jellyfish of Sea: No, my love for you is more passive and not "ooh, I want to get with her" love.
Paradox Lain: ...you don't want to get with me? ;_;
Jellyfish of Sea: Nothing'd come out of it. ^^;; You said yourself that you're not attracted to me...
Paradox Lain: no. but i like having people love me.
Paradox Lain: it's kind of like them giving me the keys to their house.
Paradox Lain: i could rob them blind...
Paradox Lain: if it was in the game plan.
Jellyfish of Sea: Right! And swordsmen have to keep defenses up against that sorta thing.
Paradox Lain: *pets*
Jellyfish of Sea: *drops his shield and drools*
Paradox Lain: tee hee ^.^
Jellyfish of Sea: Er! Ahem. *picks up his shield and grins sheepishly* Right. Defenses. God, I love you. I mean, err...!!
Paradox Lain: *rubs up against his shield, purring*
Jellyfish of Sea: *thinks for a second* Give back her pop... or let her grab.. decisions decisions...
[he took my pop. i told him i'd grab his penis if he didn't give it back. he almost let me. :o]
Paradox Lain: lmao... oh, you're so shameless with your wanton desires. ^^
Jellyfish of Sea: Not shameless, just honest. ^^

Paradox Lain: james and i had hand sex because of it o.O
The other razor: :/ Cha, it was 55f this morning...
Paradox Lain: er, not *james* james.. james a guy at my school james
The other razor: Heheh, I thought nothing was going on?
The other razor: Oh...
The other razor: Define hand sex, I'm confuzzled.
Paradox Lain: hrm, my brother and the rest of them are home. population of the house jumps from one to seven. >.< ...anyway, he just came up to me and started petting me, and i'm used to that, and he just stroked my arms and my back and my hair. and hugging me. and things like that. because that's what he does. i was just the tactile fetish of the day.
The other razor: hhehehe
The other razor: Wish I had someone around here to rub me. :/
Paradox Lain: he was annoying though. made stupid high school teenage guy jokes and stuff. feh.
Paradox Lain: NO ONE'S EVER GOOD ENOUGH.
The other razor: Well, of course.
The other razor: Standards are important.
---
The other razor: So silent tonight.
The other razor: Tsk, I am getting boring, huh?
Paradox Lain: no
Paradox Lain: just... thinking.
The other razor: ...About what?
Paradox Lain: reflecting, if you will... about...... you. and a few other things.
The other razor: Hmm, okay.
The other razor: Well, Um...
The other razor: Let me know when you feel like it.
Paradox Lain: this is one of those nights where i should be laying in bed with someone and staring out the window at the rain.
The other razor: :/
The other razor: Well, I can only say... I'm sort of there.
The other razor: I can type. That's about it at this point.
The other razor: Oooooooooooookay.
The other razor: Finished.
The other razor: http://theotherrazor.blogspot.com
The other razor: That... was my night.
The other razor: :tap tap:
Paradox Lain: *bites*
The other razor: Ow.
The other razor: Making sure you're there. :/
The other razor: Gee, if you're going to bite maybe I should drag you outta my shirt.
Paradox Lain: or maybe not >:D
The other razor: Hmm...
The other razor: :thinks:
The other razor: Or maybe I should just put you under other things.
Paradox Lain: *purrs and cuddles*
The other razor: :content:
Paradox Lain: *yawns and mumbles sleepily* trapped in a box, my life becomes void, and all of the thought for myself's now destroyed. controlling my mind, what to eat, what to buy. subliminal rules, how to live, how to die. trapped in a box...
The other razor: You... just now do that?
Paradox Lain: pfft... 's no doubt.
Paradox Lain: song off their self titled album
The other razor: Hrm.
The other razor: I've listened to Beacon street and Tragic.
Paradox Lain: i'm too tired to whip out the impromptu writing skillz. or maybe not. we'll see.
The other razor: I gave my self titled album to an old girlfriend a looooooooong time ago.
Paradox Lain: gwen...... the first thing i become a fan of..... and she sells out... whore.
The other razor: Yeah, and how.
The other razor: I can't stand to think I used to listen to her.
---
The other razor: Now -- you said on my site... thingy you had lots to tell me about today.
The other razor: Where's all my information you're s'pose ta gimmie?
The other razor: Er, hold on a sec.
Paradox Lain: *pulls mesh shirt.. thing on*
Paradox Lain: *fiddles with collar* ano..... anoooo....... what... oh, right. so stefani, the little whore, started spreading rumours about jade chan. so i spread my own devious seed.
Paradox Lain: it'll get around to her, and by that time who it was she kissed won't be an issue.
Paradox Lain: *runs her hands through her hair* i find myself lacking feeling for anyone. i just don't want people to come close anymore. at all. james hand sexing me was strange, but i was cold and he was warm, so it was partially justified.
