Song: Naganuma Hideki - The Concept Of Love

Emotion: FUCK AGEISM


Crystal: hmmmmm...

Sawa: hi

Sawa: ^^

Crystal: i guess i don't need to remind you about the whole 21/15 year old situation and what is realistic about him visiting?

Sawa: ageist.

Crystal: ??

Sawa: er.. nevermind. no, remind me.

Crystal: ground rules will apply. maybe it's good for you two to finally meet in person and get this all over with

Crystal: he might have some awful personal habit you can't stand...

Crystal: or you might

Sawa: he can't rent a car.

Sawa: cause he's, you know, not 25.

Crystal: at any rate, there will be no f#@*ing around

Sawa: *blushes* um.....

Crystal: no um about it

Sawa: not seeing the big deal.

Crystal: unless i have your honest promise that you'll keep this visit platonic (and I do have ways of finding out these things anyway) - forget him visiting

Sawa: what the hell is your problem?

Sawa: i don't get it. explain to me.

Crystal: that's the deal - take it or leave it. if you can behave, i support him visiting and you two getting to know each other in person

Crystal: and by behave, you know what i mean

Sawa: do you think you're protecting me?

Crystal: no, but i don't think i need to remind you that i have legal recourse if things get out of hand with him. i don't want it to be that way though, i really don't

Sawa: what is the big deal? so what if he's five years and some months older than me?

Crystal: i want you two to get to know each other - like i've said all along- maybe when you graduate you two will end up dating or whatever

Crystal: but until you're older, you have to keep things on a more friendly level

Sawa: why, is what i'm asking?

Crystal: i dunno - what are you asking?

Sawa: why is there a problem with anything happening before i graduate? when i'm not even legal then, and he's still five years older?

Crystal: once you're 17, you're treated more as an adult by the law (and by me) - even though you won't be of legal age

Crystal: and, i know this is hard to believe - you'll be a lot more mature and really know what you want in life - even more than now

Sawa: should i ask you everytime i want to do anything with anyone? will you think, when i get to this much later, because it's off topic, that i want to f-.. have sex with tony just because i want to go somewhere with him because he might be a fun person?

Crystal: i don't expect you to ask me - i know you won't always do what you're supposed to, what i want you to, or even what is safe for you to.

Crystal: but - you know how i feel about you and josiah so i don't want to keep going like a broken record

Sawa: there is no safe time for this! you do it when it feels right, like you've told me, and i'm trying to figure out if this is really what i think it is. i don't want to do this with anyone but him, and if he turns out not to be who i think he is inside, then i'm back to looking again. i will not let my hormones take control of me.

[...much]

Sawa: no, this isn't just about sex, this is about all of it, everything that ever had anything to do with any relationship.

Crystal: you won't know if he's not who you think he is until you take time to know him - jumping into bed with him will only potential hurt you if he ends up not being the person you think he is. take things slowly - you'll never be sorry for doing that but you will be sorry for jumping into things too fast

Crystal: i'm saying this from experience as a young adult - when i was 19-20 i had a couple bad experiences

Crystal: thinking a guy was just my type - they seduce - i fell - found out the hard way

Sawa: what do you think we've been doing online for the last two years, playing online games and talking about the weather? i crave more information about him, stuff that i can't know by just talking to him over the internet. i know you screwed up when you were young. i will not make your mistakes.

sawa: i know you're worried that i will. i'm not so naive, not with him. we've handled all of this as maturely as possible.

Crystal: i know you'll have to learn from your own mistakes, just like i did

Sawa: yes, i have my whole short life and i will continue to.

Crystal: i'll be home around 7:00 - we can talk more tonite if you want.


I FUCKING HATE THIS


We are SO having the bisexual talk tonight.

Song: Malice Mizer - Gardenia

Emotion: WORST MENSTRUAL CYCLE EVAR!!!1111


Thank you, FS, for giving me the best* style of speech I've had (you'll see soon) since I used to live in downtown fucking Burien and said hella and/or tight and/or fucking every other noun. You can just imagine what that was like. God damn, 10 year old me sucked. Never should've gone out with Jason. It's not like I wanted his weed, or one of his guns. Just popularity. Not then, anyway. Well, at least I have "street smarts" from that nice two year experience. Like how to play street basketball with guys. Or how to make your own BMX jumps. Or how to give lap dances. (I'm not kidding?) See the kind of things you learn from living in bad places and hanging out with bad hood kidlets, you white people reading? See the kind of person I've "become"? NEVER "LEAVE" YOUR "ROOMS", LEST YOU "TURN OUT" "LIKE" "ME". God damn you, Tycho.

*best may or may not mean worse than Ryan's habit of leaving the first half of all contracted words off so you can't even fucking tell what he's saying


Fuck, that almost turned into a rant about a certain period of my childhood...


That should be a hint. If you don't want to hear it, don't read.


I remember, distinctly, before the beginning of seventh grade, there being a sixth grade pool party for those cool enough to be "graduating". This pool party was for Gregory Heights (5th) AND Seahurst (6th), so both of my groups of friends would be there. Oh, I could just imagine that... "Gisele, this is Kelly. Kelly, Gisele. Kelly likes Pokemon and doesn't know what masturbation is. Gisele likes fucking doggy style and smokes pot daily. Have fun, you two!" This was the same day Monica, Megan, Ashley and I had taken the limo around downtown Seattle for the hell of it and drank Martinelli's sparkling cider from champagne glasses and flipped all the people on the streets off. We were there, and I had my new bikini on that looked awesome under the black lights they turned on when it got dark out, and my tits were just fucking Bs as opposed to these fucking Ds i have to deal with now, and everyone stared because Bs back then were unheard of. I ended up hanging out with everyone from Gregory Heights because the people from Seahurst were mostly Normandy Park bitches and snubbed everyone who knew how to dirty dance, which meant me too. So Seahurst kidlets went home, and the Gregory Heights kidlets stayed and humped each other and much fun was had by all. I had been asked out through Kelly by Eric Albertson earlier that 6th grade year, and had responded with a nice, loud "Hell no!", so he basically looked at me like a kicked puppy the entire time, but I was too busy ignoring him to hang with my people. Greg decided, after he got many good long looks at me, that he liked my breasts, so he asked me to dance on two of the slow songs and pressed me against him and his little boy hard on. I eventually left at the end, with the 50 or so kids from Seahurst who were still there, finally breaking out the beer that had somehow gotten in, and while they went to their after-party parties, I went home, ran to my room, and masturbated for an hour, fantasizing about Camilo and screaming into my pillow. Ah, the good old days. The events of that day could be called foreshadowing. Or they could be called fucking crazy for people who had barely hit puberty. Either way, they were definitely a sign of the things to come.


Sylvester was such the inner city school, r&b and/or rap music in the hallways every day, people bringing guns and knives... I was make-believe white trash in seventh grade, hanging out with Roxy (from first period art) and Kaitlin. I wasn't even anything like them. Just a quick example of any given day with them:


*Josh Boyd's cousin, Ann Boyd, walks by* [stupid fucking fat ugly whore who wore makeup starting that year and was all of a sudden popular, just because she Josh fucking Boyd's cousin and he happens to be known all over town. i heard he went out with Gisele once... (the female version of Josh, popularity wise. she's been fucking people since she was ten.) he was hot, as i recall... dark hair and eyes.... mm.......]

Rox: Hey ho, just cause you're Josh's cousin doesn't mean we'll accept you.

Kait: Fuck you and your Tommy shit, you can go back to the crack house we saw you go into last week.

[crack house right across the fucking street from the middle school, that's how bad it was.]

Rox: Psh, bitch.. *glances at me* omg, Adrienne, you so need to wear more makeup.

Me: Why?
Rox: So you look pretty.

Me: ...<:

Kait: Yeah. You should wear dark blue like Rox. She looks fuckin hella hot.

Rox: Hell yeah I do, that's how I got my boyfriend.

Kait: Does he seriously drive you to school?

Rox: Yeah, we make out in the parking lot before he drops me off.

Me: You're lucky to find someone in Burien.

Kait: Even if he's only seveteen.

Rox: Yeah, wish I could go out with Melissa's guy. I hear he's like, twenty-three or something, and they've had sex twice.

Kait: I heard it was more than that.


They're probably why I'm such a slut. Anyway, the entire time I lived in Burien was a few of the many years I used to dance, so here I was, the oldest latchkey kid of a single mom, wearing addidas (the old obsession, as every rocker knows, before Vans became known in Washington) and dancing my fucking heart out for some bitch teacher who just wanted me to move on ahead so the next person could do their half-assed moves across the floor, just to get made fucking fun of in the dressing room because I was two years younger than everyone and my mom always dropped me off ten minutes late because she had to fucking work, you upper-middle fucking class Normandy Park residing skanks. I still remember that fucking dis you made on my shoes, you fucking POP WHORES. GO BACK TO YOUR FUCKING SPICE GIRLS! ...So I danced on mondays, and skipped class almost daily in school with Rox, who smoked in the bathroom, and never did my homework, and was in honors somehow, and came home whenever I wanted and nobody had a problem with it, and wore makeup, gods help us all, and fell into absolute sick obsession with Camilo through my precious C+C Gold (i broke up with BEN for you, you ASSHOLE. BEN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY FUCKING DUBLIN BOI. and what do i get? nothing but SHIT, you CHEATING FUCKING BASTARD! FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND, YOU FUCK!), who probably thought I was a fucking retard for the way I acted on the phone when I was babysitting Alex and Kendra for the first time and thus began my problems with phones.


So... my past once again explains why I'm fucked up in certain ways. I wish you people would ask about these things. Someone explain how all this came about someday, yes? Siiiiiigh...


I want to dance.


If anyone gets the small joke/play on words in regards to the title of the damn story I wrote in a god damn half hour you'll shortly be reading... it's named Live. It is one, what the Japanese call live concerts that bands have (raibu, the Japanese adaption of the english word live) and two, the other pronunciation of it in english is something one of the characters doesn't do a whole lot of. Tee hee!


Read and or die.


Live


Hitomi sat in her dressing room, opening fan mail her boyfriend, Yuki, had brought by earlier. It had been a long day of lip synching for her latest music video and the thin sheen of sweat slowly forming across her face was definite proof. Most of the letters were from younger fans, written in brightly colored gel pen and professing their undying love for the image of her they had fallen for. The rest were from the upset older mothers, calling her a harlot for the way she presented herself to the public and speaking of their outrage in polite terms, tersely closing each letter with the most formal of signature stamps, in accordance with the older, classic Japanese behaviour. She picked up one from the small horde on her vanity counter and peered down at the chicken scratch on the envelope. There was no return address. She opened it cautiously, and peeled the single page apart to read the contents.


Hitomi

Glad to hear the pregnancy scare was just that. I’m sure Yuki would’ve been heartbroken had you told him, but like all conniving women, you didn’t say a word. I’m coming to make sure you won’t be able to.

A Friend


Hitomi dropped the letter onto the multi-colored pile in shock, questions rocketing through her head. A glance up at the mirror brought the sight of the door. She remembered leaving it open in her rush for a drink of water, and now it was shut, with the lock above the knob turned. The lights went out, and her blood ran cold. Her heart pounded in her ears as she stood and turned around, just to come face to face with a hooded figure. The person before her spoke in an oddly calm voice.


