OH, YOU.



I swell when I think of you.

All or nothing.

Mine.

I wish I could draw better, I have this image of you in my head, all sleepy with messy hair and wearing one of your white t-shirts with the Calvin Klein boxers that just barely contain your... mmmmmm.

I'm going to go lay next to you and listen to you sleep while I work on my memory palace.

-_-

Torn down again. Maybe this good feeling will come around again in another six to twelve months.

"You had me at hello."

Ouuu.

<: )

I just lost my main Japanese question answerer. "I was willing to help you until I found out you're doing this for money." After I explained that it's what will be keeping me motivated to continue learning outside of class, and help fund my eventual translation career.

Great. Just great. I'm so embarrassed.

;_;

I don't normally do this, but there's not a better way to sum up the conversation than to give you a shortened version.

Stranger: have you ever proactively involved yourself with a married person? and that married person's significant half didn't know about it.
Me: nope, she knew. they were in an open relationship.
Stranger: haha, I myself have not, and am on the verge of doing so this week. Im curious as to what other people have done in similar situations
Me: why would you do so? if you knew, why would you do it?
Stranger: Its more like "helping a friend out" - she's leaving her husband as it is already, but she's not positively sure she wont just mope back to him. I am to make sure that isn't a possibility. It'll probably ruin my association with her as is, but I've always wanted to involve myself in a form of adultry or another.
Me: ...HOW old are you again?
Stranger: lolol I certainly come off like I have an air around me, or that I think highly of myself. I assure you I don't. and I'm a measly 25 years of age.
Me: you sound like you're my age. and in my opinion, no, you don't.
Stranger: eh, its worse if you're actually talking to me. I come off as a full-of-himself jackass most of the time. I've given up trying to fix that flaw. And to counter it, mostly I just associate with full-of-themselves jackasses. So I fit in, heheh.
Me: uh. i'm going to go do my laundry now.

Josiah was right again. Lolol indeed.

Nothing more to do with you. Sorry. Goodbye.

Laying in bed next to him while he's pressing his cute face into his pillow and sleep sleep sleeping is so awesome. <3 Even if it does get a little toasty, you furnace. ;o

A lot of the things that I've become aware of haven't surfaced here. I've internalized a lot, I guess something that I did way back in high school when I used to post unedited AIM conversations to represent the weird relationships that I was building, instead of whatever was on my mind. I still boggle at how Descartes could think that Cogito ergo sum = God exists, but I'll go back to that some other day, when I have the money for a book on him.

Juxtaposing Japanese and English, I'm slowly realizing that they're both complicated in two entirely different ways, and I'm not just talking about the acute differences between pictograph and... letter languages (what are these called?). The grammar, the word structure, the tones, everything is so vastly polar opposite, it's like being in another universe full of crazy compound words and the word no doesn't exist. Their way of talking is so... foreign. Alien. There aren't enough words in the English language to describe it. I wish I could pass this onto Josiah so someone else knew what I was talking about.

Angel's middle aged now and I become increasingly frightened of her dying as each day passes by. Our relationship hasn't changed much. I find her watching over me sometimes. Josiah's going to have a wreck on his hands when that day comes.

Looking back on Hobbes' death, coinsiding with that huge mess of Josiah leaving and lying through his teeth to get as far away as possible, I wonder why I picked three days to mourn everything. I was almost ready to come out of my room on the second day, but it didn't feel right. I guess that I would pick three days again, and again after that, there's something about it, just sits right with me. Like a rhythm.

As I've watched our relationship over the years, there's definitely this attractive "he's watching me grow up and learn about the world" sort of thing that grew as an aside to our age difference. I find it intensely attractive.

I want to get back to working on my novels. It's been five months now since the last one wrapped up (mostly), I guess I'm just dreading the massive amount of editing that comes with this. Not to mention the fact that what I really need to do is print it out and edit it by hand, but that's a lot of fucking paper. :\ Money's coming first in all aspects, I guess. Get the money first, then spend it on whatever you want. I wish this job would hurry along, they still haven't validated my profile. Aghghhgghhh. Nervous. :(

I heard in passing from someone that love is a choice, we choose the people we attach to and fight fiercly to be with them. I chose him, and though the reasons were different then than they are now, I choose him now, and I choose to stay. Things are so good, even when the money dries up and we're eating pasta or rice seven nights a week.

Changing my workout program, since I hit a sort of plateau. I just jumped on the bike first and went for about 4.5 miles before I started on the treadmill. Since it's getting nicer outside, I should find some trails around here to walk on. Maybe Josiah and I can go together sometime. I seriously can't wait to get/make a little priestess outfit and let him have at me. X3 Oh God, so hawt.

...How long is he going to sleep for? :\