Paradox Lain: and.. what else.. feh.... okay, so maybe i exaggerated out of hyperness..
The other razor: Well, I understand the closeness issue.
The other razor: People help, though --
The other razor: By the way, I may be on and off soon.
The other razor: My... mom is using this damn computer and we're trying to share it and.... ugh.
The other razor: ...And you're wearing a collar. :purr:
Paradox Lain: lol.. yes >^.^<
The other razor: Grr.
The other razor: :pulls off mesh shirt:
The other razor: ^_^
The other razor: Collars -- I like.
Paradox Lain: hee hee. bondage collar. four rings. not three. even though it's my favourite number. it's taisa's too. so four. not three. rather big rings too.
Paradox Lain: it's pretty.
The other razor: :puuuuuuuuuuurr:
The other razor: I've got a spiked braclet, that's about it. I lend to that sort of stuff, though.
The other razor: I'd make a hot goth if I wanted too. I'm certainly thin enough
Paradox Lain: mm...thin pale man....
Paradox Lain: *drool*
---
The other razor: :plays with collar:
Paradox Lain: mm... Blue Room... *glances out door longingly* wonder if i can call you...
Paradox Lain: my bed's so.. comfy.
The other razor: Hmm, maybe.
The other razor: It'd be later on tonight, though.
The other razor: I would like to hear your voice.
The other razor: :grin:
Paradox Lain: heeh ^^;
Paradox Lain: i.. have a voice. and that's all i can really say about it.
The other razor: Yeah, ditto.
The other razor: I have an accent, apparently, but no one can really peg what it is
The other razor: I don't talk like I'm from around here.
Paradox Lain: o.O
Paradox Lain: hrm
Paradox Lain: i have the usual pacific non-accent. which means i have no trouble switching from english to japanese to french to whatever else.
---
Paradox Lain: you haven't seen me when i'm evil x.x
The other razor: Well, I'd like to.
The other razor: Same here.
The other razor: Everybody has flaws.
Paradox Lain: i don't consider mine a flaw. i'll give you an example of it. my project is being very very very nice to all the people involved. i could tear into them all.
The other razor: :/
The other razor: Me too?
Paradox Lain: mm hmm.
Paradox Lain: i hate that. i hate actively thinking that.
The other razor: Wow.
Paradox Lain: but it's true.
The other razor: :shakes head:
Paradox Lain: it doesn't mean i don't like you as a person. it's just... i don't see flaws. i see people.
Paradox Lain: but i know what other people consider flaws, so those are the things i exploit.
The other razor: I've done the same thing myself.
The other razor: I won't say I like it, but I accept it and I understand.
The other razor: Despite all that I really respect you and there are maybe three people in the world that have earned that.
The other razor: It may not mean much, but there you have it.
Paradox Lain: mm.. well... so far i have yet to lie to you. that's a very very good sign.
The other razor: Same here.
The other razor: I, don't know... I don't want you to ever feel like you have to hide anything from me.
The other razor: It's been rare that I've never tried to embellish a story about myself or something to make myself seem impressive...
The other razor: But, when I read your project saying that I impressed you more than anyone and I hadn't lied --
The other razor: I don't know. That really meant something.
The other razor: ...
The other razor: :nibble:
The other razor: Hmm. Hold on.
Paradox Lain: http://shojojisatsu.blogspot.com/
Paradox Lain: mwa ha.
Paradox Lain: survey fun.
The other razor: ..Back.
The other razor: UGH
The other razor: Okie, :click:
The other razor: ...Robbie?
The other razor: :blush:
Paradox Lain: i had this total crush on a guy two years older than me when i was.. eleven or so.. that was the son of my father's then girlfriend. his name was robbie. it just kinda.. carried over.
The other razor: Oh...
Paradox Lain: *plays with her hair* so now you're robbie because robert is my brother's middle name and that's weird.
The other razor: hehehe
The other razor: I can deal with that
The other razor: UGH
The other razor: Hold on, again.
The other razor: ...Back.
Paradox Lain: *lick*
The other razor: Blah, at least she's lying down now.
The other razor: Grr, I was going to do that.
The other razor: I was going to do that, then say ' you taste pretty '
The other razor: Then you'd think it was really cute, and we'd flirt more.
The other razor: BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO
The other razor: :giggle:
Paradox Lain: *licks again* silly male.
The other razor: :purr:
The other razor: *lick*
Paradox Lain: *nibbles on his ear* hn.
The other razor: :trails tounge down her neck into the center of her collar:
The other razor: :wakes Adrienne up:
Paradox Lain: mou <:
Paradox Lain: i'm reading about louts leaving FS
