"An intense short, right frame of mind, but not quite what I was looking for."
Story of my life, kids.
12.28.2003
ED150 | 5.0 | Arranged | Marshall
PHOTO101 | 5.0 | MWF 1:00-2:00pm | Chambers
MATH097 | 5.0 | Daily 11:00-12:00pm | Patel
Ask the Oracle a Question
PHOTO101 | 5.0 | MWF 1:00-2:00pm | Chambers
MATH097 | 5.0 | Daily 11:00-12:00pm | Patel
| The Oracle Advises... |
finish my novel |
12.24.2003
i
am thinking it's a sign
that the fleckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss
they're perfectly aligned
and i
have to speculate
that God himself
did make us into
corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay
true
it may seem like a stretch
but it's thoughts like this
that catch my troubled head
when you're away
when i am missing you to death
To be read aloud:
Fuck this holiday. Fuck the window decals and Santa hats and reindeer earrings. Fuck the family get-togethers, fuck the cheery attitudes and fuck Midnight Mass. Fuck the icicle lights. Fuck the singing snowmen. Fuck the sleighs on the rooves and the plastic Santas on the lawns. Fuck the "Merry Christmas"es. Fuck the Christmas dinners, shiny wrapping paper, ornament-encrusted flammable deathwishes of fake trees. FUCK THIS HOLIDAY.
Sitting in the dark devouring a book and pasta. Sip my Coke. Watch the hours burn slowly, incense in a ubiquitous holder, dissolving into the air with little more than a wisp of gray. Try to forget how your stomach turns over in its grave within your abdomen, the weird hotcold feelings and how you'd rather be sleeping these static hours away.
This is a very lovely song and the only thing I need to be listening to right now.
*nods her head with the beat*
i
tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat
it sounded thin upon listening
and that
frankly will not fly
you will hear the shrillest highs
and lowest lows
with the windows down
when this is guiding you home
Haven't started his last present yet. It needs to be good. Great, even. Stellar. To make up for myself.
*takes another sip of her Coke and sets the slippery glass down*
I hate you, Blogger, for changing your posting format so often. Pick a format and stick with it. Christ.
I'm wondering if some bands find themselves making their own original music and lyrics, and then step up to the nationally recognized level and find themselves unwittingly repeating what so many others have done, are lumped in with them and neatly shoved under any one of a number of rugs by people like me.
In short, I underestimated Postal Service.
I like one (two?) of their songs and that's enough to make me apologize for criticizing what they stood for before even thinking about what I was saying.
She's a good person after all?
I am so fucking horny.
they won't see us waving from such great heights
come down now
they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
come down now
but we'll stay
am thinking it's a sign
that the fleckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss
they're perfectly aligned
and i
have to speculate
that God himself
did make us into
corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay
true
it may seem like a stretch
but it's thoughts like this
that catch my troubled head
when you're away
when i am missing you to death
To be read aloud:
Fuck this holiday. Fuck the window decals and Santa hats and reindeer earrings. Fuck the family get-togethers, fuck the cheery attitudes and fuck Midnight Mass. Fuck the icicle lights. Fuck the singing snowmen. Fuck the sleighs on the rooves and the plastic Santas on the lawns. Fuck the "Merry Christmas"es. Fuck the Christmas dinners, shiny wrapping paper, ornament-encrusted flammable deathwishes of fake trees. FUCK THIS HOLIDAY.
Sitting in the dark devouring a book and pasta. Sip my Coke. Watch the hours burn slowly, incense in a ubiquitous holder, dissolving into the air with little more than a wisp of gray. Try to forget how your stomach turns over in its grave within your abdomen, the weird hotcold feelings and how you'd rather be sleeping these static hours away.
This is a very lovely song and the only thing I need to be listening to right now.
*nods her head with the beat*
i
tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat
it sounded thin upon listening
and that
frankly will not fly
you will hear the shrillest highs
and lowest lows
with the windows down
when this is guiding you home
Haven't started his last present yet. It needs to be good. Great, even. Stellar. To make up for myself.
*takes another sip of her Coke and sets the slippery glass down*
I hate you, Blogger, for changing your posting format so often. Pick a format and stick with it. Christ.