“Hello, Hitomi. I see you’re looking well.”


Hitomi couldn’t manage to do anything but stare up at the man and try to deny who he was. She recognized his voice so sharply, she didn’t want to believe it. He pulled a silenced 9mm from the pocket on the front of his sweatshirt, and ran the cold metal muzzle down the edge of her jaw as he spoke again.


“Cheating on Yuki with one of the members of your band wasn’t the best choice. He was utterly devastated when he found out, Hitomi.”


“How did you… How did you find out about it?”


“I’ve been watching you. And now, Hitomi, it’s time to run.”


“But I don’t understand…”


“Run.”

Hitomi shoved past him and tugged on the doorknob with both hands helplessly. She stopped briefly to tear at the lock in deperate fear, to no avail, and returned to pulling on the knob.


“I can’t… I can’t…”


“Run! Run, Hitomi!”


“I can’t!” Hitomi sank to the floor in sobs, her hands clawing at the bottom edge of the door. He turned to look at her, and point the gun at her head, thoughtfully stoic. What a disappointment she had been.


“You’re too weak, that’s why. You never would have been good enough for him.”


With that, he fired two very pleasing rounds into her quivering body, and shoved her to the side. He unlocked the door, and, locking it behind him as he exited, left her dead on the floor.


Tugging the hood back and returning the gun to its hiding place, he faced the world outside the small dressing room with a cool smile framing his mouth. One of the assistant producers walked by moments later, and greeted him with a nod.


“Hey, Yuki.”


“How’s it going, Shigeru?”


“Pretty good. See you around.”


“You too.”


Yuki walked away deliberately slow, a hand depositing the gun into a large trash can on the way to his car.


You know you love me and my stupid fucking MAD SHORT STORY SKILLZ. Love me and make me feel better about rushing through this college course like the procrastinating fuck I am.


Josiah comes back later today. I'm fucking ecstatic.

Song: Escaflowne - Cat's Delicacy

Emotion: Rather Gray



I picked the Gray cube first.


You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.


You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realize that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.


You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.


You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non-fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

You feel worn out - you have no energy and your depleted vitality has created intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel inadequate and this subjects you to agitation, irritation and acute distress from which you try to escape by refusing further direct participation. You have become very wary and cautious but you have an inner strength. You have that determination to get your own way and succeed in the end.


My twin's already sleeping, and so shall I. Sweet dreams indeed.

Song: Gakuto - Kono Daremo Inai Heya De

Emotion: Lonely


Tony! Tee hee!


Jellyfish of Sea: Do you have any weapons of mass destruction, or at least bloody murder, that I could borrow?

Paradox Lain: i have a knife..

Paradox Lain: more like a dagger..

Paradox Lain: but it's sharp ^^

Jellyfish of Sea: I'm getting a sword soon enough, won't need the dagger. Thanks, though. ^^

Paradox Lain: oh, well then, why ask?

Jellyfish of Sea: I want him dead NOW. And a gun or something would work better than a sword that won't show up soon.

Paradox Lain: ah

Paradox Lain: if you get ahold of a gun, let me know, i'd like to kill myself.

Jellyfish of Sea: Er. I can't think of anything witty to say, so this must suffice: No.

Paradox Lain: you're no god damn fun :P

Jellyfish of Sea: Sorry, but I still need you to take over the world. Ego-deflation is just as important as any doomsday weapon.

Paradox Lain: oh, okay.

Paradox Lain: can be done *salutes*

Jellyfish of Sea: You'd do it whether I needed it or not, lol.. you're Adrienne.

Paradox Lain: that's true ^^

Paradox Lain: wrg.. i started working last friday >:

Jellyfish of Sea: How was that?

Paradox Lain: crapfuckingtacular.

Jellyfish of Sea: ^^;

Paradox Lain: i was bored half the time, and the other half i had twelve trillion things to do all at once.

Paradox Lain: it was GAY. i'm never going into sales ANYTHING.

Jellyfish of Sea: Sword sales...

Paradox Lain: they can sell the PCs and servers, i'll go make them.

Jellyfish of Sea: I'll sell swords!

Paradox Lain: lol

Paradox Lain: okay :D

Jellyfish of Sea: Sword sword sword sword...

Paradox Lain: heeeee

Paradox Lain: sword sounds like it could be a character's name on something like FF.

Jellyfish of Sea: ............Sword! (In Japanese) Sword desu yo! (Spanish) Sword que pa (French) Bonjour, Sword! ........Sword sword sword sword...

Paradox Lain: XD

Paradox Lain: totally freaking weird..

Paradox Lain: but that's okay!

Paradox Lain: it's you, after all.

Jellyfish of Sea: That's gonna be the name of my main character on the game I'm making now.

Paradox Lain: lol, freak :D

Jellyfish of Sea: At least I have Sword-age!

Paradox Lain: i have computerage :P

Jellyfish of Sea: Save my computer, then! *sob*

Paradox Lain: ...god damn you and your linux. what's wrong with it?

Jellyfish of Sea: No, no! My stepdad put Windows 2000 on when I was in Grand Coulee, and I hate it! He'll kill me if I put Linux back on, but I'll be able to get away with Win 98, but the install disk is copied, so my comp can't read the boot record, and when I try to do it manually inside the OS, it says Win 2k doesn't support that file! *wail*

Paradox Lain: i have this disk that i swiped from my father a few years ago that has something to do with Win98.. i think it was the OS... i'll go look for it. anyway. why'd he take linux off?!

Jellyfish of Sea: Because he wants to die by my sword.

Paradox Lain: then let him have it :D

Jellyfish of Sea: I would, but the whole jail thing kinda sucks.

Paradox Lain: hrmph.

Paradox Lain: then load it back on.

Jellyfish of Sea: Win98?

Paradox Lain: linux.

Jellyfish of Sea: He'll friggin' kill me, revive me to rape me til' I'm dead, then tell Mom the dog did it.

Paradox Lain: fuck him.

Paradox Lain: not literally.

Paradox Lain: do it anyway

Jellyfish of Sea: Oh God no. But.. he gets angry, Mom gets stressed, I like Mom to be worry-free...

Paradox Lain: whose computer is it?

Jellyfish of Sea: His by name, mine by everything else.

Paradox Lain: then fuck him not literally and load linux back on.

Paradox Lain: show him articles about how evil microsoft is

Jellyfish of Sea: He CAN take the comp away, though..

Paradox Lain: like the whole thing with Palladium

Paradox Lain: http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/%7Erja14/tcpa-faq.html

Paradox Lain: LOOK AT THE EVIL!

Paradox Lain: JUST.... LOOK AT IT!

Paradox Lain: prove to him that linux is better?

Paradox Lain: tell him to get a fucking brain too, he might need that for the commands.

Jellyfish of Sea: ^^;

Jellyfish of Sea: Palladium is probably why the Win98 disk doesn't work.

Paradox Lain: ...tony, they haven't loaded it yet.

Jellyfish of Sea: oh.

Jellyfish of Sea: Damn. No excuse there.

Jellyfish of Sea: Well, my stepdad would probably LIKE this thing.

Paradox Lain: HOW COULD ANYONE LIKE MICROSOFT WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE?!

Jellyfish of Sea: He thinks they'd only use it to make money, his idea of good.

Paradox Lain: smack that bitch around >: someone needs to start hiring hit men.

Jellyfish of Sea: Yesyesyes.

Paradox Lain:

Paradox Lain: i'm sending you a referral to this thing i started using

Cichiri: ^ ^;;

Paradox Lain: something about making money easily.

Cichiri: >_< I don't want to

Paradox Lain: it actually works >.<

Cichiri: I hate those things

Paradox Lain: fine. get your "job". :P

Cichiri: ....Where the hell it that referral

[Complete joke. This was right after she offered to take me with her to New Orleans next summer, and I accepted. She mentioned something about needing to get a job. I just like fucking with her. XD]

Paradox Lain: hee hee~

Jellyfish of Sea: Heh, awesome powers of persuasion.

Paradox Lain: yep ^.^

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/emperor_katana_blue.htm

Paradox Lain: swordage.

Jellyfish of Sea: O_O Shiny... kakkoi...

Jellyfish of Sea: And not too expensive, either!

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/twin_hood_swords.htm

Paradox Lain: @.@

Paradox Lain: i want those.

Jellyfish of Sea: S&M swords. XD

Paradox Lain: YES!

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/standard_broadsword.htm

Jellyfish of Sea: Standard, but kickass.

Jellyfish of Sea: $45, pretty nice..

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/dragon_head_katana_scarlet.htm

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/flying_dragon_dagger_with_stand.htm :O

Jellyfish of Sea: Hee! That's awesome!

Paradox Lain: jesus.. wouldn't wanna be killed by the wrong edge of THAT thing o.o

Jellyfish of Sea: Heh, yer tellin' me.

Jellyfish of Sea: http://4439.adahost.com/collapsible_taichi_sword.htm

Paradox Lain: O.o

Paradox Lain: me want.

Jellyfish of Sea: Easy to conceal. ^.~

Paradox Lain: ooooh yeah.

Paradox Lain: then i can go up to people and say "i have a sword in my pants."

Paradox Lain: http://4439.adahost.com/ninja_combat_series.htm

Jellyfish of Sea: Quick unsheath action! X-tend-o blade! Whoo-pah!

Paradox Lain: yes!! ^^

Jellyfish of Sea: Dude. Lotsa pokey stuff an' swordage.

Paradox Lain: oh yah

Jellyfish of Sea: O-oo-o-ooohh..... double-bladed sword...

Paradox Lain: where~~

Jellyfish of Sea: http://4439.adahost.com/united_double_bladed_ronin_sword.htm Even got a bigger image!

Paradox Lain: *cries* i want sharpness

Jellyfish of Sea: Ssh. Do not spoil this moment of swordage. *presses a finger to her lips*

Paradox Lain: *bites*

Jellyfish of Sea: >< OOooooowwww!!! *wail*

Paradox Lain: SCYTHES!!

Jellyfish of Sea: Kama?

Paradox Lain: same thing

Paradox Lain: *pets screen*

Jellyfish of Sea: Wooden gun.. practice pistol-whipping? o_O

Paradox Lain: O.o

Jellyfish of Sea: http://4439.adahost.com/three_section_foam_staff.htm OOH!

Paradox Lain: cool ^.^

Jellyfish of Sea: Like... boffing opportunities deluxe!

Paradox Lain: yep :D

[If you don't know what boffing is, kindly throw yourself off a cliff.]

Jellyfish of Sea: http://4439.adahost.com/pudao_combat_steel.htm Oh God yes. *swordgasm*

Paradox Lain: >.<;;;

Paradox Lain: that is rather spiffy..

Jellyfish of Sea: Yes! XD

Jellyfish of Sea: It's.. a sword, that (when sheathed) looks like a stick of bamboo. Woulda worked in the Meiji era, maybe.. ^^;

Paradox Lain: my friend jordan has one of those..

Paradox Lain: it was weird.. really sharp @.@

Jellyfish of Sea: Kakkoi!!!

Jellyfish of Sea: ..I need a good karate gi for that murder mystery party Alana kept talkin' about at school...

[Which, btw, KAMUI, has yet to actually HAPPEN...]

Paradox Lain: yep..