The other razor: "You can't fall asleep now, this is the SAAXXXY part!"
The other razor: She's leaving?
Paradox Lain: yeah. something about finding jesus.
The other razor: Hrm. I guess I kinda left, but I didn't make a deal about it.
Paradox Lain: she just.. left.
The other razor: ....What??
The other razor: That's so...
Paradox Lain: LOUTS FOUND JESUS
The other razor: ...
The other razor: WHAT??
Paradox Lain: you heard me
The other razor: O_O
Paradox Lain: i know.
Paradox Lain: x.x
The other razor: God... damn.
The other razor: I mean, what the hell.
The other razor: YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE
Paradox Lain: THEN THEY GO AND SLEEP WITH YOUR DOG
Paradox Lain: er...
Paradox Lain: ^^
The other razor: Hehehe.
The other razor: AND SKIP OUT ON PAYING YOU FOR IT
The other razor: :will be back momentarily while he take off work clothes:
Paradox Lain: o.o
The other razor: :is back:
The other razor: I hate those damn things. They make you tuck in your shirt.
The other razor: :shudder:
The other razor: It makes my ass look big! :cry:
Paradox Lain: lol
Paradox Lain: i have a catholic schoolgirl sort of uniform thing.
Paradox Lain: *nods*
The other razor: Seriously, though, I do have an ass. It's a bit...
The other razor: ...No.
The other razor: NO
The other razor: Don't tell me that.
The other razor: :cries:
The other razor: Damn it, and short black hair.
Paradox Lain: with the small skirt and the uncatholic big boots and the cute short sleeved dress shirt and the tie with the zipper for no reason ^^
The other razor: ...
Paradox Lain: and the kitty ears.
Paradox Lain: ^^
The other razor: :O
The other razor: I have bunny ears. :D
Paradox Lain: usagi!
Paradox Lain: >^.^<
The other razor: I want fox ears, though.
The other razor: Goddamn it all, cat ears too.
Paradox Lain: mew. :D
The other razor: I'm about to rob a convienence store for an overnight flight.
The other razor: :/
Paradox Lain: yay!
Paradox Lain: *purrs*
The other razor: :sigh:
The other razor: This is too much.
The other razor: You = sex. Period.
Paradox Lain: yep. ^-^
The other razor: And oh so modest!
The other razor: :ducks:
Paradox Lain: ....
The other razor: :runs:
Paradox Lain: OKAY YOU CAN STOP BEING THE NICE TWIN OF JOSIAH NOW K THX
Paradox Lain: o.o
The other razor: heheh
Paradox Lain: you are... so much like him...
The other razor: :/
The other razor: That bad?
Paradox Lain: it's just.. scaries.
[AND THIS IS WHERE JOSIAH CUTS IN WITH "OMG I AM SO NOT LIEK HIM U FAEG"]
The other razor: That... bad thing?
The other razor: :questioning grunt:
Paradox Lain: josiah = .....him
Paradox Lain: the guy that CRUSHED MY SOUL
The other razor: Uh..... oh.
The other razor: :hides:
Paradox Lain: it makes me love you more.
The other razor: I don't see how. :/
Paradox Lain: i still love the evil twin.
The other razor: Mmmm.
Paradox Lain: he was pretty much perfect for me in every way.
The other razor: I guess I can kinda get that.
The other razor: And I'm the good him?
Paradox Lain: granted, he was an asshole, but he was dominant to an extreme.
Paradox Lain: yep
The other razor: Wow...
The other razor: Neat. ^_^
The other razor: :snuggle:
Paradox Lain: *bites* mmmm, tasteh
The other razor: :D
The other razor: :puts you back under shirt:
The other razor: :forgets he isn't wearing it anymore, puts it back on, then shoves you in it again:
Paradox Lain: *happily goes on biting*
The other razor: :grins and enjoys it:
The other razor: :continues to nibble below her collar ... like he was earlier:
The other razor: :before he was interupted somehow:
The other razor: :nudge, nudge, lick lick:
Paradox Lain: *purrs gently and tilts her head back*
The other razor: :continues lower and supports her by sliding his hands behind her and gently cupping her lower back:
Paradox Lain: *closes her eyes and purrs louder* nn.. you've obliterated any coherent thought i might have had prior to you licking me.
The other razor: Well, then, it wasn't that important.
The other razor: Honestly, though --
The other razor: If this were really happening, what would happen next is I'd sit up, look at you very seriously, then kiss your nose and hug you to death. That's... just how I am sometimes.
The other razor: I'll say this -- sex with me is always different than the last time.
Paradox Lain: *fantasies* ....mmm......
The other razor: :does the same:
Paradox Lain: i think you're insane for liking me.
The other razor: I think you're insane for liking me, too.
The other razor: I whine an awful lot and I've got large... insane hair and I'm ugh, unstable. I'm eccentric. I'm hard to tolerate.
Paradox Lain: i'm cold and bitchy and mean and contradictory and hyper at times.
The other razor: I know.
The other razor: I don't care.
The other razor: :hug:
Paradox Lain: *hugs* so that's what this is, not caring anyway?