I'm wondering if some bands find themselves making their own original music and lyrics, and then step up to the nationally recognized level and find themselves unwittingly repeating what so many others have done, are lumped in with them and neatly shoved under any one of a number of rugs by people like me.
In short, I underestimated Postal Service.
I like one (two?) of their songs and that's enough to make me apologize for criticizing what they stood for before even thinking about what I was saying.
She's a good person after all?
I am so fucking horny.
they won't see us waving from such great heights
come down now
they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
come down now
but we'll stay
12.23.2003
god bless the daylight
the sugary smell of springtime
remembering when you were mine
in a still suburban town
when every thursday
i'd brave those mountain passes
and you'd skip your early classes
and we'd learn how our bodies worked
god damn the black night
with all of its foul temptations
i've become what I've always hated
when i was with you then
we looked like giants
in the back of my gray subcompact
fumbling to make contact
as the others slept inside
and together there in a shroud of frost
the mountain air began to pass through
every pane of weathered glass
and i held you closer than anyone would ever get
the sugary smell of springtime
remembering when you were mine
in a still suburban town
when every thursday
i'd brave those mountain passes
and you'd skip your early classes
and we'd learn how our bodies worked
god damn the black night
with all of its foul temptations
i've become what I've always hated
when i was with you then
we looked like giants
in the back of my gray subcompact
fumbling to make contact
as the others slept inside
and together there in a shroud of frost
the mountain air began to pass through
every pane of weathered glass
and i held you closer than anyone would ever get
12.20.2003
12.11.2003
The drives are long, but I don't remember them. Parts of my life gone over distance that we were supposed to have rejected.
Pull the knots out with my fingers.
can't change
God.
What way is this to live?
WHERE ARE ALL THE PEANUT BUDDIES?
William Butler was right. All we do is struggle our way into answers.
So tired.
sleep
Lynxtor: A lot of people find it fun... a humorous situation in which everyone can act like an idiot, treat other people like idiots, bitch, whine and moan... they don't want to leave because they enjoy it too much
Sawa: A hole to shit in. It's your god damn hole, even if it's full of your own feces.
there's a wall in my way
Unwrap. Put it in your mouth. C'mon, open wide. What do you say? That's a good girl. You're so gorgeous.
and stare into the dream
What's going on?
...What do you MEAN I only have one left?
but tonight i'm on my knees
"Psst. Hey, keys. Where are you?"
"Over here."
"Oh. ...No you're not."
"No, over here."
"...I still don't see you."
"Hee."
"There you are."
"Noooo!"
"Haha! I love you. Bye."
*shuts door*
*opens door*
"Goodnight Josiah."
*shuts door*
*opens door*
"That was the keys, you know."
*shuts door*
take you the only road i've ever been down
Pull the knots out with my fingers.
can't change
God.
What way is this to live?
WHERE ARE ALL THE PEANUT BUDDIES?
William Butler was right. All we do is struggle our way into answers.
So tired.
sleep
Lynxtor: A lot of people find it fun... a humorous situation in which everyone can act like an idiot, treat other people like idiots, bitch, whine and moan... they don't want to leave because they enjoy it too much
Sawa: A hole to shit in. It's your god damn hole, even if it's full of your own feces.
there's a wall in my way
Unwrap. Put it in your mouth. C'mon, open wide. What do you say? That's a good girl. You're so gorgeous.
and stare into the dream
What's going on?
...What do you MEAN I only have one left?
but tonight i'm on my knees
"Psst. Hey, keys. Where are you?"
"Over here."
"Oh. ...No you're not."
"No, over here."
"...I still don't see you."
"Hee."
"There you are."
"Noooo!"
"Haha! I love you. Bye."
*shuts door*
*opens door*
"Goodnight Josiah."
*shuts door*
*opens door*
"That was the keys, you know."