Jellyfish of Sea: http://4439.adahost.com/lipstick_knife.htm

Paradox Lain: i saw that XD

Jellyfish of Sea: Dude. That'd be cool for people that aren't guys like me. ^^

Paradox Lain: yeah

Jellyfish of Sea: http://www.swords-online.com/data/shop/images/pa1028_large.jpg HUGE BUTTER KNIFE! XD

Paradox Lain: @.@

Jellyfish of Sea: Hey, how much did that double-bladed sword cost, again?

Paradox Lain: um.. $89.99

Jellyfish of Sea: http://www.swords-online.com/website/navigator.cgi?type=display&language=&uid=r4X8ao2vs8&refid=None&from=oriental&goto=UC-1234&area=all&sort=type&level=

Paradox Lain: *paws at screen* want

Jellyfish of Sea: I need cash-age...


Not even going to get into what happened with Brian/Alex. Fuck him and his "I'm not really depressed, I just fake it because IT'S FUN" attitude.


More censoring fun, primarily because I was being *gasp* naughty.


Paradox Lain: hi

Yuka Yuy: Hey.

Paradox Lain: i'm sitting here. being bored. *drawing*, for fuck's sake...

Yuka Yuy: *just laughs* Ye Gods.

Paradox Lain: i should be doing my CW class stuff

Yuka Yuy: Hmm.

Paradox Lain: but i'm drawing.

Yuka Yuy: I should be reading.

Paradox Lain: i can't even draw

Paradox Lain: although what's sitting underneath my arm says otherwise
.
Yuka Yuy: *raises a brow* I've never seen you draw before.

Paradox Lain: i don't. because when it comes to drawing i either have no inspiration, or, when i do, my skillz are very much lacking and it magically turns into crap after the first few lines.

Paradox Lain: right now i'm just sketching my hide doll. cause he told me to.

Yuka Yuy: *laughs*

Yuka Yuy: Cuteness.

Paradox Lain: my step sister's the drawer in our little sibling group. my younger step sister's the actress. i'm the writer.

Paradox Lain: fitting, it is.

[By the way, did I mention they'll be spending the NEXT THREE WEEKS IN MY HOUSE EATING MY FOOD, DRINKING MY POP, AND USING MY PEACH SOAP AND SHAMPOO. God damn.]

Yuka Yuy: Hmm.

Yuka Yuy: *loves acting...never goes to auditions*

Paradox Lain: the older, more mature, worldly one writing in one corner of the room. the drawer sketching madly in the middle of the room, sheets of barely finished and half-finished drawings all around her, and the actress.. hanging from the top of the bunkbed... singing showtunes...

Yuka Yuy: *just laughs*

Paradox Lain: i'm done with the body. i'm afraid to attempt the head.

Yuka Yuy: *holds a hand over her lips...trying not to laugh*

Paradox Lain: i will call this next movement of artistry "giving hide head".

Yuka Yuy: *bursts into a fit of laughter*

Paradox Lain: *waggles hide doll at her, mimicking hide's high-pitched voice* sawa's great at giving head!

Yuka Yuy: *just rolls on floor, giggling insanely*

Paradox Lain: *smiles down at her* maybe one of these days you'll know too.

Yuka Yuy: *raises a brow*

Yuka Yuy: Hm.

Paradox Lain: by the way raye **CENSORED** i take that to be a good sign, yes?

Yuka Yuy: *face is deadpan...but turns an interesting shade of scarlet*..I suppose.

Paradox Lain: *smile flickers across her features and she leans in to nip her ear* lovely color, dearest.

Yuka Yuy: *shudders...and leans away* Thanks.

Paradox Lain: *sits contently, purring and watching her*

Yuka Yuy: *stares straight back* ...What.

Paradox Lain: *licks her lips lightly* i'm thinking about what it would be like to **CENSORED**.

Yuka Yuy: *nearly blanches* Oh.

Yuka Yuy: Hm.

Paradox Lain: what does it feel like, dearest, to know that i'm thinking about that? is it.. sickening? does it make your stomach crawl? are you shy, embarrassed about the feeling? are you secretly enjoying it? do you wonder what i'm fantasizing of doing to you? or is it all of them combined, enough to make the butterflies housed in your lower abdomen quiver?

Yuka Yuy: I would say the last one.

Yuka Yuy: *blinks mildly...expert at hiding internal workings*

Paradox Lain: well, right now i'm **CENSORED** *one-sided smile*

Yuka Yuy: *gulps*

Paradox Lain: and now, my **CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED** *grins and looks at her curiously*

Yuka Yuy: *promptly quirks a brow, leaning back and resting her weight on her arms/hands*

Paradox Lain: mm.. **CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED** *takes a sip of her pop, and lays back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling*

Yuka Yuy: *nudges you with the toe of her shoe* Indeed. *stares pointedly*

Paradox Lain: i wonder what **CENSORED**...

Yuka Yuy: You wonder. *smirks*

Paradox Lain: i'll know one of these days.

Yuka Yuy: Hmm.

Paradox Lain: willing or not.

Yuka Yuy: *just laughs*

Paradox Lain: *simply smiles and watches her*

Yuka Yuy: *shifts, stretching languidly* Hot Damn. My back hurts like a motherfucker.

Yuka Yuy: I found a darling picture of Lain, by the way.

http://www.sadaew.com/comics/images/lain-bjc-b02.jpg

Yuka Yuy: I think I resemble her more than any other anime character I've ever seen.

Paradox Lain: i've seen every picture of lain out there. i have a poster of this one, right in the middle of my wall o' anime.

Yuka Yuy: I hate you. *just laughs*

Paradox Lain: and i'd have to agree, even thought the resemblance isn't really that much.

Yuka Yuy: Mhmm.

Yuka Yuy: I just don't look like many characters.

Paradox Lain: not very many people do

Yuka Yuy: Exactly.

Yuka Yuy: Hmm. If I grew out my hair...

Yuka Yuy: *laughs*

Yuka Yuy: Was just a bit paler..

Yuka Yuy: I already have unhealthy rings-under-eyes look.

Paradox Lain: that's my plague during school..

Yuka Yuy: Mhmm..

Paradox Lain: i never get enough sleep when we're in skool >.>

Yuka Yuy: Same here.

Yuka Yuy: Julie always tells me about the rings under my eyes.

Paradox Lain: julie... *sigh*

Yuka Yuy: *blinks*

Paradox Lain: i wonder why you can't spend the night at my house. and then i remember why.

Yuka Yuy: Oh.

Yuka Yuy: ...Why, again? *ish stupid*

Paradox Lain: why? because i'd molest you while you slept next to me, that's why.

Yuka Yuy: *laughs*

Paradox Lain: true, very true.

Paradox Lain: so... wanna spend the night sometime? :D

Yuka Yuy: I see. *laughs*

Yuka Yuy: Mebbe.

Paradox Lain: that's a no :(

Yuka Yuy: No. Mebbe can be either way.

Yuka Yuy: Stop being so pessimistic.

Paradox Lain: it's call realistic. the two are very easily confused.

Yuka Yuy: Hm.

Yuka Yuy: I think I should go. Dad's woken up and he's walking around downstiars.

Paradox Lain: fine, leave meh.

Yuka Yuy: Well, it's go to bed now or be grounded off the internet for three days.

Yuka Yuy: You choose.

Paradox Lain: off to bed with you.

Yuka Yuy: Bleh. Bye.

Yuka Yuy signed off at 1:25:42 AM.


EE HEE HEE HEE HEE. I love playing with other people's love interests. It's so... invigorating.


Psh. Don't tell me you thought *we* were in *love*? Please. She has her little... thing... and I have mine. We're just extremely bored people.


Paradox Lain: hey

Doomska: howdy ho, ranger Tim

Doomska: what's up?

Paradox Lain: everyone loved our Work of Art.

Paradox Lain: even josiah.

Doomska: 'course

Doomska: lemme see

Paradox Lain: http://paranoia.ten-no-ryuu.net/butabara/workofart.html

Doomska: heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

Paradox Lain: i really wish i could draw.

Paradox Lain: i'd trade my writing skillz for it
.
Doomska: I can paint and sculpt. I can't draw though

Paradox Lain: can you write?

Doomska: yes.

Doomska: I don't have the patience for multiple sittings though

Doomska: I have the attention span of Einsteinium. If I try to come back to something I've already worked on, I can't do it.

Doomska: surely you read my cornbread poem?

Paradox Lain: that was yours?

Doomska: yeah

Paradox Lain: well, then my view of shel silverstein still hasn't changed much.

Paradox Lain: or however the bloody fuck his name was spelled

Doomska: the eyeball wasn't mine.

Paradox Lain: i know

Doomska: 'k

Doomska: *pats on the head*

Paradox Lain: :P

Doomska: The restless voices of the damned stir, echoing my name from frozen lips

Doomska: or something. Sleepy-time

Paradox Lain: meh

Paradox Lain: leave me again

Doomska: Oh, I am.

Doomska: Shel Silverstein rawks, btw

Paradox Lain: can't you see? i love you! you're my soul mate! i want your babies!

Doomska: *gives Sawa babies*

Paradox Lain: well then.

Paradox Lain: you're free to go.

Doomska: Good

Doomska: *huggles*

Paradox Lain: *hugs* night.

Doomska signed off at 11:55:35 PM.


...Speechless.


Fuck, you know what, here's Brian/Alex's god fucking dammit conversation(s) with me.


Paradox Lain: jesus, you're finally on.

CWRias: Who's this lol

Paradox Lain: or maybe i'm just awake at weird times

CWRias: nahh

CWRias: I just got back from Otakon

Paradox Lain: awesome.. i'm jealous... my next con isn't for another three months >.<

[Hopefully?]

CWRias: heh

CWRias: I got Piro and Largo's Autographs

CWRias: I already had Doms cause of Nekocon

Paradox Lain: baaaah.. well, the moment i get my license i can start going to more than just Sakura Con and Aka Con..

CWRias: heh

Paradox Lain: anyway, how've you been?

CWRias: good good.

CWRias: But you still haven't answered me

CWRias: lol who is this?

Paradox Lain: doesn't matter. i'm just here for the nice conversation.

CWRias: ohh come on now

CWRias: come on tell me

Paradox Lain: i don't think you'd remember me.

CWRias: ohh just give me a chance

Paradox Lain: mm.. i don't think so. if i tell you, it'll change this interaction entirely.

[And boy, did it!]

CWRias: man come on

Paradox Lain: brian, really, it's not a big deal.

CWRias: umm

CWRias: Damnit.

CWRias: come on.

Paradox Lain: *laughs* iie.

CWRias: oO

Paradox Lain: "dare? dare?" tte, demo.. omae wa dare ka? surely you know some japanese?

[What it's supposed to say: something like You say "who are you? who are you?" but.. who are *you*?... God damn me and my Japanese grammar. That's a fucking oxymoron.]

CWRias: I don't know any japanese.

CWRias: I think I might have a good idea of who you are now.

Paradox Lain: does it change anything?

CWRias: Dunno

CWRias: I want to make a guess but each time I guess it's like wrong.

CWRias: and then everyone hates me.

CWRias: lol

Paradox Lain: *shrugs* common mistakes are made. i don't find offense where it was unintentionally given

CWRias: ahhhhhhhhhhh

CWRias: come on give me a clue or something.

CWRias: something I can work off.