Paradox Lain: you'd still be a person even if i didn't like you immensely.
Paradox Lain: not flaws and good things.
The other razor: Not really, it's just that I've dealt with people before like that.
The other razor: I know that people have flaws, it's just... I understand those flaws because I've been there.
The other razor: I'm STILL there in a lot of very important ways.
Paradox Lain: i break people. i kill people. you'll hear the stories in due time.
The other razor: I'd rather like someone who has flaws I can understand, at least.
Paradox Lain: my past... hee hee.. oi...
The other razor: If you will do just one thing for me, I'll give you the world, okay?
The other razor: Don't ever hide who you are from me. I want to know Adrienne without smoke and mirrors.
Paradox Lain: that's asking a lot.
The other razor: I know.
The other razor: I'm not just spewing corny babble, I know it will be hard.
Paradox Lain: ...eh.... i....
The other razor: It's asking you to do something very dangerous.
The other razor: Make yourself vunerable to someone.
The other razor: And... you don't have good experence with that.
The other razor: You've obviously been hurt. A lot.
Paradox Lain: you'll.. hear the stories, as i said.. they're rather.. numerous... x.x
The other razor: Good. I want to hear.
The other razor: :D
The other razor: You'll hear things, too.
The other razor: Like this, for example.
The other razor: "LOVE"
The other razor: :pounce:
Paradox Lain: ^^ hee hee hee *cuddle*
The other razor: Ah, you really do make me feel like much more than I am.
The other razor: I'm not getting what you see in me.
The other razor: I honestly think you might really get bored of me, there's not a lot to me.
Paradox Lain: well, then i'll just have to make you interesting.
---
Paradox Lain: ugh, and the We Hate Adrienne's Choice in Suitors brigade has already stepped in...
The other razor: :/
The other razor: ?
The other razor: How so?
Paradox Lain: Doomska: Hey.
Paradox Lain: hey
Paradox Lain: found josiah's good twin.
Paradox Lain: *shock*
Doomska: Huh?
Paradox Lain: josiah. he's the evil twin. i found his conterpart.
Paradox Lain: *counterpart
Doomska: Really...
Doomska: Care to elaborate?
Paradox Lain: he's a lot like josiah. only he's NICE.
Doomska: So how is that like Josiah?
Paradox Lain: well, it's not.
Paradox Lain: which makes him the good twin.
Doomska: Ahhh....tentatively, congratulations. Does this one actually live anywhere near you?
Paradox Lain: .....kansas.
Paradox Lain: but he's two years younger. somehow this makes up for it.
Paradox Lain: but not really.
Doomska: Why do you insist on torturing yourself?
Paradox Lain: torturing myself?
Doomska: These long distance relationships
Doomska: And always older guys. What's wrong with trying someone of around your own age in your own state?
Paradox Lain: my friends are asses.
Paradox Lain: you'll hear from at least one.
Paradox Lain: it's like fucking protocol anymore..
The other razor: :/
Paradox Lain: because we all know what a great person josiah was HAHAHA.
The other razor: I'm in oklahoma, goofy.
Paradox Lain: close enough.
The other razor: :/
Paradox Lain: those states are alllll the same :P
The other razor: NO ONE IS FLAT AND THE OTHER IS FLAT DAMMIT
The other razor: ASDFASDFASFD
The other razor: I know why older guys like you, though. It's obvious.
The other razor: YOU
The other razor: ARE
The other razor: SMART
The other razor: .
The other razor: Intelligence is... such... a commodity.
The other razor: Seriously.
The other razor: (by the way, I may have to go at anytime >_< )
Paradox Lain: ......i can't maybe call you? ;_;
The other razor: :sigh: My mom takes this thing to talk to her friends.
The other razor: Don't rule it out, though. It will happen.
The other razor: Besides, I may be on later. Never know.
The other razor: But, in case I'm not able to do it later,
The other razor: :deep kiss, hug:
The other razor: :sigh: My mother is every bit as bad about the internet as I am.
The other razor: :sweatdrop:
The other razor: That... woman.
Paradox Lain: .......um...... i have these walls, you see.... and they go up whenever i feel threatened at all in any way.... and they're up right now. when they are up... it's like walking in a minefield
The other razor: ...Threatened?
Paradox Lain: .....i have a bad past.
Paradox Lain: bad. baaaaaad.
The other razor: :shakes head: No, I kinda get it.
Paradox Lain: i have more complexes than you have fingers and toes.
The other razor: I can't tell you that I'm not here to hurt you, because you won't believe me.
The other razor: Yet.
The other razor: Just know that I care about you, and I'll do what I can to earn your trust.
Paradox Lain: GEE WHIZ I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT BEFORE LOLOLOL
The other razor: :/
Paradox Lain: /cynisism
The other razor: :sigh:
The other razor: I don't blame you.