*shuts door*
take you the only road i've ever been down
12.09.2003
she’s running out again
she’s running out
she’s run run run running out
Shut the door without replying. All that has registered is that I've done wrong. My punishment doesn't come, leaving me feeling empty in a primal place where I have learned to expect it. Enjoy it.
whatever makes you happy
whatever you want
you're so fucking special
i wish i was special
Pick my lips apart. Spit red into the sink. Rub my eyes to get rid of the ugly fading eyeliner. Think I'll draw with that stick instead. I want new eyeliner and other things, a list a mile long ranging from trivial to tepid to trenchant. I want to draw. I want a new system of gonvernment. I want to beat in Wilson Diehl's face with a hammer.
what the hell am i doing here?
i don’t belong here
I'm settling. Always settling.
she’s running out
she’s run run run running out
Shut the door without replying. All that has registered is that I've done wrong. My punishment doesn't come, leaving me feeling empty in a primal place where I have learned to expect it. Enjoy it.
whatever makes you happy
whatever you want
you're so fucking special
i wish i was special
Pick my lips apart. Spit red into the sink. Rub my eyes to get rid of the ugly fading eyeliner. Think I'll draw with that stick instead. I want new eyeliner and other things, a list a mile long ranging from trivial to tepid to trenchant. I want to draw. I want a new system of gonvernment. I want to beat in Wilson Diehl's face with a hammer.
what the hell am i doing here?
i don’t belong here
I'm settling. Always settling.
12.08.2003
If anyone wants to get me any of these, regardless of the time I receive them, I wouldn't mind one bit...
What: Hats!
Where: http://www.genkigang.com/genkigang.html
Notes: Angry Kyo Hat, Bear Hat from Lain. One of each. Regular size.
What: Shirts, Books
Where: http://www.explodingdog.com/shirtorder/
Notes: New Job book, Wish For Something Better book. Life is Great shirt, Red Robot (on black) shirt, Waiting shirt. Small size for all shirts. One of each.
What: Poster, Shirt
Where: http://www.pennyarcadestore.com/php/catalog/product_16177_Punctuation_Tee.html
http://www.pennyarcadestore.com/php/catalog/product_16142_CTS_Poster.html
Notes: White shirt color, small size. One of each.
What: Poster, messenger bag
Where: http://www.cafeshops.com/sinfest.7104679
http://www.cafeshops.com/sinfest.7104514
Notes: One of each.
What: Shirts, plushie
Where: http://wench.little-gamers.com/store/store.php
Notes: Wench babydoll shirt, Cute Ninja shirt, Cute Ninja plushie. One of each.
What: Shirt
Where: http://www.cafeshops.com/weeblbadger,weeblbadger2.7477122
Notes: Black/white, size small.
Mailing Address:
Sawa
5502 Duncan Ave. SE
Auburn, WA 98092
What: Hats!
Where: http://www.genkigang.com/genkigang.html
Notes: Angry Kyo Hat, Bear Hat from Lain. One of each. Regular size.
What: Shirts, Books
Where: http://www.explodingdog.com/shirtorder/
Notes: New Job book, Wish For Something Better book. Life is Great shirt, Red Robot (on black) shirt, Waiting shirt. Small size for all shirts. One of each.
What: Poster, Shirt
Where: http://www.pennyarcadestore.com/php/catalog/product_16177_Punctuation_Tee.html
http://www.pennyarcadestore.com/php/catalog/product_16142_CTS_Poster.html
Notes: White shirt color, small size. One of each.
What: Poster, messenger bag
Where: http://www.cafeshops.com/sinfest.7104679
http://www.cafeshops.com/sinfest.7104514
Notes: One of each.
What: Shirts, plushie
Where: http://wench.little-gamers.com/store/store.php
Notes: Wench babydoll shirt, Cute Ninja shirt, Cute Ninja plushie. One of each.
What: Shirt
Where: http://www.cafeshops.com/weeblbadger,weeblbadger2.7477122
Notes: Black/white, size small.
Mailing Address:
Sawa
5502 Duncan Ave. SE
Auburn, WA 98092
12.03.2003
So, I've fled from FS.
I'm sure everyone's heard, or maybe not. I despise the fact that everyone is okay with Rob/JapCat. I hate them all for being so forgetful or forgiving. I refuse to tell the story again. It's already been documented and filed away and I'd rather forget.
Colorado trip was called off due to my age. Yes, because I have been designated a number that happens to be lower than others', I am not allowed certain freedoms that most of these higher-number people hold.
FUCK NUMBERS.
It all pissed me off so much but the rest of this post will do well to explain why I'm not so angry anymore.
The hair... Oh, I don't even care that he didn't get some of the roots, he did it and it looks great. We match and it is so good. :o Pictures maybe?