Paradox Lain: sawa.

CWRias: ohhhh my!

CWRias: Wow, I've been looking for you for along time.

[I'm sure you have, asshole.]

Paradox Lain: *smiles slightly and plays with her ring* heh... i hide myself well...

CWRias: Well, except for a few things which happened to my computer.

CWRias: lol

CWRias: Well, my monitor broke finally.

CWRias: Remember how I'd always go on about hitting it.

[No.]

Paradox Lain: yeah

CWRias: well, now I'm working with a crappy little monitor.

CWRias: Cause this happened like a month ago.

CWRias: The only time I'd appear would be on C31s for like a couple of minutes to inform people of the problem.

CWRias: then as soon as I got this back, I heard that Otakon was coming up which was something I was going to.

CWRias: and I got about 300 dollars and went with my friends to it.

CWRias: and now I'm back

Paradox Lain: ah

CWRias: So, that's why you haven't seen me around.

Paradox Lain: i got your AIM name from darko, when we were first talking.

CWRias: didn't you already have it?

Paradox Lain: um.. brian, we haven't spoken in over a year and a half. of course i didn't have it.

CWRias: hmm, I've had this one for along time.

CWRias: where have you been?

CWRias: lol

Paradox Lain: we parted on bad terms. i've been avoiding you and your groupies.

CWRias: can't remember much.

CWRias: refresh me.

Paradox Lain: you confessed your "love" to me, right after you and sam had broken up one of the few times, and i turned you down. a couple weeks later, you and sam were back together, there was obvious friction, you banished zora because she meant the world to me, and began treating me like the dirt you walked upon. we had an argument over zora, and that was the proverbial last straw. i left right after that.

CWRias: give me your full name I can't think of it all right now.

Paradox Lain: at first it was BabyMewRoud, in the very beginning, when you treated me like a human. i changed it to GundamPilotSawa after a year or so.

CWRias: That's right.

CWRias: It's coming back now.

CWRias: I guess, I did turn into a cold man along time ago, letting a lot of people down, and losing some respect.

CWRias: You know, after all that time, I found out that Sam lied to me about everything. She never lefted. She just went off somewhere, and she lied about her age to me so long ago as well. I was never fooled so badly before, I felt torn when I found out not to many months ago.

CWRias: I've changed since then, but I'm still looking like a lost cause from my inside. I'm just lost.

CWRias: I've hurt so many people in my life, and your right, we were one of those people. You were always so nice to me.

[...What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't even acknowledge my EXISTENCE.]

Paradox Lain: yeah, well, i adored you.

CWRias: I've met other people, people who cared about me and seemed like true love. But, they don't want to fall in love. I'm pretty much been stuck in a warp of looking for the girl I've been looking for years. One who can complete me and fill in the gap in my soul.

[...Is he hitting on me? Let's just throw some shit at him.]

Paradox Lain: it's hard being alone. most everyone i know is.

CWRias: hmm, you know after all the years I've been on I have a picture of myself.

CWRias: I still live in C31s.

CWRias: "yawn" haven't really left it over the years.

Paradox Lain: why?

CWRias: Can't.

CWRias: It's grown to close to me, I'm a legend and I can't leave the place.

Paradox Lain: can't leave the ego feeder.

CWRias: yeah

Paradox Lain: how sad for you.

Paradox Lain: i got out when i could.. better off that way.

CWRias: heh, you'll be back.

Paradox Lain: my gods, no.

CWRias: No one leaves C31s and never comes back, it's impossable.

Paradox Lain: you're wrong. i haven't been there for a long time.

CWRias: I was gone there for along time.

CWRias: and I got sucked back

Paradox Lain: that was entirely your choice

CWRias: you'll have to come back sometime

Paradox Lain: everyone gets a high from the fame. people are idolizing you, people are recognizing you as a great fighter. what more could you want? it's not my thing, i don't want to be known. i want to stay hidden, right where i am. i don't want to play pretend anymore.

CWRias: I'm not great or a good fighter anymore.

CWRias: Just an worn out old man without a soul.

Paradox Lain: you're not old, by any means.

CWRias: I'm an old drunk rusty old man.

Paradox Lain: are you ever not in C31s? does anything outside of it even exist to you?

CWRias: yeah

CWRias: I've been gone for a month ya know.

Paradox Lain: i meant mentally.

CWRias: I'm stable when I'm not in the chats.

CWRias: but when I come into the chat's I become a mess, I hide it a lot though

Paradox Lain: so get out

CWRias: I can't.

Paradox Lain: it's a choice, brian.

CWRias: I'm caged, doomed to be in C31s until I find the rest of myself.

Paradox Lain: you won't find it in there.

CWRias: then where will I find it?

Paradox Lain: i don't know. but not in there. there's nothing in there but a fake world full of fake people.

CWRias: No

CWRias: No one is fake.

Paradox Lain: in there they are

CWRias: well umm if you didn't act like yourself that would ruin the whole RPing thing.

CWRias: and total storyline.

[...]
Paradox Lain: it's hard to tell where your own self ends and everyone else begins. by staying there for such a long time, people have been conditioned to think that this is how people really are, and slowly the them that's in there takes over what was ever real and detatched, and soon we have people like you, those addicted to the system and unwilling to see any side of it but their own and those with like opinions.

CWRias: heh

CWRias: I'm really a happy person.

CWRias: It's just I find fun going into the chat's and RPing.

Paradox Lain: and yet you can't leave.

CWRias: It gets the anger out which I hold in my real life.

CWRias: I can leave if I want to, I just don't want to leave this people, people still look up at me and love me and are my friends.

Paradox Lain: friends...

Paradox Lain: are you sure?

CWRias: These people care for me, I care for them as well.

CWRias: These people are my friends, they've stuck to my side for ever.

Paradox Lain: well then. why do you think i can't stay away when i can?

CWRias: heh

CWRias: if that's what you think, what do you really do on your spare time. Even if you do just go on at night just look at yourself.

CWRias: Your as good as me.

CWRias: Stuck in our own little world looking for answers of who we can really be or who we really are.

Paradox Lain: i'm not looking for answers. i've already found mine.

CWRias: Is that so?

CWRias: Then why have you come back to me? Why would you want to come back to someone you should hate?

Paradox Lain: i shouldn't hate you, one, all of that C31 shit is definitely in my past, and i'm not holding any grudges that were based entirely on that place. two, i do have a reason. it's strictly business.

CWRias: Is that so?

[Yes, you pretentious FUCK.]

Paradox Lain: but, now that i've seen that your memory is just as bad as most others, there's no point in asking my questions.

CWRias: Is that so, my memory is bad, but if people refresh me it comes all back into place.

CWRias: Things move on, I forget lots of things, do I want to forget these things? Sometimes I do and sometimes I wish I can remember everything. So many memories are stacked up in my head and it's hard to recall everything. Sometimes people need some help to refresh their minds of what happened.

Paradox Lain: i was and still am doing a favor for your son, darko, in compiling the history of C31s from mostly my own written accounts, but also the testimony, if you will, of those who participated in all of it. he and i have a slightly awkward friendship completely separate from anything RPG related, and he wanted something i had, so i'm giving it to him. it's of no use to me.

CWRias: something you've had?

Paradox Lain: the written history of C31.

CWRias: You know the history isn't complete.

Paradox Lain: well, the history of our time, the ones that figuratively began all of this

CWRias: You wouldn't just bother me to tell me that you've gave my son some history on the hcat.

CWRias: You've came for something else as well, you want something. Please, don't hold anything back or hide things from me. People just don't come up to people from the past and talk to them for no reason.

Paradox Lain: i came as i said i was, to ask you a few questions, but i obviously won't get answers.

Paradox Lain: i have no emotional tie to you, brian. you're just a person i thought i knew once.

CWRias: a few questions.

CWRias: you've only asked me like 1 question really.

Paradox Lain: i'm not asking you. i won't get what i want. it's quite obvious.

CWRias: ha is that so?

CWRias: What? Do you think just forget everything?

CWRias: Like I can't answer anything not even try to even ask me anything about something?

Paradox Lain: so many people have come and gone, you need your memory "refreshed" because no one ever made that big of an impact on you for you to rememeber anything detailed about them. what i want is answers that someone as biased as you can't give me.

CWRias: Ask me a question.

CWRias: Just go ahead and try me.

Paradox Lain: who was present at darko and zora's birth?

[Short pause.]

CWRias: Jeez, your right, I'm a mess.

CWRias: I guess I should deserver to get this, you can have your pay back now. Just hammer me down like everyone else these days.

Paradox Lain: you're really fucked up, brian. all i could reall do is shake my head, if i wanted to, or try to help you, but even i can't do that. you won't let yourself be helped. you've passed it up a few times, and this is just another. i'm not here to hurt you like you did the old me, when my real self was tied so closely to my RPG self.

Paradox Lain: how long have you had the friends from C31 you do? what have they done for you that really made a big difference?

Paradox Lain: do you know the real them?

CWRias: They are people who worry for me, not all of them. I hold back everything from them. I don't wish to show them my suffering.

Paradox Lain: that's not true friendship.

CWRias: if I told them, they would care like the others who know of my problems. All I do is just act like I'm having a good time and joking around.

CWRias: Maybe not but these people care for me just as much as I care for them. I don't want them to worry about me.

Paradox Lain: your choice, brian.

CWRias: Maybe so.

Paradox Lain: you're the reason things are this way for you. it's always your choice.

CWRias: I was once a great man, very long ago, unlike someone who wrote down everything, I use to know everything by heart.

CWRias: The same sickness happened to me just like any warrior who becomes very strong...

Paradox Lain: get the fuck out of RPG mode, brian, talk to me for *real*.

CWRias: I became the person who I never wanted to be, I negected my job as Guardian sometimes.

CWRias: real me?

CWRias: ohh

CWRias: heh

CWRias: real me is a lot different.

CWRias: nothing's wrong with me in my real life.

CWRias: lol

Paradox Lain: do you even know who you are, brian?

CWRias: yeah

CWRias: I'm Brian Morgan a 17 year old teen getting his future ready.

CWRias: I've got lots of friends and people who like me.

CWRias: I really never get depressed.

CWRias: Hmmm, to sum up my real life, it's a great one. I enjoy everyday of my life. Nothing bothers me, nothing stresses me out.

CWRias: hmm, It's kind of ironic. I want to feel depressed just for fun. To see how it's like so I RP.

CWRias: you don't know me that well do you?

CWRias: **nods**

[*stares at the blatant stupidity*]

Paradox Lain: brian, you know what, you're right. if i'm not going to ask my questions, i should go.

CWRias: Ha, you really think my Character is the copy image of myself.

CWRias signed off at 8:12:26 PM.

[BLOCK YOU! HAH! Unfortunately, he has more than one name.]

WOFAlex: What do you want from me?

Paradox Lain: i already told you.

WOFAlex: Running off and putting me on ignore isn't going to do anything good for this.

WOFAlex: Do you want to know about the real me?

WOFAlex: The real life person who hides behind the mask named Rias?

WOFAlex: Or do you want to ask me some questions.

WOFAlex: I'm sorry if I forget stuff but it's just I've been in the chats for so long.

WOFAlex: Everyone expects me to remember all this stuff about them or something that happened or anything in that matter.