Paradox Lain: ....this one just kind of fell into my lap..
Paradox Lain: do you want to fucking interview and psychoanalyze this one too?
Doomska: *shrug* I just think you're getting kind of masochistic by constantly dating guys that it's impossible for you to do anything with
Paradox Lain: no, it's called a DEFENSE MECHANISM
Paradox Lain: if they can't get close physically then they never will emotionally or mentally until i let them.
Paradox Lain: or something.
Doomska: One of the inherent parts of a romantic relationship is sex, or at least the advancing of a possibility thereof. That's what makes it romantic rather than platonic.
Paradox Lain: this won't even "pull through" anyway. i'm petrified of having anything to do with anyone that likes me as more than a friend.
Doomska: Why are women so dependent, anyway? Every girl I know has this compulsion to be dating. It's not a necessary part of life that you have a boyfriend at any given instant, y'know.
Paradox Lain: this wasn't a god damn compulsion. he just showed up.
Doomska: www.killfrog.com
Doomska: showed up?
Paradox Lain: yes. he just IMed me one day.
Paradox Lain: he's a friend of one of my friends.
Doomska: And he asked to date you?
Paradox Lain: NO. -.-
Doomska: Well sheesh, bite my head off why don'tcha.
Paradox Lain: sorry ;-;
Doomska: Go to the link.
Paradox Lain: *having flashbacks of relationship with josiah as his good twin keeps talking*
Paradox Lain: GAAAAH.
Doomska: Yeah, that's one of those bad signs.
Doomska: You are aware that referring to someone you're dating as the good twin of your ex is an incredibly bad sign for the future health of that relationship?
Paradox Lain: yeh
Paradox Lain: i'm trying to destroy this before it has a chance to fail.
Paradox Lain: ....what the fuck IS this?
Doomska: it's a cartoon site. Funny as Hell.
Paradox Lain: bah
Paradox Lain: i hate all relationships.
Paradox Lain: fuck love.
Paradox Lain: fuck everyone.
Paradox Lain: i give up.
Paradox Lain: THERE.
Paradox Lain: now i can just have casual sex for the rest of my life.
Doomska: Fuck love...I like the sound of that.
Doomska: Get it? 'cuz...aww, forget it.
Doomska: Yay casual sex!