The apple cider's lid popped off and then fell over three times and I couldn't do anything other than laugh. Two guys (it's always men) were racing each other on the freeway and both of them got pulled over within half a mile of each other but not before they gave me a free pass to go a bit slower than them and cut my driving time in half.
Lael is great. She wouldn't let me touch her with my dye-stained hands. XD
I'm almost done getting and wrapping presents for you all.
Jordan
Alana
Josiah
Cornelius
Melissa
Mother
Expect them in the next four weeks. <3
I spent $150 today, some at Anime Kingdom but most at Hot Topic (lol @ my whole wardrobe). I got some... stuff. @_@ Too much to mention. And I called Alana up and bought her whatever she asked for, because she will never have enough anime shit. In related news, I got my debit card today.
Fell asleep next to him, all smelling of cotton candy, like our love put into some tangible form. Sickeningly warm and sweet. I love it and I miss it.
And some other stuff. Whatever, I'm tired. BYE. :D
I'm sure everyone's heard, or maybe not. I despise the fact that everyone is okay with Rob/JapCat. I hate them all for being so forgetful or forgiving. I refuse to tell the story again. It's already been documented and filed away and I'd rather forget.
Colorado trip was called off due to my age. Yes, because I have been designated a number that happens to be lower than others', I am not allowed certain freedoms that most of these higher-number people hold.
FUCK NUMBERS.
It all pissed me off so much but the rest of this post will do well to explain why I'm not so angry anymore.
The hair... Oh, I don't even care that he didn't get some of the roots, he did it and it looks great. We match and it is so good. :o Pictures maybe?
The apple cider's lid popped off and then fell over three times and I couldn't do anything other than laugh. Two guys (it's always men) were racing each other on the freeway and both of them got pulled over within half a mile of each other but not before they gave me a free pass to go a bit slower than them and cut my driving time in half.
Lael is great. She wouldn't let me touch her with my dye-stained hands. XD
I'm almost done getting and wrapping presents for you all.
Josiah
Expect them in the next four weeks. <3
I spent $150 today, some at Anime Kingdom but most at Hot Topic (lol @ my whole wardrobe). I got some... stuff. @_@ Too much to mention. And I called Alana up and bought her whatever she asked for, because she will never have enough anime shit. In related news, I got my debit card today.
Fell asleep next to him, all smelling of cotton candy, like our love put into some tangible form. Sickeningly warm and sweet. I love it and I miss it.
And some other stuff. Whatever, I'm tired. BYE. :D
12.02.2003
I think he's pretty much figured it out. And how it killed me to withhold all of that information, but if he didn't see it himself, he wouldn't have ever grasped it, let alone held onto it. There's no helping some people sometimes, especially when all they do is feed off you in the first place.
I let it all out to Chris, because he's the only one I trust with information like that. I could feel his anger over the phone when I explained the violence. We spoke through dead spots from Josiah calling on end for hours. He fought with me through it, and I appreciate his company more now because of it all. I'm taking his advice on the sleep.
And I can't speak anymore. I wasted the night fixing myself and now I waste the morning studying.
i am but one
small instrument
do you remember that?
so here i am
above palm trees
so straight and tall
you are smaller
getting smaller
but i still see you
Doomska: Huh. So things are working out pretty well after all?
Paradox Lain: Yep. :)
Doomska: Well, I guess I owe you a coke.
Paradox Lain: Indeed you do, my friend. Indeed you do.
Doomska: More the fool I.
I let it all out to Chris, because he's the only one I trust with information like that. I could feel his anger over the phone when I explained the violence. We spoke through dead spots from Josiah calling on end for hours. He fought with me through it, and I appreciate his company more now because of it all. I'm taking his advice on the sleep.
And I can't speak anymore. I wasted the night fixing myself and now I waste the morning studying.
i am but one
small instrument
do you remember that?
so here i am
above palm trees
so straight and tall
you are smaller
getting smaller
but i still see you
Doomska: Huh. So things are working out pretty well after all?
Paradox Lain: Yep. :)
Doomska: Well, I guess I owe you a coke.
Paradox Lain: Indeed you do, my friend. Indeed you do.
Doomska: More the fool I.
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