Paradox Lain: talk to someone who wants to hear you speak, alex. i don't need anything from you and you definitely don't want anything from me.

[More blockage.]

BuddaIsGooda: I must want something from you if I keep trying to get threw to you.

Paradox Lain: through to me? hah.

BuddaIsGooda: and you think I haven't changed at all?

BuddaIsGooda: Do you still think I'm the heartless bastard I was back then?

BuddaIsGooda: Well do you, do you think that people can't change over the years?

Paradox Lain: i couldn't care less.

BuddaIsGooda: I guess not, your turning out to be just like I was.

BuddaIsGooda: Is that what you want?

BuddaIsGooda: To become the thing I was with you so long ago?

BuddaIsGooda: Is this what makes you happy?

BuddaIsGooda: What do you want me to do? Kill myself? Is there anything I can do to make you happy?

Paradox Lain: this raving of yours is pointless.

BuddaIsGooda: Do you want me to banish myself from Chars? To leave people who ask for my help and guidence?

BuddaIsGooda: And yet you ignore me more!

BuddaIsGooda: This ranting is not pointless.

BuddaIsGooda: Are you God now is that it? Do you want to be God?

BuddaIsGooda: Do you want to make my life a living hell just like yours was a living hell back then?

[Glares pointedly.]

BuddaIsGooda: Atleast people who do hate me have the guts to look at me right in the eye and tell me how it is, you just run away.

Paradox Lain: are you even listening to yourself?

Paradox Lain: i don't hate you. i don't like you.

BuddaIsGooda: Yes I am!

BuddaIsGooda: Then ask me a question.

BuddaIsGooda: Ask me something I might know.

Paradox Lain: why are you pursuing me?

BuddaIsGooda: I want to know what you want.

BuddaIsGooda: I want you to know that I've changed.

BuddaIsGooda: I don't care if you like me or not, but just putting me on ignore.

Paradox Lain: why are you so desparate?

Paradox Lain: why the hell are you hiding your insecurities?

BuddaIsGooda: Cause I'm wondering, why you would IM me.

BuddaIsGooda: jus out of the blue.

Paradox Lain: i already told you.

Paradox Lain: you refuse to believe it.

Paradox Lain: why?

BuddaIsGooda: Believe what?

BuddaIsGooda: Do you think I'm lying when I say in real life I live a great life?

Paradox Lain: no

Paradox Lain: i think you don't know what the fuck your life is like

BuddaIsGooda: My life is like?

BuddaIsGooda: I know what my life is like?

Paradox Lain: where is all of this depression while you RPG coming from?

BuddaIsGooda: It's my pleasure.

Paradox Lain: you take pleasure in your depression?

BuddaIsGooda: Well, I learn things by going on-line and forcing myself into depression.

BuddaIsGooda: it doesn't really effect my real life at all.

Paradox Lain: are you sure?

BuddaIsGooda: Yes

BuddaIsGooda: ofcourse!

Paradox Lain: how?

BuddaIsGooda: How?

BuddaIsGooda: How as in what?

Paradox Lain: how do you know that you're not affecting your real life?

Paradox Lain: how do you know that all of this isn't just building up in the back of your mind?

BuddaIsGooda: Because, myself reflects on the people I love and care for.

Paradox Lain: you could be so out of touch with everything that you could have so many feelings inside of you and not know about them

BuddaIsGooda: I've learned about depression many of times, I've seen friends go threw it.

BuddaIsGooda: it's simple, people do things because they want to learn about it.

Paradox Lain: why the hell are you insisting on proving yourself to me? i don't have any opinion of you at all.

Paradox Lain: why does it matter what i think?

BuddaIsGooda: Why?

BuddaIsGooda: Hmm... that's a good question.

BuddaIsGooda: Why? Why would you even come to ask me this questions?

BuddaIsGooda: I hate to change subjects but let's why you alittle?

BuddaIsGooda: Why in the hell would you want to ask me questions? Why in the hell will you not believe me?

BuddaIsGooda: And not why but how in the hell did your wpm increase so much?

[Fucking chatroom gave me ethereal typing power that I've retained ever since. Don't ask me how. It's just this... thing I can do. Some people have heard me typing over the phone? That's *normal*. I have to tell you, the reason he's typing like this, and why I sometimes revert back to this, this being the typing a small bit at a time and then hitting enter, is because of all the time we spent in C31, fighting and being hyper. Everyone would always be fast paced, and everything everyone did and said would be scrolling by so quickly (not to mention the lag, THANKS FLIK, YOU ASS), and you'd HAVE to keep up or you just weren't meant for it. I'd down two liters of Koolaid with twice the amount of sugar called for and be good to go for two days. It was sickening. It's also why I have such a high tolerance.]

BuddaIsGooda: how do I know your not really the one who is suffering?

Paradox Lain: everyone suffers.

BuddaIsGooda: Everyone suffers?

BuddaIsGooda: Is that so?

Paradox Lain: yes.

Paradox Lain: everyone.

BuddaIsGooda: How so?

Paradox Lain: there's always something.

BuddaIsGooda: **nods**

BuddaIsGooda: But, people get over that suffering.

BuddaIsGooda: but then again, some people change it into a bad habbit.

BuddaIsGooda: I don't really RP much more anymore, I try to but I just really can't get back into it.

BuddaIsGooda: Why do I do it?

BuddaIsGooda: it's fun.

BuddaIsGooda: Hell, why is it fun to be depressed. Cause it's a new thing to learn.

Paradox Lain: why would you want to know that, though?

BuddaIsGooda: Once I've learned how to deal with this, I'll know how to deal with it.

BuddaIsGooda: Why would someone want to know when the world is going to end?

Paradox Lain: fine, i believe you, leave me be.

BuddaIsGooda: Why would someone want to know when they will die?

BuddaIsGooda: ohh no

BuddaIsGooda: I'm not leaving you be.

BuddaIsGooda: your brought this apon yourself.

Paradox Lain: upon.

BuddaIsGooda: This has begun. I have some questions for you.

Paradox Lain: fine.

BuddaIsGooda: heh, correcting spelling eh?

Paradox Lain: i'm going to go get something to eat. you keep ranting.

[*leaves*]

BuddaIsGooda: heh

BuddaIsGooda: wait wait, not yet.

BuddaIsGooda: What do you want with Darko?

BuddaIsGooda: Is there something you care for in him?

BuddaIsGooda: What have you been doing since you've left C31s? It seems like you never left chatrooms or AIM or anything in that matter, your typing speed is high.

[Uh... fucking Josiah and going where I'd wont?]

BuddaIsGooda: Unless you got some job typing or took a lot of lessons I could see it that way.

BuddaIsGooda: I hope you do respond to all my little questions.

And then he leaves me alone. Yay. This was long, yeah, and I've had this horrible habit of posting conversations, but this just happens to be my "real" life. This isn't even made for especially you. As I've said, if you don't like it, go away.


Aya's coming back in August! Yay!


Kelly ran into our mutual acquaintance/friend Joe, from Bakazoku, at, of all places, their garage sale, and he hung out for a long time, which was really awesome of him, seeing as how he's all famous and everything. And Kelly enjoyed the attention, which is great for her, seeing as how she hasn't had a boyfriend since she broke up with the guy that surprised me by trying to eat my mouth at Aka Con. Someone seriously needs to get laid. Or start masturbating. You damn self-love virgin! You ruin it for everyone else!


Okay, enough insanity. Bai bai!

Song: Dashboard Confessional - So Long Sweet Summer

Emotion: Bleh


Son of a bitch god dammit!


When I told people I was at the beginning of Lesson 3, I was really in the middle of Lesson 2. I like lying. We know this. Fuck the shut up. :P


So, I get to the tail end of Lesson 2 after those GODFORSAKEN QUESTIONS and here's what I see on the page right before the per-lesson Speedback test:


Complete the following assignment, “Plot Ideas,” and save it as part of your portfolio to submit with lesson 4. At the top of the page, write: “Lesson 2, Plot Ideas.” Your assignment is to list five plot ideas that you could imagine yourself writing a story about. If this is hard for you to do, think of situations around you, in your family, neighborhood, school, or town. Alter these as necessary to make a plausible story.

Don’t write a plot idea that is so brief that it tells nothing. For example, “a boy on drugs” is not a plot idea. It needs more, such as: “A boy gets involved with a group that uses drugs and is drawn into their web; through the death of a friend, he sees the danger of the path he is on and fights his way back.” State your plot ideas as sentences, not fragments.

Complete the following assignment, “Turning Conflicts Into Plots,” on your own paper and save it as part of your portfolio for submission with lesson 4. At the top of the first page, write: “Lesson 2, Turning Conflicts into Plots.”

Turning Conflicts into Plots

Most writers base their ideas on observations, however much they may have to modify what they’ve observed. This requires noticing in your encounters with people the various conflicts that exist and thinking up a plot that would illustrate one of them. For example, you may have noticed that brothers and sisters in families tend to fight now and then. Is there a story there? Certainly, thousands of them! And with a little thought, you could think of a way, or several ways, to turn that conflict idea into a story.

Think of three other examples of conflict to complete this assignment. Write down a conflict that you have observed, and then create a plot idea based on that conflict. Be sure, as above, to state your plot ideas as complete sentences.

Note: At some point in a typical story, a high point (or climax) is reached. There may be several smaller peaks, but the high point is what the story was leading to in terms of dramatic tension. Go back and look at your plot ideas under both the “Plot Ideas” and the “Turning Conflict into Plot” assignments. Do all eight ideas you’ve listed clearly have such a climax?


Write a short story from a plot observed in the world around you.


Now, choose one of the eight plot ideas in the two previous assignments and expand it into a three-paragraph or one-page story. Include at least two characters in the story, and be sure it has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Be sure the tension or conflict is apparent. Save this story as part of your portfolio to be submitted with lesson 4. At the top of the first page, write: “Lesson 2, Plot Expansion Story.”


FUCK FUCK FUCK! STORIES DO NOT JUST FALL OUT OF MY ASS, THEY TAKE A SMALL AMOUNT OF MY TIME, GOD BLOODY FUCKING DAMMIT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN TEACHING ME ANYTHING!!! I HATE YOU.


First I complain about them not giving me enough assignments having my own writing in them, and now I'm complaining about them giving me too many assignments period. GOD DAMN YOU AND YOUR CD THAT FELL APART IN MY CD-RW DRIVE THE THIRD TIME I PUT IT IN, YOU FUCK. GO TEACH THE EIGHTH GRADERS IN THE SPECIAL NEEDS CLASSES THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME, INSTEAD OF WASTING MY LIFE.


Grawr.

>>ongaku=Gakuto//Saikai_~Story~<<

>>omoi=calm<<


Sean's gone.


Josiah's gone.


Chris and 'bastian are the only people I can really talk to.