x. name = Sawa

x. birthday = September 29th, 1349

x. piercings = ears. once. dammit.

x. tattoos = huge dark green and blue butterfly across my entire back

x. height = 5' 2"

x. shoe size = girls: 7.5ish boys: 5

x. hair color = black

x. length = chin length

x. siblings = Vance, Spam, Steph, Matt, Darian. people seriously need to stop getting married.

x. pets = Angel


last...

x. movie you rented = Lost Boys

x. movie you bought = none

x. song you listened to = L'arc en Ciel - Blurry Eyes

x. song that was stuck in your head = Lee Jung Hyun - Wa

x. song you've downloaded = S#arp - My Lips... Like Warm Coffee...

x. CD you bought = Ben Kweller - Sha Sha

x. CD you listened to = Modest Mouse - This is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About

x. person you've called = Mistah James

x. person that's called you = Mistah James

x. TV show you've watched = what's TV?

x. person you were thinking of = Robbie


do...

x. you wish you could live somewhere else = no

x. you think about suicide = me? never.

x. you believe in online dating = no

x. others find you attractive = obviously

x. you want more piercings = yesh

x. you want more tattoos = neh... not really

x. you drink = not yet

x. you do drugs = no

x. you smoke = not yet

x. you like cleaning = i get these little bursts of nesting instinct once a year or so. that's all.

x. you like roller coasters = yesh

x. you write in cursive or print = print

x. you carry a donor card = no


for or against

x. using someone = for

x. suicide = for

x. killing people = for

x. teenage smoking = for

x. doing drugs = for

x. premarital sex = for

x. driving drunk = for

x. gay/lesbian relationships = for

x. soap operas = against


favorite...

x. food = ...food. in general.

x. song = don't make me pick -_-

x. thing to do = right now... talk to robbie and james. best parts of my life right now.

x. thing to talk about = you

x. sports = le football [/in-joke]

x. drinks = peach juice. oh how i crave the peach juice.

x. clothes = my got root shirt. i guess. oh so comfeh.

x. movie = ringu. *shiver*

x. band = heuheuheu... don't make me pick -_-

x. holiday = none. fuck you, josiah.

x. cars = ...the kind that hover.


have you...

x. ever cried over a girl/guy = yesh

x. ever lied to someone = always

x. ever been in a fist fight = not yet

x. ever been arrested = not yet. got close once.


what...

x. shampoo do you use = pantene pro-v smooth and sleek. why? because it smells like pears.

x. cologne/perfume do you use = grass, from the gap. just sometimes, though. i like how it smells. i could give a shit if you do.

x. shoes do you wear = little boy shoes. they're made from little boys.

x. are you scared of = spiders that are big enough to clean themselves


number...

x. of times I have been in love? = once. just once.

x. of times I have had my heart broken? = over and over and over. it still continues.

x. of hearts I have broken? = at least three

x. of girls I have kissed? = mm... six or so

x. of guys I have kissed? = ten, maybe

x. of men I've slept with? = zéro... technically

x. of girls I've slept with? = ...define sex between two girls and maybe i can answer that

x. of continents I have lived in? = one

x. of drugs taken illegally? = none

x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = hm. none.

x. of people I consider my enemies? = never

x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?= heuheuheu... this answer will be none.

x. of CDs' that I own? = four

x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = none

x. of scars on my body? = lots and lots and lots. all self-inflicted. burn mark on my foot. taisa on my arm. so on.

x. of things in my past that I regret? = one. being born.



Do you like to:


Give hugs?: yesh

Give back rubs?: nos

Take walks in the rain?: yesh

You ever have that falling dream?: nos

What is on the walls of your room?: posters, wall calendars, postcards, pictures, drawings, con badges.

When you chew gum, what kind?: juicy fruit. mmm.

Do you use chap stick?: rarely


In the last year have/did you...


Drink?: yesh

Smoke?: nos

Drugs?: nos

Go on a date?: yesh, with jade chan

Go to the mall?: many times

Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: nos

Eaten sushi?: yesh. mmm.

Been on stage?: nos

Been dumped?: hah

Watched The Smurfs?: nos

Climbed a mountain?: nos

Made homemade cookies?: yesh

Been in love?: yesh


More stuff.


Are you popular?: with a spoon.

Are you pretty?: like a fox.

What is your favorite word to say: fag.