So, during my mother's break from working (which wasn't a lunch break, but turned out to be one anyway) I caught this anime store, Anime Kingdom, out of the corner of my eye (Steve says I have radar), and they let me out right on the street so they could continue on to wherever they were going, and said they'd pick me up when they were ready. I went in, and the only person working there was this college aged girl, lounging in a chair and listening to Dir en Grey. I wandered around, knowing I was going to be talking to this person for the next hour, and longer, if possible, but just savouring this fact and smiling. We did talk. A lot. We pulled every nerd card we had on us. We talked about the funniest mistakes fansubbing groups like BakaMX have made. We talked about dubs, mochiron, because it's required when meeting new people of your ilk. Mostly nit picking. We talked about Tokyo Pop, and the silly people that turned Alucard from Hellsinger into Arucard, when it's *quite obvious* that Alucard is Dracula backwards. We talked about Malize Mizer and their acting skillz (or lack thereof XD). We even talked about Josiah's pronunciation of Trigun. As we talked off and on, we watched the newbies come in and out, and helped them with things. There was one phone call, which was easy to understand from what I heard from her. "Anime Kingdom.... yeah.... yeah, we have those, which kind are you looking for, the action figures, or the actual models you can assemble?.... they range from eight to two hundred.... yeah.... goodbye." If you don't know what they were talking about, maybe you've never heard of Gundam Wing. There was even this guy that gave us quite an ego-boosting comment.


Guy: *stands there, staring and listening*

Girl Who Works At Anime Kingom (we'll call her Jessica. she looked like a Jessica.): It's in the episodes after where the manga trails off, and they were just kind of filling in space, and there was this one guy Kenshin fought with this wild costume on, and right before they fight it says right on the subtitles on the fansub I had "Your ass, I will embrace it!" Apparently someone didn't quite understand the sentence, which was "Your ass is mine!" And it had three exclamation points after it! I fell out of my seat laughing.

*Adrienne and Jessica have good laugh*

Jessica: It's not so bad when there are mistakes in fansubs, it's quite common, and when you're watching them you just feel better that you can say "I watch fansubs full of mistakes! I'm hardcore!"

Adrienne: When you catch mistakes in commerical subbing, though..

Jessica: Yeah, that's crap when the professionals screw up.

Adrienne: Like in Excel Saga! I was at Sakura Con, and me and my group camped out in one of the viewing rooms to watch the first five episodes of the commerical sub. In the very first episode, you know when they're in the EMS van, and they're trying to revive Excel? They take the entire soundtracks for the guys in the EMS vehicle out, just so it would be easier to subtitle The Universe while she was speaking.

Guy: ...Woah...You guys lost me back at CLAMP.


Pointless? Yeah. Made me feel good, though.


So, I left, and Steve and my mother took me over to the small festival they were having, and one of the first things I saw was two girls kissing. We were walking over to the massive marble tiled building next to the Barnes and Noble, right across a few streets from the Hyatt, and there they were, kissing and touching and laughing. It made me smile stupid for a few minutes. Steve and I raced up the stairs. I would've won even if he hadn't tripped on the last step and fallen on his face. I saw this plastic girl with a plastic smile, and her boyfriend, as she walked around stiffly, two feet away from him, her always grinning like an idiot, and him, slightly less amused, tan skin the same color as his streaked hair, both of them wearing blue sweatshirts and jeans, as I now recall... Odd... Anyway, we go back to Anime Kingdom, I ramble with Jessica some more about all of the crappy Cowboy Bebop jewelry, and the correct pronunciation of Studio Ghibli, Di Gi Charat, and Weiss Kreuz, and I bought a hide UFO plushie! ^__________^ He's so cute! He mocked me! Damn him and his costing fourteen dollars! But I love him! LOVE HIM! He's my stand-in muse, for when Kyou's having sex with the josiah in my head. So, that's it, pretty much. I talked to Steve about getting a webcam, and he agreed to it, so we're getting one in a few weeks(?).


Everything that's censored is for the sake of no information about my new website getting out whatsoever, or because I may or may not have done something illegal. *innocent wide-eyed look*


Sawa: okay, so seeing as how you're better at this japanese stuff than i am, i'll ask you ^^

Sebastian: *snicker*

Sawa: **CENSORED**

Sebastian: *laughs* **CENSORED**

Sawa: of course they have a term for it, they have a god damn term for every obscure word the english language doesn't have.

Sebastian: *cackles*

Sawa: that connotes the **CENSORED** or do i have to add that? *weirdly confused look*

Sebastian: It does.

Sawa: two birds, one stone. spiffy. that's **CENSORED**, then.

Sebastian: Alright then.

Sawa: i got a hide plushie >.>

Sebastian: Oooh.

Sawa: *holds him up* he's scowling because he hates everything ^^

Sebastian: Hehehe!

Sawa: whee!

Sebastian: Whee.

Sawa: the trip to seattle isn't looking possible, is it?

Sebasitan: Mmm...*tilts head confusedly* It depends. How we're getting there.

Sawa: my mom could take us, she likes going down there to the furniture shops and stuff like that.

Sebastian: Ooh.

Sawa: http://paranoia.ten-no-ryuu.net


pretty!

Sebastian: Heh heh...

Sawa: i like all my new **CENSORED** and stuff. i can't wait to get all of the **CENSORED** so i can paint all over them ^^

Sebastian: Heh heh heh... I need to ask you something.

Sawa: okay

Sebastian: How the hell do you "paint" on the computer...?

Sawa: with photoshop, or paint shop pro, if you don't have the money or contacts for photoshop.

Sebastian: Hrrrrm.

Sawa: i got photoshop 7 (the latest version) for free XD

Sebastian: So...is it basically....an advanced form of "Paint?" *feels soooo stupid now*

Sebastian: ^I hate you.

Sawa: REEEEALLY advanced, i mean like... to the point of being totally different

Sawa: lol

Sebastian: I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!! >.<

Sebastian: Hatehatehatehatehatehatehate!

Sawa: you can **CENSORED** :P

Sebastian: Youyouyouyouyouyouyou--

Sebastian: Oh.

Sebastian: Thanks.

Sawa: it's really **CENSORED**.

Sawa: like what i did >.>

Sebastian: Hmmm. *laughs*

Sawa: but... no one has to know ^^

Sebastian: *laughs* Yeah.

Sebastian: I want to paint pictures of the vampires from the books.

Sawa: i hear it's kind of hard to actually do pictures from scratch by hand, but you can scan sketches in and edit to your heart's desire. **CENSORED** looks so awesome XD

Sebastian: It doesss!!

Sebastian: Yayy...

Sawa: that is, when/how am i **CENSORED** ?

Sebastian: In Seattle.

Sebastian: I have a link that will make you angry.

Sawa: okay

Sebastian: *laughs*

Sawa: *raises eyebrows slightly* what is it?

Sebastian: It's a journal entry by someone else...about me.

Sawa: lol

Sawa: that's it?

Sebastian: Yup.

Sawa: them professing their undying love for you?

Sebastian: Actually, yes. *grins*

Sawa: how adorable. it's more likely that i don't know them..

Sebastian: *laughs* How'd you know, hm? You're psychic.

Sebastian: You don't.

Sawa: what *else* would make me more furious than someone moving in on you, dearest?

Sebastian: *laughs*

Sebastian: Oh, my. *fans self*

Sawa: *waggles hide doll back and forth* hn.. it's a boy.

Sebastian: Nope. *hides under couch*

Sawa: wow, even better ^^ *giggles*

Sawa: can i read it?

Sebastian: If you promise not to get all out of control.

Sawa: out of control. me? hah.

Sebastian: Yes, you. *laughs*

Sawa: *takes a deep breath, and thinks for a moment*..... all right. i promise.

Sebastian: Prooomiise? *tilts head*

Sawa: i promise i won't maim anyone.

Sebastian: Verbally -or-physically?

Sawa: verbally or physically. there might be some mad raving, but that's present anyway.

Sebastian: Ah. http://freeopendiary.com/entryview148.asp?authorcode=A839481&entry=10062

Sebastian: There.

Sawa: how hopeful.

Sebastian: *laughs*

Sawa: unfortunately, we have this thing called reality.

Sebastian: I knew you'd get all cynical. Thing is, she's very important to me.

Sawa: cynical.. just a bit. what does she mean to you?

Sebastian: She is very, very dear to me. We have many similarities...too many to express. So alike, we are. And so, so very close. I love her to death.

Sawa: but are you in love with her?

Sebastian: I don't know yet. Maybe. She's everything I'd look for in a girl...if I was interested in girls. I'm not a hundred percent sure.

Sebastian: Yet. Bah. So confused.

Sebastian: But I love you too. *offers that*

Sawa: *looks up from thinking and smiles* and i you, dearest. it is confusing. but you'll figure it all out soon.

Sebastian: *laughs a bit* Thanks...I wish I felt that way about you, as well, but I think our personalites would simply clash way too much for that.

[i agree completely. can anyone honestly see jade and i angsting over each other? hah.]

Sebastian: She and I....we truly -are- like Nicolas and Lestat. I don't mean to sound all lame...but it -is- true.

Sebastian: We fit together simply because...we do.

Sebastian: *struts cockily* She is DRAWN to my charisma.

Sebastian: *crows*

Sawa: *laughs* sit down, arrogance personified.. i understand that. there are two people i can say that about, that we fit together just because we do.

Sebastian: *nods*

Sebastian: *plops down....after smirking haughtily*

Sawa: i really have no idea why we're dating, maybe it's just sheer curiosity about the other, but i don't intend on stopping any time soon.

Sebastian: Ah. Josiah.

Sebastian: And the other is Alana, correct?

Sawa: my gods, no.

Sebastian: *falls over*

Sebastian: x_x

Sawa: our fitting together stops at friendship.

Sawa: we don't have much in common outside of anime.

Sebastian: I was just taking stabs in the dark since I know nothing about your past before you came here.

Sawa: maybe that's it.. nobody knows anything about my past.

Sebastian: Maybe.. I'm worried that I'll hurt her by pushing her away.. *frowns*

Sawa: just tell her you're not sure about any of it.

Sebastian: I suppose that's the best I can do.

Sebastian: *frowns* She's so fragile...I don't want to break her.

Sawa: it'll be difficult, yes, but then, everything worth it always is.

Sebastian: *nods* I'm just going to be careful. Everything that I've ever plunged into head first has always ended up making me remorseful.

Sawa: i will tell you one thing. if you really decide you want to get into this, and you find that she is everything you've ever wanted, you have one hell of a long wait ahead of you. you both have to be strong enough to wait for each other, and that's the one thing so many people can't be.

Sebastian: *nods* I'm afraid of that very thing.

Sawa: with josiah, i found myself suddenly full of forgiveness, like he could do anything (he did do some rather horrible things) and i would hurt so much it would feel like i was dying, but i would always know that after all of it was over, i'd still want him and nothing he did would push me away.

Sebastian: *listens..*

Sawa: it's hard, being with him and having him live so far away. it's been, my gods, two years now, and we've been through more loneliness than either of us can stand. the biggest thing we ever had to get over, and are still trying too, is him being afraid that i won't be there. that if he comes here, i won't open the door.

[or at least i think it's the biggest thing. certainly is in the way of us seeing each other <:]

Sebastian: *nods slowly..*

Sawa: he, like me, has the automatic reaction to hurt anything that makes him feel.

Sawa: i have been through hell. and so has he.

Sawa: but so far we've made it.

Sebastian: That's the good thing.

Sawa: i've learned that you can't plan ahead, because something might happen tomorrow to change it. you just have to deal with things as they come.

Sebastian: *nods* I can agree.

Sawa: but above all, as i said, you have to be strong. there's no substitute. if you are, and she isn't, and she does anything to hurt you, i won't ever forgive her.

Sebastian: *smiles a bit* Wonderful, Adrienne.

Sawa: *speaks softly* i'm here if you ever need me, dearest.

Sebastian: *moves forward to hug tight* Thanks.

Sawa: *wraps her arms around her* see, no maiming.

Sebastian: *laughs*


*sighs barely audibly and turns to leave*

>>ongaku=107.7_The_End<<

>>omoi=oog<<


No one should be awake at 7 am EVER.


Also: 3Stars WPR. I am very very very Not Pleased with you, and this isn't just about *my* website. Their reviews are all standardized to the point that they seem to be looking for clones of The Perfect Website. They look for elements of this Perfect Website in places where the standards don't apply! People have all sorts of layouts and all sorts of pictures and styles and THEIR OWN GOALS concerning their websites. Mine was to be *mysterious*, to be nothing but luke-warm teenage angst without a name. They, apparently, did not get this. I don't remember if I mentioned it when I submitted my website, but *regardless*, they just do not understand what the site's for if it doesn't match up with The Perfect Website. Grawr.


Morri chan, I'm not really mad at you, I'm mad at me. <: I'll talk to you when I return from Downtown Hell (Bellevue).


With that said, I have a small conversation for you all:


Me: Your little UNIX system is really easy.

Mother: Eh.

Some Guy That Works Here: My, Tanis, you've changed!

Me: *shy, nervous laughter*

Mother: This is my daughter, I'm getting her acquainted with the system for when you guys are all gone next thursday. I'll be pretty much the only person here, right?

SGTWH: Yeah, Tanis leaves at 11, and the rest of us will be gone.

Me: Uh... thursday?

Mother: Okay. Yeah, she'll be coming in and helping me that day, and probably friday too.

Me: ...WHAT?!

SGTWH: That's great. See you later, Tanis.


Oog.

Just let me go back to my book ;_;

>>ongaku=naganuma hideki//that's_enough<<

>>omoi=hmph<<


JoeAndHisMonkey: So Josiah is trying to get a job up near you?

Paradox Lain: no. ha ha. that would mean me being happy.

Paradox Lain: he's going to get a job where he is and stay there.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Oh, okay.

JoeAndHisMonkey: That's right, you can't be happy

JoeAndHisMonkey: If that happened, hell just might freeze over.

JoeAndHisMonkey: *sigh*

JoeAndHisMonkey: Maybe you should look for a boyfriend that lives near you...?

JoeAndHisMonkey: Long distance never works out right...

Paradox Lain: no one's really worth it.

Paradox Lain: i can barely pull myself away from my computer, let alone anyone else.

JoeAndHisMonkey: heh

JoeAndHisMonkey: come on, you can do better than that

Paradox Lain: they'd have to be the equivalent of Osamu Tezuka to get me out of my house solely for them.

JoeAndHisMonkey: I refuse to believe that you're a total computer geek

Paradox Lain: sure, i like doing things "outside"

JoeAndHisMonkey: Who's Osamu?

Paradox Lain: he's the father of anime.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Oh, right.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Of course.

Paradox Lain: he started the commercial movement back in the 1930's.

JoeAndHisMonkey: So, anime and computers?

JoeAndHisMonkey: And Josiah

Paradox Lain: i like books too.

JoeAndHisMonkey: and books.

JoeAndHisMonkey: books are great, though.

JoeAndHisMonkey: what about friends

JoeAndHisMonkey: don't you have any friends?

Paradox Lain: they're all online at some point :)

JoeAndHisMonkey: There's no one in real life you can make friends with

JoeAndHisMonkey: Can't you hang out with them IRL?

Paradox Lain: i know a few people both in real life and online. i just spent this last night at kamui's house.

JoeAndHisMonkey: There you go.

JoeAndHisMonkey: You have Kamui, or whoever

Paradox Lain: yep.

Paradox Lain: oh, and jade. i'm dating her, but it's nothing serious.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Okay

JoeAndHisMonkey: Go out with them more often and do some junk

Paradox Lain: like what?

JoeAndHisMonkey: Pull yourself away from that machine, you don't need it.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Whatever floats your boat.

JoeAndHisMonkey: I don't know.

Paradox Lain: well, there we are then. nothing in my current place of residence floats my boat.

JoeAndHisMonkey: So move

JoeAndHisMonkey: You're almost old enough

Paradox Lain: key word: almost.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Ah, well, make the most of adolescence

Paradox Lain: and your "almost" is 15, which isn't almost at all.

Paradox Lain: i am

Paradox Lain: i'm on my god damn computer.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Lol

JoeAndHisMonkey: Well, I guess if that makes you happy...

Paradox Lain: who said it didn't?

JoeAndHisMonkey: No one

Paradox Lain: then why do i need to get out more?

JoeAndHisMonkey: To experience things, and to realize that there is more ot life than your computer

Paradox Lain: but i already know there is.

JoeAndHisMonkey: You live in Oregon, right?

JoeAndHisMonkey: Or washington?

Paradox Lain: washington

JoeAndHisMonkey: Are there nice beaches up there?

JoeAndHisMonkey: On the Pacific?

Paradox Lain: hah. no.

Paradox Lain: it's all rock.

Paradox Lain: sharp rock, sometimes.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Hmm, that sucks.

JoeAndHisMonkey: What about lakes and ponds?

JoeAndHisMonkey: Get out and swim. Get a tan.

JoeAndHisMonkey: I don't mean one from in a bottle, either.

Paradox Lain: uh... there's one lake near me.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Go for a swim.

Paradox Lain: full of popular people. because it's the only place in auburn to go.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Ahh...

JoeAndHisMonkey: That sucks

Paradox Lain: yes.

Paradox Lain: believe me, joey, if i had something better to be doing, i'd be doing it.

JoeAndHisMonkey: Heh...

>>ongaku=prodigy//breathe<<

>>omoi=*yawn*<<







Oh, boredom is a crazy thing. The first is my secret lover. The second is the closest I could come to myself.





Ahahahahaha.


Sawa: hi.

Sawa: i have to show you my and jedah's Work of Art

Chris: okay

Sawa: http://paranoia.ten-no-ryuu.net/workofart.html

Chris: on my way

Chris: oh god

Chris: that's awful

Chris: -_-

Sawa: yeah. ^^

Chris: lol

Chris: I can cyber better than that, pffft.

Sawa: no comment.

Sawa: it's going to make me millions. i can just feel it.

Chris: lol

Chris: of course...

Chris: and I refuse to be even the least bit insulted.

Chris: **goes off to find more coffee**

Sawa: psh. i gave no comment because it might have ruined the joke.

Chris: lol

Chris: I didn't find any coffee

Chris: I'm crestfallen

Chris: brb.

Chris: Right.

Chris: So. what are you doing?

Sawa: i was being distracted by my new TV

Sawa: but now, i'm sipping this nasty shake from mcdonalds, and trying to get things back to some semblance of normal with you

Chris: mm...shake from McDonalds...so bad.

Sawa: http://www.fucksociety.ca/animation.html

Sawa: Soft Outer Crust. very funny shit.

Chris: **goes!**

Sawa: *watches them again for the hell of it* i took the quiz for it and got matt. more or less fitting, i'd say.

Chris: lmao

Chris: **just watched #2**

Chris: that was awesome

Sawa: yes. they get better.

Chris: sweet

Chris: are they all violent?

Chris: cuz that's definitely working for me

Sawa: yep ^^ my favorites are 14 and 21

Chris: sweet...lol

Sawa: "where's my baby?"

"on the ceiling"

"...on the ceiling?"

"well... not all of him..."

Chris: Just getting to 6 now.

Chris: lol...wow

Chris: LOL

Chris: Yes.

Chris: This is awesome

Sawa: *nod nod*

Chris: violence..death..mm

Sawa: they amuse me so. i wish there were more. and there's this awesome guy named roo that recently joined the forums on the sight, his personal website is half japanese, half english. coolest fucking thing in the world, and it makes me feel stellar that i can read all of it.

Chris: wow...#12 is good. lol

Chris: I'm progressing faster now that I'm done with the annoying Abercrombie girl who...I don't even know why she's talking to me, actually.

Chris: and also, done eating

Chris: #14!

Sawa: hee hee

Sawa: XD

Chris: oh yah

Chris: that one is awesome

Chris: ^^

Chris: I dunno, the sex-related ones aren't as good as the senseless violence ones.

Chris: As much as I like sex

Chris: The senseless violence is just better here

Sawa: mm hmm

Chris: **blanks out at the mention of sex**

Chris: ...er

Sawa: lol

Chris: **clicks next button**

Sawa: http://www.digitalroo.nu/japrock.html

Sawa: wheeeeee~

Chris: Homoerotic sex combined with the transmission of AIDS combined with brutal killings

Chris: It's beautiful...**wipes a tear from eye**

Sawa: lol

Chris: whoa..

Chris: Massive drug use combined with male on male sex

Chris: ...no...

Chris: no...

Chris: there are no more!?

Chris: **collapses forward, weeping**

Chris: **shakes fist at the sky, screaming various curses**

Chris: meh, anyway..

Sawa: i did the same thing

Sawa: i hear they're also quite lazy

Chris: typical.

Sawa: so... hot.....

Sawa: *slouches in chair*

Chris: **Hovers** It's pretty nice here.

Chris: I like it.

Sawa: it's 78 degrees outside.

Sawa: it never gets COLD

Chris: oh.

Chris: it's probably about 70 here.

Sawa: i could run around outside naked right now and be hot.

Chris: well, regardless of how nice you'd look, you shouldn't give your neighbours a free show.

Sawa: i'll make them pay then, i'm getting close to actually doing it.

Chris: really need money?

Sawa: yes.

Chris: uh...not sure prostitution is the best way to go.

Sawa: it's not like i'm going to do anything with them

Chris: True

Sawa: *takes shirt off, picks ice cube out of her glass of water, and runs it down her neck* i hate not being used to the heat..

Chris: I finally am used to it...course now it will start getting cooler.

Chris: **Hovers**

Sawa: *shivers as the melting ice drips down her chest* there's no fan, we have no AC.. this is miserable..

Chris: No AC?!?

Chris: ewww

Chris: No good.

Chris: Noooo gooood...

Sawa: that's why i'm playing with my ice

Chris: Of course

Sawa: mm... feels nice....

Chris: Yeah?

Sawa: nice cold... maybe if i keep the windows open long enough i can stand to put my clothes back on

Chris: Or maybe you should just leave them off.

Sawa: either way. i sleep naked anyway, it's not a big deal.

Sawa: perhaps i should at least close the blinds

Chris: probably

Chris: but there's nothing wrong with a lack of clothes.

Sawa: nope.

Sawa: *stretches* need more ice cubes, brb

Chris: Alright.

Sawa: back ^^

Chris: wb. ^^

Sawa: thnx. yay ice cubes!

Chris: Ice cubes...so good.

Chris: **yawns**

Sawa: back to nothing to do

Sawa: i could sleep..

Chris: Sleep? pshahhh

Chris: Sleep is stupid.

Sawa: my bed's rather soft and comfy. everyone says so.

Chris: well, there are better things to do with it than sleep.

Sawa: indeed. maybe enjoy the tedious shaving i did yesterday.

Chris: you shaved?

Sawa: *rolls her eyes* i do, from time to time. for my own amusement.

Chris: lol

Chris: sounds good

[pause in conversation]

Chris: um..what happenin?