What is your favorite phrase: take me now.

What song are you listening to?: Malice Mizer - Seraph

What are you wearing?: jeans, socks, panties, bra, shirt, mesh thing.

Cold or hot?: cold

Lace or satin?: satin

Blue or Red?: blue

New or old?: new

Rain or snow?: snow

Give or receive?: give

Wool or cotton?: cotton

Rose or Daisy?: rose

Private school or public school?: boarding

Chocolate milk or plain milk?: chocolat

Celsius or Fahrenheit?: celsius. unf.

Spring or Fall?: spring

Now or then?: now

English or Math?: english

Bath or shower?: falling asleep in the bottom of the tub with the shower on.

Bedtime phrase: nn.. fukaku... FUKAKU!.... *moaning*

Self-stick or lick?: licky anything = good

Do you like surprises?: always

Paranoid or Cautious?: paranoid

Heights or Crowds?: both

Half-full or half-empty?: half-eaten

Top or bottom?: bottom. unf.

Do you/Would you dye your hair?: have before, do now, will again

Speeding or running red lights?: speeding

Gold or silver?: silver

Bad habits?: none

Erogenous Zone(s)?: this silly little area on my neck... so very sensitive.

"Maybe" or "Mebbe?": mebbe

Fetish?: ohoho. bondage. biting. blood. masochism. rape scenes. so on.

Do you have one of THOSE voices?: they told me not to answer, lest i give myself away.

Neurotic or psychotic?: ...neurotic

Do you talk to yourself?: i sing myself to sleep


The other razor: I really dig you, you know that?


Nope, couldn't tell. In other news, the sky is neon green.

I've been inhaled by my project. Here for those of you out of the loop. I've also been a bit busy with homework. I'll try to post something this weekend, if I can wrestle the keyboard away from my siblings and/or James doesn't rescue me. [HINT FUCKING HINT, JAMES ;____________;]


BydDraNukia: I completely misjudged you.

Paradox Lain: it happens.

BydDraNukia: It shouldn't.

Paradox Lain: sometimes i just need to stop being a bitch. and that's hard.


Hah... mm. Nice to hear.


Seriously, though.


My project. It's rather good so far.


Really.

The other razor: God damn you -- be here now, you sexy bitch.


Paradox Lain: come to meeeeee

The other razor: And on, and in, yes, I'd like to.


:O


Euheuheuheuheuheu... 8 1/4 inches......... >.> <.< .......... *fap fap fap fap fap*

Paradox Lain: that is IT, child, Secret Ninja Sawa isn't going to homecoming because of your antics. >:

Jellyfish of Sea: Antics? You mean the cat ears? ^^ I just wanted to spend more time with ya...


Ich weiß du wirst mich vermissen

Auch wenn Du jetzt gehen mußt

Keine Geigen mehr, wenn wir uns küssen

Ich hab' es einfach nicht gewußt


Vieles ist zur Gewohnheit verkommen


Doch das ist immer die Gefahr

Routine hat ihren Platz eingenommen

Bis es nicht mehr auszuhalten war


Ich weiß, Du wirst mich vermissen


Ich vermisse Dich schon jetzt

Ich vermisse auch die Geigen, vermiss Dich zu küssen

Nichts auf dieser Welt, was Dich ersetzt


Ich hoff, meine Worte machen es nicht noch schlimmer

Vergiß nur einmal Deine Stolz

Ich weiß, du liebst mich noch immer


Soll es das gewesen sein?

Fällt uns denn keine Lösung ein

Die Mög-lich-keit ist viel zu klein

Doch ich liebe nur Dich allein


I know you are gonna me

Although you have to leave right now

No more violins when we kiss each other

I just did not know it


Many things have been ruined to habit

But that always is the danger

Routine has taken its place

Until we could not bear it anymore


I know you are gonna miss me

I am already missing you

I miss the violins, and miss kissing you

Nothing on earth could replace you


I hope my words won't make it worse

Just forget your pride once

I know you still love me


That shall have been it?

Can't we think of a solution?

The possibility is much too small

But I only love you alone


Lara from Munich did the translations, I love you much. ^_^


Me and my silly obscure bands. Heuheuheu... that was Die Aerzte - 1/2 Lovesong. I only had the slightest of ideas as to what they were saying before. x.x


Small Project

This will be ongoing. I guess. Whee.


On to homewerk.