Chris: haven't slept yet, still?

Sawa: sleep is for the tired. http://www.truenuff.com

Chris: lol

Chris: Yes. Good.

Sawa: http://www.truenuff.com/comic.php?day=20010810

Chris: LOL

Chris: Yes!

Chris: Good!

Sawa: XD

Sawa: omg, Counter-strike... http://www.truenuff.com/comic.php?day=20011031

Chris: YES

Chris: lmao

Sawa: why are guys funnier than girls? is it just a DNA trait?

Chris: Actually, I know some really funny girls.

Sawa: i mean in general. a lot of the girls i've talked to once or twice don't laugh at hardly anything i find hilarious, and then make their own stupid un-funny jokes and laugh for half a minute.

Sawa: or maybe it's just because i hate being female.

Sawa: i have misdirected anger issues >.>

Chris: No worries

Chris: I have just plain old anger issues

Chris: I direct it just fine, but it's quite overabundant.

Sawa: with me hating most everyone, and most of the hate for those people being directed to the people i actually like, everything always turns out wonky.

Chris: So I get a lot of hate?

Sawa: you get a lot of repressed sexual attraction.

Sawa: eh. same thing as hate. they both turn out with me seducing someone and then fucking with their heads.

Chris: Yes. I'm sure my head is fun to fuck with.

Sawa: doesn't mean i feel good about it. still haven't gotten this "caring" thing down.

Chris: I'm good at that.

Chris: Also good at faking that.

Chris: It comes in handy.

Sawa: therapy didn't go exactly well today. i was so excited that i got to talk to you again that i managed to end every topic of discussion with something about you.

Sawa: she started writing things after the third time @.@

Chris: uh-oh

Chris: Now you're obsessed

Chris: it's all in writing

Sawa: psh. i've been obsessed for as long as i've known you.

Chris: Yes, I know...

Sawa: this is so shitty.

Chris: But you still prefer Josiah. **yawns** and we've both known that for a very long time now, too.

Sawa: maybe i could train josiah to not be an asshole.

Sawa: *has good laugh*

Chris: I'm an asshole too.

Sawa: josiah hates you with a firey passion now.

Chris: Really?

Sawa: oh yeah. whenever i bring you up, he growls.

Sawa: and i laugh. but i don't tell him i do.

Chris: lol, right....

Chris: Eh...maybe he needs to relax.

Sawa: he ranted about you in the deadjournal he started and didn't post in after the third one.

Chris: really...

Chris: and what did he say?

Sawa: i'll open it.. you know... i don't know whether what melissa said was true, but i'm inclined to believe it.

Chris: what did she say?

Sawa: that the only person you have any real love for is jen.

Chris: well, that would certainly fit, as she is the last person on earth I should fall in love with due to her amazingly profound fear of commitment, the fact that she will never discuss how she feels about anything, and the fact that her constant need for attention can be easily misinterpreted as reciprocation on anything one might feel for her. In other words, yet another very bad choice.

Chris: Of COURSE that's the kind of person I'd go after

Chris: You know me!

Chris: **Kicks something savagely**

Sawa: *hugs him gently*

Chris: **Hugs back**

Sawa: once again, life is fucking shit.

Chris: If the only person I feel for is Jen, then why would I still talk to you? we have a...colourful...history.

Sawa: colourful indeed, if pain is a color.

Chris: It is.

Chris: Emotions are a spectrum you know. The only one worth experiencing, because they're the only way you know you're still alive.

Sawa: as much as i hate to admit it, i feel. a lot. all the time. most of it's not very pretty, most of it's ugly colors of green and black and red all swirled together.

Chris: I'm like one solid colour...something neutral...grey perhaps. I am the surface of a pond...and outside influences are like drops of colour splattering on the surface...the ripples fading quickly, returning me to neutral.

Sawa: everything's hidden at the bottom of the lake. my surface is a nice sadistic, nihilistic, passive-aggressive color, provoked to action by the smallest thing.

Chris: There isn't much at the bottom of my lake, the drainage is excellent.

Chris: Things rarely have a long-term influence on me.

Chris: Even things like Atayala

Chris: which were preposterous in their stupidity

Sawa: blame it on the human in you, if self-loathing's not your cup of coffee. this is one of the reasons i am so infatuated with you. you are beautiful, even in what other people would call flaws.

Chris: I blame myself for having very poor taste in girlfriends.

Chris: >.<

Sawa: *plays with one of the saftey pins on her shirt* why do you keep picking them?

Chris: well it's not obvious to me at the time that I'm doing something unbelievably stupid.

Chris: that's the problem

Chris: you'd think, at the very absolute least, I would have been able to tell that Kelly was not a cool person to hang out with

Chris: But no!

Chris: Not even that!

Sawa: oh. then someone just needs to stick around and beat you over the head with reality.

Chris: you tried that.

Chris: remember?

Sawa: hm... oh, right. you were too headstrong to admit you liked someone who obviously wasn't who you thought they were.

Sawa: i'd try harder, but we don't know the same people. maybe you just have to look harder.

Chris: For now, I will remain without a girlfriend at all.

Chris: That way I can have sex without fear of offending some commitment.

Sawa: good idea.

Sawa: give me your address.

Chris: why?

Sawa: you're the first person to ask. because then i know where i'm going when i decide i'm sick of this life.

Chris: Not to Josiah's? **arches eyebrow**

Sawa: the deeper you get into a relationship, the more of a cage you've built for yourself, and he is most definitely in my life and a very large part of my cage. when i need my freedom, i'll know where i'm going. that and i might feel like sending you things that are best handwritten.

Chris: [insert random address here]

Sawa: josiah makes me feel child-like.

Sawa: like i'm five and he's thirty.

Sawa: i could tell you a thousand reasons why you're different in a better way than him, but it won't change anything. i love you like a twin, even if that's not the kind you're looking for. i feel very close to you. it's one of the only things i have to smile over.

Chris: No. I understand..

Chris: I feel like I could talk to you about anything I need to, and you'd understand better than anybody else except maybe Ollie.

Sawa: i'm no longer your dolphin?

[long and inane story. just pretend you get it.]

Sawa: ah, you probably don't remember that...

Chris: that was a stupid thing to say.

Chris: I was trying to be funny.

Chris: sometimes I'm good at that, sometimes I really need to stop trying altogether.

Sawa: do you have any idea for how long after that i kept repeating that conversation over to myself? it was bane of my conscious life for months.

Chris: I never apologized. So I shall. I'm sorry.

Sawa: *laughs* it's okay.

Chris: You also met Josiah through me. Though it was his idea.

Sawa: really?

Chris: Yes...

Sawa: did you tell him such horrible things about me that he just couldn't resist?

Chris: No.

Chris: I copy/pasted one of our arguments about the existence of god, or something

Chris: and he was like: "must talk!"

Chris: only not nearly that enthusiastic

Chris: of course

Sawa: we were so stupid back then, all three of us. though we're only maybe slightly better now...

Chris: Meh

Chris: Slightly indeed

Sawa: maybe we're far worse in some ways

Sawa: josiah's arrogance certainly hasn't faded.

Chris: Is he even more arrogant than I?

Chris: Is that even possible?

Sawa: no, you're pretty arrogant. around me, josiah isn't, really. he either wants sex, or to be cute and cuddle, or, on the rare occasion, actually talk.

Chris: And I typically want to talk.

Sawa: i'd rather talk that have cyber sex. as was revealed on my Work of Art.

Chris: Indeed

Chris: well, even if I really wanted to fuck your brains out, I most likely wouldn't say anything

Sawa: i think josiah was mostly offended by our online fornication because he thinks everyone masturbates to it every single time. which is far from the truth, in my case.

Sawa: that and he hates you. gods know why, there wasn't really any reason to until we started talking again.

Chris: hmm...

Chris: I don't masturbate to it every single time, either

Sawa: it's.. just... what it is. it's not full of lust all the time. it's love too.

Chris: yes

Chris: doesn't seem that odd to me

Sawa: i don't know if i told you, but josiah told me that if we were to meet right now, the entire thing would be about sex. he said if i came there, like we were planning, he'd want me there when he came home from work (when he still had his job, ahaha) to fuck, and then wake up the next morning, leave me and go about his day.

Chris: you know

Chris: relationships built entirely on sex

Chris: don't work

Sawa: you've told me that before >.<

[MANY MANY MANY times, chris.]

Sawa: i still, even now, wonder whether he just kind of cuddles to keep me around so he can do what he likes because it's just more convenient. he told me that he chose to stop meeting with his fuck buddy, but melissa told me that he said the deal he had with her fell apart, and from the fragments i've found, i gather she fell in love with him.

Sawa: it helps that he hates talking about his real life.

Sawa: like he wants to keep me online, and makes up excuses like he has before about why he can't see me.

Chris: I wonder about him sometimes

Chris: actually he and I were talking a couple days ago about computers and WarCraft 3

Chris: and playing on battle.net

Sawa: keeping tabs on me. since i belong to him, he's allowed to treat me like this. right.

Sawa: *sighs and lets her head thud against her small stack of spirals*

Chris: he's probably just afraid of what will happen if your relationship changes from an online one into a real one

Sawa: that fits somewhat

Chris: online relationships are odd, in that you get a perception about a person that could be completely wrong. when it comes down to actually meeting somebody, it can be very nerve-wracking. you don't want it to be different, you don't want to lose what stability you have. or in his case, what control.

Sawa: that's true. even just me meeting aya was tooooootally different.

Sawa: it was almost like.. we had known that each other existed, and basic facts, like what they like, in her case gackt and anime and so on, but we know nothing about them at all.

Sawa: we were still complete strangers.

Sawa: us sleeping in the same bed fixed most of that quickly, but... part of me will die if meeting josiah in real life will be the same way

Sawa: i always imagine it something like this:

me: *reluctant to open door*

josiah: adrienne, please-

me: *flings door open against inner will* hi. *faints*

Chris: doesn't sound so appealing, hm?

Sawa: no, not really

Chris: I imagine he doesn't picture it quite like that

Chris: but..

Sawa: if he really loves me, and us meeting in real life ends up being like us starting all the way over, i would do it. just to meet this enigma would be something to the equivalent of a religious experience. that's how much hope i have in that he's honest about everything.

Chris: you'll see. if he ever actually agrees to meet you.

Sawa: *scowls*

Sawa: if, after i graduate, and i'm able to drive there on my own, he still makes excuses as to why i can't go there, i'm going to your place.

Chris: As you wish.

Sawa: we can have wild sex and josiah can shove it up his arrogant lying ass.

Chris: I like it already

Sawa: yep. and that's when we run off to wherever and become talented, unsuccessful writers.

Sawa: throw drinking in there too. can't forget the drinking

Sawa: http://www.truenuff.com/comic.php?day=20020517

Sawa: drinking. hehehe.

Chris: drinking is good

Chris: :D

Sawa: wouldn't know. :(

Chris: lmao

Chris: good comic

Chris: ouch, never had the stuff?

Chris: lol..you've seen me drunk

Chris: people tell me I'm not terribly obnoxious when I'm smashed.

Chris: don't worry, I'll get you drunk

Sawa: okay ^^

Chris: It's a goal set in stone

Sawa: definitely.


*content sigh*


Out of everyone, I like talking to him best.